27 answers

MIL Invited Herself on Our Vacation!

Ok, really long story that I'll try to make shorter. My husband and I planned a family vacation with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law and their kids to my sister-in-law's family cabin. We are staying with them at her cabin from next Thursday through Sunday morning. They have 2 kids, we have 1. There was just enough bedrooms for parents and kids to have seperate rooms.

My MIL has now invited herself along!! Nobody ever asked her to come, she just called up my brother-in-law and said "I'm coming too!" Because she says she wants to spend time with everybody. Now my husband and I have to share a room with our daughter to make room for her and her husband. Not to mention the fact that it was supposed to be a vacation with just the "kids", NOT the parents. And should I mention again that I just don't get along with her!? She is overbearing, neurotic, and just simply a pain in the butt. My daughter doesn't know her at all, and doesn't want anything to do with her when she does see her.

So my question is what can I do!? Should I just suck it up, and try to enjoy my ONLY vacation of the year spent with a MIL I don't like that intruded on our vacation plans? I told my husband how unhappy I was, and he just said it's not his cabin so it's not his place to say anything to his mom. We have another baby coming in September, so really this was our last chance to get out and relax as a family, and she is completely ruining it for me. I'm at the point where I don't even want to go anymore! HELP!

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you everybody for your input, it is much appreciated as always!!! I want to start by clarifying that no, I am not in any way trying to keep my daughter from having a relationship with her grandma. It has been GRANDMA's choice to not spend time with my daughter. I completely understand how important that relationship is, and I just thank God every day that my daughter has 2 other grandmas and is very very close to both of them.

Ok, so the update - another long story but I'll keep it short. I have the best hubby in the world. I talked to him last night and explained my frustrations/concerns to him. He called his mom and was honest with her and told her that it would be best if we all just got together a different time outside of our family vacation, since the vacation was intended for us to have some alone time. She was disappointed, yes, but she decided not to go to the cabin. After speaking to both my BIL and SIL they THANKED us over and over again for being firm enough to let MIL know that her self-invitiation was inappropriate. They said that we saved their vacation and they couldn't be happier! We have all been manipulated by her for too long, and I couldn't be more proud of my hubby for finally standing up to her.

Featured Answers

I could've written this post myself last year. We had the exact same situaiton happen. The difference, is that my DH (her son) called her and explained that this was a trip meant for just my SIL, us and the kids.
We told her that she was welcome to drive up and join us for a day, but that the rest of the trip was for us to spend together, and we didn't have the room for an extra person.

Sometimes you just have to be polite and direct.

11 moms found this helpful

My advice...call her up and thank her, adding that it is wonderful to now have a "sitter" for the kids, that you Moms and dads were really looking forward to spending some adt time together, and that now that she is joining you all you moms and dads will actually be able to enjoy more time sans kids, daytime activities, and the night time activities now wo't be glued with ears to baby moniters. And not to worry about sleeping arangements since you already have an aero bed and insist that you bring it along so they can be more comfortable (go buy one, small price to pay) and she and her husband will be more happy on it in the kids' room, won't have to
crash on the couch or roll out sleeping bags in the kids' room. And that the kids are excited to spend so much time with g-ma

She'll either oblige, plus...or back out altogether, Super plus plus!!!

Enjoy ;)

6 moms found this helpful

More Answers

I could've written this post myself last year. We had the exact same situaiton happen. The difference, is that my DH (her son) called her and explained that this was a trip meant for just my SIL, us and the kids.
We told her that she was welcome to drive up and join us for a day, but that the rest of the trip was for us to spend together, and we didn't have the room for an extra person.

Sometimes you just have to be polite and direct.

11 moms found this helpful

I agree with your husband; it is not your cabin nor place to disinvite someone.

If you are that upset about it, then I would bow out of the trip and plan something else with your husband and child to do next week. Maybe a road trip somewhere? Tell your SIL that unfortunately, because of the pregnancy, you are having a hard time sleeping, getting comfortable to fall asleep, back aches... whatever you want to say... and that you and your husband have decided that the sleeping arrangements will make it hard on you physically and could leave you sleep deprived and exhausted. If your SIL wants you all there after hearing you're not coming, then she can call her mother and clarify that she and her husband were not invited.

9 moms found this helpful

You don't need the stress of being in a cabin with your inlaws for an extended amount of time. Call your sil and cancel out and then plan some nice get away for your family only.

And as a side note I hope you have addressed your mil situation with your hubby. Mine was terrible but I didn't want to stand in the way of her seeing her son and grandkids. Our solution was that my hubby would take the kids over to visit and I stayed home. We only lived a couple miles away so they saw their grandma often and since she didn't drive I didn't have to put up with her.

7 moms found this helpful

My advice...call her up and thank her, adding that it is wonderful to now have a "sitter" for the kids, that you Moms and dads were really looking forward to spending some adt time together, and that now that she is joining you all you moms and dads will actually be able to enjoy more time sans kids, daytime activities, and the night time activities now wo't be glued with ears to baby moniters. And not to worry about sleeping arangements since you already have an aero bed and insist that you bring it along so they can be more comfortable (go buy one, small price to pay) and she and her husband will be more happy on it in the kids' room, won't have to
crash on the couch or roll out sleeping bags in the kids' room. And that the kids are excited to spend so much time with g-ma

She'll either oblige, plus...or back out altogether, Super plus plus!!!

Enjoy ;)

6 moms found this helpful

I would suggest to your brother and sister in law that they need to tell MIL that she is not invited, because there is not enough room for them to sleep. Sorry, maybe next time they can work it out in advance but you all had your plans made and there is no changing them now. And if they are unwilling to have that tough talk with her, then I would tell them that you are not going. I wouldn't spend my only vacation miserable and cooped up in one bedroom with my husband and child, and they shouldn't expect you to either. Especially since you are pregnant. There are plenty of other places for you, hubby and child to spend a few days vacation, away from your MIL. Go ahead and make a back-up plan in case things don't work out at the cabin. Good luck!

6 moms found this helpful

I was thinking the same thing Diane said, isn't there some way to cancel and plan your own vaca w/out any other family members? I understand where you're coming from, Hubby and I went along a vacation once to San Antonio with his family and we ALL get along great but not so much at the end of the vaca, everyone wants to do their own thing and not be told by anyone else "what to do" so it ruined the trip that we adults had to tag along with his parents and so I can't imagine having to vaca with in-laws I don't get along with.

You seem very stressed so cancel and do your own thing with your hubby. I wish more than anything hubby and I could go on one last vaca before baby comes, and if we could, I wouldn't let anyone get in the way of our fun. : )
My own Mother sounds very much like your MIL, she's very over bearing and if she doesn't get her way, she'll make sure she ruins everything for everyone else to be miserable so I know it's not always easy to just call someone up and say "hey, sorry we don't have the room" some people just don't understand that easily, especially over bearing ones!
If she's anything like my own mom and it sounds like she is, I say your best bet is to vaca somewhere else. If you're saving money vacationing at a family members cabin, see if you and hubby can use the cabin another week "alone", you're pregnant, you could just say you're not feeling very well and need to re-schedule.
Good luck, hope everything turns out good.

6 moms found this helpful

Go and enjoy the vacation and be gracious. The last two nights of trip I would make a reservation at a hotel for just your just you your husband and daughter. Its a comprise your making you MIL happy and yourself at the same time.

5 moms found this helpful

I LOVE what Melissa suggested!

Your husband or SIL just need to let her know that there is not enough room, but they can come up for a nice lunch.

Nip this behavior in the bud.

4 moms found this helpful

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