Marriage Counselor - Shawnee,KS

M., we saw a pastor after having some HUGE problems early in our relationship. i don't credit it with "saving" our marriage, however, it did help a lot just to clear the air and have a neutral party mediating. he did not talk as much as we did, but he helped us both get a lot off our chest. it was more about letting both of us express clearly how we felt and what we wanted out of the relationship. i have never been to a counselor but i imagine it would be similar. it was very helpful to me because i felt i was really "heard" for the first time. unfortunately we didn't stick with it very long, so i don't have any other experience. but what the other reply said about both people wanting to work to fix the relationship, that part is VERY true. both of you have to take responsibility for your part in things, and be willing to admit you were wrong. if both parties truly are willing to WORK to make the relationship last, then you can work it out. good luck i hope you find what you're looking for.

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Good morning M.! Seeing a pastor/counselor is definitely NOT a sign of the end. It's a sign that you two love each other enough to make things better! My husband and I spoke to our pastor, who is a counselor through the week. It started because of some family problems that we were tired of and ended up talking and clearing up problems we had in out marriage. It's the BEST thing we've ever done for ourselves. Our marriage has literally NEVER been better!!! We understand each other like never before. Really. I would give it a try if I were you. But I would make sure it's a pastor! They will pray for you both and give you scripture which helps SO much!! And they are 100% PRO family. I also agree with Karen Nana of 5, it's hard to be mad at the person you pray with. Hold hands and pray. That in itself is a great way to help things.

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Hi M.
I wish someone would have told me that being married was something you had to work on all the time! I think seeing a counselor or talking with your pastor means your finding new ways to make something good better. But it really does need to be both of you who want to make it work. Unfortunately I don't have a pastor I would seek out for anything! Not because I don't attend church - just because I don't really see him as someone I could trust. It's a long story! Love, love, love my church - we just need a new pastor! Anyway, I don't know where your located but a friend of mine is a therapist - Terri Dichiser and her website is http://www.takechargeinc.net/

Keep your chin up!

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Sandy Epperson is very good - I would recommend her! Her office number is ###-###-####. I'm not sure what you mean by "needing to see a counselor is a sign of the end" do you mean of your marriage? Not necessarily. Both parties have to be willing to work on it - if they aren't, then yes, it's probably a sign of things to come. Sandy can work with you together or seperately. She doesn't pull any punches - she tells it like it is. If you aren't willing to hear the whole truth, she may not be for you. My husband and I started seeing her together, and long story short he didn't like what she had to say. He left in the middle of a session - I still see her for myself. She has helped me a great deal!

I hope this helps - I know how hard it is to be in a bad marriage.

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Hi M., I will echo what everyone else is saying...a counsleor is NOT a sign of the end. I think it's great that you are willing to consider going to one. Marriage is work--sometimes hard work! You don't just take your car in to the mechanic when it stops running--you do routine maintenance to keep it running. Couseling could be considered routine maintenance! Good Luck!

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Hi M.,

I would definitely recommend counselling to couples that are willing to work on their marriages to make them better! At first it seemed to make things a bit worse because my feelings were so raw but it was well worth sticking with it!

Most large churches have a pastor/counselor service or can recommend one that is available at low or no cost. (Which really helps if finances are an issue in the first place:) !)

I also have really gained a lot of insight by reading Randy Carlson's book Starved for Affection. It is very practical.

Best Wishes,
A.

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Good Morning M., Seeing a counselor, pastor, mediator whatever you wish to call it, is definitely a step in the right direction if there are problems between you and your wonderful man who cooks, you can't seem to get a grip on.
Whether it's intimacy, finances, kids, discipline in the home or kids having trouble at school.

We went to a Family counselor years ago, when our boys figured out I was a push over and could get away with anything. They had gotten in trouble and mom wanted to believe they hadn't been involved. DUH!!!The problem made me feel used, abused and down right sad. I was trying to be a friend to them instead of a mom. Trying to over compensate for the way I was raised. Plus hubby and I had a few issues we or I finally got out in the open without being defensive.

Our counselor started out with all of us, then spoke with each of us privately. We obviously made it being married 38 yrs last May! The boys are still alive and well, I never did strangle the Buggers....lol

Whatever you problems may be M., a good counselor can help you get to the core of it and help you sort out what is good and what needs to be better. Unless your counselor says not to speak about the session together YET, share with each other what you heard them say. You might find each has a completely different take on it. Then share that with the counselor next time to get what was said more clearly defined. Example: I always heard in my mind It's YOUR fault the boys are like this, your treating them as if they could do no wrong.. I was basically blamed for everything growing up, so I over did the kind nice mom.
Hey I got over it!!!!

God Bless you and your household M., Be open, be willing, work hard together, most of all pray together. It's hard to fight with a praying partner :)
K. Nana of 5

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I do not feel that is a sign of the end......

If you want it to work, don't start out with that attitude or it won't work, does that make sense? Sometimes evreyone needs a little help, marriage is not easy, but is worth it if you are with the one that you love. Good luck finding one and don't give up quite yet!

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I would see your pastor if you have one or someone who is able to counsel or listen as a mediator that is in the church. I've put this web address on mamasource before but will suggest it again. It's not an immediate help unless you can travel now but will be in Overland Park in March. It's https://secure.familylife.com/site/c.dnJHKLNnFoG/b.443269...
The main info is below:
http://www.familylife.com/site/c.dnJHKLNnFoG/b.3204559/k....
You also might check out their material and see if something would help until March. They do have seminars this winter but not in KS.
They have seminars that start on Friday night, you can stay in a hotel or go home each night but they prefer you stay overnight on Saturday night. You have group meetings on Friday night, Saturday then that night free for time together and then on Sunday you go most of the day. It is really good and addresses many things both partners need to know as well as the Spiritual side that is what really makes it work. I would recommend this so much. Of course you have to work on it from both sides no matter who you see but I never feel talking about issues and making goals to better your marriage is making it worse. It may bring things out which is what needs done to forgive or make changes or whatever needs done.

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Marriage is such hard work, and if more people realized that, more people would go to counseling. In my opinion, counseling shouldn't be seen as a negative thing. Even those who have a "great" marriage, or so it seems, would probably benefit from a neutral party helping the couple communicate, problem solve, participate is self-reflection, etc. Some churches require counseling PRIOR to the marriage they deem it so important.

I cannot imagine counseling not helping. The key is to finding someone both you and your husband trust and "click" with. If you or your husband are at all uncomfortable with the counselor, move on. However, keep in mind the counselor will probably point out some things you both need to work on, so before you move on, make sure you are not simply upset with the counselor for pointing out negative things that need work.

Keep us all updated, and best of luck to you!

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counseling is not a sign of the end. It's an act of unselfish courage for both the husband and wife. It takes trust, dedication and an ability not to judge as you open up and divulge inner feelings. Counseling saved my marriage and it can save yours. At the very least, you owe it to the marriage to try everything possible before divorce is seriously contemplated.

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I will tell you that you have to be willing to hear where you have gone wrong too and not just blame him for everything. My parents went to a counselor and for years my mom talked about what a horrible counselor he was because he pointed out her faults, which she didn't want to here nor accept responsibility for. Needless to say, my parents marriage ended a few years later, after being married for 30 years.

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