Low Self esteem..in My son..help!

Please consider that his learning difficulties are affecting his understanding in all areas of his life.

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Like Gloria, my daughter put her son in Karate. It has done wonders for his self-image and self-confidence!

I think the best thing is positive feedback. Make a special time just for you and him on a regular basis. Also ANYTIME you can say something positive do it. Like what a great suggestion or _______ you have some of the best suggestions for dinner, how about you give me an idea for tonight. etc. Great job with your homework. What helped me the best with my oldest child who worries all the time he's not good enough. I'll catch him unaware and just whisper "I love you." and wink. It makes him feel special.

Good luck! I will put you and your sons in my prayers.

In one sense, that can be a very typical middle child problem. I'm the middle of 7 - two older brothers and an older sister and two younger brothers and a younger sister. No matter what you might do, he is not the oldest, so isn't likely to be the first to accomplish certain things (particularly given his learning difficulty) and he's not the youngest, so he's no longer your baby. I would recommend you get him involved in cub scouts and later boy scouts. There, he'll be able to accomplish things at his own pace and these will all be his personal accomplishments. Over time, he will develop self esteem, since you are doing everything right at home in terms of doing the best you can as a single mom with a husband in the military. My dad was also in the military and gone for long amounts of time, so even though my parents remained married, I rarely got one on one time with him and he was gone for a year when I was your sons age. Thereafter, he was gone 3 months, home 3 months. That's why I think scouts is a really good idea as when he's in boy scouts (5th grade) all the leaders will be men.

Also (and typical for my responses to any situation just about), you might consider whether he has food allergies/intolerances. Celiac disease (gluten intolerance) does impact the brain and depression is not at all uncommon - it's also genetic. So, it's possible your brother was undiagnosed. Also, it can contribute to learning disorders (ADD, dyslexia, etc.). My oldest was very, very slow in doing his work in school before he was diagnosed - now, he just zips through his homework - huge difference just from changing his diet.

Good for you for picking up on it so early. Stay with it. Get a kid friendly counselor and find the root. As you depression is an awful battle for all involved. My father in law has deep depression and it went untreated for so many years. There is also a great book called bringing up boys and one on birth order but i can't remember the name that really really hits home. Good for you mom!

My son has been doing Martial Arts since he was 4 and it is a great activity for building self esteem. I have seen so many boys come to the school with self esteem issues and really develop there. We go to USA Martial Arts in Frisco, but most programs for kids work on life skills. Best thing to do is talk to the head instructor at the school about your sons self esteem and find an instructor that clicks with him. Good Luck.

I live in Highland Park and the community just experienced the suicide of a 16 yr. old boy, a sophomore in high school. It has been very tramatic for all. Yesterday, a speaker from UT Southwestern/Childrens Medical spoke to us at the middle school and shared some very valuable information on what to look for and do regarding depression and suicide in tweens/teens. You can contanct Krystle Joyner at ###-###-#### regarding this potentially serious situation. Trust your instincts - overreacting in this situation will only help.
Good Luck!!!

Just an observation: When listing "A little about me" you wrote " I'm a mother of three wonderful boys. 11,6 and soon be 8". It is interesting that you listed your middle son last. Most people list them in birth order. Just a thought to think about. Blessings

I sent my son to karate lessons, maybe some one some where is teasing him, this does give him reasurrance and cofidence and of course the knowledge to defend himself the rest of his life.

Good morning V.,
May I ask do you and your son have God in your life and know him? If not that wold make a big difference .I know for my self I was at a older age before I let the Lord in my life made such a big difference. Good luck hope this has been a help.God Bless
J. G

Give him a job. Give all of your boys jobs. It's hard to have good self esteem when you don't see your value in the family - but when mom has you pick up the towels at night, or set the table for breakfast in the morning - or pull the dandelions out of the yard - and then you thank him... brag on how nice the house, table, yard looks where he can hear it - and tell someone in his hearing how much of a help he is to you.

Then he feels like he's worth something.

S.

Also, on a whole different level, you mentioned he's smaller and a slower learner- just an idea, but I had a friend who's son was like that. He was having difficulties, was sick a lot, smaller than he should have been for his age and depressed (he was also 7). They had him tested and found out he had sleep apnea. Once they discovered and treated it, he seemed like a completely different child. Not all behaviors are a result of upbringing or environment, it could be physiological. I would definately get him some professional help, psychological as well, to help determine the problem.

Try investing some alone time with him. Tell him in a friendly way that you had some struggles when you were a kid.
Most of all if you are very concerned tell your doctor and keep telling it till something is done. It is like having a physical condition just that it may be something that he needs help getting through to a better state of wellness. It is ok, he is not broken, just needs a check by a professional.
B.

Hi V.:

I almost started crying when I read your message.

I, too, lost my brother (my one and only sibling) to suicide. My life is forever altered. I've never met anyone else who has gone through what I have. If you ever want to talk...

About your son; have you considered therapy? I sent my now 9 year old to therapy for a few months because he was having horrible death nightmares. It really, really helped him. The doc got to the root of his issues and he hasn't had the same nightmares since (it's been about 3 or 4 years). I so hate to see a child with low self-esteem. I had it as a kid and it took me a long, long time to get beyond it. Sometimes kids will talk to a stranger who only wants to hear what he has to say, in a one on one setting. I think it makes the child feel very special.

Good luck to you and your son.

Have you thought about seeking some professional help?
It seems that you have alot going on in your lives right now and someone to talk to would not be a bad thing.
They have a play therapy , I have heard great things about it. And an activity sounds great too.
Keep your chin up. And remember you to have to see the cup as half full instead of half empty.

Have him tested. The results will identify what the real issue is for his learning process. Once they have diagnosed him, then you might want to look into a small private school setting like Great Lakes Academy in Plano. They specialize in teaching students with various learning differences, while teaching social skills and raising self-esteem in their students. Kids are cruel and if he is being made fun of because he reads slower than the other kids in his class, who could blame him for feeling bad.

If he's in school, talk to the school counselor. The school counselors have doen wonders for my 2 older children. Also, many schools have a mentor program (kinda big brothers deal) - check on that.

i'm not sure if he's already involved in activities or not.... I would make the time/make room in the family budget to nurture a special activity for him (something his other brothers don't do). He needs to feel special -- that only he is good at this one thing.

Martial arts is great at building up confidence and self esteem in children!
I would suggest if you go with sports -- choose an individualized sport -- tennis, golf, martial arts, swimming.
team sports can get too competitive and can build up only the superstars of the team... while others are benched.

it doesn't have to be sports. Does he have an interest in music? guitar/drum lessons?
Art classes?