20 answers

Meeting the New Girlfriend?

To give you a little background. My 2 month olds father and I were never in a stated relationship. We lived together until I was about 6 months pregnant. When I mentioned that we need to discuss the financial arrangement because the amount he was paying was only agreed on until Sept. and he was suppossed to be saving, he decided to move out. I asked 2 months before giving birth if he was involved with anyone and he said he wasn't seeing anyone. Meanwhile this whole time his car was not drivable and I picked him up every morning to go to work since we worked at the same place. He would also borrow small amounts of money and additional little things. He was good about coming to appointments but that was about it. Our social life pretty much stopped when I became pregnant. We agreed he would be there when the baby was born and after to help with the baby. He was suppossed to take the first week off and help. Instead when the baby and I had only been home a couple of days I confronted him about his lack of support so soon and then he finally told the truth. There was a new girl and she had moved in with him and she had a small child. He told me she knew about me and the baby and wanted to be "involved" and this didn't effect his committment to the child. To make a long story short, he has not spent any significant time at the house to help with the child and at 6 weeks felt that he shouldn't have to see him at my house at all and wants to keep him for a couple of days. I told him I would the girl when I felt ready but didn't see what she needed to be involved in and at 8 weeks the third time I let him keep the baby and the first time I let him have the car seat he brings her to my house. My question is this, am I wrong to not want to rush into meeting her? And when I do I don't think it needs to be in depth? He doesn't call to check on the baby and may see him once a week but only because I have asked him to watch him for a couple of hours. I am already consulting an attorney but I don't want to keep him away from the child. Without going into details he is not responsible and not only does he live with the girlfriend and her chld there is also a roommate. Any advice would be helpful

Thanks

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

No, you don't have to meet new girlfriend or do anything for her and her child. THAT's HIS RESPONSIBILITY.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Run do not walk and see an attorney When they say love is blind they were not wrong. If your exboyfriend is not coming thru, then you should have an attorney advise you and from there then you know where you stand and you make the decisions that best suit you. I am divorce mother and I know when the father does not want to be involved there is nothing much you can do. In Puerto Rico such a young baby will not be allow to be with the father unsupervised. I do not know where you live and the laws where you live might be different Good luck

2 moms found this helpful

No to all you have suggested. There is absolutely no reason for a young baby to be shuffled to this girlfriend's arms because it is convenient for the sorry father. His girlfriend has probably given him grief about going to your house and he wants to keep the peace in that home at the baby's expense. Do not let your baby over there. If your boyfriend can't man-up and come see his child, later for him. You are not keeping him form the baby. he is choosing to stay away. You set the tone. You are not obligated to meet this girlfriend. How dare she dangle herself in your face. She has no respect for you, your baby, her own child nor herself. Stay away from her. Stick with your lawyer and let the courts decide visitation. Baby daddy is a jerk. Let the law handle him. J. Gordon

2 moms found this helpful

First of all, your first and only real obligation is to the healthy care and safety of your child. You have no obligation to this sorry man. This man is no good, not for you, not for your child. You do not have to beg for support because the law will handle that for you. I am suspecting that you, for whatever reason, are letting him off the hook because of some misguided feelings for him. Love is not like it is in the movies or in the books. Love is a mutual thing, not a one-sided thing. What you have is not love, it is obsession. You owe this girlfriend NOTHING and you certainly owe him NOTHING. I have to question why, under all the stars in heaven and against all reason, why you want this man to continue to be in your children's life. Do you really want him to be the male example to your son? Some children are better off without their dads and your son may be one of those children. Nevertheless, he owes that child the best he can possibly provide for the child's welfare, so if he does not willingly and consistently support the child, you go see a lawyer and get some advice and do it soon! for your child's sake!! Do NOT let that baby go to their house without you. This new girlfriend is just that - a girlfriend, and probably as transient as you were to him. She'll probably be gone in little to no time, too. For all you know, she might be crazy or evil and just take the baby with her and disappear! -- you cannot just send your baby over there for this woman, whom you have never even met and do not know and have no time to know, even if you wanted to, to "care" for your child! I am betting that he has no involvement in caring for the child when he takes him to his girlfriend to watch after. She probably wants a baby and thinks she can just use yours as her own now. Get a lawyer and the sooner the better! And for crying out loud, keep your baby with you and if he wants to see him, let him come to your house, with or without the girlfriend! And please, after meeting her once or twice, do not be fooled into believing that now that you have met her, you know enough about her to give your child over. You could know someone for a very long time and still not really know them. A few meetings with her is not enough for you to trust her, no matter how sweet she might turn out to be. If they marry, then that's a whole new can of worms, but for now, as long as she is just a girlfriend, keep your baby at home!

1 mom found this helpful

Typical visitation for an infant is a few hours here and there. Personally, I would be running to establish my child support order and let him worry about establishing the rest. Having been there done that, sometimes later on down the road, it's not worth the hassle of them being "involved" as younger children. I have an almost 18 year old with severe abandonment issues because his dad decided to move on when he was 7. I can't begin to tell you the amount of ways it has affected him. As for the girlfriend, you don't have to meet her. Unless she poses a threat, I don't see any judge placing restrictions on her being there though.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi J.,
If the girlfriend is going to be around your child, you most defintely need to meet her. Placing your child in a strange enviornment with a roommate is not safe at all. If your husband has a pattern of making bad decisions, don't think it will change suddenly since the baby is here.

You are correct in thinking not to purposely put space between the baby and the father, regardless of you guys situation; however, you have to make wise decision for your baby's safety.

Again, if this new girlfriend is going to be around your child, I would suggest all of you meet at your house. Hopefully, try to spend some time with her and don't be afraid to ask questions, in hopes of discovering her opinion of being responsible. LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCT!!!!
If he just started dating her, needless to say, you can not depend on your so-to-be ex husband opinion.

I hope you are in good spirit, considering that he has decided to move on. Just remember, it is a blessing because if he could not appreciate you, you don't need him anyway. L.

1 mom found this helpful

No, you don't have to meet new girlfriend or do anything for her and her child. THAT's HIS RESPONSIBILITY.

1 mom found this helpful

It seems obvious that the father hasn't shown that he is a responsible adult. He can't even seem to take care of himself. I would not send my newborn to his girlfriends house. I would suggest sticking to the supervised visitation. Newborns require a lot of care and I find it hard to believe from what you have said about the father, that he is able to care for him. Sure you want your son to have a relationship with his father, but your main responsibility is to make sure your son is cared for. Until he proves that he is responsible, and you get to know the new girlfriend don't take a chance. Best of luck, and love and enjoy your new baby!

1 mom found this helpful

I would never let my new baby go with this man and his girlfriend! Supervised visits at your house... and nothing else. I think you should go to court for support and visitation arrangements if he gives you trouble.

1 mom found this helpful

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