11 answers

Mom Seeking Advice on Dealing with Daycare During Potty Training/sort of Long

I had a discussion with the director of my son's daycare regarding his potty training. A month or so before my son turned 3 years old (in July) my son's daycare begain charging us an extra $20.00 per week because he was not potty trained. I was sort of annoyed because i thought at the time it was still early he was not even 3 years old yet. I did not pull him from the center because he sees this as a second home and he has been there since he was a year old.
Anyway, I have been working with him at home a few weeks now(hoping to get him trained before 3 1/2). He will go to the bathroom when he is not wearing pull-ups. so, I decided not to use them anymore. I ask him about every 20 min. to an hour if he has to go to the bathroom. Sometimes, he has told me he has to use it and goes on his own. I also have caught him a couple of times on the toilet without being told doing number 2.
Today I sent him to daycare without his pull-ups and he was in his "big boy" underwear that he wants to wear. I call to see how things were going and was told not to send him in underwear but to keep him in pull-ups a few more weeks because he does not ask to go to the bathroom. their problem is that my son does not ask to go. Well, at home he does not ask to go to the bathroom. He just goes Or he says I got to use it. He does not ask!
So, I told the daycare person, "have you tried not saying anything? but just waiting to see what happens? Her response was if I do that I would be cleaning him up all day. I believe would not be the case. How is he suppose to learn if you don't give him a chance? I suppose I can sort of see the point when you have so many children to ask all day. I'm only trying to potty train one child. but that is that what I'm paying them for?
Any advice Please? should I push the issue of not using the pull-ups or continue on what I was doing at home? I would like to get my price back where is was and/or send my child to a pre-school instead of daycare.
thanks for any advice

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

thanks for your responses
*After setting hear at work thinking about this Issue I have decided not to get myself all frustrated and upset over it. I know that my son is going to be completely potty trained soon and he will most likely be in pre-school by the first of the year. Plus, with all the challenges we parents face raising our children I will probably look back on this in the future and think it was the least of my problems.
It's so sad though at how some of these daycare centers take advantage of parents. They know some of us already have guilt issues because we have to leave our babies all day and work. I guess too they know how hard it is to find a place that you can trust with your child and it's not that easy to just uproot your child and move them somewhere else everytime there is a disagreement. All I want is for my child to be safe and happy while I'm working.

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I think that it's terrible to tell you they are going to charge you $20 extra a week because he's not potty trained (do they provide the pull ups), and even worse that they will not work with you to get him potty trained. It is not a big deal for a caregiver to tell him to go to the bathroom. I would stick to my guns and go with what has been working for him. If they are not willing to work with you maybe that is not the best place for him to be anymore. It sounds like they are trying to make extra money out of people for no good reason.

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Take two weeks off from work and potty train your child. $20.00 come on--don't sweat the small stuff! Your daycare should charge you for potty training your child if you can't get it done. I would be upset to have my children in a daycare that allowed untrained children to go without a diaper! The germs!

I think that it's terrible to tell you they are going to charge you $20 extra a week because he's not potty trained (do they provide the pull ups), and even worse that they will not work with you to get him potty trained. It is not a big deal for a caregiver to tell him to go to the bathroom. I would stick to my guns and go with what has been working for him. If they are not willing to work with you maybe that is not the best place for him to be anymore. It sounds like they are trying to make extra money out of people for no good reason.

I am not very opinionated but I think this is an outrage. I completely understand your frustration. I have three kids (two girls and one boy). The girls were potty trained well before age 3. However, my son was not fully potty trained until he was a little more than 3 1/2 years old. I have talked to many other parents of boys and in my experience boys definitely take longer to train. It will be too confusing for your son to keep swithching him from pull ups to underwear. Once you make the switch you should not go back (I am pretty certain this is what most, if not all, of the parenting magazines will tell you). I am more disappointed that the child care center does not have this same understanding. Also, if they are charging you an additional $20 a week because he is not trained they should not also dictate to you that it is easier for them if he wears pulls ups. That will only prolong the process, and cost you a lot more money in the long run. I think you should meet with the Director of the center and be prepared to have documentation to support your position. You may want to even call your son's pediatrician and ask for his/her advice and share that with the Director as well. I am also curious whether notice of this additional fee was provided in the center parent handbook. If not, it seems very arbitrary and punitive. From a customer service stand point I think it is a very bad policy. Since your son has been there since he was one I think you are in a position to negotiate that the fee should be discontinued or that you will have to look for another child care arrangement. Hang in there. I know how tough potty training can be and this added stress is not helping.

I agree, it is part of their job to help potty train. My daycare actually potty trained my son, I did very little. He was at daycare more than he was at home awake. We paid more for daycare, from the time he was an infant to the time he was potty trained. Once he was potty trained the rate went down. Telling you that it is not there responsiblility to potty train is like the teacher telling you that it is not her responsibility to teach your child when they are in school. I think most pre schools will not take someone until they are potty trained.

Hey B., I have been doing group daycare for 13 years and have potty trained ALOT of children, it is my job and that is what we get paid for, when parents are at work all day they can't work with them like we can. We actually have them children more time than the parents so why wouldn't you work with them! I have never heard of charging more and I surely would not buy them either esp. if she is charging you more she should buy them, cause obviously you are going thru them more due to her not working with him. I do not ask the child if they have to go because they would not always tell you anyways, you just say okay its time to try to go potty and I do that every 20 minutes with a child who is learning and it really does not take that long at all for them to catch on, they may not tell you they have to go on there own for a while so we as daycare providers need to keep having them go and I do not feel it takes much time out to do that.I go above and beyond my job to help parents out because I do realize how hard it is to work and then try to take care of children. I love my job and I try to make everyone happy with what I do for them. If needed I clip nails every week, clean ears, we brush teeth 3 times a day after meals and snacks, I wash there pjs, clothes if any accidents or get dirty, if there jackets, coats, car seat covers, blankets etc. need washed I also wash them as well before their parent arrives back to pick them up. If they need a bath I give them one it does not take long at all to do all that and still continue on with games, activitys, play time & etc.. I love all my kids and take very good care of them and I feel some of that is required for us to do we learn some of it in our classes. Well sorry I rambled on. good luck to you and hope it all turns out well. DAYCARE PROVIDER

Yes, thats what the daycare personnel are supposed to do. Helping potty train your son. Alot of daycares have a potty training program where they ask kids frequently, especially the ones really training, if they have to use the bathroom.

A good way to potty train is to give your son alot of liquids, and then every hour, take him potty (or sooner if you deem necessary). The point is that you get your son to associate drinking, then peeing, and he gets the regular sensation of knowing when it's time to go potty.

Talk with the daycare again. Good luck.

B., this is nuts! You pay good money to the daycare facility for them to care for your child. This includes potty training. Yes, it is a lot of cleaning up, but if the child isn't getting consistency in the training, it will take that much longer. Sounds like your provider doesn't want to help. I would find a new place immediately. I've never heard of such craziness. K.

It is not their job to train him, it is yours. He is your son. Keep sending him with the pull ups, and he is making progress. Just keep encouraging him. You are doing well with him, and it won't be wrong. It is very normal for a 3 year old boy to be at this stage. Just keep working with him.

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