Masturbation - Sun Prairie,WI

Masterbation is not natural or normal and he shouldn't be doing it. What he is doing is being unfaithful to your marriage. He is taking an act that is sacred and meant to be between a husband and a wife and turning it into a selfish act. It should drive you nuts. There is a reason you feel this way. The act of making love is a sharing of one's self with another. When you make love you share your entire being with another. When you masterbate you are saying that other person isn't important to you and you turn the act into something self centered, as if the one you love is not important. I would recommend you read anything by Christopher West.

7 moms found this helpful

How do you know he isn't thinking about you when he jacks it? I am sure he can recall something sexy about you...or something sexy you guys did together.....probably easier than he can pictures he's seen in a magazine.

My DH didn't have a problem throwing out his collection of girlie magazines when we met...and the way he described it to me was, those are just basically pictures of body parts, (mostly boobies) so if there is any recall its not of "someone else"...more so, just the good parts. Does that make sense. It sounded way better when he said it?

If the magazines bother you, explain how you feel and ask him to throw them out. A compromise maybe? You would feel better about the masturbation if he no longer had the nudie mags?

For the most part I think jackin' it is pretty par for the course.
~Sorry for the (someone might think) crude language...it's not very often you get to say/write jackin' it :)

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im betting you wont get another answer like this one.
actually if you want to know the truth, hes undermining your sexual relationship by using his hand all the time. cuz lets face it; you will never feel the same on him as his hand does. his hand can do it exactly the way and in the spots he wants it. so anything else is going to make it a lot harder to finish the job, if at all. you are going to end up with a husband who cannot finish with you because hes spent so much time doing it himself.

you should check out mark gungor. he can seem pretty harsh, but hes got some real good information. basically feels the same way as i said above. if a man needs it he should be looking to his wife first, not his hand or scum magazines. what good is that for your relationship ? not good at all. hes just conditioning himself to not be as sensitive for you and to only be able to perform to his hand. doesnt that sound like a wonderful thing for your marriage. (sarcasm)

my husband eventually burnt all his magazines and smashed and trashed all the movies he once had. our sex life has never been better than since he quit doing that so often and relied on ME for his sexual gratification. because, after all, thats what its created to be like.

one side note; even if you dont feel like it, unless you are seriously ill, dont turn him down just because you dont feel like it. just do it, even if you are just doing it for him. ;) every time i give in to my husband, i end up enjoying myself just as much as he does even if i didnt feel like it at first. its the most selfless thing you can do for your husband and your marriage :) :)

3 moms found this helpful

Masturbation for men and women (and boys and girls of all ages) is absolutely normal. It is completely normal within a marriage, also. Four to even seven times a week is well within normal range. What you don't say is whether your sex life together is satisfying to you - in frequency and content. If your sex life together is not to your liking, then that is the issue to address.

Your husband is obviously interested in sex, what is your level of interest? Differing levels of interest can be an issue in a marriage. Are you willing to share fantasies and try new things? Is he masturbating because you are not interested in sharing the experience?

A satisfying sex life takes communication. Please talk about your needs, wants, concerns, etc. There is no "right" way to have sex, only the way that works for a couple.

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Masturbating 1-4 times a day is completely normal and natural. Men who do so are typically also more able to have sex -especially prolonged sex- every single day as well, and women who do so are more capable of achieving orgasms faster and multiple orgasms with sex.

What's NOT normal or natural is:

- Him telling you about it when it makes you uncomfortable (I may change a tampon 10 times a day, which is also normal and natural, but it grosses my DH out, so I don't TELL him about it).
- Any kind of passive-aggressive behavior (trying to guilt you into having sex with him)
- If he prefers masturbating to sex
- If he is unable to have sex after masturbating. (Even 50-60 year old men only need 1-2 hours to "recover" after masturbating... and those who do it regularly, typically need LESS time to recover.)

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IT'S NORMAL! Do the women saying otherwise also believe that men/boys will get hairy palms and go blind if they keep doing it?

The magazines are another thing all together. If they really bother you, talk to him about it. The thing is, with or with out them he will fantsize about other people. That is normal, too.

My husband would have sex almost every day if he had his way. I guess he would not masterbate if we did that, but my sex drive puts me at wanting it ...ahhh..almost never. Our compromise is about once a week and he can take care of the rest.

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Honey, Listen to Dana. She is completely correct. It is not natural and is harmful to the relationship. It is a selfish act and that is why it bothers you.

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i felt the same way with my husband. i know it is normal, but it is frustrating if i want to be intimate later and it cant happen because he relieved himself a couple hours earlier. I offered to start doing it for him instead. yes, there are times that he is tired and doesnt feel like having sex. i understand that. So now sometimes i will trade him and he will tickle my back for a little, and i will masturbate him myself. its probably not the norm for most marriages, but it has helped make me feel more included and desirable and has cut down his masturbating time a lot. maybe suggest doing the same to him? and if he doesnt look at the magazines, then throw them out. the kids dont need to go finding them!

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You have received a TON of responses, but I am amazed at some of the answers given. I would venture to say that you didn't realize the "can of worms" you would open when you posted this question...lol.
The major part of this is marriage should be a PARTNERSHIP. If you have a problem with something, you should speak with your partner about it and agree on a compromise. Whatever the compromise is should be something that you BOTH are comfortable with!
I will share that I have been through a similiar situation with my husband. My personal opinion was and still is that any sexual act without partner is stepping outside the marriage unless it is something that both partners have agreed to. You could receive 1,000 different answers referring to masturbation being "normal" to it being "selfish" and even "evil." But no one else can tell you how YOU feel about it. If you aren't comfortable with your husband masturbating, don't be ashamed. Don't tolerate something in your marriage that makes you unhappy. First, decide how you truly feel about your situation. Then, speak with your husband sharing your feelings. If he isn't using the magazines, then ask that he throw them out. Share that you would feel his respect of your feelings if he did throw them out (if that is how you would feel). Then be prepared with suggestions on what you feel is an acceptable compromise. If you need time to do some research, take the time to do just that. Try to maintain an open mind and a willing spirit, and remember that you don't know if you aren't willing to try at least once. But most importantly, you and your husband entered into a partnership, a marriage. It is where two become one. Not where one gets to make all the decisions and do whatever one wants.
I wish you the best of luck as you work your way through this difficult situation. And please don't let anyone tell you how you should feel. All that matters is how you DO feel!

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I think you two need to talk and come to an agreement so that his sexual behavior is not negatively affecting your relationship. Masturbation, particularly when focusing on or even thinking about other women, can be harmful to your relationship. One of the problems I see with masturbation is that it turns your perspective to think that sex is primarily to please myself, where in fact I believe it is primarily to please the other person. Masturbation turns sexual pleasure into a mentality of pleasing myself only. That affects the sexual relationship between a husband and wife. Another factor is the use of pornographic or explicit images during masturbation. Is adultery merely the physical act of sexual intercourse with another person, or is it also imagining sexual intercourse or pleasure with another person? Adultery can be in the mind I believe. You are uncomfortable with your husbands pleasing himself by looking at other woman. And righfully so, I believe. You don't need to squash this discomfort - this is infringing on your intimate sexual relationship that should be between your spouse and you only and instead these women in magazines are finding a place in his mind and sexuality. I suggest talking to him about this and sharing your feelings and discussing ways to be on the same page regarding your sexual relationship. Come to an agreement. I don't think masturbation is always bad in a marriage it just needs to be something the two of you agree on, particularly regarding looking at explicit pictures of other women. My husband agreed if he ever masturbates he will tell me, and he will only think about me. Particularly during times like post-childbirth I was ok with him masturbating ocassionally if I was aware of it, so I think you two just need to agree on something. I'll pray you two get this figured out!!

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I think that masturbation is normal, but he needs to compromise and throw out the mags.
I'll also point out that while masturbation is normal, if it impedes your sexlife as a couple, then it needs to be addressed as a problem.
Good luck...

1 mom found this helpful

For some men, it's more of something that needs to get done (like eating or another basic function). My husband "takes care of his business" every day, unless we decide that we are going to have sex. Sex and masturbation are completely different for him and, from the sound of it, sounds like that is the case for your husband. Don't take it personally. If his interest in you and your relationship is still strong I think you have nothing to worry about! Gppd luck!

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Masturbation is normal. Keeping nudy magazines that you aren't ok with when he "doesn't even look at them" is not. You need to seek counseling with him and he needs throw out anything you are not ok with. It not healthy for him to blatantly keep something that upsets you.

I agree to not take it personally and that it is completely natural.

It's natural to masturbate, but I would say that if the mags bother you, he should throw them out.

My hubby use to have the nude mags also but as soon as we got married he threw them out per my request. We kinda have a deal. He has a very high sex drive and I have a very low sex drive. With 3 kids and a full time job I am tired and not always in the mood. Our deal is if he or I feel in the mood but the other person doesn't then masturbation is ok. It usually turns out that the other person gets turned on by watching and we are intimate with each other. If not that's ok to. We never hide the fact that if the other person isn't interested that we are going to maturbate. Neither one of us ever feel pressured like we have to put out to keep our spouse happy. Also the other person gets the sexual release. I guess the main thing is you both have to be ok with it and honest not hiding it. Marriage is built on honesty and trust.

I have found there are a lot of women who find themselves desiring sex more often than their husbands- more than people think.
Since men do need to ejactulate or else it is uncomfortable for them to build it up- then those men are masturbating rather than have sex with the spouse. I think It might be due a few things...lazyness certainly being one. Aother- maybe a certain way he likes be stimulated he can't explain or is embarrassed about. Some men have a fear of failure if they have erection problems- they will avoid spousal sex and opt for more masturbation. I think for some men it has become such an ingrained habit it becomes addictive.
One thing is for sure, I'd rather have my man masturbating than to find out he is cheating. I think you are smart to join him in this rather than to get uptight. Do throw out those girl magazines tho.

Ok, masturbation is normal, but excessive masturbation is not. To me, this seems excessive, but then again, you don't say how old your husband is. My husband masturbates a couple of times a week, and he is going to be 29. I think this is normal, especially since I am hugely pregnant and don't want anything to do with him sexually right now. If it's becoming a problem for you, I would suggest that you consult you own physician regarding the habits of men your husband's age. It may very well be normal, but if his masturbation becomes something that is his preferred way of release instead of being with you, then there are some serious issues at hand, and you may want to sit down and have a very frank discussion regarding your feelings about this - of course remembering to let him chime in. :) My husband is not allowed to have magazines in our home as we have a pre-teen daughter and young children - all of which are nosey. Movies he can have as long as I know about them and he is not hiding them from me so that I don't find out - I relate that to lying. I don't know if I have been very helpful at all, but I do hope things work out for you. Oh, and if he doesn't look at the magazines any more, then maybe he should get rid of them so they are not a constant reminder to you.

well that sounds kinda funny to me maybe you need 2 try to put out a little more are is there a reason he dont want sex with you anymore?i would have a long talk with him and see whats going on in his mind...good luck with that

I'm not sure this is natural. Does this affect his romantic time with you? It seem like he'd rather be with you. I know there are a lot of people who struggle with this. I'd be honest with him about it. Good luck!

I wouldn't worry about it. At least you know where he is and what he's doing, and that he's not relieving himself with some girl name Cherry that he met in a strip club. I think the worse thing is that it's annoying for you more than anything. It's all harmless. Unless he wanders in those chatrooms with a web cam and looks at women that way that he can talk to and get personal with then I'd let it go. Those women in the nudey mag don't know him, he doesn't know them. Nothing personal about it what so ever. Men are visual creatures. He married you and loves you not those women. Sure they are pretty, but so what. Worry about only what you can control. Pick and choose your battles. Life is too short. Trust me, things could be soooooooo much worse. I know women that wish they had your problem. It will be ok.