My husband and I have been together for 13 years. We were both previously married and we realized early on that we would do well go get started with couple's counseling because even at the onset of our relationship, we were committed to being together.
That said, we had to really work at learning how to be together constructively. I'd say that our biggest challenges were the following:
1. Someone in our social group was sexually inappropriate with me and this was very difficult for both of us to deal with. My husband was the leader of that group and I had been molested before, so we were both at a bit of a loss as to how to deal with our own feelings/responsibilities in that situation.
2. I have anxiety which was untreated for quite a while. We had to learn how to communicate in a way which took into account my need for predictability and his need for autonomy.
3. We suffered a miscarriage, which was horribly devastating. We both learned that we have very different ways of grieving and dealing with loss.
4. Parenting-- being on the same page, not making our child the center of everything. Finding balance and not letting parenting issues become all-consuming.
5. For both of us-- feeling heard and listened to. Finding a way to make sure our actions are following up what we agree to.
I find forgiveness for things that have hurt or that have happened when I see that my husband is sincerely sorry. Not with words, necessarily, but more like when my son apologizes and I ask him "what's the best way to show you are sorry?"-- "Don't do it again/any more." I think a lot of our growth is in doing what we say we are going to do.
I also remember that this is a man who I do love and respect, and who doesn't generally going around doing things to hurt my feelings on purpose. I know he is worthy of the benefit of the doubt, so while I might be angry or frustrated about a situation, I also know that he shows himself to be a pretty straight player and good guy. He's as loyal as the day is long. I trust that he isn't looking for ways to ruin my day or upset me. He wants family harmony and my ease just as much as I want his. So, perhaps it is that deep sense of trust and commitment, backed up by our actions, which keep us going through the hard parts. An understanding that we are both our own people who are going to do things in different ways and that we both love each other deeply but *aren't* each the other, if that makes sense. He doesn't need to be able to read my mind, nor I his, and we can communicate our needs in a respectful and reasonable way.