Mean Teacher

Coming from a person who is a teacher and a mom, there is absolutely no excuse for her to have 3 hours of homework a night. Do I get frustrated at kids who don't bring back homework? Yes, but only those that consistently don't do it but are very capable. Yelling for the reasons the teacher is yelling is unacceptable (the reality is sometimes we have to yell, but for me it is very rare). If I had a student that struggled like your daughter, I would have even more patience and understanding. Not to mention the fact that you are a very involved mom.

Request a meeting with the teacher and an administrator to discuss the issues at hand. Point out how much support is needed (clearly the tutoring isn't enough to allow your daughter to be successful). Bring up the amount of time spent on homework. The rule of thumb is 10 minutes max per year of schooling. So, first graders should only have 10 minutes of homework a night.

FYI, if you request testing to be done, BY LAW, the school needs to do it. Put a letter IN WRITING that you would like a case study and evaluation to be done on your child. They must comply with your request. Send a copy to the teacher and an administrator, and do it soon (also date it). You don't want anymore time to pass. You daughter can be successful, she just needs some extra support to do so.

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I would make an appointment to meet with the principal, with or without the teacher present.

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First step is to talk with the school counselor if there is one. If not talk with the principal. You have to go up the "chain of command." You can't just switch teachers.

Have you heard the teacher yell at her? My daughter and now my granddaughter say people yell at them when I've been there and know that they didn't yell. They did tell them in a firm way to do or not do something.

It may be that your daughter is extra sensitive. Considering the difficulties she's having that would be normal. I suggest that with the counselor involved the teacher, your daughter, and you may feel better about things.
A teacher, with a full classroom, may not be able to be as sensitive as she should be. I can understand both hers and your frustration. Your daughter is having a difficult time.

It may be that she's too young for first grade, since she's a summer baby.
She also may have a learning disability that isn't easily recognized. I urge you to ask for testing. Don't leave it up to the teacher.

After you and the school (not just the teacher) have worked on this then would be the time to suggest a different teacher. First you want to know what your daughter needs from the school and the teacher.

This is difficult. I suggest that once you and school personnel get this sorted out school will go much smoother.

As to extra homework that is caused by not finishing work, I do wonder about that. My daughter had difficulty getting her work finished at school and the teacher had her stay in at recess to finish it. That didn't work and so the teacher accepted the classroom work as it was, unfinished. She also told her mother that she was to spend only 15 minutes on homework and the teacher accepted that even if it was unfinished. This took the pressure off and allowed everyone to eventually see that the problem wasn't just goofing off tho that was part of the problem. She also had a learning disability. In the third grade she started taking medication for ADHD which has made a big difference in her ability to stay focused. And.....she was better able to finish her school work because there wasn't such a strong focus on getting it done. What was required is that she sat and worked on it for 15 minutes. Fifteen minutes seemed much more doable for her than finishing it. Eventually she realized that she could finish it in 15 minutes and felt the beginning of success.

I'm not saying your daughter is ADHD. I'm illustrating that it takes time to figure out the difficulty and how to correct it. Don't be too hard on the teacher. Understand that she's also frustrated.

I suggest that when you have an unsatisfactory conversation with the teacher that you make an appointment to talk with her. She may have been unable to deal with your feelings because of many reasons unrelated to you or your daughter. Later, at a planned time the two of you may be better able to hear each other.

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No teacher should be yelling at a child. Get her out of that class. Your daughter is too young to stand up to a teacher for herself - YOU have to be her advocate and get her moved.

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If it were my child today would be the last day she were to set foot in that classroom ~ get her in with a new teacher tomorrow!

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Of course the teacher should not be yelling at her, no matter what. If your daughter is truly struggling, they should try to put her in classes that fit her pace. Yelling at her to work faster and just bring the work home isn't helping her. If they put her in some classes at her pace, she can slowly improve in the areas that she's struggling in.

I would go to the principal as well. Their needs to be a parent/teacher conference with the principal in the room. I hope everything works out.

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I would set up a meeting with both the teacher and the principal and then go from there.

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Please please get her out of that class. Having a bad experience with a teacher at her age will effect how she feels about schooling and education for the rest of her life. Do whatever it takes, meet with the principle, the superintendent, councilors, whatever it takes. And take Mellisa G's advise. Testing is required by law, so MAKE them do it. Your daughter is only 6, you are the only voice she has, so speak, and speak loudly.

One more thing... Bullying, and how to prevent it is everywhere in the media these days. School districts all over the nation are revising policies to address it, states are considering legislation to criminalize it, and it is the schools responsibility to prevent it, so a teacher, of all people, should not be doing it.

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If your child is afraid to be in class, YES you need to get another teacher. Talk to the principal and tell them what your daughter said, your previous meetings and conversations-basically everything. Tell them she needs to be moved to another class TODAY. Don't take no for an answer. The teacher should also have to answer to the principal for yelling at your child. No circumstance warrants this type of behavior from an adult in a position of authority. Best wishes.

M

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I'd ask to switch teachers if I were you. Cite a personality conflict as the reason. Give a brief description (like: though she tries her hardest my daughter takes a bit longer to complete her assignments, the teacher is getting very frustrated with her and it is causing some issues)

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All I know is... kids this age still need help with homework, they can't just sit there doing is by themselves like an older child.

So what exactly is "slow?" Per the Teacher?

AND it is really inappropriate for the Teacher to be yelling at your child.... I would complain about that.
Your child... is now getting STRESS from school... and if it keeps up, she will not even want to go to school.... nor learn.... at all.
The Teacher and all this PRESSURE, is really a BAD mix, for a child... to learn... and to enjoy it.

Or might she need glasses?
that happened with my friend's son.

Do not, stress your child nor pressure her at home about it. That will not help. She can't help it.

Does your child comprehend the homework???

Next, from 2nd grade & 3rd grade, the school work really takes a leap in complexity.... and, so, I would be really trying to help remedy this, before she goes to the next grade level.

It is not your fault, nor your daughter's.
And the Teacher seems really mean.
I WOULD complain about it, and put it in writing... and say it is emotionally affecting your child.

I would hate to see your daughter get an inferiority-complex... and insecure... because of all of this.

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From this point forward every conversation you have with the teacher, principle, etc needs to be in writing. That will be the proof you need if the point is reached that action needs to be taken. My son was having similar issues earlier this year. He would have difficulty finishing his classwork, therefore bringing it home along with the required homework. There were nights we worked for 3 hours. That is unacceptable at this age. After many nights of headaches and tears I informed the teacher through email with a cc to the princ. that we would no longer be doing any longer than 30 minutes of homework/night. We would try our best to touch on every subject he brought home but when that 30 minutes expired we were done. The last thing we (collectively) wanted was to make school so horrible that he would hate it for the rest of his school years. In the meantime we obtained a letter from the pediatrician and formally requested that our son be tested to determine if he had any learning issues. It turns out our son is a slow starter and has since caught up with the rest of the class and doing very nicely.

Keep everything in writing, put your foot down re: the amount of time spent working at home and get an evaluation.

I feel your frustration...I wish you the best of luck!

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T., I understand your frustration entirely. As Melissa G. suggested, make a request in writing that your daughter be evaluated and send to the teacher, councelor and principal. AND PLEASE, GET HER OUT OF THAT TEACHERS CLASS, ASAP! The school has a specific amount of time to perform the testing (45 days here in Colorado). But please, don't rely solely on the schools results. These are only screening tests. Our daughter was also a summer baby and until 2nd Grade did well in school. I suspected learning differences but the school/teachers didn't think there was a problem. In 3rd Grade I found out that I could request testing and the schools testing revealed NOTHING! I still suspected problems and kept pushing the teacher/school. They placed her on an ILP for reading and she went with a group for extra reading help. But that didn't help either. Finally in 4th Grade I took her to Children's Hospital (Learning Services) here in Denver at my doctors recommendation. Their testing revealed that my daughter had no phonemic awareness, slow processing speed and dyslexia. At the time Colorado did not recognize dyslexia as a leanring disability (considered a medical condition) and the school could not/would not help her. Because of the medical diagnosis, we were able to get her on a 504 which is classroom accommodations, individualized for the student. Parents have a say in thes accommodations (fewer problems to be completed, more time on tests, preferrential seating, copies of notes provided, no grading on spelling in any subject but spellin, allow for test to be given orally, just to name a few examples). Her 4th Grade teacher was wonderful and followed the 504 very well, but 5th was another story. The teacher actually told us that our daughter didn't have a learning disability and was just lazy. This teacher also bullied our daughter and allowed classmates to do the same. You can understand the daily tummy aches. After numerous meetings with the teacher, administration, SPED, district, the teacher still would not follow the 504. We removed our daughter from the school at the end of the 3rd quarter and homeschooled her the remainder of the year. The next school year, we transferred her to a new school, new district and repeated 5th Grade. This was the best decision we could have made. She is now in the 8th Grade, one of the oldest in the class, is a leader instead of a follower, does well in school on her own with the 504 accommodations. She still struggles taking notes and spelling, but that is something that I feel she will always struggle with. (We have done extensive cognitave therapy through LearningRx for the processing speed, phonemic awareness and dyslexia and it helped considerably, but it is not a total cure, it teaches tools/strategies to use) English is still her most difficult subject but she likes her teacher. Algebra is proving difficult because her teacher doesn't explain it in a multisensory method. We have had several meetings with this teacher and she doesn't seem to understand this. The school counselor has been tutoring her in Algebra, because the teacher won't give her the help she needs. Once a concept is explained to her in a way she understands, she gets it. Don't give up. You must advocate for your daughter. Check out GreatSchools.net for advice on evaluations, LD's, expectations etc. They have a great archive of past articles. A few other sites to check out are Bright Solution and Wright's Law. Here is a link for a video on LD on YouTube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xx5kr2T7rK8&feature=&a... it and you will better understand the frustration your daughter is experiencing. Better yet, email the link to the teacher, counselor, and principal. It might just be what they need to better understand what LD kids are going through. Best of luck and remember that you must be the squeaky wheel to get your daughter the help that she needs.

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Your child should not have to put in hours to keep up in school. (i am a teacher and Mom of three) Something is wrong. When does she get to play? which is so so essential to a six year old!!!! How did she do in Kindergarten? Did the teacher recommend retention? Did she have trouble finishing her work? Did she complain about the teacher yelling? If the answer to those questions is No then I would go ask for conference with the teacher and ask for the principal to be present. she should be evaluated (you can push for this and at least it will give you info what is her learning style-what are her strengths and weakness. The teacher should be treating her with patience and respect.!!! You need to advocate for this! I dont know if you can get the principal to switch her or not but involving him or her will push the teacher to change her attitude. If she struggled in Kindergarten and the teacher recommended retention than you could ask for her to be put back in K now and that would take a lot of stress off and be an easy way to get her a new teacher. Simply explain to your daughter that many children with summer birthdays enjoy being the oldest in the class instead of the youngest and YOU have decided that would be best for her. Telling her the decision was yours not the schools will help her realize it is not because she did poorly in first grade but because you think she will enjoy it more. I just really don't want your poor child to have to spend most of her day in school AND hours at home working. Dont let them hurry her right out of her precious childhood! I can tell you will do whatever is best for your daughter and I hope it is not a fight with the school/

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I would ask for a meeting with the principal and teacher. A six year old should not even have homework. There is no evidence that homework in elementary and middle school has any benefits at all. The evidence for high school is also unconvincing. It is way more important that your daughter like school than that she master anything taught in first grade.

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you are your childs advocate. if the situation in the classroom is that dire i would change her. both of my boys having focuing issues and my middle son is also in first grade. this yr started out slow for him. he improved but it took months. we are getting him evualated soon (sp wr)

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Well, the teacher is being unprofessional and should not be so impatient or be expressing herself in this manner. However, you need to let the school evaluate your daughter and do whatever is needed for her to keep up with the class. Don't give the teacher any more excuses. They're valid for you, but imagine if 20+ kids all had parents giving them these excuses all the time about unfinished classwork and homework. EVERYONE has lots of reasons that it's often a pain to get the work done, show up on time, etc., but you just have to soldier through. Your daughter needs to be able to keep up with the rest of the class or else change classes or have some sort of help so that she's not holding everyone else back. I wouldn't be happy with the teacher's behavior though, and I would request a conference to talk about it and what you were going to do in regards to your daughter's performance. No excuses!

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First grade is a BIG adjustment for kids, and your daughter being a bit younger might have trouble adjusting to the new expectations. She also may have a different learning style than the teacher and isn't really understanding what's going on. She may be a young perfectionist and that's why it takes her so long to do each thing. The class may be going to fast for her. There are lots of things that could be going on here.

You owe it to your daughter to find out if there is a learning disability. For my daughter first grade was hard because she is so energetic and didn't want to sit and learn, she wanted to goof around and play like Kindergarten. She was constantly getting sent to the hall for disrupting the class and then she'd miss what the teacher was saying and she wouldn't understand her homework. It looked to the teacher like she was just a troublemaker.

Further testing found she is a bit on the slow side and would goof around when she didn't understand something instead of asking questions. She wasn't LD, she just qualified for a tutor. They pushed her through the system and she graduated first grade. Some testing on our end discovered she couldn't read, she didn't know her days of the week or months of the year and many other things a first grader should know!

Your daughter may not have a learning disability, she might just be a bit slow and not used to the rigors of first grade. Can you talk to her old teacher from last year? She may be able to shed some light on who your daughter is. Maybe this new teacher is so mean your daughter is shutting down. Maybe her internal clock is just a little slower than everyone else's. Some people just do things slowly, they don't have any disability.

Good luck!

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Definitely try to get her class switched. Try to talk to her K teacher & ask her opinion about testing. Consider the possiblity of holding your daughter back (repeating 1st grade) She should not be taking hours to complete her work. (That may be stress & fear related, rather than ability related, so it may correct itself with another teacher). Every year work gets more involved & time consuming. Though I think challenges are important, you don't want every single day to be a struggle for her.
On the positive side....I had an ABSOLUTELY awful kindergarten teacher. I don't remember her, but I do remember some of the things she did & how she treated the class. I remember that my mom went to the school & stood up for me. (I have no idea what happened, but I do know that she was on my side. She trusted & believed me.) Nothing changed with that teacher & I was in the class all year. I don't remember 1st or 2nd grade at all. I LOVED my 3rd grade teacher. And after K, I LOVED school. I enjoyed going & learning. I had fun & made friends. Ultimately, I became an honors student, graduated in the top 10, went to college, got my Master's degree & became a TEACHER. This experience does not have to ruin school for your daughter. She won't forget it anytime soon, but you can help her to see how strong she is for going through it. And you can let her know that you support her. As for the HW, its only HW for the 1st grade. Make a cut off time. Like after 6pm no more HW. Time to relax, enjoy a book or a tv show. Missing HW in the 1st grade is not going to destroy her life. Let her know that she needs to accept the consequences of her actions (a lower grade). If she is able to understand the concepts & do ok on the tests, then there is nothing to worry about. NO ONE looks back at 1st grade scores. Most HW is repetitive. Make sure your daughter does one problem/ example from each type of lesson. If she doesn't understand something, focus on that, ignore the rest. If you have time, go back & finish it. It may help to set out all her HW for the night, see how much she has, then set a time limit for each piece of work. She does what ever she can in that time & doesn't worry about the rest. Then she moves on to the next piece of work. Let your daughter know its ok to leave work unfinished as long as she is trying her hardest. Inform the teacher that this is what you are doing & she is not to yell or discipline your child in any way regarding it. She can grade the work & give your daughter a lower score & that is it. You will no longer let your daughter get so stressed out over it. Stress is unhealthy & you are looking out for your daughter's well being.
If you are worried about your daughter failing for the year & being left behind...Ultimately as a parent (at this grade level) you have the ultimate say. You can tell the school that they must promote her. (Document everytime that this teacher is "mean" to your daughter or yourself & you will have very good grounds for promotion. Though, please seriously consider whether your daughter is actually ready for 2nd grade work. Things only get harder. I taught a lot of HS students who would have benefited greatly from repeating an elementary grade.)
Good Luck.

2 moms found this helpful

My son had a teacher like this in 1st grade she was a first year teacher and dealing with my ADHD son was completely new to her. I finally had to request he be moved because she was just out right mean. Talk to the school counselor or vice principal she should not treat your daughter or you that way

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My daughter will start Kindergarten this year, so we haven't dealt with the school systems yet (just a preschool/pre-k). I don't care how frustrated that teacher is with your daughter, her job is to teach kids & to be caring & helpful. Yelling at any child for any reason is completely uncalled for!

I would ask to meet with the principal or assistant principal to discuss what has happened & how this teacher has treated your daughter. Your daughter should not have to tolerate that, they need to put her with another teacher. In my opinion, this lady has no business teaching kids, especially so young, the way she is.

If they can't resolve this, I would speak to the school board or whoever & request that your daughter be transferred to another elementary school (if possible).

I hope things work out for your daughter!!

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Hi, T.:
It sounds like you are overwhelmed with all the responsibilities that
are on your shoulders.
Do you have family members that can shoulder some of the time necessary to work with your daughter on her class work.

Or neighbors, or friends, or BigBrother/Big Sisters in your area.
What about the kidney foundation. Is there any help there?

Just want to know where you can get the help you need?
D.

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This teacher clearly does not belong teaching 1st graders. You can request a visit to the classroom to see how this teacher proforms in class. Thats how I started when my second grader started to fail reading. Her teacher was a former high school teacher and had no clue on how to conduct a second grade classroom. I did not confront this teacher in the classroom other then to remind her I was not a student and would not allow her to try and intimidate in front of the class. Long story short this teacher was failing my daughter not the other way around. I then had my daughter removed from the class and placed in the other second grade homeroom. This help alot in addition to having my daughter read to me every night, any book she wanted. At first she read the baby books, but by years end she was reading poetry from a large book of childrens poetry. My advise is to stand up to this bully/teacher. She is failing your daughter and trying to blame you as a parent.

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You know, I think some teachers really should not be teachers.
I have encountered 1 so far, and it looks like my son now has a milder version in his 4th grade class.
My daughters kindergarten teacher was absolutely horrible in the sense that she was not totally there. (mentally and emotionally)
Do not doubt yourself, if your daughter is having tummy aches about going to school you clearly need to take it to "the boss" - that being the principal.
I would not tolerate a teacher to tell my child to "get with it".
What the heck?
Since it is still sort of early on in the school year, perhaps she can change classes?
And no - this is not your fault.
I would put in a complaint with the principal IN WRITING. Keep a copy for yourself, and keep tabs on it.

E.

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DO NOT let your child be bullied by a teacher. You (and Dad) need to stand up for her!!! I would meet with the principal tomorrow and ask her to be put into another 1st grade classroom. That said, perhaps she is not ready for 1st grade? Many parents hold their summer kids back and it wouldn't be tragic for her to repeat first grade next year (with another teacher of course). There's no way she should have hours of homework each night. My middle schoolers don't even have hours of homework. If she's not keeping up now, it will only get worse. You may want to have some type of evaluation done to ensure she doesn't have any learning disabilities that are holding her back. Your school psychologist should be able to help you with this. I would set up an appointment with him or her asap.

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You really need to do whatever you can to find her a new teacher. this same thing happened to me when i was in 3rd grade. I used to love school and then i got this mean teacher who made me hate going to school. I remember one time i had a cold and kept asking to get a tissue and then she yelled at me or made fun of me or something until i sat there sniffing too afraid to ask for a tissue. I ended up having a seizure from the stress she put me under. Now your daughter is not going to have a seizure, but this can still affect her very negatively in some way. Don't let school be miserable for her. She is depending on you.

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It sounds lke your daughter is struggling much more than she should. Did she struggle this much in kindergarten and the teacher seemed to be more patient? I'm thinking that she probably should have been held back. I am not sure what your options are in the middle of the school year. Have they evaluated her for a learning diability? It sounds like they are trying to remedy the situation with a tutor but it is not enough. I am not sure if the principal is the next in the chain of command but you definitely need to escalate this situation before it gets any worse. You need to find out what the next step is and do it now because you daughter is not having a positive experience which will just make matters worse.

I know you're very busy with starting a new job but make the phone call today to get this matter resolved.

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I think going to the counselor first is what I would do but also think about holding her back and repeat 1st grade. My daughter also has a summer bday and is the youngest in her class. She is in 2nd grade. So far she is doing great educationally and sending her to kgarden when we did was a good option but this could change anytime. We are a little more concerned with her socially. Good Luck!

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It sounds like the teacher is impatient with her because she is the youngest in the class and may be less mature than th other students. I don't know if it is possible, but have you considered holding her back or returning to kindergarten? Some schools even have a class between K and 1st for kids that are having trouble transitioning. Might be something to look into. Switching teachers might also be an option. You want school to be a pleasant experience especially at this age when thye are just getting used ot the idea. Good luck. I don't think you are overreacting. I have worked in schools before and some ppl are just not cut out to be teachers (but try anyway)

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