Mom of 4 Year Old - When Is Good Time to Have Another Baby??

Honestly you are the only one-along with hubby of course--that can answer that question. Financially speaking, if everyone looked at when they are totally stable so to speak, we won't have any babies born in the next year or so. If you feel like you are ready to have another child, i would say go for it. If you do not think you can handle it right now, then definitely wait. It is an emotional and financial question. My daughter was born 9 years after my other kids. She was a surprise and I would not give her back for anything in the world. With the econcomy the way it is, we are scaling back bigtime and cutting out a lot of things but she is a special gift to us and I would not change it. Sure it is hard since she is only 7 months and lots of growth coming up, food bill will get bigger but she's all ours.

Hello Kim,

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to this, it is when you are ready and able to handle having more children. Forget about being financially secure or you will miss out on precious times. The finances take care of themselves.

I am a mom of 5 and my first three were all born within 17 months and 22 months apart. My next two came 7 yrs later and are 3 yrs 2 months apart (I lost a daughter in between). Our family is very close and open. I was a single mom for years and the older three were incredible growing up during that time.

To me it was wonderful having them close and it still is. They are now 17 to 31 and still very close, they are a riot together, and I would not have traded my timing in having them for the world.

All 5 are all great friends and very close. Don't get me wrong, we had the usual sibling thing going on, but for the most part it was great. When they were younger they entertained themselves and had each other as playmates. I never forced them to hang out with each other as teanagers, but a lot of the time they did because they enjoyed and still enjoy each others company. My kids helped each other through the trials and tribulations of puberty and boyfriend/girlfriend messes.

Today they are still best of friends, talk often, respectful, supportive, hard working, with children of their own.

You and your hubby have to decide what is best for your family. I know your son will love being the big brother.

God Bless and Good Luck,
M.
http://LiveTotalWellness.com/YouCanToo

If you have that heartwrenching desire to have a baby. Just do it. Maybe it's just time. The money will come in somehow or other and family is always there to shower the baby up with cloths, gifts, and diapers. You can also find great deals at thrift stores and on ebay when it comes to buying some of the bigger stuff. And it will all fall into place. You'll see how it does. Also my son is six years younger than his sister and it's perfect. She's the biggest helper. Now I see kids to close in age and they just fight with eachother. It's actually the most peaceful way to bring kids in the world a little far apart. God Bless C.

I have two that are three years and three months apart, two that are 4 1/2 years apart and two that are 2 years and 10 months apart. From oldest to youngest there is 10 years. I feel the best is 3 years apart. The positives is that you spent the baby, toddler and preschool years with your son and can feel confident that he got all the attention he needed. Then that is also the problem because when you have the baby he may have a harder time adjusting sharing you and your s.o. Plus he has the opportunity to be a good helper and he will truly feel like a big brother. The other good thing about the spacing is that you'll be able to spend time with the new baby as you did with your first because the first will be in school. The bad thing is that you will have like a second phase of a family after five years. For our family, my husband did a lot of stuff with the older two while I stayed home with the younger ones because they needed naps and couldn't do stuff like go skiing, going to the movies etc. Now that my youngest is three all that is a non-issue and we can do everything. I think the best advice is that you will never regret having another baby, but you may just regret not having one. If both of you decide that you are ready to make the committment that it doesn't matter about spacing and all that stuff because you'll handle it. You are never ready financially. Kids are just expensive.

There is no such thing as a "perfect time" to have a baby. And what is the definition of financially ready? If you wait for that then you will NEVER have one. You can always make an excuse for why now is not the time and I have seen my own family do it until it was to late and they couldnt concive. You might say you dont have the money, you dont have the time, you want to wait until your career is more stable, you want to finish school, etcetera. There will ALWAYS be something to stop you. New studies have come out in the last two years stating that if you are thirty or over you should be considered high risk. http://www.musckids.com/health_library/hrpregnant/over30.htm

My motto is this, you can always put a career on hold, you can always get a second job to make more money, and you can always go back to school, but you cant aways have a baby when the "time is right" you cant always put that on hold and think that it will be there a few years down the road. If you want it to have a kid bad enough, then you will find a way to make it work with your lifestyle.

Best of luck with your decision!

Hi Kim,
I am 30, we have a 6 year old, then I went on to have two miscarriages, then finally had our "miricle baby, about 16 months ago. I always said I wanted to have my family completed by the time I was 30. Well I did, but we are debating to have one more now. The pros of having my boys 5 years apart are, my oldest is such a huge help, even though I try not to make him do too much, I don't want him to feel resentment towards his brother, also, my youngest is way more "high maintanence" than my first, so the age gap does give me more time for him, my oldest understands more than a toddler would. The cons are, youngest is starting to "bother" his brother, getting into his stuff, etc. and I always have to be on the watch because youngest puts EVERYTHING in his mouth, so it is hard to keep toys separated. All in all, I think it worked out perfectly, although, if we do decide to have another it won't be 5 years, more like 2 1/2, atleast what I want! Also, I stay home with my kids, so that might have an impact on decsion too, since you and your husband work full time, the big age gap will give you more time for baby and your son.

You should talk with people you know are parents at your firms. You'd be surprised. My husband is a 2nd year associate at a large firm downtown. We had my daughter about 2 weeks before he started his summer with them after 2L. They have been nothing but flexible when it comes to situations with our daughter. (I work full time as well, not an attorney, but I make regular court appearances under subpoena which are not flexible...) His firm happily granted paternity leave to a guy from his class who had a baby 4 days after they started as 1st years. From what we've heard, they are even better with the women. Not every law firm is draconian. Start investigating now! You might be pleasantly surprised.

There never is a perfect time. You've just got to bite the bullet and go for it. We're trying to convince ourselves of that now. :)