Miscarriage - Chicago Ridge,IL

First, I am sorry for your loss...
I had one 2 1/2 years ago, my doctor did a D&C and took the tissue to find out what went wrong, but couldn't find anything.
It took me a long time to get over the loss, but I have since moved on...I have never forgotten though, and never will.
There's a website you can go to called www.silentgrief.com or talk to your doctor about a support group....
It was nothing you did, it is important that you know that...it took me longer to get over mine because I blamed myself for a long time.

1 mom found this helpful

I am so sorry.
I had two miscarriages. One was especially hard because we actually stopped trying for our 4th afterwards. I was devastated.
My doctor didn't run any bloodwork, but that was 10 years ago. He just told me that the fetus was not vialbe and it happens.
Let yourself mourn for the baby. Cry and be sad. It will help.
And one day you may be pregnant again. I do have 4 and that baby is now 9.

1 mom found this helpful

I'm very sorry for your loss. Time does help you to recover from the loss of a child. I had two miscarriages myself and it took me a very long time to deal with the loss. I had one at 6 weeks and one at 10 weeks but to me it doesnt matter how far along you are you have lost a child that you were counting on holding one day. I read lots of books and reached out to lots of friends/family memebers. Sometimes they dont find out why miscarriages happen, it is more common than most think. If you need someone to talk to I'm here. Again I'm very sorry for your loss.

My condolences. I had a missed miscarriage with my first child. The baby died inside and I had to have it removed at 14 weeks. Nobody explained anything to me and no tests were run. Was all very cold and clinical. I mourned 'her' very deeply. I longed for others to talk to, but I didn't really connect with anyone. The fact that you're reaching out will hopefully help you heal over time. Eventually I came to accept the fact that the baby was just not meant to be and that it was a blessing for the baby in disguise. I think about her on occasion (she would be 4 now). I don't know if I have helped you or not because I had my son after my miscarriage, so it's a little different. I was still scared when I was pregnant with him. And I will be very scared when I become pregnant again. But, I have faith (not necessarily religious) that things will happen the way that they were meant to. Good luck with everything and if I could give you a hug, I would =) Please take care of yourself.

Hi... I just had a miscarriage last Saturday at 6 weeks and 1 day along... it was very early and I didn't see a doctor, still haven't (I'm not much of a doctor person - prefer to simply let nature take it's course). I already have one child. I have a lot of feelings too and haven't really discussed it with anyone. The two girlfriends who I did tell really weren't there for me the way I would have expected them to be, which made me not want to tell other people so that I wouldn't be let down by them either. I didn't know that I was pregnant for very long ahead of time, so I didn't think that I would be so upset by the miscarriage but I was. I think partially because it was a much more physically painful process than I was expecting it to be. I have heard that miscarriages are much more common with second pregnancies - not sure how true that is or why it is so. I've also heard from a TON of women that had a miscarriage and then went on to (shortly afterwards) have a very successful pregnancy. Not sure if any of that helps, but that's my story. Best of luck!

J.
www.UrbanSuburbanFamily.squarespace.com

Your feelings are perfectly normal. I had a miscarriage in December and still have sad feelings. I don't feel sad all the time, it has definitely gotten easier. Already having 1 child has certainly helped too, I know I am blessed with my son. My doctor took blood work (said this is routine to check for any abnormalities). My results came back fine, our doctor said we can start trying again in about 3 months.
Hang in there, unfortunately miscarriages happen sometimes for no apparant reason. Just know that you did nothing wrong, we can't prevent these from happening.

Mama M.
So sorry for you loss. I went through this same thing about 3 1/2 years ago. I had a berautiful 3 year old daughter and was pregnant with my 2nd. I thought everything was going along fine until I went in for my 1st checkup at 12 weeks. When the doctor did the ultrasound there was no heartbeat. It was devestating and I never saw it coming....no spotting, bleeding, cramping. The doctor did not do any bloodwork. I had to have a D&C and this was right before Christmas time. It was a very sad time for both my husband and I. If it is any consolation within a year I was pregnant again and had an uneventful 3rd pregnancy. I now have a beautiful 3 year old boy and I just look at him and think he would not be here if I had not gone through what I did!! I wish you the best during this difficult time.

Hi Mama M,

I am so sorry. I had a miscarriage a few years ago at 7 weeks and I felt the same way as you do. You are going to be scared/sad and have so many more feelings for a while. How I got through it was talking to my best friend and my husband. When I had my miscarriage, I went to the hospital and all they did was an ultrasound. I wish they did blood work to determine what happened all they did was give me a shot in the butt/hip area. I will be completely honest, I am still scared that when we get pregnant again that I am going to have another miscarriage.

My heart goes out to you and I am so sorry for this loss. I had 7 miscarriages and some times people were great and other times it was too much for them. So dealing with it yourself is good too but I would share with somone sometime it does help and my mother in law had many issues because she never shared. Yes it is very impt for YOUR health to make sure the blood work is done and three is not anything left to hurt you etc, also some times you can tell from levels etc sometimes. After age 30 chromosomally embryos are only 50% genetically healthy and 1 out of 3 women have miscarried, so it is common, however if it happens again do what ever you need to do with your dr but I would go to a reproductive immunologist. Anymore than three miscarriages will indicate this is the problem but let your gyne rule out the easy gyne stuff. My condolences to you and I wish you the best. there are some great books and sayings that helped me too and cards people sent. You can even purchace a star in the sky and name it in honnor of this.
get a helium ballon and tie a not to it with your wishes or dreams or name of this baby and let your feelings out on paper. tie the papter to the balloon and set it free and let it go in the sky and watch it release...

i had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy, very hard and with an ER visit was a horrible experience. I took big comfort in knowing everything happens the way it should even if it isn't the way we want it to. had i not lost the first pregnancy i would not have had my son whom is a wonderful gift from god. you didn't say how far along you were, they do blood work to make sure the pregnancy hormones are dropping. It is no easier to lose it at 5 weeks then it is to lose at 12 weeks so my heart goes out to you. The cause was nothing you did.

We had our son, then two miscarriages before we had a successful second pregnancy. My Doc said that anyone who has had many babies has experienced miscarriages. The more I talk to other women, the more I realize almost every woman I know has had one or more- it's just usually not mentioned because it is an uncomfortable topic! It is hard, you have a lot of feelings- and the fear is so great. My last pregnancy was not intended- I was so scared after the two miscarriages but I believe that something took over and we got pregnant. We had the bloodwork done which showed a genetic defect with one of the miscarriages. Best of luck!

Hi I am so sorry that it happened. I also had one about 12 years ago after my first. I ended up going to a yoga day the week after and when I shared why I was a bit out of it I was amazed how many women there had miscarriages in their past.
In the following weeks I discovered how many women had gone through this. It helped me see that it was not my fault. As painful as it was it helped me to share a little bit. We had already announced the pregnancy so my husband let them know about the miscarraige. Let your self grieve and how brave of you to be so public . Best wishes
E.

I have had 2 known miscarriages. Mine both happened before I had either of my kids. With my first mis I chose to do keryotyping ( I had to have a D and C)...which did not give me any answers, except that it was a boy. My second happened at home. It was super hard! You will get through it but I know how sad you are. I still feel sad sometimes when the time of year comes when I was supposed to have my first baby. I wish you all the best.

I am so sorry about your loss. I, too, had my first miscarriage after I had my perfectectly healthy son. I experienced all the feelings you are feeling. I was scared, sad, angry, and depressed. But, I did realize eventually I was very lucky to have my son, and stopped thinking so much about the negitive. Then, I had another miscarriage. I was devestated! I really then thought we would not have any more children. I started looking into adoption, when I found out I was pregnant. It was a happy time, but also a scary time, and I really did not expect it to last. But, after a very hard pregnancy I had my second son and he was a healthy 7.15 pounds! I then had another miscarriage last year, now I am pregnant with my third son! This, too has been a very hard pregnancy, but I am 32 weeks, so almost there! I did have a D & C with my second miscarriage and they said it was a Chromosome abnormality. Just try to keep your spirits up. A lot of people will say the wrong things and blow it off, especially if they have not went through it. Do a lot of reading on the internet and go to the book store and get some books. I got a book about women who have went though it and it helped to know you are not alone. God bless you!

Mama M, you are not alone and I'm sorry that you've had to experience this. My first time pregnant, I had a miscarriage. Unfortunately, like some of the other posters, I found out during the very first ultrasound that the hearbeat was not there when it should have been. I opted not to have a D&C and my doctor was okay with me waiting to physically miscarry, which took a whole month after discovering my "pregnancy was no longer viable." I ran blood work only to confirm that I was indeed no longer pregnant but no other work up. At the time, a very dear friend said to me in an attempt at comfort, "at least you weren't that far along" which was one of the most hurtful things anyone could have said at that point. Regardless of how far along one is, once you've accepted that a new addition is on the way, made space in your heart, begun planning in your head, that's far along enough to feel the pain of loss. I felt a lot of guilt, doubt, anger, frustration but in the end I finally accepted that there wasn't anything I did that made this happen. I have since had two beautiful children but admittedly hated getting that first ultrasound because of my very first experience. I was surprised by how many women came out of the woodwork to share their own stories of miscarriage with me once the news came out. I was really surprised by how often miscarriage occurs because it's not talked about. In whatever way you find to work through this, I hope you find peace and comfort from those closest to you.

I am so sorry. You are not alone. Grieve, revel in the child you have, try again when you are ready. Life is so fragile, I understand I had one too.

Hi Mama M.,

You hang in there and just know that you are not alone. I have had one and I was told that it is common for women to have at least one in a lifetime. It was hard at first, but my faith, family and friends kept me strong. I realize that it happened a few years ago, but anything that affects your body and health will affect you mentally. So please take your time and if you think you need a support group try to find one. It will get better with time, also hearing about Celine Dion's loss was interesting, you might want to read about it.

God Bless You

I'm so sorry for your loss. There is nothing so painful as losing a child, no matter when you lose him or her.

Most hospitals have a pregnancy loss support group. You may want to go even if you don't want to share your story, just so you can be with other people who have gone through the same thing and hear their stories. It may help you feel less alone. There are also many, many online support organizations for families who have lost a child during pregnancy.

One you can look into is:
http://www.aplacetoremember.com/ which is based in St. Paul, but has online support and many support materials that you can access.

Miscarriage is incredibly common. I've had two, my best friend has had several, and my sister-in-law has also had one. However, we don't talk about it because it hurts and many people don't realize how horrible it is. The worst was when people would say to me, "This is probably a blessing," or, "You weren't that far along anyway."

Know that you are not alone and that it is ok to grieve for however long you need to grieve. I will be thinking of you and your family.

I had a miscarriage last July. I felt the same way you and many of these other women did. I was horribly sad, but thankful that my children didn't know I was pregnant, and very few people did.

The next two months were awful for me. I was overly cranky and had anger issues. At first I thought it was from being so emotional about losing the baby. Over time I realized it was more than that. I saw my doctor and come to find out the miscarriage had messed up my horomones and had caused me to develop a severe case of PMDD. I'm now on medication for that and am okay now. I think that all in all the PMDD caused more harm than the actual miscarriage did.

I hope that everything goes okay for you from here on out. No matter what, it's not an easy road, but just know that you are definately not alone!!!

I agree with Carrie. Miscarriages are pretty common for women. I had 2, in- between 3 other live births.

I'm sorry you had to experience that pain. I pray that God heals you and comforts you in your grief. Know that God cradles each and every babies soul in his bossom.

i had my first, and two years after him, when we tried for a second, i had 3 miscarriages.. one after another, no reason whats so ever.. im 29 years old, so age was not an issue.. after the 3rd, my doctor made me see a specialist.. he put me on baby aspirin once a day to, apparently, thicken my uterus... Baby aspirin supposedly does that... i don't know what it was, the aspirin or the timing, but after a year of misery, i now have a beautiful 10 month old daughter... Keep your head up, keep trying... i had to wait for 2 periods after each miscarriage to try again, so your body can come back to normal.. i believe in everything has its time and may be your body's telling you that you're not ready.. The way we took our "3" is that may be there was something wrong with those babies, and it was "god's" way of helping us and giving us a healthy baby... also, check for blood clogs... that can cause it too.. may be thats why your doctor took blood... i mean, you figure you had one healthy baby, there should be a way to get another, right??? good luck...

I had one with my first pregnancy. I was miserable, I understand how you feel and I also didn't want to talk to anyone. It is good if you can find someone - a girlfriend maybe - who you feel comfortable talking to and who is willing to listen. You will start to feel better if you can talk about it. If you are trying to get pregnant, try not to worry too much. I did, of course and it's completely natural, but with my next (two) pregnancy, everything was ok. It's a good thing that your doctor is running that sort of blood work. Mine only did blood work to make sure my levels went back to normal, she wouldn't look into anything unless I had multiple miscarriages. Sounds like you have a good doctor.

It is amazingly common unfortunately; I am sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage too, the week before Christmas. The doc said it was probably a chromosomal anomaly, because the baby had no heartbeat when I went for my 10 week appointment. He didn't run bloodwork though. He said the miscarriage rate is probably more like 80% because so many women miscarry very early and don't even realize it, and also that the success rate after a miscarriage is like 90%. I have a son who is 11 and I have a feeling this is about 150% easier to bear than it would be if I didn't have one child already. (I'm also 41 so I knew it could happen, but it didn't make it any easier, because i didn't feel like there was anything wrong, no spotting, no other symptoms). I'm sure you're younger than I am so hang in there, you can try again, and if the doctor's blood tests find anything, that will help so you'll know what to do for the next pregnancy (if there is a problem with something). You've definitely come to the right place to talk about it - I hope everyone's answers help!

I wish I could give you a big hug...my heart totally goes out to you. I am so very sorry for your loss. There are really no words out there that can make the pain go away, only to tell you that there are others that know exactly what you are going through and feel your pain.
I too just suffered a miscarriage however this was my 5th. I had an ultrasound this past Saturday and there was no heartbeat. I was 9 weeks along. I have 2 children. One of my miscarriages was in between my girls and the other 4 have all been since my second was born. So although this time is incredibly rough, you will get through it and can have more children.
Time will help the pain. In the beginning it's so fresh and all-consuming but it does get easier. In an instant your whole world is turned upside down and it takes a while to turn it back around but you can and you will.
I too am a private person and with my first losses never told a soul. But as time went on I did start to open up to people and the support I received was incredible. Not to mention the stories I heard from friends about their own experiences that we had never talked about before. This topic is so hard to talk about but for me personally, I did find healing in opening up, even though it was uncomfortable at first.
There are so many things I've read, learned and experienced through these losses. Although from a physical perspective I have no answers, I have learned so much spiritually that my world is now quite different.
You can send me a private message anytime if you want to "talk." Take care of yourself and hang in there. It will get easier.
Sending you love and light...

Hi, I am very sorry for your loss. I think this is more common than we realize. I too had two miscarriages after my first child, then went on to have a second healthy baby boy. My children are pretty spaced in age because of the miscarriages by 5.5 years, but that's ok. This is all very normal for them to do blood work. After my second miscarriage, they sent me on for even further testing to a fertility doctor that went in to make sure my uterus and ovaries were ok. It is still a loss and very devastating. But know in your heart, atlthough it is hard to hear right now, our bodies are designed to "get rid" (for lack of a better term) something that is not "right". Maybe there was something that wasn't right. Keep the faith and know that when the time is right it will happen. Take care and be good to yourself!

I am so very sorry for your loss! I too had a miscarriage after my son was born and experienced a lot of the same feelings you are having. I had the flu at the time (this was in 2008) and my progesterone levels were not doubling as they should. They gave me additional progesterone but it was not enough. There is a possibility that my miscarriage was a result of having the flu, my doctor explained to me that there are a few flu viruses that can cause this. They did not test for it however. Sometimes nature has a way of taking care of things that were not meant to be. There might have been something seriously wrong with the baby and life could not be sustained.

My mom had died the previous year so my husband and I looked at it this way, my mom wanted a grandbaby up in heaven with her and that's where our little Easter is, in her grandma's arms. We named the baby Easter because I miscarried a couple days before Easter.

It is normal to feel down and bewildered. Talk to your husband and you can help each other. If it is getting too much for you then please seek help/counseling.

I got pregnant 2 months later and had a baby girl in February 2009.

Miscarriages are very common. Usually they happen because the fetus or embryo was not chromosomally normal and so that is nature's way of dealing with that. When chromosomes are not normal, the egg may not implant and then may not grow but if it does, it will generally stop at some stage and a miscarriage will follow. I have had two myself - one was very early and so the doc didn't do any testing, the other required a D and C and so there was tissue for analysis which showed chromosomal abnormalities. I was indeed very sad as I really wanted a second child for a sibling for my little sweetie. After a while when the pain of loss had subsided, I started trying again. No luck yet but whatever will be will be. Give yourself a little time but do not brood. This is nature's way.

I'm sorry about your loss and can relate. To be honest with you alot of women can. I know alot of women who have had them at many different stages and it's never easy.

My best friend put it best- Babies are miracles because everything has to be perfect while they are being made, making them each perfect in their own way.

Don't give up it'll all work out! My heart to you and your family!

I had a miscarriage last year, and I have two healthy kids. My doctor did tests and it showed that my baby-to-be had Down's. It is incredibly common, you are not alone. My sister had a miscarriage last year as well, but is now mom to healthy baby number 3. Hang in there!

Hi Mama, First and Foremost, I'm so sorry for your loss. I experienced a miscarriage after my first as well. It was really hard as we'd just announced the pregnancy to the whole family at a holiday party a couple of weeks prior. I went to the doc and the ultrasound showed a heartbeat, kept bleeding, and went back a couple days later and the baby was gone. I had to have a D&C procedure. I was so ashamed as I felt like it must have been something I had done...was it the one night of a couple drinks before I knew? Was it my slip and fall down the stairs the night of that holiday party? Was it just God's plan, nothing else? I'll never know.

I was very private about this - I didn't want to talk about it to really anyone but my husband. I didn't want to hear everyone else feeling sorry about it. I made it abundantly clear that I was not wanting to talk about it, it made me too sad. For the most part they followed and when they didn't I reiterated/reminded them. I had just gotten my emotions rocked from single-child parent, to fitting a 2nd child into my life perspective, back to single-child.

We talked things through with at least 2 or 3 doctors in my OBGYN practice, considered bloodwork, I think more than anything we would have loved to have known WHY. We never did find out.

I can tell you, on the bright side, that after the miscarriage I found a newfound purpose and love of motherhood, and was powerfully reminded not to take my daughter for granted despite her terrible twos behaviors. I determined she was such a blessing that if things didn't work out, I was ever so grateful to have just my one baby. After the miscarriage, we "worked" on having that second baby. For my first two pregnancies, we weren't trying but we also were not being exceptionally careful. Whatever happened, happened was our outlook then. After that miscarriage, though, I had the calendar and the ovulation sticks and I was on a mission to get pregnant ASAP to keep my 2-child perspective intact. In coping with that loss together, it certainly made our relationship stronger.

And now, we have two darling daughters. I won't sugar coat it and say it's easy, everyone will recover differently. But, I wish you the best and hope you have a positive outcome like I did as well.

I 'm so sorry. I know it's very difficult and painful. I wrote an article on miscarriage. You can find it here for free.
http://www.scribd.com/doc/12082292/Miscarriage-Saying-Hel...
The article has some practical ideas for you to honor your child.

Hugs from a Grandma,
P.

I am so sorry to hear that! I miscarried over 8 years ago - before I conceived my first child (who turned 7 last month). I still think of it sometimes and feel sad. Yes, my OB did blood work then but nothing was conclusive. He told me it just happens sometimes and it meant I'd likely go on to have a healthy pregnancy the next time. He was obviously right since I have 3 beautiful children. Hang in there. I know how hard it is.

Yes, I have had 2, also had 2 healthy pregnancies. Most women have had at least one. Your private natures likely hides that fact from you. I found out after my first just how many people I know have had on or more. I am a more open person, so when I talked about it, I would hear, "oh I had 3" or "my wife and I went through that too" etc.
Its unlikely your doctor will be able to determine what happened, probably just rule somethings out. Its just something our bodies do when a pregnancy doesn't take properly. It is sad, though. But don't be scared, you know you can successfully have a baby, because you already did!
You are not alone. It just wasn't that little souls time to be with you. Wait a six months or so, try again. Medically you could do it sooner, but emotionally, if it happens again, you will be a wreck. Mine were only 3 months apart and I was utterly devastated...could have used more time to recover.
Sorry for your loss, but take comfort in the fact that it is quite common, and definitely does NOT mean there is something wrong with you.

You're not alone & I'm so sorry for your loss. I have 2 kids, but had a miscarriage last April. My doctor ran blood tests to see what happened - my progesterone was very low, so he thought that was the reason.