'ME Time'... Seriously?!

Just a positive note here: As your kids get older, you will have more "me" time because older kids prefer to stay away from their parents and assert their own independence. So, there is light at the end of the tunnel:)

M

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me time...and 3 kids. i don't know. me time and 2 kids is still impossible, but i try. my me time means reading. my husband works 12 hr days, and i do the rest, clean, cook, take care of kids, take them put, playdates, sports etc. but when he comes home, i allow him to wind down, and then after he has done that he takes the kids to bed (i have fed them, dressed in jammies, given snack, brushed teeth), but he takes them to bed and reads to them. this is around 8pm, from 8 to 10 i either read or watch tv. i don't run, exercise or anything of the sort. i like to read and i try to get 2 hrs at least 3 times a week. the rest belongs to my kids.

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leah's right, don't make exercise your 'me' time, make it another chore that you fit into your day (but is ultimately more fun than laundry or scrubbing toilets!) i realize this may seem even MORE stressful to you! but your 'me' time should be all about feeding your soul, not toning your butt. you are in an incredibly busy and stressful phase of life, which is also of course rewarding and exhilarating but very very difficult. i suggest working in the exercise time early, even if it means getting up before your bf leaves for work. it will get you moving and help you power through your busy day. for the 'me' time you will have to either alternate with your bf (and hearts to you for recognizing and appreciating his needs too) ie one day he gets a half hour in the evenings, you get it the next, or make sure that kids' bedtimes are written in stone and take your time at night. do NOT let work or laundry or dishes distract you. you are more important. if it's a stroll under the stars (and no, star-strolling is NOT workout time), or reading, or a trip to starbucks all by yourself, or a bubbly bath, take it and love it. later on you'll have more time for you (you WILL, i promise) but right now you really have to make yourself a priority and stick to it.
good luck!
khairete
S.

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I don't exercise regularly either, so I can't answer that part. But as for the boyfriend situation, think of it like this. He works all day at his job, and so do you. It's just that his job is outside the house. Yes, you both need me time, but your time involves getting a break from something you can't be away from during the day without a babysitter. All he needs to do during the day is step out for a cup of coffee, or a smoke or talk break with his coworkers, etc. So you are not dumping the kids on him, you are taking your break while your "coworker" watches over your "workstation" (i.e. the kids) for you. Explain it like that, and it makes sense to share the me time breaks with him.

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A friend once told me that having no time is an illusion. EVERYONE has only 24 hours in a day. Even Oprah, Trump and the President only has 24 hours in a day! They don't have to get motivated, because they always are. So chose to stay motivated! Once you've carved out the 'me time' because you WILL find some, chose to use that time to do what you say you want (work out) rather than using that time to 'get motivated'.

This answer may seem a little rigid and uptight, but have you given yourself a schedule? Map out your day and the rest of the week and see where you spend a lot of time on 'a whole lotta busy stuff'. Do the same for your family. You'd be surprised at what you'll discover. Identify areas in which you can group stuff together and you will also discover times where you are spending time thinking you are productive and really you are 'trying to get motivated', 'running around', but not actually doing stuff. Doing this exercise was such a wake-up call for me. The whole day would go by and at the end of it I would think 'where did the time go'? Looking back, I was scattered and ineffective with time...

Don't get me wrong! This is an ongoing battle for me! I have a tendency to be 'busy' but not entirely 'productive' and so I constantly need to re-evaluate. But by doing that, I learn a little more about myself and the things that distract me and am more concious at avoiding them.

Hope this helps!

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You have to make "me" time a priority. Schedule it into your day (or week) like you schedule your kids stuff & family stuff. Look at your time management. Many people say they don't have time but watch 2 hours of TV every night or spend it aimlessly searching the internet.

Your partner should be willing to give you some down time..it would be beneficial for him. He works a 9hr day, you are on 24/7! If he can't or you are not willing to ask him then look for another mom to trade play dates with at least once a week. You could join a YMCA (or other health club). Most facilities have child care and/or scheduled activity for kids while you get a workout and some peace and quiet. During the summer when my kids are out of school I get up early so I can walk before my kids are out of bed and before my husband has to go to work. Then it is done,I have started my day on a positive and the whole family is better off for it. If "me" time still escapes you then exercise WITH your kids. Family time can be bike rides, walks, playing tag in the back yard, going swimming. You can give yourself 15 minutes before bed after the kids are in bed to read, give yourself a mini facial, paint your nails, take a bath. If you really want to do it you will make a way for it to happen! Good luck.

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What time fo your kids go to bed? Ours go to sleep between 7:30pm and 8:30pm. This gives me a few decent hours before I go to bed (honestly about 4) to do things I want or need to. I have several friends that let their kids stay up until 10 or later and then complain they never have time to themselves or alone with their SO. Routine bedtime has benefits for us :)

Are the kids old enough to help around the house and save you some time? Setting the table, clearing the dishes, wiping off the table after meals, picking up toys, etc. My 5 year old helps straighten, yesterday we were doing yard work so I offered him a nickle for every large stick he found over 18 inches. Getting the kids involved.. I'm hoping to make good habits now!

Are there any time saving techniques you could utilize? Slowcooker for dinners, freeze and fix meals? Carpools for things for the kids?

As to the walking.. I have a gym membership that includes daycare. I reward myself with a soak in the hottub.. and somedays I just go for the hottub (hah!) You might also consider taking the kids with you for your walk -- help wear them out and make bedtime easier.

My personal advice? Don't try to be "super Mom" - with the spotless house and shiney toilet. I have three kids - sometimes things don't get done that day. It's not the end of the world. Be a super Mom to your kids and take care of yourself. Your kids won't grow old thanking you for how clean their toilet was.

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My husband works nights. So usually my "me time" is after 9 oclock on nights he works. Then it's "us time" on nights he doesn't. I borrowed my moms Wii Fit, that my 2 boys like watching me do ( they even get in on it sometimes). To get some exercise I do go for walks w/ the kids. I know its not "me time", but its good for everyone. I'm guessing ur kids are not in school, and niether are my two and we will be adding a 3rd come July. Maybe u can figure something out w/ ur boyfriend to give u a Sat or Sun morning to have "u time", but it does go both ways. As long as he helps during the week. As I see it. I don't mind my guy going to do something, if he has giving me my time earlier. Like u say it is a two way street. Hope everything works out for you.

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I agree--there is no such thing. :) I think we expect it on one level and then are frustrated when it doesn't happen. My husband and I seem to alternate time (usually in the form of soaking in the bathtub after putting one of the kids to bed), so the other watches the child who is awake. Sometimes one of us goes alone to grocery shop to get a breather, but usually we take the whole family. We work opposite schedules and he is in school, so our family schedule is funky anyway--kids are up until after midnight, but sleep late so get plenty of rest, I get up at 7 for work and work days, he works until 11 at night. So, when all is said and done, we've both worked full days and watched the kids full-time. I used to exercise with the kids and in good weather just walk with them, but have fallen off of that. Depending on your kids' ages, you could try doing something with them. If your kids are older, have them help with the housework to lighten that burden a bit. Some gyms have child care (I've never used a gym myself), so that might be an option to get time alone without having your boyfriend watch the kids. The other mom solution always seems to be to do something before everyone wakes up (which means less sleep for you). If you have to, sit down and agree on a schedule so you can have some alone time planned out each week to exercise and see if he wants some set time to do something, too (like go out with guy friends or do something else). This makes it fair but also reinforces that it is something you need. I've also gotten desperate and worked out while the kids were napping or on my lunch breaks at work (but that usually means the rest of the day is pretty gross). If you are offering to go both ways (you watch the kids while he does something and he watch the kids while you do something), you are not dumping on him. Maybe he feels bad taking time and leaving you alone, so this will make everyone feel better.

There is no "Me" time. You are right that it is a myth. I think we signed that away when we signed up to be moms. My goal this year is to get my husband to take the kids for brief periods of time on the weekends, so that I can get some things done around the house or maybe even some real "me" time. Even though your boyfriend works long hours, he needs time with the kids, too (I'm assuming they are his kids) - maybe on the weekends.

If you can just get outside to walk 15 minutes you will find it enriching your health and spirit. Sometimes that is all I have so I know. Surely your boyfriend can watch things for 15 minutes. AF

I know what you mean! The best way I've found to exercise is to do it with a friend. It is so much more fun to spend 30 minutes on the elliptical when you can gossip. ;) My youngest just turned 6 months and I was so happy b/c that meant he could finally go into the gym day care! Try and get into a routine like that maybe? It sort of does feel like another thing on your to-do list, like you said, but I'm having the same struggle with lingering baby weight!

Honestly, the only other time I get time for myself is when I leave. It is a total joke to be able to get me time while still at home! Some people suggest baths, books, etc., which are all great, but I find it hard when I know my husband is downstairs and I barely get to see him either. So, I feel better when I just leave, then I'm not faced with the reality of husband downstairs by himself! ;) Haha! I think that your boyfriend would probably understand your need to get away and maybe you can make a schedule or set up some groups that you each go out to on certain days of the week or month, that way you both know when your alone time is and when your together time can be, because you're right, he does need some down time too. I started a "dinner club" with some girlfriends of mine and it's super fun! We each trade off picking a restaurant that we haven't tried and go out to eat once a month. Everyone pays their own way but we usually split a bottle of wine or two and it's great! You get to relax, have a little wine and wind down! By the time I get home the kids are in bed and I get to see my hubby for a few minutes before bed. When he goes out I feel less resentful b/c I know my time is coming! Good luck! I think this is one of the hardest motherhood struggles!

Your BF is a lucky guy first of all.... :) I feel the same way about my husband...I don't work though, so I shoulder the parenting responsibilities...but he does help with housework or dinner when i need it. I think he enjoys cooking though...try to find a chore that he doesn't mind and then you won't mind asking him to do it. As for my exercise motivation....my parents live .5 mile away, so instead of just walking around the block, I walk to their house and visit for a bit and have a glass of iced tea with my mom and she gets to see her grandbaby and then I go back home and it's a mile total. That is my main motivation...so maybe if there's something within walking distance from your house - even if it's a coffee house or park or whatever, try walking there and rewarding yourself with a drink or something and then walk back...and as for ME time...it kind of is a myth - but you have to create your own ME time...like when I am in the shower no on can bother me....or i may just take a 5 minute break on the back porch looking at the sunset...also - I combine activities...so instead of reading a baby book to my baby, I will read her my devotional book - she still likes being read to because i am talking to her, but I am getting something out of it and it makes me feel better...and then she and i can take a nap together before the other two get home from school. I also take some time in the evening once the kids go to bed to watch a show with my DH and just wait to do the dishes in the morning. You can also make housework your exercise....just lean a bit more when you vacuum or switch arms, do lunges, etc and you can get a work out....then you will be distracted from the actual 'exercise' - may not be 'enjoyable,' but may as well get something out of doing chores!!

I think it's an evil myth! :-P
Seriously, I think they key is to just kind of schedule it into your day. After dinner, let your bf watch the kids for an hour an go walk! It's only an hour.
And, I know you have three kids, but it does get easier as they get a bit older. Hang in there!

Yoga has been an incredible release for me. It is my time to relax and start over. I feel like I get a restart every time I go and I look forward to it. And I am actually benefitting from it physically so I count it as my exercise/church/relaxation/me time!!

I don't have any suggestions, I just wanted to say that your post cracked me up! I also am starting to believe "me time" is a cruel urban legand! Good luck to you :)

As far as exercise goes, maybe you could sign up for a active class you would enjoy. I know I find it boring to just go to the gym and workout. I can't keep my motivation up to go consistently. I joined a karate class, which I enjoy going to and it gives me a good workout. My husband and I worked out a schedule where Monday and Wednesday are my karate nights and Tuesday and Thursday are his exercise nights. That way we both get a break to do something for ourselves.

Perhaps you can work something out with your boyfriend where certain nights are his and certain nights are yours for doing your own activity. That way you can both have some down time without feeling guilty.

Me time - yeah, right :-) I am also working on this! I have started using flylady.net to try and organize my time and home which will hopefully allow me to get to bed earlier and wake up earlier to walk on my treadmill at home. I have a gym membership but getting there is almost impossible with work and the kids.... When I have been to the gym, I've seen people reading while walking on the treadmills and that's something I am going to try - I love to read but again, who has time? So if it works that will be my escape (especially when I'm looking at travel magazines!)
One thing I do is take a few extra minutes in the bathroom to swipe a quick- dry nail polish on my toes - even though it's only a few minutes it makes me feel like I did something special for myself.
With your boyfriend, I feel the same way about my husband (though his work schedule has him at home during the week with the kids). Maybe you could talk to him about it - let him know you want him to have some "me time" immediately when he gets home from work but make arrangements for you to get your time, too.
I hope you find a solution that works for you - GOOD LUCK!

I'm a SAHM mom of 3 boys, ages 14, 10 and 4, its a busy life like most, however, I find that when i take the time for myself, i'm happier. I make it a priority to do something for me, either walking, going to dinner with the girls, going to bookclub and even a weekend away with girlfriends As moms we often overlook putting ourselves first. Believe me, things won't fall apart if we take 30 minutes or more to something we used to enjoy or a new project. When i put all the boys activities on our monthly calendar, I add my activities as well, that way everyone (especially my husband) will know when i'm doing something. It works for us. I guess, my suggestion is schedule the time for yourself, you won't regret it and your family will get a recharged mom as well. Good Luck!

K.

You might consider having a babysitter, friend, and/or a relative come in at least twice weekly for a few hours each time and you use those hours as your "me" time. Otherwise, swapping time with another mom can be helpful too. Finding "me" time as a mom is definitely quite challenging!

Since you're both so busy, you may need to get a sitter to make the us time and me time happen. I find that taking walks with my son, though not exactly cardio, does actually help exercise-wise, but again - it's not "me" time - but at least it's walking :)

I'm considering getting DanceDance Revolution to make the exercise feel good :) Also, you might want to take a dance class - it's exercise and fun.

Hope that helps a little. I don't really have much me-time either (sigh!).

"Me time" is an evil plot cooked up by wannabe perfect moms! :)

I don't consider exercise my "me" time - i agree, it is just another chore in my day. If you do it, do it during time that you'd normally spend cleaning or working, don't cut out your precious 'fun' minutes for working out if you don't enjoy it. The best thing I did was pay my daughter's nanny extra to do some cleaning around the house and babysit one evening for a 'date night' for my husband and I. In the extra time it saves me from cleaning, and in the amount it refreshes my spirit, I can work a bit more to cover the extra i'm paying her. It also worked out nicely for her to have some extra income. When my husband has months where he is working 9+ hour days, I just make sure he and I understand that with me working from home and raising kids, taking care of house by myself, etc., I won't be able to make a full dinner every night or keep the house as clean as usual. No biggie, he is fine with it, it is usually myself I have to convince. I've also found that it helps if I do things with my children that I like to do - for instance, instead of going to the same old park, I take her to the lake to watch boats and feed ducks; or instead of taking her to a fast-food restaurant to play in the play area (and inevitably temp me to eat poorly and sit there watching her) I pack her some snacks and we walk around the arboretum. Combines something i like with low-level exercise and I say, that counts. :) I also try to ask my husband to do things with her that he likes to do that i'm not that in to, and if he doesn't seem to excited I agree that i'll work out during that time, so it seems fair. Good Luck!!

my kids loved the stroller. going for a walk was more fun for them than me. bring some stroller toys and its like playtime.

Yes I agree with Heather that after they go to sleep is about the only real down time for us.

Join a group. It always makes things more fun when you have other women in your situation to spend time with. Usually on the internet, or asking around you will be able to find women who go walking together, play on various teams etc.
Also, don't feel bad about "dumping" the kids on your boyfriend. If you are working from home, keeping house, cooking and looking after 3 kids, you are working a lot more than the 9 hours he spends outside of the home.
I play in a women's soccer league and twice a week I hop into my car, put on music that isn't Wiggles or Barney and run round, burn off the stress and the calories and enjoy myself!
Give it a try. I always see it that it benefits the whole family when I give myself some "me time". You'll be a better mom when you get home for doing it.
L. P
www.YouCanWorkFromYourHome.com

I agree with a lot of the responses posted. I have one child (single parent) and I crave me time...but I also feel guilty if I get it and find myself doing chores. I think Easter weekend was the first time I had me time. I slipped away by saying I needed to go to the market. I did actually go to the market but I didn't make it as much of a task as I usually do. You know what? I left the market and went and got a pedicure! It was great - yes it was only 30-40 minutes but it relaxed my mind and body.

My goal this year is to try and take more time out for myself - easily said but not done. I noticed when on vacation last year in Williamsburg that my son loved to go for rides in his stroller. I enjoyed them as well. Now that the weather is getting better I think I will do more of this.

Now only if we could get home earlier during the week!

i only have one baby..thankfully. but finding me time isnt easy
typically, what ben and i do, when he is in town and not sick, is i simply
say i need some me time, can you watch frankie for about an hour,
while i take a break?i hand the baby over to him and i give him a quick
rundown of where i am going to be, in case anything comes up. grab my cellphone, my car keys, kiss my baby and my other half bye, and walk
out the door. you have to make time for yourself. you are not dumping the child on him, its his too, right?
its not baby weight..its an excuse to eat ice cream without guilt
K. h.