"Mom Seeking Advice Regarding Kindergarten for My Daughter"

This question has come up before and I paid close attention to the answers, as my baby girl has a 9/10 birthday. I would summarize the majority of the advice as: let it go. The main reason given, by parents, teachers, and former students, was that being on the young end of the classroom spectrum is very hard on them socially, especially as the child moves up through the grades--they are always behind socially and often physically as well. It is simpler and easier to wait a year and be at the older end of the class's age group. Most of the moms finished with "Enjoy your sweetie for one more year; you'll be glad you did!"

1 mom found this helpful

My oldest daughter's birthday was the 9th of September and my middle daughters is the 29th of September. She too is very smart. She is at the same level, if not higher then her friends that do start this next year. And has better social skills then most. I did not fight for my oldest daughter to start early and I will not fight for my youngest one either. I am just going to enjoy my last year with her. Once they start school they are in for a long time (even though it seems to go so quickly). I have always said that it is better for them to be the oldest in the class then the youngest. I was the youngest growing up and I wish my parents would have waited. I think we all think our kid is smart. If she really is ahead of the rest they can always put her in advanced classes or move her up over time. I think the hardest part for me was that my daughters cousin is only 5 weeks older and a grade higher. My other daughter will also deal with all her friends starting kindergarten next year with out her, but she will find new friends.

So I wish you luck with your situation and try not to make your child grow up to fast.

D.

N.,
You can have your daughter tested by the school district to get her into school early.
What you might want to think about is her maturity. I have a friend who's daughters' birthday is on the 2nd or 3rd of September. Her daughter is advanced and very bright too. She chose to wait the extra year and kept her in pre-school. She never regrets it.
My oldest son is the youngest in the class because he has an August birthday. Our youngest son has a March birthday, so he will be one of the oldest in his class. Both of our boys are very intelligent.
I also know two sisters who both graduated HS a year early.
If you feel your daughter is ready, then ask the school district to give her the test. You have nothing to lose.
Best of luck.

I think that it would be fine to ask the school to consider her for this year. I know that they do make exceptions. L.

Talk to the school principal. Some friends of ours had the same issue with a child, really bright, born in October. The principal said kids should be challenged. On the other hand, many say that your kid should never be the youngest so they don't feel behind. My daughter has several kids born after 9/1 in her kindergarten and there don't seem to be any problems. The school will make her take a test to get in anyhow. Good luck!

I see you're trying to make the best decision for your daughter, and there are two sides to this equation. One is the academic side. The other, social. I think if you consider both sides your answer will be more clear. As a regular volunteer in my son's kindergarten classroom, I can say without hesitation that there is a tremendous difference socially between the "younger" set and those of "average age". The younger ones are often on their own, don't grasp the daily schedule as easily, and are at times, visibly uncomfortable when it comes time to group activities. Although your daughter may have mastered the academics, that is only half of what being in school and growing up is all about! Wait, wait, wait to put her in kindergarten and allow your daughter to be of age, so she can excel in all areas! Our son turned 5 in July before kindergarten. We put him in private kindergarten. He struggled academically, but socially was very well adjusted. Eventually, it came to a point where he fought going to school everyday. So, this year we repeated kindergarten at the public school. The difference in one year is tremendous. He is at level or above both academically and socially and loves school. It was the BEST decision we made. I didn't want him to struggle academically for the next 12 years, I would rather have the opportunity to challenge him as needed to further himself. And, on the other end, I wasn't comfortable sending a "just turned 18" child off to college. Continue to teach your daughter at home and keep her at home a year more ~ I don't think you'll regret it! Best of luck, B.

I have a friend who was in the same situation this last year. She worked with the school district and her very bright and social daughter tested in and she is now doing great in kindergarten. But the first couple of months were horrible, because the child was VERY aware of being the youngest in the class (she is also very petite). It was an emotional issue every day. And she will ALWAYS be the youngest in the class.

You should talk to the school administration, but also be wary that you are making the choice for your child not just for this year, but for the next 12 or so years that she will be in school. Think of all of the different stages of school life and what it would be like to be the youngest all the time.

Hi, I have two boys that are both the young ones in class (one is my step son, and one is my son, just 2 weeks apart). My step son wasn't in preschool, my son was for 2 years. The difference has been amamzing. While they both do well acadmically, the social difference is totally different. Some is their personality, but some is one knew what to expect on a day to day basis, the other had to learn as he went. Preschool, sports, and classes can all give your child the challange that you are looking for. You are your daughters best teacher. Continue to work with her on lessons daily, and encourage her to learn to make friends, and become social. There is so much more to school then just colors, numbers, shapes, etc. We can teach our kids that. It is harder to teach our kids how to be kids. How to play on the play ground with other kids, and go up and ask to play with someone. Being the youngest in class can make those things, that much harder for her. You know your daughter, and will do what is best for your family. Good luck!

My advice is chill out!! your child is not going to lose a year of education if you put her in a pre-k program. I have one child who was"older" and she is always n the honor roll. the other 2 have to work a bit harder to get on the honor roll. It is not only about education but also maturity and you may not see the difference now but when they get older you will. Be patient and enjoy the extra year with your little one.

N.~
It looks as though you have received a ton of advice - I did not read everyone's responses but thought I would throw in my two cents worth of opinion.

My daughter was born 4 weeks early, born in August, so she made the cut off. In hindsight I kind of wish she would have made it through those last four weeks and been born in September instead. She was extremely bright and really ready academically for kindergarten but I am not sure if was really ready emotionally. Especially now that she is in 5th grade and getting ready to enter middle school next year. She really is quite a bit younger than most of her classmates - She will turn 11 right before school starts and all of friends will already be 12 or turning 12 shortly after school starts. She does fine in school, has good relationships with friends but there are times when she just doesn't have the same maturity.

Let your little one be a little one. You can still keep her mind busy and active and learning. I did have a few friends who challenged the schools and put their kids through all of the testing involved in order to get them into school early because their birthdates were close to the deadline. Only one was accepted and all of my friends, even the one who got accepted, said that in hindsight they wouldn't have done it. It was too stressfull for the children and not worth it.

Having said all of that - you know your child best and you need to do what you feel is best for her and your family. No one else can or should tell you what to do. Best wishes.

I know what you are going through. My daughter was not 5 until January last year, but we sent her to a private school and she was interviewed by the teacher for that grade before she was even considered. She was only lacking in one area and the teacher accepted her into the class. I'm not sure how public schools do it, but I never considered public since private was only $50 more than what we paid in daycare a month, so it was no contest. I've already seen the difference in her friend, who is in Public school, and my daughter. My dd is soooo much more advanced, that it is scary. (Example): We have flash cards on sight words that she works on. At the beginning of the year her friend couldn't even sound them out. I haven't tested her to-date, but they have kind of grown apart in the education part of their lives. I have also seen it in their relationship, but I don't want them to stay apart since they will still be together for the Summers. We'll see. So, check into tests or interviews with the teacher or principal. I'm sure they have something like that for newcomers. Good luck.

Hi N., while several responses have mentioned that your DD could feel left out if she's the youngest, my thought on that is "Isn't there always going to be 1 child that's the youngest"? I do agree that it's important both academically & socially to gauge if your DD is ready though. My DD is in the same boat (Sept 16th b-day) and will be going to the private kindergarten at her day care. I've heard the kids learn more than in public schools and she won't feel left out since she already knows the other kids. Good luck with your decision and happy school days for your little one! :)

I think it depends on the school district. My district, N. Clackamas will not allow kids in.
Deep creek elementry in Damascus on the other hand gave my friends daughter a test to see if she was ready and she was, they let her in.

I can completely relate as my daughter is scheduled to turn 5 September 28th and like your daughter is very bright. I have chosen to keep her on the normal schedule for maturity reasons. While girls mature quicker than boys, I think I would rather her be the oldest in her class than the youngest. Especially when it comes to driving, graduating at 18 vs 17 etc. That is just my opinion.

Hi N.,
My daughter shares the same birthday, but she's only 2 1/2. I've started wondering about Kindergarten as well. The principal at the school near me (in PPS) said you can contact the "TAG" office (Talented and Gifted department) and have your child tested, if they do well they can be admitted early. I have read some past responses to a similar question. About 90% of the people suggested that one more year of pre-school was the way to go. I still have a few more years to trouble over this problem! Good Luck! M.

Hello!

Both of my children are November babies so the choice was made for me. My daughter was reading at a 2nd grade level in preschool, also doing math and many other school related things. Kids are only kids for a short while and a year isn't going to make a difference. We came from a co-op preschool where there were many parents with your same issue. Since our district is very strict on the cut off date and stick to it, most of the parents have put their child into a pre-K class. You can find them with many preschool settings and this is exactly what they are meant for. I truly am glad that both my kids had to start later with having later birthdays. Good luck with whatever decision you make.

I don't know what your budget is, but if you really want her in school, than daycare facilities like YMCA (YChildcare) have all day kindergarten. That is certainly an option.

But think of it as she grows as well, not just now. If she's the youngest in her class she will be the last to be able to do just about everything with her friends. Sometimes that's not so fun and can cause a lot of headaches for Mom as well. She'll also graduate from high school when she's 17 and turn 18 during her freshman year of college.

This stuff might not be a big deal at all - just worth thinking about.

Hello N.,

My 2 oldest children's Birthdays are Oct. 2nd (Son) and Oct. 13th (Daughter).

Looking back, one of the most important things, I think is their Social Skills and Development.

It wasn't a good thing for my Son to start late and be older then the other kids in his class. He was already reading at 4 yrs old and was ready in regards to his social development too.

My Daughter on the other-hand, although reading at 4-1/2 was not ready in regards to her social development.

They both started late, but I should have pushed for my son because of how the other children weren't as accepting of him at his older age. There was a study done about this too, validating this for boys - maybe you can find something on line about this.

For my Daughter, it turned out, was perfect timing.

Education is very important, but their social development is just as important.

I hope you find this helpful.

K.

We're in the same dilemma. Our daughter will be 5 on 9/25 of this year. I believe that there are good reasons to not rush to school. There is always going to be some that fall close to whatever deadline they set.

A couple of options we have been between are having her tested/evaluated to see if she is ready for school (I think she would be fine, can write her name, and some letters, ect....) Some private schools have different requirements, but none that are convenient to us. And our third thought has been pre-school. We have decided on pre-school. We have found 2 really good programs that will ease her into school, since she's never been in daycare environment.

Whatever you choose I'm sure it won't hurt her. My b-day is 10/15, and when I was little the cut off was 11/1, but my parents could have held me back, but choose to enroll me. I did great never had any issues being one of the younger kids in class.

Please please please don't push to send her early. My parents pushed to have me go early, and looking back as an adult, I regret their decision. I'm very petite, and was always made fun of because I was the shortest one. I had absolutely no problems academically, was always in the advanced classes, but always felt more comfortable with kids a year younger. Challenge her this coming year with her violin lessons, and any other extra activities. Let her be a kid, as the others have said. Please don't put her in early. When she finally does go to kindergarten (and further), make sure that she is challenged. There are talented & gifted programs in public schools, so you just need to be her advocate & make sure she has plenty to do. In my opinion, the social aspect is much more important than the academic one. You can always add extra work & things for her to study, but you can't make her taller or more developed or "make" everyone be friends with her.

I think this decision should be based on her maturity level. Although our situation is different, we also had to make the decision whether or not to put our daughter in kindergarten, or wait until the following year. She also knows her colors, shapes, etc. We went in to our local school and visited the kindergarten classroom. We decided that although she is a bright little girl, socially we did not feel she was ready.
On the other side, my oldest daughter has a friend who's birthday falls mid-September. I have asked her Mom about it, and they have never had any problems or regrets from making the decision to start he "early".
I do not think there is a right or wrong decision. I think it depend on the individual child's social skills and maturity level. Good luck!

My daughter is in kindergarten this year. She turned 5 in july. She is a very kind, outgoing, athletic and advanced acadaemically child as well. Thing was over half the kids in class were either 6 or turning 6 soon. My daughter was literally the youngest kid. She was getting in trouble for silly young stuff like looking under the bathroom stall door. First graders turned an innocent accident into a big problem which was later cleared up. She had to learn the do's and don'ts. Even though I thought I taught her well the brain of a just turned five year old has to catch up with the older kids. The teacher assured me that she would be fine after a few months. By November she caught up and was doing great.

There is research that says parents with kids turning 5 in the summer months prior to kindergarten should consider waiting a year for kindergarten. The research stated that summer girls do well(50/50) going in that year, but boys do better waiting a year. You may want to consider waiting because of the later birthday. I myself was put into school early. My birthday is Oct 17th. I struggled academically, but did very well socially. It is a hard decision to make, but school's are being strict on enrollment because of capacity issues. After the first grade if she is way beyond the other kids she can always be moved up a grade.(My daughter has first grade friends and if I did move her up a grade it wouldn't be dramatic). Do some research and make your decision. It is hard to know what is right until you try it. If it doesn't work you can always change it.

Have you considered just letting her be a kid for another year? There are so many classes she can take to keep her interested and challenged. Once she's in school, she's there for good! Another year of art classes, violin classes, trips to the library, zoo classes, and playdates don't sound so bad!

You can take trips to the aquarium off season. Or take a day to explore Mt. St. Helens. The Parks and Rec systems have amazing classes. Have you seen the Nature Park in Beaverton yet? There's so much to learn.

Also, consider this (I taught 1st grade for 7 years, so I have experienced this...)keeping her out an extra year means she'll be one of the oldest kids in her class. That is a good thing, especially when she's in high school. Do you want her to start college at 17 or 18? If she's into sports, she'll make varsity sooner. She'll be that much more mature socially and emotionally.

I have never met a family who said they wished they had pushed their child ahead. I have met LOTS of families who, looking back, wished they had had an extra year and had kept their child back.

There is so much you can do with her during this "extra" year. Enjoy it. And don't stress about school. :)