Mastitis Problems & So Much Guilt Attached to Formula Feeding

Please go back and read your sentence, "After getting extremely ill from the infection and dealing with a colicky baby, I formula fed my first born and he is now a healthy, thriving 2 1/2 year old."

And you feel guilty about the idea of formula feeding this baby?

Guilt is not what you should be feeling over using formula. Disappointment, yes, guilt no.

You cannot help that your body is giving you such a hard time. Please don't feel guilty. Years from now you will understand that it does not matter that you didn't breastfeed.

D.

9 moms found this helpful

Oh, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Don't feel guilty! This is not your fault or something you can control. I formula fed my first two and I am a "crunchy" homebirth mom. I just flat out did not want to breastfeed. By the time I had my 3rd, born last April I myself had become a midwife and all through that pregnancy thought I would formula feed again. But when she was born I thought, oh what the heck why not try to breastfeed. So, I did and luckily have not had any problems. But, if I did I would formula feed her too. You can still have the same bond as breastfeeding. When you feed your baby, hold it close. Snuggle the baby. Rock the baby. The baby does not know where exactly its food is suppose to come from. It just knows it wants to be fed, held and loved. That creates the bond. My oldest is 15. She is a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful girl. She is a straight A student and got the highest pre-SAT score out of the entire district. She is also an accomplished ballet dancer. I am just as bonded to her and my middle daughter as I am to their breastfed sister.
You do what is right and best for your family at this moment in time.
And as far as bottlefeeding in public- no one know if you have breastmilk or formula in the bottle and really its no one's business anyway.
Feed and love your baby.

Take Care.

4 moms found this helpful

If you have to formula feed... then you have to. But before you go that route - I'd find a IBCLC instead of a run of the mill easy to get CLC. IBCLCs have BA- MSN degrees in female breast anatomy, suckling reflexes, trouble shooting, and the like and are more capable of handling a problem like yours.

Are you wearing tight bras? Do you not feed every other hour? Are you sure your baby is latching on correctly? Are you keeping hydrated and eating well? This sounds like your issue of mastitis is a multifaceted issue and until you fix ALL the issues compounding into creating mastitis - it's will not heal and end.

Most antibiotics are safe to breastfeed with - if you feel like pm'ing me the medication name, I can look it up in the drug reference guide IBCLCs and Midwives use to tell you if your medication is breastfeeding compatible. The book is called "Medications and Mother's Milk" by Dr. Hale.

I'm a nurse and will hopefully be a CNM/ARNP with my IBCLC by 2016.

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DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with feeding a baby formula ... EVER. It's a safe, healthy alternative if breastfeeding isn't a desire or doable for the mom.

It WILL NOT affect your child's smarts (I was formula fed and have a 166 IQ, and for a reference point .. Einstein had a 160 IQ, and all 3 of my formula fed babies test WELL into the advanced catogery on school test, all 3 are in top scholastic classes), their health (my health is fine and so is all 3 of my kids, aside from the stuff that's genetic ... breast milk ain't gonna fix that) and we are happily bonded mama and babies (in fact I took both my oldest children to their first rock concerts and we had a BLAST).

Breast is best ONLY if it's right for BOTH mother and baby. And don't let ANYONE tell you differently.

4 moms found this helpful

I'm going to go out on a limb here and hope I'm not adding isult to injury. I had a host of misfortunes which lead to me formula feeding me first. i was riddled with guilt. here is something you won't read in magazines, or hear often but my pediatrition shared this with me and it made a lot of sense. All those studies done on breasfeeding are not necessarily what they appear to be. Since by and large women who breast feed are SAHM's and by and large, formula fed babies are from working moms, the "miricles of breastfeeding" may in fact be the "miricle of staying home with your baby". If you are planning on going back to work, then I am sorry if i've only made things worse. Those studies on breastfeeding don't isolate bf sahm, vs fomula fed sahm, vs working bf moms and working formula moms. My pediatrition (a working woman) confided in me that her formula fed patients are just the same as her bf patients, she does however notice some favorable traits with babies and children of SAHM's.

3 moms found this helpful

Look, breast is best. We all know that. But it's not like your options are feeding your kids all organic, free range meats and fruits and vegetables or a steady diet of doritos and fried pork rinds. The comparison is more like feeding your kids all organic, free range meats and fruits and vegetables OR feeding your kids all the varieties of fruits and vegetables, healthy meats with the rare occasional dorito. I'm a pretty healthy person, but I fed my kids nachos for lunch today. You know what? We'll all survive.

I loathe the fact that the "breast is best" camp has somehow managed to convince women that formula is akin to having your baby drink battery acid. It's not. It's healthy. Gagillions of babies not only survive, but thrive on formula. Let go of the "it's not natural" argument. We do TONS of things with our babies that aren't "natural." By that argument, babies shouldn't ride in cars, have pacifiers, have involved fathers, etc. We live in the modern world; "natural" is helpful to know, but does not always dictate the way that we act.

It seems clear that you know that bottle feeding is best for you and your family. Don't let worry of what other people will say and/or think stop you from doing what's best for you. If someone does make a rude comment, you can always say what I say, "I know. It's terrible. That's why we've started her therapy fund early." That normally quiets people down.

Good luck, and feel better soon.

3 moms found this helpful

Dear God! I'm so sorry. Good for you for trying, but this is what formula was made for! Anyone who would judge you is disgusting, IMHO. What counts is who you are as a mother, how you balance everything--not the "details". Breastfeeding a baby is intensely personal which is why it creates that bonding experiencing but if that bonding experience turns acutely painful, it defeats the purpose, no?

I haven't been through what you're experiencing but I've met mothers who have and I haven't ever judged a bottle feeding mom. There are SO MANY areas in child-rearing that you could potentially fall short in and feel guilty about--please don't feel guilty about something you can't control. What counts, in the end, is that your child feels loved and safe and secure.

You can still bond without nursing by doing the skin-to-skin thing while bottle feeding so that he can feel your skin and smell you. The milk is secondary to the experience. You can also wear him in a baby carrier (like an ergo or a wrap) and have him next to your chest around the house. Build up the physical contact portion so that he knows you are mama, and he builds his sense of warmth and security next to you physically. He won't even know the difference between the bottle and the breast as long as you're there.

3 moms found this helpful

I had a very different issue, but still had to give my son formula at 3 months (much sooner than I ever expected to). It's really unfortunate that you should have to feel any guild at all. You have to do what's best under the circumstances you are faced with.

Another mother wrote on this board one time, "Thank God for formula!" Because without it so many babies would not get proper nutrition due to various circumstances.

You can't change the fact that you are dealing with these health problems. The only thing you can do is what is the best for your baby right now. Bottom line, your baby needs to eat! Your personal health is preventing you from giving baby breast milk. So you give the best possible food you can, and you do it with love.

Don't feel guilty! But the fact that you do shows just how much you love your kids and you want to do what's best for them. Just keep loving them. That is what's best for them.

2 moms found this helpful

I had the same issue with my first born. It was really hard on me plus my husband. I felt guilty, but the bottom line was what was best for ALL of us.

You are right, you can't care for your baby if you are sick. Formula may not be optimal but it is a good option (I'm sure I'll get blasted by the BF nazi's for that comment). In the big picture it is really a small factor. There is no hard proof that BF babies have less allergies and health problems. I was formula fed and as well as my first son and we have no allergies and a great immune systems. My husband was BF and my second son was BF and they both have allergies and get sick easily. Proof is in the pudding on that issue in my house.

You have to do what will work for you and the baby. There are so many other ways you will bond w/ your child along with the bottle feedings. I loved the time I spent feeding my babies, it was still a bonding time for me, as well when my husband fed the babies.

Just relax, enjoy your new baby......There is more to mothering and bonding than breastfeeding :)

2 moms found this helpful

Remember, you have two babies to care for and that is your first priority, right? While breastfeeding is good for babies, it is clearly not best for you or your babies. You have tried your best, it's time to move on. DO NOT feel guilty. As you said, your first is healthy and fine. Do not let yourself caught up in what others think...if anyone judges you, shame on them. How do they know your circumstances? Get better and enjoy your babies.

2 moms found this helpful

Are you working with your lactation consultant to figure out the root cause of your issues with mastitis? I'd be worried that there is something going on systemically, and that by not addressing it now you might just be kicking the can down the road.

Good resource on addressing recurrent mastitis:
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/mom/recurrent-mastiti...

2 moms found this helpful

i think it's a shame that anyone or anything could make you feel guilty for doing what is best for yourself and your children. why should you feel guilty? because you want to be a happy mama who can take care of her children? because you don't want to come to HATE feeding your child because of the pain you would be in? i could go on...yes, it is natural to bf. but even when it was the only way to feed a baby sometimes it couldn't be done. people had to go to alternatives. sometimes you just can't do it. i ff both of my children, while my SILs bf. and i didn't let anyone or anything make me feel guilty for my decision. and the one SILs child was constantly sick with everything growing up.

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Hi, I definitely understand. I had severe complications with the birth of my daughter, and was in ICU for a few days, and then severely anemic, etc. etc. Because of the delay in my being available to nurse, I did not have adequate milk supply. Tried pumping and other remedies but it was not to be.

It's funny because looking back, all I remember while trying everything to be able to nurse is all of the stress and crying and pain. Once I finally decided I just needed to formula feed, what I remember is holding my beautiful girl and looking into her face. I'm guessing it could be the same for you. You are in so much agony, how could you possibly focus on bonding? If all of the professionals agree that you should probably bottle feed, I think you can let it go.

Also, I remember saying to a nurse exactly what you said, I told her I felt badly because I can't do what is supposed to be 'natural'. She said "what's natural is taking care of your baby and doing what's best for her, and that seems to be what you're doing". That helped a lot.

I will say that your goal shouldn't be to try to feel guilt free. That seems impossible, especially given the community you are in, right? You have a right to feel disappointed. So let yourself, but don't stop there. Your message to yourself could be more like 'it's too bad that breastfeeding didn't work out, I was so hopeful, but I have this wonderful baby that I am healthy enough to care for, and another child who needs me as well. this is what I am meant to do to be their mom'.

I guess my point is, let yourself feel the upset, but remind yourself of the positive. Eventually, you'll pay less attention to the upset and more to the positive. It was hard for me, but it did get better. And now, my daughter is 10 and couldn't be healthier (or happier). That's what matters.

God bless you and your family. Wow, this was long- sorry, I just want you to feel better!!

2 moms found this helpful

this is why formula was invented. If you lived back 100 years ago and this happened what would you do? I'm sure you'd be feeding your baby some cows milk straight from the udder.
I breast fed both of my kids but I'm not against FORMULA .
Do what you have to do.
Don't feel guilty that your boobs dont work, but I sure would like a doc to tell me why...... if that was the only way to feed your child what would you do?
That's what I often wonder. The world would have a much smaller population wouldnt it if all we did was rely on breastfeeding the babies? It's an eye opener.
Grab some formula and pat yourself on the back for what you "wanted" to do. It's the thought that counts. Hopefully your own daughters wont have this problem and you can watch your grandbabies suckle and live vicariously throught that experience-- a few years down the road.

1 mom found this helpful

i had to bottle feed my youngest because i couldnt make enough milk. sometimes you have to do it for the childs benefit. its not something you can control. I wanted mine breast fed cause i didnt breast feed my oldest cause i was afraid i wouldnt make enough milk. so I wanted to real bad for personal reason with my youngest who is 19 yrs younger and it is more accpeted now. i was really disappointed i couldnt breast feed and did feel bad about it but i had to tell myself if i dont bottle feed he will starve. mine was literally attached 24/7 and still hungry so i tried supplementing first and my doc was the one who said quit cause i couldnt pump enough even being hooked up for hours at a time.

tell yourself you are doing what is best for the baby. no need to beat yourself up over it. which would make you feel worse breast feeding and having a very sick child or bottle feeding? with all the hype about breast feeding society acts like all moms can do it and all moms cant do it. that is why formula was created. I am one who couldnt. you have to do what is besst for the baby and breast isnt always best so dont let the breastfeeding nazis make you feel bad. most of the breastfeeding moms arent nazis and will support you but you will get one or two that will try to guilt trip you ignore them. you cant make your body do what it isnt going to do like produce enough milk. or not get infections. your baby will love you the same breast or bottle fed. what i told my self was formula was better than a baby dead of starvation. i wasnt going to bury my baby cause i was stubborn. breast feeding was more cost effective. but if you breast fed any at all it is better than not at all.

1 mom found this helpful

Oh, I feel for you. I only had mastitis once (with my second) and it was horrible. Like the worst flu I'd ever had - fever, shaking, chills, plus the breast pain on top of that.

I am a breastfeeding advocate, I exclusively nursed my babies, but it worked for me. If it isn't working for you, you need to do what does. If the mastitis is not going to go away, and the pumping isn't working, maybe you need to bottle feed.

If you are working with a lactation consultant to make sure baby is latching correctly, if you are emptying the breast with each feeding (either by baby or by finishing with the pump) and you are still having problems with mastitis, then maybe it just won't work for you.

Do not beat yourself up. You are the best mom you can be.

J.

1 mom found this helpful

Honey, what to feed your baby is YOUR choice. You have given it a go. The important thing is that you are happy and your baby eats. Don't let anyone "make" you fell guilty or bad--those emotions are not productive.
Make the changes you need to make and move forward!
Good luck & God bless!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi Gesmama,

I cried the first time I had to give my son a bottle of formula. I had breast fed for the first 7 days then had to go on antibiotics which made my milk toxic for him. A subsequent hospitalization for me meant he was being solely formula fed until I convalesced and purged the meds from my system. At that point he took formula and breast - breast more so for my peace of mind then any need of his.

But - he thrived and was happy and healthy - and in the end that is all that matters. That our babies are happy and healthy and loved. And your baby is all of that.

I believe we are fortunate to live in a time when feeding alternatives are available for our babies and for the health of their mothers when needed. And it is for your health that you formula feed your baby. You stated correctly - how can you care for your family if you allow yourself to force breast feeding to the detriment of your own health.

You are doing what is best for your baby, yourself and your entire family. Feeling "insecure about bottle feeding my child in a largely breast feeding community" is, well, just counterproductive. Years ago it was the women who breast fed that were scorned by society, now it is the women who formula feed. Please don't let societies ever changing "opinions" make you feel less of a mother. Plus, you have living proof, in the form of your beautiful, healthy first born, that formula feeding works for babies.

Please don't feel badly that you cannot breast feed. Our bodies often have a "mind" of their own and we can only adapt and find successful solutions that work for us, individually. You did get to experience "8 wonderful days of bonding and feeding" - but your bonding time is not over - while I could not breast feed my son, I could still cuddle him while giving him a bottle, and we could stare into each other eyes and know that I was providing everything he needed to thrive. As you provide everything your newborn needs to thrive also.

Good Luck and God Bless

1 mom found this helpful

I was never able to produce milk. I was so much happier as was my baby when I realized that and started feeding her formula. She is almost 5 and is very healthy and smarter than most children her age. Do not feel guilty for any choices you make that make your and your children's lives easier.

Hugs to you. I know this is such a hard topic! I think you should do what is best for you and your baby. You did 8 days of breastfeeding-- thats wonderful! Your baby has already benefited from you breastfeeding- I think you should let go of the guilt and take care of mommy! Get yourself better and bond with your baby while bottle feeding! There is NO shame in that-- you did your best and I am sure you want to look back at this time as happy memories not memories filled with pain and mastitis. I am a huge breastfeeding supporter but i mainly support women doing what is BEST for them and their family. This is the best choice for you. Do it and do it with the knowledge that you tried so hard to make it work and just can't do it. Its ok to feed your baby formula. Thats what its there for-for babies who need it. Best wishes and congrats on your precious new baby!

M.

I haven't been through this but just wanted to let you know you are doing the right thing! You are chosing options that will be the healthiest for everyone in your family including you with the situation you've been dealt! As you said you can't care for your children if you are so sick! One of the things that surprised me most about being a Mom. I have to tell you (you can kick me if you want) I had probably the easiest times one could have breast feeding but I was STILL struck at how it wasn't straightforward easy and natural!

I started out breastfeeding my newborn DD but 2 weeks later ended up back in the hospital with blood clots in my legs that traveled to my lungs. I had to go on anticoagulant medications and was in the hospital for several weeks. So breastfeeding was no longer an option and I was on Coumadin for months afterwords. I didn't feel so much guilt about it as I was disappointed. I really could not feel guilty because I could not help the medical condition that lead to breastfeeding having to be discontinued, but I was disappointed that it had been going so well and now I felt like DD was not going to get the benefits of breastfeeding. What helped me was to realize that feeding her formula was the BEST thing I could do for her given the situation we were in - her nutritional needs were being met and I was recovering and that was all that mattered. She is now 3.5 years old and you can't tell that she was formula fed. She doesn't have any of the problems that breastfeeding is supposed to help prevent and she is as healthy as can be (not to mention too, one of the smartest kids in her preschool class!). Your baby will be okay too, so please don't beat yourself up about it any longer. Your health and well-being are just as important as the baby's and millions of babies have been formula-fed and have turned out just fine.

It is hard not to feel guilty - I completely understand as I struggled with this guilt with my first son.

At the end of the day a few things need to happen:

-Your child needs to be fed
-You need to be physically healthy
-You need to be emotionally healthy

Keeping that in mind, make a decision that will meet all three of these requirements and don't look back.

Loving, nurturing, and bonding with your baby will come through more than the sole act of feeding. It is only one piece of the complex puzzle that makes up motherhood.

You're doing a great job, mom and if that means bottle feeding then so be it!

The most important thing here is your emotional health. Whatever your feelings are, will be the feelings of your children. This is what causes behavioral problems and depression for the children later on. Calm down and accept your situation for what it is. If you can continue to breastfeed after the meds are done then work with a lactation consultant to make sure you and baby are doing it properly and you are getting enough rest and nutrition. There may even be supplements you can take to prevent infection. If your baby shows no signs of allergy to milk/soy then use formula. Signs would be ear infections, asthma, stuffiness, constant colds, gastric problems, eczema and crankiness. These things may show in a few months so watch to see but if everything is fine.....get on with the enjoyment of your children's lives!

I've been where you are and made the decision to stop breastfeeding for different reasons, but with the same logic behind it. I was SO guilt ridden with my DD. Then DS came along and I was DETERMINED...but alas, it didn't work and I gave in after 3 days of going down the same path as my DD. My DD is now almost 4, my DS is 15 months...and both were formula fed. Yes, I am sad at times because I wish I could have done it...but frankly...especially the second time around, I had a responsibility, not only to the new baby, but to my family as a whole. I made the choice that was the best for my FAMILY and for me and they are all thriving. Now that we are to 15 months with DS, there are SO many other things to stress over and feel guilty about that I barely remember how I fed them! LOL =0)
Do what is right for your family. You owe NO ONE an explanation.
Can you struggle through and make it work? Probably...but at what expense. Cherish these baby days and do right by your kids...how you feed them isn't what important...it's how you nurture them. Sending hugs.

I did not go through exactly what you are going through-and you sound sincerely disappointed but you already have your answer-Its not working and though your well intentioned-you need to be healthy for yourself and your family-Its just that simple. And please dont feel insecure about your decision-the problem is people find it so easy to pass judgement and offer unsolicitated advice-simply say you tried and for medical reasons I dont want to get into we just could not continue. You do not owe these people an explanation-you are doing the best for you and your family at at the end of the day that is all that really matters.

I only had mastitis once, but it was so unbelievably miserable! And my husband didn't stay home, so I was caring for a 2 yo, 1 yo, and 3 month old at the time. I totally understand your decision. You have done much more than many other moms would have done. You did your best for your little ones!!!

I won't ramble on as you've had so many wonderful responses but I did want to reply to your question. I had some difficulties breastfeeding with DS#1 so I understand your disappointment & frustration. However, like anything in life, sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't. You have tried your best so please do not be so hard on yourself. The best thing you can do for your children is be healthy and spend time with them. Whether you nurse or bottle feed, as long as your little baby is getting the proper nutrition and care that is what matters most. Something that always helped me during the more trying emotional times was that I was not the first mother to experience what I was experiencing and I wouldn't be the last. Good luck and I hope you feel better very soon.

You have to do what's best for you; It took me a long time to learn how to breastfeed with my son; I breastfed him for 3 years. I would have kept going but I dried up after six months of being pregnant with my daughter. I felt badly because, he wasn't ready. I am still breastfeeding my daughter; she just turned 17 months.

I know with my son I got a lot of misleading advice and I did both formula and breast milk when he was a newborn. I felt guilty giving him the formula and I basically lived at the hospital at the lactation consultants office and they told me to just breast feed him and not listen to the pediatrician. I did give up the formula and bf exclusively. What's interesting with my daughter, he didn't give the same advice. Both my kids had jaundice and I wanted to desparately get rid of it quickly. By giving her lots of breast milk and skin to skin contact, it went away quickly but I thought he was going to give me the same advice he to me with my son. He didn't.

You absolutely can't breastfeed, then move on but if you can do both, I would do both. If you have to be on meds and you can't bf, then there's nothing you can do; however, I would contact the laleche league. They are not all crazy; they can help you tremendously. I'm sure some have been through what you're going through and can help.

Don't beat yourself up over it. Enjoy your baby as they grow up so fast.

Let us know what happens.

I am glad to see you getting so many positive responses!
There is alot of pressure to breat feed, and yes we all know that it's the best thing for the baby....IF it works out to be best for mom too.

I tried so hard with my 2.5 to breast feed and it just didn't work, I felt like ALL I did was nurse him and he was never satisfied, He quit latching, I was cracked and sored and EXHAUSTED and after 8 weeks my Dr. finally looked at me said "Just stop! You are no use to him exhausted, emotional and unhappy. It's not working for you, and thats ok!"

My last baby I thought I WILL DO IT THIS TIME!!! I read books, surfed the web, went to classes, and it failed sooner then last time. No matter what I did i wasn't producing enough milk, the baby quit latching, got CRANKY, I tried pumping while bottle feeding, drinking teas, taking herbs, bulking up my diet.......it just didnt work. And while it was VERY disappointing, and made me very sad bottom line is that he started thriving on the formula. So breastfeeding was out. Like Grandma t and others have said, it happens. You tried, really hard. Lucky for us moms of today there is formula and so many choices of it! Good luck, and try not to take it too hard!

I think you need to do what is best for your baby and that is feed him/her no matter if it is breastmilk or formula. I had trouble breastfeeding my 1st and ended up bottle fededing and I cried and cried. I didn't even try with my secound because I didn't want to have the same trouble and go through all that sadness again. I give you lots of credit for giving it another go. Sometimes breastfeeding doesn't work out. Who cares what the other mothers will think. You will eventually stop being so depressed and the guilt will go away as you feel physically better. Don't forget this is an extremely emotional time for you and Im sure this contributes to the guilt and depression. Give baby some formula let your poor breasts heal and just take care of your kids. One good thing is when you are ready to get out without the baby you don't have to worry about when he/she nedds to eat(wich is an issue for me and my 3rd) you can just tell whoever is babysitting what time to feed and how to make a bottle! Keep your spirits up your babies need a happy calm mama! Good Luck

Sorry you are feeling this way. I had a preemie and couldnt breast feed him initially , so I understand how difficult it is as a mom. But you did try your best. It's more important that you are healthy to take care of your baby. If breastfeeding leads you to have infections then it's only fair for you and your baby to use formula. It has all the nutrients your baby needs to thrive and grow and is better for him given the circumstances. He will have a healthy mom to take care of him , cuddle him and be there for him. You being ill and in pain - is not good for your baby too. Please dont feel guilty as this is not in your hands. I don't know if this would work for you but do ask your doc if pumping will help you at all ? That way your baby can still get your milk in a bottle. I know pumping helps with engorgement(because young babies don't empty breast completely) but infection is a totally different thing, Do ask your doc.

I remember struggling and struggling to breast feed my first child - I'd had to have a blood transfusion at delivery and am naturally so thin I think I just don't produce much milk. My husband was pushing me bc of course "it's the best". That is until his mother told him how him and all 3 of his siblings were entirely bottle fed. That shut my 6'4" intellectually gifted husband up! If it's something you wanted bc you thought it'd be nice bonding time, that mourn that but don't feel guilty. I'm very bonded w/ my children and never breast fed much. They're healthy, smart etc. (knock on wood, healthier and smarter so far than lots of other kids...) My mom said in her generation, they discouraged breast feeding and we turned out great. Be glad you can have other people feed your baby so you can still spend time with your older child and get a break sometimes to make everyone happier.

I wasn't able to BF my first. If you can't do it, then you can't do it. I didn't feel the least bit guilty. Sure, I was bummed a little bit, because I really wanted to do this, but my body just wouldn't. I don't think there is anything to feel guilty about, it's not like you aren't feeding him anything.

And as far as the community goes, I would only worry about you and not care what others are doing. This is your baby, not someone elses. You can not do, or worry what other mothers are doing or you will end up driving yourself insane!!

I don't think this is a matter of "dealing with it", it's just something that you can't do, so you have to bottle feed...end of story. It is, what it is, and BF isn't it!

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT FORMULA FEEDING! Breastfeeding is NATURAL, but not always easy!

If you want to continue trying to breastfeed, work with your lactation consultant to help you. The most important thing is having one who understands the need for formula when BFing isn't working out - and it sounds like you do. I got shingles 3 days after giving birth and it royally screwed things up. It took me 4 months to get back to exclusive breastfeeding and I HAD to supplement with formula during that time because my supply was so low. You need to be healthy to take care of your baby. Your baby needs to eat to be healthy. If breastmilk isn't a viable option right now, formula fills the need. If you find you can't BF, but CAN pump, then supplement the formula with the breastmilk. You are caring for your baby as best you can and there's NO reason to feel guilty about that. If you feel the need to explain to busybodies that bug you about it, your doc/pedi AND LC (and they can be VERY non-formula) support you. If anyone in your community gives you a hard time - they can kiss your booty - and mine for that matter! LOL :)

There are a few questions I want you to ask yourself:
1) have I given breast feeding my very best shot?
2) am I (and baby) going to be happier breast feeding than formula feeding?
4) is this situation causing myself, baby and family undue stress?
5) is there any situation where breast feeding is going to be possible?

Honestly, I would say that you HAVE given it your best, you are going to be happier if you're nursing BECAUSE it's causing everyone undue stress. It sounds to me like there really isn't another alternative.
The absolute only thing I can think of is to tell you (after you get the infection cleared up) to continue to pump to empty your breasts after nursing. Also, make sure baby's latch is correct. A shallow latch can cause nipple pain. Avoid bras with underwires as well.

Other than that, all I can offer is a hug! You really just need to do what is best for you and your family.