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Missed Miscarriage

i was 14 wks preg and i just found out that i have a missed miscarriage. my dr wants me to wait through the weekend to see if my body will expell everything on it's own, otherwise i have to take the pills, or have a d&c. i'm so nervous and scared. can anyone share how you felt as you went through this?

What can I do next?

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My sister went through this several years ago. She did end up having to have the D & C. Everything went FINE!! She now has another son & no problems w/ pregnancy or delivery.

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I have had 3 miscarriages. The first one they did nothing about because it was at about 8 weeks. The second one the doctor did a D&C in his office. An experience I would not recommend to anyone, I assure you. This one was at about 12 weeks. The third time I had spent 3 weeks on bedrest before I lost the baby. The last one was at 17 weeks. I went to the hospital and had the procedure done while I was there.
Maybe there were no pills to assist in the cleaning out of the tissue at that time. If there were none of my doctors recommended them.

I think, emotionally, it is hard enough to lose a baby without the doctor adding to the length of time we walk around scared and worried about the effects the loss is having on our bodies as well.

You don't need to be frightened. I know you are. I will pray for you S. and if I was close enough to hug you, shed a few tears with you, and let you talk through part of your fear I would do all of the above.

On the brighter side I had two healthy babies after wards with easy pregnancies.

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I had a missed miscarriage at nine weeks, and my Doctor suggested pills since I had a little spotting already and she thought my body was "figuring things out".

I wanted to go the pill route because I didn't want to risk any scarring that can occur with a D&C (I wanted to have lots more pregnancies without increasing my risk of miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy).

I'll be honest with you, it was a very very hard experience. I took a pill at home with my husband at 6 pm and we went to the library to check out movies. I started having bad cramps but nothing else, and finally at midnight things really started moving. I was doubled over in pain, cold sweat, horribly nauseous (vomiting in the tub). My husband was there to comfort me and help all he could, but it really was a physically painful experience in addition to being emotionally painful. I bled some for about a week afterwards.

I don't tell you this to scare you, but just to make you aware that it can be hard to go through. I thought it would be "jus t like a heavy period" and that was not the case. In hindsight, though, I think the physical ordeal kind of helped me cope better with my emotions. It made my loss more real, rather than just waking up one morning without my baby. We had known about the pregnancy for 5 weeks so we were devastated when it ended early.

My thoughts are with you. You'll get through it ok! I got pregnant again after only one period, and my daughter is now gorgeous and 7 months old. So there is a light at the end of the tunnel. :)

It has been 4 years since my miscarriage, but I still remember it well. My body expelled everything on it's own. I hope you have the same result, because it is the least invasive option. Be prepared to stay near the bathroom when you start to expell, and have a supply of overnight strength maxis. You will most likely have cramps that may or may not be more intense than normal. Take pain relievers as necessary, but no more than the bottle states for the daily maximum.

I think that knowing it was coming made me less scared than if it would have happened without my expecting it. I was sad, and felt the loss very much. But I'm sure it would have been much worse, had I not known it was coming.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Hi S.. I had a miscarriage 4 years ago. I thought everything was ok until I went to the Dr. I chose to do a D&C. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But 10 months later I had a beautiful little baby boy. I believe that God has a plan for our lives. Remember, He won't give you more than you can handle. Good Luck

S., I am sorry. I know it stings even if you hadn't known. I have lost 3 myself. 1 was a suprise to me. The others were planned. Being early in the pregnancy it shouldn't be more than a real bad period. Advil is a good friend. Hang in there. I will say a prayer for you. F.

Hi S.,
I experienced a missed miscarriage last May when I went in for my 18 week appt. and there was no heartbeat. I was devastated and had the D&C the next day. The baby actually measured at 14 weeks, so I walked around with it dead inside me for a month. That was really traumatic for me to find out! Anyhow, now a little over a year later, I gave birth to healthy twin girls...and I have ALWAYS wanted twins!! So, God has a plan, it is just hard to see it at the time! (I wouldn't have picked this birth order though...the twins make #4&#5 for me! My older kids are 2, 4, & 6!! =)) I hope things work out for you and you are so blessed...hang in there, I know it is so scary at the time. Good luck!

I'm am so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage in January at 11 weeks. I opted for a d&c and the procedure went well. I did have some bleeding after the surgery for about 2 weeks and passed blood clots, which is very rare. I found out these complications only occur in less than 1% of people. I was out of work for about a month. The good that came from having the D&C was that the hospital put me in touch with a support group and also had a mass ceremony, which gave my husband and I some closure. If you have any question feel free to ask.

I have not gone through this personally but my girlfriend did. She said it was not at all painful physically, the only pain is emotionally since you have already form a bond & attachment to the little one. I am so sorry to hear that. I will definitely keep you in prayers.

I think misscarrying was probably one of the worst things I have ever gone through emotionally. I had the D&C . It was a simple out patient procedure and I advise doing it so you don't have to wait for it to "pass," which I hear is very painful.
Let me also suggest that you get counseling immediately. I did not do this and ended up having some serious issues for at least a year after. It's painful to lose a child, even at 14 weeks. Good luck to you.

S.: I just thought I would let you know that this same thing happened to me with my first pregnancy. I was almost 4 months along. Dr. sent me home to expell on my own. First let me tell you the worst part of this whole thing is EMOTIONAL!!!!!! I did start bleeding and then too much so ended up having to have D & C . Physically I was fine after the fact. My Dr. did say that it was God's way (nature's way) of taking care of something that was wrong in the first place. Come to find out after a completely normal next pregnancy, then with third pregnancy, 2nd child that I had some sort of clotting disorder and possibly that is what caused first pregnancy to not survive. No one knows for sure what it was but it really did make me believe and have faith that my body was taking care of itself best it could and that is why my missed miscarriage happened. I hope you have a supportive husband and close friend or mother to help you emotionally , help take care of your 14 month old for a bit for you, and/or stay close by in case you want someone with you when you start bleeding. I can always chat back and forth with you anytime.

Hi S. - I was 10 weeks pregnant and had a missed miscarriage. I went the next day and had another ultrasound to make sure, then went straight to the hospital to have a D&C. They gave me the option of waiting until I naturally expelled everything but they recommended that I have the D&C because it could have taken weeks for my body to start expelling everything since I was farther along than most when they miscarry. I couldn't stand the thought of walking around for weeks like that so I had the D&C. If you make this choice, make sure you don't eat or drink anything after midnight the night before so they can get you in right away. Afterward, you experience labor pains and bleeding that will be worse than an earlier on miscarriage. Take as much time as you need to recover mentally and physically. Cry as much as you want and lean on your family and friends for support. No one will understand what you're going through but they can listen and cry with you. As you start to recover, think about naming the baby and maybe planting a tree in honor of the baby. I ordered a necklace on line that is a forget me not flower with what would have been the baby's birthstone hanging from it. Do whatever helps you cope. Know that God just has different plans. He knew that something was wrong with your little one and took them so they didn't have to suffer. And you'll never forget this baby, but believe that you will go on to have more healthy little ones. Your little one is now in the arms of the one who created it. Take comfort in that. You are in my prayers.

So sorry you're having to go through this!

My sister went through the exact same thing. She was pretty upset because she had just gotten used to the idea of being pregnant after thinking she was done with 2 girls, and then to find out she miscarried.

WHen I was pregnant with my first, she was a twin, and the twin made it to about 10 weeks, after seeing a heartbeat and everything. We had just gotten used to the idea of having twins, and I was worried about having something done because I was still pregnant. They decided to "wait and see" with me, and the baby was reabsorbed by my body. I have had a D&C before though - I had a uterine polyp that needed to be removed.

With my sister, they ended up having to do a D&C, and she said that she physically felt so much better after having it done.

It's such an emotional thing, and nobody should have to go through it. Both my sister and I felt that it was just "meant to be". My doctor explained with my case that typically when that happens there was some sort of genetic or chromosomal abnormality that causes it. They don't know why it happens either. We were monitored through the whole pregnancy very closely, otherwise we wouldn't have even known. But we could tell that the baby who didn't make it was growing differently than the other. I can't explain it, things were just different. We just figured God had another plan for us.

Wish I could offer more...

Obviously, sh


I'm so sorry to hear about your lose. I had a miscarriage 4 months ago I was 8 weeks pregnant. My doctor gave me the option of waiting to expell or D&C. I got the D&C 2 days after I found out I miscarried. The procedure was not bad it was the emotions afterwards that was hard. I did not know if i wanted to try again fearing I would go through this again but, I have to say I'm blessed to have a 6yr old and 3yr old because I have a friend that has had 4 miscarriages and no children.

I know right now you are thinking why me but trust me with pray and support from family and friends you will make it through. My prayers are with you and your family please keep trying because I know God has a blessing for you.

I had a miscarriage - it was the WORST two months of my life - just gushing without notice anytime during the day or night. I finally thought I was done bleeding - and went shopping (had a lot on my list - after staying near MY bathroom as much as possible for 2 months. It happened AGAIN! IN THE STORE - BEFORE my errands were finished. My doctor thought it would expel by itself... finally after that last gush - he said we could do a D/C --- THAT was THE best thing he could have done!!! There is nothing to be scared of - everything happening to you NOW is just different than you ever experienced and THAT is what might be scary. Pray about it and you'll feel a lot better.

I'm so sorry about your miscarriage, S.. I had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks, and my doctor gave me a D&C the day I found out. He thought it was too far along to wait; it can be more traumatic and painful to expel that much... If I were you, I would either ask for some strong pain medication, or request a D&C. You are into your second trimester!

I was scared to have the procedure, but it went very smoothly and quickly. I thought the doctors and nurses at Bloomington Hospital were so kind, and the aftermath of the surgery was not physically bad, but it was emotionally difficult.

All the best to you!

S., I'm so sorry for your loss. I had 4 miscarriages, and each time was painful. Three of mine were what you are going through, although at the time they called it a missed abortion, which seemed like a cruel label.

If I were you (and assuming you have good insurance) I would push for the D&C. Sitting around waiting for pain and bleeding is awful; I did it once, and ended up with a D&C anyway. Scheduling the procedure gives you more of a feeling of control over this awful thing.

Miscarriage can be very difficult. The physical part is relatively easy, but you will probably have some major emotions to deal with. Your husband will want to help, but sometimes they just can't. We women are funny creatures--I had my babies' entire lives, from preschool to marriage and grandchildren, pictured from the second the stick turned blue! It was awful to find out that I'd never meet them, and that their life wouldn't happen. My husband just wasn't in the same place.

Don't be afraid to ask for help dealing with your emotions; there is plenty available, even if it's just a friend who has been through it and is willing to cry with you. You'll be amazed at how many women have been through this before you; just talk about it! I ended up in a support group that met at a local hospital, and they helped me tremendously. Your doctor's office may have information on that type of thing if you need it.

Although you will always miss this baby, it will get easier. Having your older boy should help, because it will force you to get up and out every day. Keep smiling for him, hang in there, and keep talking.

S., I'm sorry for your loss. I too went through that at 13 weeks. My body wouldn't expell anything, but there was no heart beat. I had a d&c. I too was scared and sad as it was my first pregnancy. But, with the help and support of family and friends and a wonderful DH who didn't leave my side for a second we got through it. I still get sad to this day over the babies we lost( i had 4 miscariages) and the first one was over 5 years ago. Time will help. if you need to talk, I'm here. Good luck. K.

hi S.. I also recently experienced a missed miscarriage (may). I found out at my 8 week US that I was measuring only 6 weeks and no heartbeat. I opted to wait for a natural m/c, and ended up waiting about 2 weeks to actually begin passing anything. I was scared to death to have the D&C, and I also really wanted to give my body the chance to do things naturally. It also helped me emotionally to have the time to accept things (and hold onto my baby a little longer). I did end up having a D&C after all, due to clotting issues.
It is still very hard sometimes, and I definitely went through soooo many ups and downs during this whole time. I have found alot of good from joining the miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss board on babycenter.com. It is great to have support and people to "talk" to who have experienced the same loss. Or just a place to vent. I am so sorry that you have to go through this! If you have any questions, please feel free to e-mail me!

I had two live births,then a stillborn little boy then a miscarriage. There is an organization called NeoFight that helps people get through losses. Please look them up if you want support now or in the future. They were a Godsend!
Prayers to you.

I know it is so hard. I had a missed miscarriage also. I found out I was pregnant at about 4 weeks after my honeymoon. Then at about 13 wks I started spotting just a little bit. I went to the doctor and they sent me for an ultrasound. The technician told me the baby was only the size of a 1o wk. I was devastated. Then I had to go back to the doctors right after. they asked if I wanted to wait it out for a few days or go ahead and schedule the D&C. I opted to get it done with. What was the need to wait for my body to expell it? Go through all that pain and for what?? I just wanted to get it over!! So I came back in the next day and got the d&c done. I was so very scared and sad. I was acctually depressed for a couple weeks. And then when it came time to try again I was so scared! I thought maybe I should just give up because I don't think I could go through this again. But fortunatley I did try again. Because now I have 3 beautiful girls. Ages 6, 4 and 2. So yes it is very hard to make it through. I am very sorry for your loss. But don't give up. Goodluck! But the healing took quite a while. Even once in a while I get sad and think I should have a 7 yr old.

Hi S.,

I went in for my check-up at 15 weeks with my first pregnancy to find out there was no heartbeat - the prior appointments were all normal... I did end up having a D&C a couple days later because it seemed like it just wasn't ready to happen. It was truly a devastating experience, with me they did not get everything on the first try I bled for a couple months and ended up having to have a second D&C - they did test the fetus to find that the genetics were normal and it was male - so the only answer I ever really got was that it just happens sometimes. I found an online message board for support and found out just how common it was. The good news was that most people do go on to have normal healthy pregnancies afterward. But that doesn't make the pain physically or emotionally any easier to deal with. It's tough - but you will get through it in your own time. I felt a deep sense of loss especially because I didn't have children already - so there was that question of will it ever happen for me? (It did!) My best advice is to let yourself grieve and focus on the little guy you do have. When you are ready (and your body is) don't be afraid to try again.

Hi S.,

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I understand all the emotions you are possibly experiencing. I have been pregnant four times and have lost two of the babies. The second pregnancy was a missed miscarriage as well. I was at 13 1/2 weeks... it was devastating especially with no prior "symptoms" or warnings. The next pregnancy was another miscarriage at 8 weeks... however with that miscarrige I had cramps for a number of days ahead of time. During the first miscarriage, I was able to allow my body to expell everything on it's own, just as your doctor is suggesting. While it was not too hard physically, it was awful emotionally. If at all possible, try to have someone stay with you. It was very difficult waiting for something to happen and just as difficult during the time I began bleeding. However, I will say that because I was able to be at home and not have a D&C, it provided more closure for me than I felt after the second miscarriage.

The positive side of my story was that my doctors did some testing on me after the second miscarriage. I was able to go on and have a fourth pregnancy of full duration. I just delivered our son 5 weeks ago. Please know there IS hope when it seems hopeless.

If you need someone to talk to, ask questions, or just "vent" to... please,please feel free to email me at ____@____.com.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers,

I had 2 miscarriages in my life. The first was a few years after we were married. My body miscarried by it self and I was fine. A few years later, we had a beautiful Daughter born to us. A couple years later, I had another miscarriage. The Dr waited to see if my body would abort it on it's own and it did. I was taken into the hospital and had to have a D&C. The D&C wasn't bad at all. It was over in a short time and I felt fine. I had no problems with spotting or pain or anything else once that was done. I had some spotting, natural, the first few hours after, but that subsided soon and I was fine. They told me that having a miscarriage as far along as I was was like having the baby, so I had to take at easy for a few weeks. I pretty well was able to do what I usually did, but got tired a little sooner than usual. I made sure that I got things done, but sat down and relaxed when I felt tired. I did fine with all of it. Hope you do to. I will be praying for you.

I'm sorry for your loss. I understand completely! I have had 2 miscarriages. One when I was 8 weeks where nothing had developed and one at 16 weeks where I could see her face on the ultrasound. The first one they just let my body expell the sac and the second I had a D&C. I suggust the D&C. You are already going through enough without having to have the pain of your body trying to expell the sac. Just remember that God knows best and when you want to ask why just remember that maybe you are being saved from more pain later.

I am so sorry. i have been through 3 miscarriages, 2 resulted in a d&c and one did it on it's own. it was very painful and afterwards i felt exhausted numb & empty. i was able to get up & move around after about a week, but 6 weeks before i could resume regular activities that were strainuous. my prayers are with you & if you ever need someone to talk to or just listen i'm just a click away.
God be with you.

Hello S.,
I know how you feel I am 36 yrs old and I had a miscarriage last year, I was 4mths along by this time I was attached to my unborn child. I was to be due July 21st 08, it was a very trial time for me because I was so looking forward to having this baby, my daughter is 13. They told me I had to have a d&c done it wasn't too bad it was more like a cramping feeling or a constapation feeling that won't pass but all bodies are not the same and I'm not one who likes pain. There was alot of abdominal pressure the first couple of days and of coarse bleeding, blood clot tissue will pass but don't get alarmed it's just your body getting out the excess. At the center I went to I befriended a counselor she was very helpful informative and told me some amazing stories of woman and survival. My concern was also at the age that I was would I still be able to have children and she advised that as woman our bodies are remarkable if we can substain pushing a watermelon out of a key whole (if you know what I mean)we can strive through anything. Needless to say I still can have children I haven't given up hope I plan to try again. Keep a hopeful and positive attitude and I'll be praying for....

I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. I started bleeding and went to the hospital because it was in the middle of the night and I was scared. I ended up having a full miscarriage in the ER waiting room of the local hospital. Awful. I didn't need a D&C.

The next time I got pregnant, about 5 months later, it was an empty sac (I forget what my OB/GYN called that). I needed a D&C for that. I believe they gave me anesthesia but it was an outpatient procedure. I was lucky to have my best friend be there for me when it was over. The hardest one for me was the miscarriage at 11 weeks because you've been with the little guy for 11 weeks already.

My docs seemed to think that I was predisposed to high blood sugars (I had gestational diabetes) at the beginning of my pregnancy that went full term and that could have been a cause of my former problems, but no one knows. Perhaps talk to your OB/GYN if there are any tests that they could run.

You are in my thoughts and prayers and I wish you and your family the best in this rough time.

A miscarriage is very scary but you will be fine. I had 3 miscarriages and all 3 I had to have d&c's done. I was very scared with the first one but the doctors were very nice and explained to me what they were going to do. You will be knocked out for the procedure so you wont even know a thing. I doubt your body will expell everything. My first miscarriage was at 3 months and I was unable to expell everything. It doesn't take long for the procedure and you will be able to go home but you have 2 keep your feet up for 6 wks. after. You better start asking friends and family for help around the house and with your 14 month old. They want you to do this because if you don't you can hemmorage. As far as pills I never had the option so I can't really help with that. You will be fine. Good luck and I'm sorry about the loss of your baby.

I am 31 and have been married for almost 12 yrs. My husband and I have 3 boys ages 10,7, and 4. They are miracles to me after having had 3 miscarriages.

My sister went through this several years ago. She did end up having to have the D & C. Everything went FINE!! She now has another son & no problems w/ pregnancy or delivery.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It is normal to feel nervous and scared, especially because you have to give up control of the situation. I had a miscarraige at 12 weeks and did not need a d & c. Try your best to keep your mind busy with other things as difficult as it is. The comfort to me at the time was tons of support from friends with a similar experience. I couldn't believe how common it really was! The pregnancy just was not viable from the beginning and was just not meant to be. The good news is (so I believe) is that you will be 'extra' fertile during the next few months so jump right back on! :) I think you may want to wait for one normal cycle 1st, ask your doctor. I went on to get pregnant 6 months later (I waited due to other health issues at the time) and had a full viable pregnancy and a beautiful baby girl at the other end. I then had a precious little boy 19 months later! Everything will work out how it's supposed to. Hang in there. I wish you the best - please update us on you!

I am so very sorry you are going through such a difficult experience. I will certainly be praying for you. If I were closer, I'd give you a big hug right now. But, this is the best I can do. (((HUGS)))

I have never been through anything like this. The closest I have been is a suspected miscarriage at only 4-5 weeks. I can't be sure that's even what it was though. My heart is breaking for you. I am sure you are quite scared. Be prayerful, my friend. I will be uplifting you and your situation to the Lord.

Maybe you could spend this time coming up with a name and what you want to do for the baby after you deliver (funeral, burial, etc)?

God bless,

I had that happen in May and they still can't figure out how they missed it because I wasn't that far along. Since your as far along as you are I would recommend the D&C just because there is the possibility for there to be left over tissue which will cause you great discomfort.

S. K - I am so sorry for your loss. I too suffered a miscarriage with my first child. I was 12 weeks along, but the baby didn't develop past 8 weeks and we didn't discover this until I started spotting and we had an ultrasound. I was devastated. My sister-in-law was pregnant at the same time, which didn't help. My doctor told me I had to have a d&c. I wasn't happy about this part either. I just wanted it all to be over with. I was so upset and angry before the procedure, my blood pressure, which is normal to low, was sky high. The procedure was done as an outpatient, and they put you under completely. The only effects I had were from the anesthesia later that night. I felt like I was tired, but wide awake. I didn't have any soreness from the d&c, it was more sorrow from the loss. As soon as I got the okay from my doctor to try again, we did. Six months later I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. Seven months after my first daughter was born, I got pregnant with my youngest daughter. They are now 13 and almost 12, and I still occasionally think about the baby I lost, but know that it was God's plan to have the two beautiful daughters we have. You will do fine with the d&c if you have to have it. The emotional part is definitely the hardest part. God Bless!

I'm so sorry that you are going thru this. The exact same thing happened to me in Oct. I opted for DNC I thought it would be easier. I became very depressed after, but found a group of parents that had lost children that where very accepting and open to me coming to there meeting once a month. I may have never been able to hold my child, but he was still my child. If you would like information about this group I can let you know you can either send me a message on here or private. My e-mail is ____@____.com
I will be praying for you thru this difficult time.

I am so sorry to hear that, I went through the same with my first one, I opted for a D&C, since it was so much easier than pills. The D&C itself is totally painless, but you will have pain like cramps the following day, you should also have to limit your physical activities for about 3 months. Good Luck!

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I have had 2 missed miscarriages, and treated 1 w/a D&C and the other w/the pills. First, let me say that I would push for treatment asap b/c waiting over the weekend to see if your body might take care of things on its own will be nothing short of agonizing. Secondly, I would base your pills vs. D&C decision on how soon you would be able to get the D&C scheduled. I don't think that there is necessarily a "right" way to go. When I took the pills, it only took my body 3 days of pill taking for the bleeding to begin. With my D&C, I had to wait 5 days (over a holiday weekend) to have it done. I think that the pain level was about the same w/both methods. One positive for the D&C is that it cuts down on the number of days of heavy bleeding. You'll still need to wear a pad for a few days, but not for nearly as long as you would probably have to w/the pills.

I hope this info helps. If you have any further question, please don't hesitate to contact me. Having gone through both methods, hopefully I can share useful information. Again, I am so sorry that you even have to make this decision. My thoughts are with you.

I apologize for your loss S.. I went through the same thing as well, but the difference is, at least you have your hubby there to support you! It's a "One day at a time" process but you will get better. I had the D&C prcedure and it went very smooth. Please don't put yourself through anymore pain than you are already in and go with the D&C. Waiting for it to pass is just agonizing. God bless you S. and I pray for your hubby's and your healing process to begin ASAP.

Hi S.,

I see you have a lot of responses - just adding my two cents to the bunch. I'm 31 and miscarried at about 8 weeks but didn't find out until 10 or so weeks pregnant. My doctor said i could wait but suggested since it had been so long i should proceed with the D&C right away. I did that.

The miscarriage was devastating - for me knowing the poor thing was in there for two weeks and not living made me choose to do the D&C right away. Death inside me instead of life, was too much for me to handle the waiting. The D&C was traumatic for me emotionally mostly and obviously because I was traumatized by the miscarriage.

I am very sorry for your loss. A lot of folks shared their stories with me, and many people attempted to make me feel better but made it worse. Remember, your experience may be painful, sorrowful, or not at all. All of those feelings are normal.

I got pregnant again about 4 months later - I had to wait for my cycle to return before trying again etc. I have a 15 month old daughter now who is wonderful - But I still wish she had her older sibling here in the house with her.

Bless you as you go on our journey and grieve or not as you need to.

Hi S.,
I am very sorry for your loss. I had a missed miscarriage last November, and it is truly heartbreaking. My doctor wanted me to have a D&C so he could rule out the possibility of it having been a molar pregnancy (very rare but dangerous for the mother). I did go through with the D&C - primarily because I was moving across the country and couldn't imagine trying to go through the move and trying to cope emotionally with waiting to bleed. I just needed it to be over.

If you have a D&C, I'm sure your ob or his nurse will explain the procedure to you. I didn't have any pain, but I did bleed for 2 weeks after. I didn't get my period again for 7 weeks.

It was one of the most difficult experiences I've ever had in my life. I felt from day one that it was my baby, so there was an immense sense of loss for me. In fact, I told my ob that I would only go through with the D&C if I could have my baby's remains back (after the pathology). He explained that there really wouldn't be much left (the baby was so tiny because I was only 10 weeks along), but I couldn't imagine them incinerating my child with medical waste. Needless to say, the hospital staff was immensely caring and accomodating. I found a crematory/funeral home that took care of everything for me, and since my baby was less than 20 weeks old, they didn't charge me for the cremation. I have my baby's ashes is a beautiful little urn on my dresser.

I'll keep you in my prayers. I know how overwhelming it is.

All my best,


I have been pregnant 4 times and the 1st and 3rd times were both miscarriages. The 1st one my dr let me go through it on my own without any intervention as it was so early in the pregnancy. With the second one I was supposed to be 15 weeks along and started having problems. I really do belive that when it comes to our bodies, they have some sort of built in defense because my subconcious never let me believe that there was a problem. Once I made it to the dr's office with my mother (my husband had gone out of state the morning before.) and discovered that development had stopped at 11 weeks my dr sent me immediately for a D&C. Having been through both ways, physically I would opt for a D&C. Emotionally-- either way is going to be hard but looking back at what I went through, I'm glad that I had the D&C. It made me deal with my emotions alot sooner. For me, the hardest part of the 2nd one was that fact that one evening I talked to my husband on the phone and told him I would fine. And the next day not being able to reach him before the procedure. So the next time I talked to him was after and having to tell him that our baby was gone was the hardest part. My procedure was done on a Friday afternoon, he arrived home late Sunday night, and I went back to work on Tuesday. I wasn't trying to avoid dealing with what had happened but fortunately the people that I work with are like family to me and I had a wonderful support system there.

There are days now that I think about both of them and wonder even though the 1st one was 10 years ago. But I know in the end that God had a plan (even if I did question it at the time) and I believe that plan was to give me the 2 children I have today. Sorry this is long but I hope it helps. We are here for you.

So sorry about what you are going through. I experienced miscarriage many years ago and it did not expel on it's own, so I had D&C. It actually felt better for me as I think psycologically, expelling it would have been more traumatic. Support of firnds and my faith in God and the 'bigger' purpose for what happened got me through it. I must admit every now and then I think that if the baby survived, he/she would have been 8 yrs old. Good luck. D&C is not bad, you're asleep and wake up feeling cramps like a period cramp.

Hi S.:

I am so sorry for you and hubby during this loss. It is such a difficult time. Regardless of how short the pregnancy is - you have built up so many hopes and dreams for this little being you expected. It all get ripped away in such few seconds at the Drs office. I felt so many things through my losses. Mostly I felt that it was so unfair and how badly I just wanted to wake up and find out it was all OK. It seems like a bad joke - I wanted to stop feeling the loss and pain.

Each of my losses were different - one very early, one ectopic and then the one at 9 weeks when it was missed like yours and I had to have a D&C.

I still felt some of the pregnancy symptoms so you keep thinking maybe they were wrong since your body has not let go of it. How could they look inside me and just say it's over......it's all very much a shock to the system. You walk in the office expecting a baby and walk out with......well dashed dreams. It's just a lot of why me?? I also worried what DH thought of me since I kept having trouble with the pregnancies. The first loss provided a lot of support but by the third one - no one really wants to say anything any more. Also it's tough - people don't really know what to say so they'll say a lot of "stupid" but well-meaning things. Try to take the best of intent and let go of the remarks that miss the mark. You'll probably hear a lot of - at least you still have your baby boy. While they mean well - it may just hurt more to hear that. While you may want to work through it talking - I found that most people don't want to discuss this. Your best bet is to talk to others who have gone through it. They know.

Please write if you want to unload and discuss more - I have been through it all!!

Big warm hugs - just let yourself work through the feelings. Be very gentle with yourself and hubby.


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