Middle Child Syndrome

There is a great book that I had recently seen at Barnes and Nobel-The one in the Middle is a Green Kangaroo. It help me thru alot of the issues I had as a middle child. Its about a middle child who felt left out and was in a play as a green kangaroo. I dont remember the rest and I didnt get the book yet, but I really like it because I could really relate to it. I think I was about 8 or so at the time I got it. However, it very well could be a form of depression coming from the bullying. I would sit down and chat with him about school and the kids and so on. If he wont open up to you about the bullying or whatever, talk to his teacher next school year or even the school counsilor, and have them talk to your son. Sometimes its easier for a kid to open up to someone else who isnt mom. Good luck!

Hi R.
I Recommend reading The Five Love Lauguages for children. This will help you understand the best way to show him you still love him. That in turn will raise his self esteem. Good Luck in your parenting challenges. :)T.

This sounds like depression to me. Yes, I'm a middle kid, too, but I think I went through my first bout with depression around 4th grade (felt just like he says) and it's definitely a medical condition now. At least check it out.

i'm a middle child and i have great self esteem!!! my parents treated each of us as an individual and work with us to find our talents. try having some special time set aside for your son. maybe he is feeling left out and now feeling special anymore.

I have several "middle" children. Read What the Bible Says About Child Training by Fugate for a start. Keep reminding your child how much you love and appreciate him. Give him tasks that build his self esteem, remind him that you couldn't have such a great family without him! Minimize competition between siblings by making sure no single child gets repeated special treatment over another (all should get their due), play up the fact that being a big brother is a very important job and no one can do it better than the one born into that position. Remind him that God put him in the middle for a reason (to mediate? to mentor? to make your life more full as a mom?). Whatever the reason, find it and make it a point to remind him of it regularly. Read stories of other middle kids who went on to do great things for the world. Don't let him bad-mouth himself, or hang out with other kids who feed his lack of confidence. Help him cultivate good, supportive friends who don't play favorites, or catagorize others by age/rank. Pray for your child to see the love you have for him and to realize the special place he has in your family.

SAHM of seven

With a 5 year time span between the middle child and the littlest, your son is technically, not a middle child. From a psychological aspect he is connected only with his older brother. Psychologists day that is there is a 5 or more year gap between children then you start counting over again at First, Second, Third.

From what you have written, I would not chock this one up to being a middle child, but I would be concerned about his behavior. If you cannot get him to open up to you or your husband, does he have a favorite uncle or grandfather? He needs to spend time with a positive male role model. If there is not one, then I would suggest getting him into therapy to help work out his feelings. I have no doubt he is a great kid, but if this behavior started suddenly, then there is something else going on in his life, that he does not want to talk about. I would start by giving him one on one attention from his father, if possible. Have them do something together that they both enjoy. At this stage it is VERY important to give the children one on one time at least once a week, to help them to stay connected and feel that they too are important, specially when they are not in trouble.

A fabulous book that has changed our lives as parents is "Parenting with Love and Logic" When we put those ideas in to practice the harmony in the house was almost instantaneous. Best of luck to you!!

A.;)
SAHM of 5 boys, Tuan from Vietnam he is 18, Kyung Jun from Korea, he is 17, Max is7, Aiden is 5, and Owen is 2.5

I think that being a middle child does not have very much to do with a kid acting out. Especially if you are giving him quite a bit of one on one time and attention. I was a middle child and really never had any problems with acting out. I think you should definitely crack down on the bad behavior and possibly take him to a counselor if you aren't getting through to him. Also, I STRONGLY suggest not labeling him "middle child," or letting him hear you label him in any way. That is a big reason for kids to act a certain way - "Well mom says I'm naughty/have middle-child issues/not good in school/etc so I will just act that way." It's a psychological principle that is easy to overlook, but very harmful if you do it around your kids. Good luck!

I am a middle child, and personally I think that middle child syndrome is tempered a lot by personality and family dynamics. My older brother was not clinically a first child and my younger one not clinically a last child. In fact they are clinically, birth order-wise, backwards. I think that his acting out is an attempt to get attention but like many children they are not sure how to get that attention, or may only get it when they do bad things. The trick is to find something he does that is great and really slather it on thick with praise and ignore the rest, as long as it is not dangerous or detrimental in any way. And try to get him involved in something like karate, which builds self-esteem and character. I took karate and just my knowing how to take a bully down made me hold my head up and the keep the bullies at bay. Another thing that might help that I do with my daughter and husband, in fact much of the people I love is to not let the sun go down without telling them I love them and hugging them if I can. Sometimes our lives get so chaotic and crazy that it is easy to let things like that slip by. He may just need reinforcement of your love -maybe for him he needs it more than most.

Read: Self-esteem, A Family Affair, by Jean I. Clark. It has age-appropriate self-esteem building techniques that really work.

Rudolf Steiner (philosopher and originator of the Waldorf Schools) wrote extensively about the age of 8/9 years old. In his books you will find much about what he called "The 9 Year Change" - a time when children are moving from the dream world of childhood to the harsh reality of adulthood.

This is a very confusing time for kids. They are frightened by the world around them at the same time that they love the dreaminess of it (blue skies, the feel of water on their skin...).

Your family may want to consider the impact of television and movies on the psyche of your children at this age. With an older sibling, PG13 movies and television can sometimes impact younger children without parents really thinking about it. Shelter him from violence and adult themes for another year or two so that he can sort out his feelings at this stage.

Clarke's book is really a good read and will help with language that you can use to comfort him, and charm him back to the boy you have always known.

I was a middle child and was always the most well-behaved in our family. I agree with the responder who said he needs one-on-one attention and possibly a good counselor. He's trying to tell you something with his behavior, instead of his words. But don't let him get away with the behavior. The tone of your post sounds like you feel sorry for him. That won't help him. The behaviors will continue and likely get worse if all he gets is sympathy. He's not a victim because he's a middle child, but please find out what really is going on in his life.

dont always blame a childs issues on birth order, although there is some merit in that.

maybe theres bullying going on in school. maybe hes feeling embarrassed about something HE did in school. check all the possibilities before you brush it off. maybe he just wants more attention from you and your husband. step back with him and take some extra special time so that he can get through this period knowing you are there for him. take him (possibly alone) to a park, zoo etc and see if some extra time helps him grow out of it. when our kids grow they take 2 steps forward and one step back. when they take that one step back, we need to be there for him.