Mealtimes Are Such a Headache with the Kids.

I would start setting a timer. When it goes off, they're done. And if they start playing, push their plate back away from them and make them sit still for one full minute. Now they've lost a minute of eating time! ONce they have to leave the table hungry once or twice, they'll catch on. Oh, and if they do leave the table hungry, later on all they get is a slice of bread with butter and some water to hold them over until breakfast in the morning. No incentive not to eat dinner!

You have some great suggestions so far. I'd like to add: How much do they snack? Not being hungry enough could be part of the problem.

Just read this last night in a trusted parents' magazine: Once they know the rule of "no playing" at the mealtime give NO warning, simply take their food away and tell them the meal is over for them. They then learn that there is no playing at the table, rather than "I have at least one chance to play before I get in trouble" and try to stretch it out. Clear the table of their plate(s) and continue your own dinner. Personally I'd give it a try, you need to get their attention, nagging and time outs haven't helped.

Before your next meal, sit them down and explain the rules.

1. No playing during meals. No exceptions.
2. Utensils are not toys.
3. You will sit down and eat your food.
4. You will engage in polite conversation.

5. If you can't follow the rules, you can go in your room and stay there for the rest of the meal so everyone else can eat in peace.

For the first few days, I would remind the kids before the meal what the rules are and I would say that the reminder is the only warning they get. No second chances.

I would leave it up to your discretion whether you would have them sit by themselves to finish whatever meal they missed or tell them they don't get to eat at all if they can't behave. One skipped meal isn't going to affect them all that much, but they will remember to behave.

Nip this behavior in the bud.

You have some good advice here already. I will just add that we follow the no-warning, go to your room for misbehavior method, and it has worked well for us. The child who is sent to her room for misbehaving at the table does not get another chance to eat, and if she failed to eat before acting up, she goes to bed hungry. It may sound harsh, but in my experience it has only happened one time with each child. At this point (they are 6 and 9), all I need to do is raise an eyebrow, and they straighten right up. It's not that I don't allow them to have fun at the table, but they have to have good manners. That's non-negotiable. The other night, we went to a nice (Michelin-starred) restaurant for a celebratory dinner, and while we were there, we saw a table where two little boys were acting like animals (standing on their chairs, throwing things, crying loudly, etc). My 6 year old looked over, raised her eyebrows, turned back to me, and said, "Wow. I'm embarrassed for their mommy." Atta girl. :)

My oldest son was about 11 before he stopped wiggling and standing up during dinner! I have no advice other continue to be consistent and as patient as possible. Give them a little slack...... should outgrow it.

At one point we kept a kiddie table next to us so that that could sit on their own level, then play when through eating. Was more peaceful at our table.

Couple of ideas. We use "1-2-3 Magic" as our discipline platform. Great little book and I love the method. Might be a good starting point for you.

But for mealtimes, when one of my kids (they're 6 & 3 like yours) gets too crazy, I send them to the formal dining room to eat on their own. They hate missing out on the chance to eat with the family.

Timeouts are hard because it takes them away from the table & their food and only prolongs the process. Other times, I even take their food away and send them up to bed. This is rather harsh and I can really only think of one time I had to do it, but that means it was effective!

They also are learning, slowly I might add, what kind of talk is good table talk, and what is not appropriate. I would suggest sitting them down before dinner, telling them 3 simple rules and then telling them the consequences if they don't eat and follow the rules. And then be certain to follow through!

Also, they MUST sit. And they must ask to be excused from the table.

Good luck!

Not a fan of sending a child to bed w/o food.
They do not fully understand the concept of "this is dinner time & you will
not get anything to eat going to bed hungry".
I have found that I make sure dinner is not late.
I've stopped waiting until husb & dtr get home as it is very late.
We eat at 5pm & they eat when they get home.
That way he is not starving nor are they a distraction to him.
He's already eaten.
They have little tummies so I put a little of everything on his plate.
I do not serve adult sized portions.
Little tummies equal little bits. (little bit of veggies, little bit of meat etc).
I've found he's a major meat lover so I make sure he has some meat, veggies etc.
If there is something he despises....I do not waste my breath. His taste buds have changed & what he loved 2 mos ago he no longer does. What
he didn't really enjoy 6 months ago, he really likes now.
Those ever changing tastebuds dictate what feels yucky on the tongue.
Hang in there, pick a decent time, make sitting at the table about 10 mins.
He will outgrow this!

I think unless it is an extreme situation, you shouldn't make a battle out of mealtimes. There is a big age difference between your 6 and 3 year old so make sure you have age appropriate expectations. Smaller, earlier dinners can help - also, I would reward the positive and keep them engaged at the table (counting peas, colors on the plate). Another thing is having them seat in booster seats with straps, especially the 3 year old. Good luck! Remember your kids are little and they won't be that way forever so enjoy them!

I don't think you have good advice so far.
I'd never send them to thier room without dinner or not let them eat & go hungry.
They are little, how long are you expecting them to sit still?

I don't have them sit until dinner is ready for everyone, the 6 yr old gets everyone's drinks & the 4 yr old gets all our forks and knives.

Once we are all sitting dinner dies not last all that long, maybe 10-15 minutes tops. We talk about letters colors etc.

But yes there are lots of reminders of no toys, come back to the table & when they are done they take plates to the sink & can go play in the other room. Then my husband & I can talk for a minute while baby finishes up;)

My nephew is like this. Sit him down at dinner, he's instantly standing on the dinner table. Half the time in headstand mode.

I've seen my brother have success with making dinner a game, e.g., how many colors do you have on your plate, I be you can't eat 20 peas, whatever. Long car trip games (e.g., 20 questions) also work well at the table.

In other words, until kids learn HOW to sit at the table, they won't be able to understand how NOT to get up from the table. Sounds weird, but sitting still and eating a civilized meal is definitely a learned skill. I'd try positive inducements, and save the time-outs, etc., for when they really get out of line.

Put 'em in a highchair...they won't like it...or in another room!

I've only read some of the answers, so I'll probably repeat someone.

If they're hungry, they'll eat. If they're not hungry, they won't. Bearing that in mind. Start setting the timer for 30 minutes and TELL them that breakfast is over when the timer goes off in 30 minutes. What they choose not to eat, it gets pitched or saved for the next meal time.

Someone mentioned snacking. Make sure you start having set meal times. Breakfast at 7, snack at 9, lunch at noon, snack again around 3, then supper at 6. Of course you can make up your own times, but I would keep 2-3 hours between every meal.

As for the playing with their food, discourage it, but time outs really aren't helping I can only assume. The Love and Logic program would tell you to tell them that if you see them eating nicely that you will let them eat their food. Likewise, it would also tell you that if you don't want them playing with their food or getting up from the table during the meal.... Say "oh you must be done" and put the food up. I do encourage keeping them at the table (booster seats) until everyone is finished. (teaches respect if nothing else).

If breakfast time is the hardest time to get them to eat, they might not be hungry yet. Sometimes it does take time to finish waking up and for our tummies to be ready for food again.

Another incentive of course is making the rule, no seconds or desert unless you finish the food on your plate. (but make sure you're feeding them child sized portions, which I'm sure you already do.)

We have removed DD from the table, put her in time out, and brought her back to finish. If she won't sit and eat, then she doesn't get anything else even if we excuse her. She is generally expected to sit at the table and eat at mealtime. She loves, loves fruit, so we give that to her last. There have been times when DD takes so long at lunch (for example) that she misses something, like going for a run with DH during a lunch break when he's working from home. She'll get upset and we say, "We warned you if you did not eat more quickly, there would be no time." I try not to make it a battle. I simply say, "DD, sit up properly in your seat. Eat your meat. Do not play with your fork. If you continue to goof off, you will....(miss tv time, miss an outing, go to time out...)."

have u tried.. if u dont sit and eat youre food your going to have to go to bed early ,, no tv ,,, somethign like that?? .. it works with my cousins toddlers but all kids are different

My 6 yr old likes to roam around while he eats...momma not so much. He has been warned that of he gets up before he is done eating, then his chair is taken away and he has to stand up and eat. Strangely...he doesn't like to eat standing up when he has no other choice. Put a stop to the getting up from the table. The wiggling is just par for the course for that age. Once the 3 yr old sees the the older one following the rules...that should help. But think of a different consequnce for the little one just in case.

My parents used to give us until the the table was cleared and they were ready to start the dishes to finish eating. if we weren't done, our plate was taken and put in the fridge. If we were hungery later we could eat our food...cold. they said they prepared our meal one time and we were in our own after that. We had the option to not go to bed hungery and still learn to not play with our food. I can say I don't remember it happening more than once.