Making Friends at New High School

It sounds like you've been really encouraging and affirming to your daughter through all of this and that's exactly what she needs...that little push to keep going and not give up. I know there may be clubs that she's not particularly interested in, but even so, they can be a great place to find friends, explore talents and abilities she didn't realize she had, and to contribute in finding ways to make the club even better. If she has many interests but there isn't a club to meet those interests, why not talk to her guidance counseler about starting one? She would be like an entrepreneur right there in high school. My husband and I met through a high school club that my friends and I started and I met my best friend in in that same club. I remember going out for JV soccer just because I could hang out with my friend-they had so few girls trying out that it was a guarantee to make the JV team. My husband went to a nearby high school, but only his last two yrs. of h.s. His dad was a marine and they moved all over so your daughter's challenge was his too. At his school, he was able to make a couple acquaintances playing basketball and being involved in the club we were in but ultimately, he went at lunch and hung out with the drama group...my husband is SO not your typical drama-club-guy...he's naturally an introvert, can be shy and would never get on stage...he's an Accountant now, so that all makes sense...but the drama group welcomed him and actually welcomed everyone. Are there any military-families' kids at your daughter's h.s.? They will definitely relate. I would tell your daughter to step out of her comfort zone and walk up to someone at lunch who looks nice, like someone she'd like to be friends with and just say, "Hey, I'm new here, would it be ok if I had lunch with you?"And she could strike up a conversation from there asking about likes/dislikes and so on. If she's met someone casually in class tell her to ask them where they eat for lunch and she could just say, "is it ok if I join you today?" If you want to make friends sometimes you have to make that first out-of-comfort-zone step to initiate things. If she continues to eat lunch alone, other kids might think that she wants that...sometimes there were people in my high school who would come to school new and I was often the one inviting new students to lunch...some actually said no and sat alone...I didn't get it. It's hard to step up to someone (IN high school especially) and try to invite yourself for lunch,,,fear of rejection is huge, but tell her to try it.

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School just started! She has to give it time. Tell her to join a sport or some clubs, even if she's not particularly interested in them, and she's pretty likely to make friends that way. If she's not willing to do that, she may be without friends for a while. But she will make some eventually.

My kids also went from a small charter school to a large high school, but they adjusted. But most or all of their new friends were made within some school group or sport they joined -- dance for my daughter, debate and track for my son.

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Talk to the guidance counselor.
Your daughter may be feeling more sensitive about not fitting in than necessary. I mean, has she actually tried sitting with her acquaintences or does she just assume that they will ignore her? It's hard putting yourself out there sometimes, especially when you're a freshman.
Both of my kids were always enlisted (and happily complied) with taking the new or shy kids under their wing. They showed them around, ate lunch with them, introduced them to other kids. My kids were often buddied up with special needs children as well because they treated them just like any other kid.
My son was a freshman last year, and even though he had all of his friends from elementary and middle school there at the same time, one of the most popular jocks in the entire school assigned himself to my son. He not only showed my son around, but showed my son where HIS locker and classes were, ate lunch with him and told him that if anybody messed with him or treated him badly to let him know and he would deal with it. My son thought it was AWESOME! The truth is....it's nothing different than my son had always done for other kids and now that he's a sophomore, he looks out for the freshman.
Your daughter is NOT a loser, she's not a charity case or anything, but I'll bet you there are kids that are known for having a knack for inviting other kids in. I'm sure her school knows exactly who they are.
High school is hard. Adjusting to everything the first year is tough. It's all new, but she will find her way and settle in.

The other thing is, none of the clubs hold appeal to her. There are no clubs for her particular interests. How does she know if she doesn't try? If she doesn't at least go to a meeting to see if it's what she might like or not?
It's hard putting yourself out there, but she can't wait for engraved invitations and a red carpet rolled out....
Being picky and isolating herself won't help anything.
Maybe someone can buddy up with her until she gets the confidence to reach out. There are so many opportunities to really have fun in high school.
I think she'll get it figured out.

Best wishes.

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Who the eat lunch with was always a scary time for me when I was growing up. My suggestion would be to look for someone else who is alone and approach them. I know that may sound scary but there are probably others out there who are new or don't have a group. I can emphasize with your daughter. Let her know that others went through what she's going through and I completely understand how she feels. :)

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It's hard transition. See msg.

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School just started.......try to give it a little more time......I'm sorry :o( These are the hardest transitions for US to watch our children make.......

Once she's in school a little while longer, then she begin to make more new friends....she'll start "bonding" with someone from one of her classes that she shares a "strength" in.....probably a yound girl feeling the same way your daughter feels right now....and, right now her judgement is "clouded" and she only see's the groups because she wishes she was in one.......she will be eventually......even the "geeks" have groups :O) (not saying she's a geek, like me, I'm just pointing out that even girls like me find their groups!) Everyone is part of a group of somekind eventually.

This is soooooo hard! She will be OK, just keep an eye on her emotionally. We don't want her to get depressed, and that's so easy to do when FRIENDS ARE EVERYTHING to our young adults.It's great that you've talked to the counselor already....perhaps there's something she's interested in outside of school for the Fall?

I truly wish you the best of emotions through this!

~N. :O)

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Hmmmm....not sure if this applies to a high-schooler....but one of the kids in my son's class was having similar issues--very nice kid, but no "buddy" to hang with. He started throwing up every day and eating lunch with the nurse :-(
My son's teacher asked me & then, my son if he would ask him to join him for lunch one day and it really helped him to feel more comfortable about being in the caf with the others. Do you think a teacher or guidance counselor could suggest someone/facilitate something? Or maybe high school is too "old" for that type of thing....?

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