Major Issues with My Sister-in-laws

I have to agree with Julie. Gossip is so damaging and who wants to be a part of such a disfunctional mix? I think you can maintain casual and cordial relationships with your respective relatives without having to be personally involved.

I have cousins whom are not my best friends and they are always putting their noses in places they don't belong, but if they call I'm nice, if they visit I'm accomodating and cordial, but I don't call them for advice and I don't share details with them beyond what they "need" to know.

Just remember to be the bigger person and be strong.

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You were very well detailed about the back-story of this.

BOTTOM-LINE is: you cannot trust them. Do NOT think of them as "friends." They are not. Being civil is one thing, but not the "cure." So, just do NOT NOT NOT tell anything personal to them, that you do not want broadcast to others, verbally or in e-mails.

The bottom-line is: cover your butt. PROTECT your privacy. And do NOT let them "bait" you. Because they have proved to be able to do that, then used it against you.

Among family, there is ALSO the concept of "privacy." You do NOT have to let it all hang out and tell them things, beyond your own children or Husband. There is a line there. Even for me/Hubby... we don't tell our families EVERYTHING and anything. We have OUR privacy. Our children know that too, and are taught that.

Yes, they are only your in-laws, who have PROVEN that they cannot be trusted and do NOT respect you. SO.... conduct yourself with that in mind.

There is no point to correct any past wrongdoings, just keep it in your mind and practice common sense. Do not let emotional entanglement get in the way. Not everybody can "change" to how we "wish" they could or should. They play by different rules and ethics... which are CLEARLY not your ethics. So, proceed as such.

Next, your Husband should be loyal to you, his wife. He probably knows his sister(s) are not being nice to you, ON PURPOSE. They treat you as a "joke." Don't let them.
Just be perfunctory, at most.

Not all "relatives" can be trusted, be it your own family or in-laws. Bottom line.

All the best,
Susan

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First I want to say YEAH if you are truly treating your son with supplements. My motto is education not medication.

Second, you are right, they are not nice. But guess what? There are Not nice people in this world. So they mocked you, so they did nothing, get over it. They did what they did with the information provided to them at the time. Brenda may have been the "accomplice" but now she is or could be the "leader". You choose what information you will give her from now on.

I get that you are hurt, but really, how long do you get to let Jan and Brenda have control over your feelings? How long do YOU get to be bothered by al this? I guarantee you Jan is NOT losing any sleep over this. This is about your feelings and how long you want to FEEL bad about the situation. You can choose right at this moment to let it go, learn a lesson and move on. Or you can dwell, complain, whine and teach your children that lesson. It is up to you.

B.
Family Wellness Coach

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I would not bring up the subject with Brenda again. I also would not discuss in e-mails anything that I did not want other people to know and use against me. When you see Brenda and if you happen to see your ex sister in law, be polite and cordial...talk about the weather or insignificant things...just relate to them on a superficial level.

Hope this helps,
J.

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Hi E.,

I, too, have a couple of "winning" sisters-in-law, so I can empathize. Try this on for size...

You are a polite and courteous person. Therefore, remain polite and courteous to Brenda. It doesn't matter if she's fake nice or really means it because you are polite to everyone. You know you can't trust her and you'll never email or say anything personal, so being nice and polite puts you at small talk level...easy as pie. "Hi, Brenda. Got your lovely email. I'm glad the kids are doing well at swim lessons. Isn't it fun to see them grow and improve?! Hope you have a great weekend. Bye!"

Family harmony is maintained and you haven't put yourself in a position to be taken advantage of by getting personal. And, if your family is paying attention, you earn major brownie points for rising above everything and not being cruel in return.

Yes, Brenda should've done a lot of things differently, but you can't change her nor can you dictate her friends. You can, however, change your persepective.

I had a sister-in-law, who I thought I could depend on during a family crisis. Not only did she not help, she mocked me to my two other sisters-in-law, made my husband's life more difficult to get back at me, and gave me the fakest apology (she even told my mother-in-law she didn't mean it...big mistake). I stopped interacting with her on a personal level although I remained polite whenever we saw each other at family events. I'm no longer "available" to drive her around to shopping, hair appointments and such. The worst she says about me now is that I'm "aloof" because I don't have time for gossip sessions. I can live with that.

Good luck!

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Hi E., Gossip is so damaging and is not funny at. I learned the hard was as well, NEVER put anything in writing that you don't want no one else to see or read. Always forgive, but never make the same mistakes twice. Keep your e-mails in free of personal stuff, the ,metioning of other people's names even family members. Brenda's relationship with Jan is not about you, so don't worry about that, people see others different than someone else may see them,so their friendship should not affect you at this point. Hope this helps J. L.

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I think you've answered your own question - be nice and civil to her when you see her, since it is not very often.
Don't share anything personal with her, don't send her any emails.
If your husband wants to send pics of the kids, that's fine, but don't share details of your kids' personal medical issues.
I know it still hurts, and what she did certainly wasn't right, but you may want to forgive her for your own peace of mind, and move on.
Good luck!

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You may want to find a new group of adults to play with.

Be well.

N.

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I agree with T A. Let it go. Don't even think about it anymore. Forgive them and move on. Be civil and polite and TERSE and that's it. Don't give them any ammo. Don't react to them. Something is very wrong with them, but don't take that on to yourself and drive yourself crazy over how THEY choose to behave. Learn to let it roll off your back. I seriously visualize things rolling off my back - that helps.

Please read "THE LAW OF THE GARBAGE TRUCK"
I think it will help give you some perspective on your toxic relatives.
http://davidjpollay.typepad.com/david_j_pollay/lawofthega...

The good news is that you only see Brenda once a year. Woo hoo! Now forget them and enjoy your family.

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Stop emailing both of them and just be nice when you see them on holidays. If they ask about the decrease in contact, just say you've been busy. Brenda might be two faced but don't spend any more energy on them even if they are "family". They aren't acting loving at all. Concentrate on the great things you do have like your hubby and 3 boys. =)

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E.,

While yes, Jan sounds rather mean, it was unwise to send by email anything to anyone (unless maybe your husband) something that you expect to keep private. I'm sure those were not the only things that she had done that were unkind, so you must have had a sense of her "nature" before the emails went out.
As far as Brenda, if you don't want to be "friends" with her that is your choice. Maybe she thought it best to stay out of it and not get involved with family drama. Like you mentioned she stays in touch with Jan so perhaps in time she will have her own unfortunate story to have to deal with. Nevertheless, she is your sister-in-law and your paths will cross. It is best to forgive her in your heart at least for you and your family's sake. There is no point in harboring these feelings and letting them eat away at you AND you only see this woman once a year! Forgive for your benefit (and your family's) and move on.

Being an enabler is not a nice thing, however you should accept the fact that you allowed this to happen so that your future choices will have a better impact on your happiness.

Please know that I am not intending to sound harsh in any way towards you- I have learned my lessons as well from people betraying me. Keep to yourself what shouldn't be "out there". If you need to talk about it to someone- pray! God is always there to listen and He never spills the beans!!!

Be well,
K.

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You're lucky you only have to see her once a year. Be polite and nice and leave it at that. You do not have to keep in touch with her.
Would you want your children to play with kids that get a laugh at someone else’s expense? Nope. So you don't need to "be friends" with this person.

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Hi, E.,

Your situation sounds unpleasant but, fortunately for you, does not make you look awful. (I've seen and heard much worse information about people in similar situations.) From what you've written, I'm not sure that Brenda "enabled" Jan, and I'm not sure that Brenda has betrayed you. In fact, Brenda may have thought that Jan's actions were silly and immature. (I think that virtually all of us at least occasionally get e-mail from people who are acting silly and immature.) If Jan and Brenda are getting lots of laughs about you at your expense, then Jan and Brenda have really boring, unfulfilling lives. I doubt that anyone very interesting will care what they say. It sounds as though you are allowing yourself to be dragged into drama. (So Brenda still keeps in touch with Jan. How does that affect you? The are sisters, which means that, if they are at all "sisterly," they acknowledge each other's flaws without condoning each other's bad behavior but still talk to each other.) If you don't act as though you care about being criticized or mocked, then it is probably less likely that you will be criticized or mocked or at least that anyone will care. (The person who does the mocking will get tired of her game if nobody cares what she thinks and nobody is listening to what she says. Drama needs fuel--people who care what other people think.) Don't let their actions or inactions get you down.

Make friends with people who get along with you. If you enrich your life and your children's lives with loyal people and have goals, causes to support, and interests, you likely won't think about or be bothered by the actions of your in-laws for long.

At least the people you trust aren't close to you. I just found out that my husband has been electronically spying on me for the last year and a half. I think that breach of trust can prove to be a much bigger problem when it occurs between spouses.

I would just deal with Jan and Brenda in a formal, business-like way.

Best wishes,
L.

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Hi E., I kind of had similar issues with in-laws. I would just respond once in awhile and keep it short to her. She will get the message how you really don't even trust her and your not going to be telling her anything she can pass on to the others. She is being nice to you and you do have to see her once a year so keep it simple and only keep in touch sparingly. Good luck and enjoy your beautiful boys and don't let them get the best of you.

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Hi E.,

I think you have some good advice here and you know what to do. Be the one in control of your feelings and not let others have that power. No need to.

On another note - YEA on seeing a DAN doctor for your son and his autism. Good work on not accepting the words of the pediatrician that there isn't anything to do about it. If you haven't already, hook up with TACA, a great support system for families of autism.
www.tacanow.org

Best of luck:o)

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Hello, I am so sorry that you have had to deal with this. I too, have had to deal with an in-law who has spread lies about me. This happens to be my son's wife. She had cheated on my son, got my other son to use crystal (he was a dumb teenager), used drugs in my house, abused my grandson, and then comes to tell me (as one of her so-called steps toward recovery) that she not only lied to me, but she lied about me. She then went on to tell me that she wasn't going to tell me who she lied to about me or what those lies were. I was supposed to forgive her. I am not that big. Now my kids all treat her like she is a princess. I have told my son that there will never be a relationship with her and that he needs to understand that I wouldn't tolerate this out of a stranger. We all get together and there is no problem. I only speak to her when I have to. I should say that I did try to get over it and move on, however, she went to the school where I volunteer and our grandkids go and told more things about me which weren't true. My son has chosen to believe everything she says about me even though I have always been honest with him and she has been caught in so many lies. I have even made sure to include her in Christmas and Easter gifts. She has never said and thank-you or acknowledged any gifts and I am very near leaving her off of the next holiday list.
I wish I could give you a plan where you could get over this, but I think you will have to find it in your heart if it is there. You could try to explain to her how much she has hurt you and that you are trying to get over it. Make sure that she understands that trust is something that has to be earned. Maybe eventually, she will earn that trust. I wouldn't give her any conversation which you don't want repeated.
Your son is very lucky to have you for a mom. It is good that you have gotten him onto a plan which will help him.
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.

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You don't see her that often, and it doesn't really matter if she's being "fake nice" - you'll probably never know. But just forget the past and don't bring anything up - don't stew over this because it will eat you up inside. Just forget it, have minimal contact with her, and go on with life. When you do see her, just be nice back, like she's being, and forget the rest.

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Stop taking/corresponding with her and when you see her keep it light and polite. If you choose to share confidences with her you're responsible for the outcome.

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Dear E.,

Your doing exactly what you should be doing, being civil about it. At least you know where you stand with her. Defiantely wouldn't send any family gossip via email cause it's too easy to forward. I had a sister-in-law, now my ex sister-in-law who accused me of havin an affair with her husband and my husband believed her and because of the accusation caused our marriage to break up. Try that one on for size. Good Luck

V.

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I had a similar issue with a family member and all I can say is you are doing all that you can do. Continue to be civil with her and don't engage in any further relationship with her. Keep your email responses brief. Unless you want to really re-hash your hurt feelings with her, which would probably cause her to continue to patronize you, I would just keep things as superficial as possible. Family will always be family, but luckily you don't live close to her.
Im sorry you had to experience this.....I know its not easy!

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Give up on E=mails.
You should never say or write anything that you don't want printed on the front page of the local newspaper.
If you give up E-mail, you will have more time for other things.
Good luck,
B. v. O.

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My dear E.,

First all, I want you to understand I truly identify your feelings. Now that I have a perspective from it being in the past(with me and sister-in-laws period), I can see much more.

E., you are contributing to this behavior by reacting. Though they dont know you explain and talk on here, they can tell something brews about in you, and that's what mainly Jan wanted. You fed into it. Now, the immaturaty on both sides reaches a level where finally you cant hide what's going on, and it makes you look ridiculous, which is just what you DONT want.
You used the word "enabler" where I believe it doesnt fit, or apply...Brenda didnt enable, she received something in passing. An enabler is someone or a situation that allows one to hurt and continue to hurt themselves or another. She didnt really contribute. And E., SHE HAS APPOLOGIZED TO YOU!! Oh my dear, accept this! This is so fortunate that she has acknowledged this in a positive and moving on way. To go on and on in detail as you did began to sound like teenagers talking! I am not meaning that mean, truly, because like I said I understand. Whew, could I tell you a story, but it would take me all afternoon!
The evil one is now out of the life where all of you communicate together and YOU, you lucky thing, dont have to communicate with her AT ALL anymore!
These things start out very simple but rude, and quickly ascend into a huge, ridiculous, detailed gossip story. It is cruel, granted. but dont feed into it. Smile you beautiful smile that your husband fell in love with, and hold you head with pride that he DID marry you and you have beautiful children! You dont have time for negativity that could effect him and/or your children so be above her, protecting the bliss you have and protecting it with grace, confidence, and lovingly, WHICH IS SOMETHING SHE DOESNT HAVE. Do you hear me? She's insecure and jealous honey!
NOW YOU CAN LAUGH!!

Wendy

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I always teach my girls to never talk about a person unless you would still say it if they were standing there. First the person may tell and change it up. Second someone that knows them may be standing around and over hear so be prepared to stand up for what you said. You are so lucky to have Jan out of your life. As for Brenda give her a break. She didn't take part or send it out she just received it and for what ever reason she likes Jan. When you were sending Jan e-mails with MIL stories were you meaning to be cruel and hurtful, you were sort of mocking her just like Jan did you. Instead of giving stories you could have stood up for your MIL and told Jan that was not right to mock her. Did Brenda call you to tell you to stop doing that to her MOM/MIL when she received those. Your MIL may feel you did the same to her that Jan was doing to you tring to make her look bad. Does she or the family hold grudges against you for that? Brenda didn't do any bad mouthing of anybody I think she is the most innocent of the three of you. That is what is wrong in this world today people are afraid to stand up for what is right and even if they don't agree with it just go along for the sake of fitting in it starts in grade school. Don't hold grudges against Brenda for the sake of your husband and family. She doesn't have to be your best friend just your sister in law. Enjoy life it is just to short.

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E.,
She is just a sister in law, you don't have to be best friends. You can just be nice at family functions. Maybe thank her for an email she sent, but you don't have to forward anything to her.
You do right by your son, don't let those women make you feel less than the great mother that you are. Seek good friends and let them go.
Enjoy that beautiful son.
~~D.

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I can relate. When I found out my ex had been cheating I found emails between him and my cousin. He was telling her how "horrible" things were with me (though I had no idea he felt that way - as I was recovering from multiple surgeries while mothering our 4 kids) and asking her to meet him for drinks and at one point even to go to Vegas with him. Well she continued to write him and even sent multiple messages via his myspace asking if he was "mad" at her because he wouldn't respond to her messages. What she didn't know is that by then I was monitoring his myspace and he no longer had access to it. Well aparently she had told my sister in law that he was propositioning her, failing to mention that she was fully participating in the exchanges. So when things all blew up I told my sister in law that my cousin had been having at very least inapropriate conversations with my then husband and she said that she had seen text messages from my husband to my cousin. She had known for at least 6 months that at very least my husband was propositioning my cousin and neither of them told me about it. When I told her that I had emails that showed my cousin was engaging the propositions at least in writing my sister in law didn't seem to care, or believed my cousins lies about it.
Now I'm the black sheep in the familiy for not wanting anything to do with my cousin. My sister in law and my cousin get together once a week. I've seen my cousin once in the last 2 years and rarely hang out with my sister in law at all anymore. I kinda figure I don't care if they're family, I have friends who understand loyalty - I don't need them to be my friends. I'm cordial to my cousin. I'm friendly with my sister in law, but I don't seek out a friendship with either one of them.
I think you just need to be decent to her when you have to interact with her and otherwise just don't try to be friends with her.

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no offense, but these are not major issues. just putting it in perspective fore you!

however it was a very mean and childish thing for jan to do. and very wrong for brenda to enable that. i agree with you that enablers are just as bad as wrongdoers.

she is definitely not your friend and you are doing a service to her just by being civil!

youre doing a good job, just love your hubby and your family and dont even give one more thought to these mean people!

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To let it all go will bring lots of peace to your mind and heart. Look into Co-dependents anonymous, it helps develop a healthy relationship with yourself and others and to stop obsessing about the unnecessary things in life.
Its hard to let go of these unhealthy thoughts, but it is possible, it is not doing you any good at all to worry about the past. Move forward. You have your hands full with your immediate family, you don't need someone elses problems and personalities to worry about, do you?
Best of luck and may peace be with you.

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As i read though the responses and then reread your question i can't help but think the issue really isn't with your sister-in-laws. It is with you. You are still devastated and hurt by their actions. How do you move past this. I know from experience it is not just that easy to let go and you have been "devastated" by Jan for a long time now.
Do you need to have a relationship with her? No but you do need to forgive her for YOUR sake. Forgiveness isn't for her; it is for you. It releases you from the pain and lets you not be controlled by someone who may not care or doesn't even know they have hurt you. You might have to do it daily. It is a process that will free you from any bondage to the person who hurt you.
I think that Brenda needs to be forgiven too. Yes, your relationship may be different. It sounds like she wants a relationship with you. I think you may have to clear the air with her. Did you assume she was mocking you? Did she tell you first hand that she was in agreement with Jan? You made alot of assumptions about Jan thinking you are an idiot and all the conversations that "may" have happened.
Please understand, I am not defending them, I agree that there was hurtful events happening. Now, you have to move on and learn from it. You can protect yourself and not have relationships with either of them but what happens when another person betrays you? We will always be betrayed by others because we all can be selfish. Didn't you in the same way betray your MIL? We aren't perfect and we hurt each other.
I think it is important to talk to Brenda and let her know you were injured by her actions and you need time to forgive her and decide what kind of relationship you would like with her if at all.
Let go and forgive them for your sake. Don't be tied to the injury because if you don't deal with it, you will become bitter and it will pour out into other relationships with people who might remind you of them. You might start hating your family because they have relationships with Jan and Brenda.
I think you get my point and really i am not trying to be cruel. I just know unforgiveness towards another leads to more pain for you.

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FYI I never really talk to my sister in laws. They seem nice but never make contact with me and just because I married their brother doesn't make me their friend. I have sent cards on their kids birthdays or even their birthdays and that is it. It sounds like you may want to be about as involved with your sister in laws because I can't see any reason in your letter that you would want to be involved with them.

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yep, keep this woman at arms-length. You only see her once a year so just be cordial then. You decide how close you want to be with her, and you've already decided you do not consider her a friend anymore, so, problem solved.
At this point, the issue is you moving on, "getting over it" so to speak... though I am like you, not really a forgiver or forgetter! You'll never forget this, but you also can't consider it an issue anymore since Jan is gone, Brenda apologized and it's over.
As far as email correspondence with her, keep it short, sweet, simple, few and far between.
Sounds like you already know what to do. Luckily you rarely see her!

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Hi there
Well, it looks like you really don't have any contact with anyway. Be thankful for that. I would say, just let it go. It looks like you are taking the steps not to be involved with her, so just keep it up. Unfortunatly it family, and you just have to deal with seeing her that one time a year.
Just be thankful that she doesn't live close to you like my SIL does........
This sister-in-law of mine is an absolute idiot. She's imature and acts like she is a man. (burps,farts) Not to mention she smokes in front of her kids and mine...god do I hate that! Anyway I have to see her more often then I prefer. She is a great provider for her family, but, sucks as a mom...to much detail to get into...
Just be thankful you don't have to deal with your SIL
Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi E.,

I agree that Jan is insensitive. Most likely she has her own personal issues that make her feel bigger about herself by making others look small. Now that she is no longer a part of your life you can let her go and let her deal with her own issues. She is doing the best she knows how to resolve her own internal conflicts. You don't have to drag yourself into her issues any more.

Are you positive that Brenda is an enabler? Perhaps she simply doesn't have enough self confidence to stand up to Jan and finds it easier to avoid conflict. I suspect that she really does like you and wants to maintain a good relationship with you, but also wants to keep the peace with Jan.

Realize that the problems those two women have are issues that they have within themselves, not you. You are beating yourself up over thier issues.

Let Jan go, let her issues go, and know that karma will bring her what she deserves. Talk about it with Brenda and let her know that your feelings have been hurt. Keep it non-acusatory so you don't put her on the defense. Remember, she can't handle conflict and any accusation would destry the already fragile friendship. Also, keep in mind that your perceptions are yours, and we all percieve things differently.

Most importantly forgive yourself for the anger that you are allowing to control your life. Life is too short and too precious to live in so much anger, blame and guilt.

Let go, forgive, be at peace.

M.

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Are you sure this isn't a case of what goes around comes around? Perhaps you could review how you treated your own "crazy" (your adjective) mother-in law. Your words below...

"She forwarded more of my emails, too (regarding stuff I said about my visits with our inlaws, etc. She ALWAYS asked me for mother-in-law stories, so I emailed them to her – funny stuff about our crazy MIL, like how she would ask where she should put the milk (as if she didn’t know it belongs in the refrigerator)."

"In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets." - Jesus

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E. M

The damage is done, move on. I am sorry my first thought shows no tact. However, Jan is no-longer your SIL, so stop worrying, she does not need to know about your family. Your thoughts brought to mind a song I heard once, I think its called "SMILING FACES." One of the lines in the song says "never know the evil that lurks within" and I sing this song when ever I have doubts of what someones "hidden agenda" is in their life.

Stop all communication with those SIL's and ex SIL's since they seem to show you no respect. People like this should be kept at a distance and should not know anything about you or your family, the other line I keep in mind is "they will stab you in the back" and these two lines I have found to be very true. I have been divorced from my ex for over 15 yrs, and still my ex in-laws want to know what I am doing. I have asked my three grown children not to say anything about me to them, and they have done this.

I am very sorry that your son is autistic, this is often very difficult when seeking someone to support you, you husband and family excluded. Those who are out to cause you harm have nothing better to do with their time, I have personally found this to be very true) so for those who want to cause you more harm than good, sever all ties. As you said you are civil when in family gatherings, and you do this because of your relationship with your husband and his parents out of respect.

From what you say your husband is aware of his SIL's and sister's tendency to cause trouble. I would personally sever any and all conversations with those who want to "smile in your face" then "stab you in the back." This is my only suggestion, hopefully they will figure out that they are being stupid and learn from their own mistake with you.

You need to focus on your son and his development, this will be a challenge as he grows up. This is just how I reacted to my own SIL problems, today they ask why I won't talk to them. I tell them I have nothing to say to them. And walk away. Good Luck with your son, and remember that there will be those who will try to smile in your face, then cause you more problems than you need at this time.

You will get good and bad advice from all other mom's, and you will have to ultimately have to decide how you will handle this. Me personally would focus on my children and forget those who want to cause you harm emotionally and mentally. I hope this helps.

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Have you tried talking to your brothers about this? One thing my parents have always said to me was NEVER let ANYTHING come between you and your siblings. You can let them know how much you have been hurt but don't want that to come between you and him and the kids. And remember, don't put anything in an email you don't want the world to see. That's just good rule of thumb in general. Good luck with Brenda and good riddance Jan!

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Block her email address from your inbox. That way you don't even have to delete teh emails. You never even get them. Don't answer the phone when she calls. Be polite at family gatherings. You will be much happier. I have two evil sister in laws that I have chosen to not communicate with because of all the hateful things they have done to me. Not picking up the phone and not getting hypocritical inspirational emails have made me much happier.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi E. -

That sounds very cringey & painful and I'm sorry you had to go through it. Jan sounds like someone who must have been a nightmare to have to live with & deal with and you're fortunate she's out of your life. I've never understood why some personalities have that aspect.

As for Brenda - she perhaps does genuinely like you, and perhaps has an actual friendship with Jan. Brenda, being an enabler as you describe just doesn't have it in her to stand up to people like Jan. She may in time become comfortable enough in her self & gain the confidence necessary or she may not. You just have to limit your exposure to her, which I gather is easy since she doesn't live near you. You're right to have the plan to not tell her anything personal. I just hope for your mother-in-law's sake things never got back to her - she doesn't need that pain.

One last thing - and this is not to make you feel guilty, because we all fall into a little bit of humorous storytelling at the expense of others, but I do want to point out that you engaged in it a tiny bit too. I'm only mentioning it in the hope that it will help you understand and forgive Brenda. She may not even really "get it" about what happened with Jan. Also, she might even be scared of Jan. She sounds scary to me.

Oh, and I LOVE to talk about soap operas, books & chick flicks - nothing wrong with that! They provide lots of opportunities for guilt-free mocking as well as romantic escapism. So there, Jan - you're not the conversation police - and you don't get to make other people look bad so you'll look good. You could have just said you like to watch soap but would rather not talk about it after.

All the best,
C.

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