June 06, 2007,
L.H. asks from Commerce, GA on June 04, 2007
Love/Hate Relationship of Twins - When One Is a Bully
I have twin sons who will soon be turning three. The larger of the two tends to be a bully. He is notorious for hitting, pinching, biting, and scratching. I have no problems like this out of the other one, but he is unfortunately the usual target. This behaviour is not limited to children, he does it to myself and my mother - who keeps them during the day. He doesn't usually do this to other adults. I'm at my wits end trying to deter this behavior. Nothing seems to work, and he has to get the last lick in, no matter what. Any suggestions? Whenever we get onto one, the other will actually yell at you to leave his brother alone, but then they are at each others throats.
C.H. answers from Augusta on June 05, 2007
Sounds like their has been a lack of spanking. I've seen other mothers try and say that "hitting" the child just teaches him its ok...YEAH, if you hit him in the same manner as he hits others. But spanking him on the butt or hand it always racked up to a spanking and punishment to kids. I could see if u bit ur own child for biting...sure thats encouraging. But spanking is another form of punishment, just alot more effective b/c it has contact and with kids today that know about sex before puberty,spanking is highly needed,to the point and the lack of it is causing alot of mean kids to sprout.I leave the success of my 4 yr old not having a mean bone in his body to my genes and spanking. In a group out of 10 kids,mine being 1 of them..9 out of those 10 would get in trouble for hitting,lack of sharing or just being mean...while my child is always happy to share and knows whats coming if he does do those bad things. Their old enough to understand why ur spanking...give it a try and see if it helps you. To me hearing that a child hit another child let alone an ADULT...is hard to understand. If my child ever..for any reason hit an adult...well lets just say that would be the last time that hitting anyone ever crosses his mind....the same way I cured cussing when he said his very first and last curse word. And with family who cuss pretty often in conversations to each other that is hard to teach but he has never tried to test that. Liten,if u saw a grown child hitting an adult..ur first reaction is why isnt someone kicking his butt. It is the same with a small child...in no way is a child suppose to be allowed to hit an adult.You need to nip it while u have time to change that behavior, if u don't he will be doing the same thing as an adult but will cause more damage.
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H.H. answers from Atlanta on June 05, 2007
Well mine aren't that old yet but this behavior is similar to what I am having to deal with also! Mine are 16 mon. and they play rough and when they try to get their big sisters attention or anyone for the matter they hit or pinch but I don't think they are aware that they are being mean so I am confused how to stop this as well since you very well can't teach them to stop hitting by "hitting" I out of reaction slaped my sons hand when he hit his sister this morning and thought to myself "Well thats not real smart" and then he slapped his own hand! Yeah there has to be a more productive way to break this bad behavior so I am lookin forward to seeing what other Mommies have to say!
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S.W. answers from Atlanta on June 06, 2007
There IS no easy solution... but consitency is the key. When he hits, he gets put in his room or somewhere where he doesn't like to be. Or something gets taken away. You have to find out what works for your own kids. Mine hate being sent to their rooms. I think he's getting to the age where he can be reasoned with... if he's hitting you and his grandmother... that's pretty major in my mind. Let him know that is completely unacceptable and he has to be punished every time. Try to show him other ways to express his frustration. Get him a "bop bag" or something he can safely hit. I don't hit my kids for two reasons... I really do think it's absurd to hit to teach kids not to hit, and I also want my kids to listen to me out of respect, not fear of physical harm. But there do have to be consequences. The sibling thing is rough. You might want to help your other son find ways to stick up for himself. Good luck.
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S.S. answers from Savannah on June 06, 2007
We'll at first Twins are handful.Constant battle if one does it the other reacts.Good news is that they do tend to teach one or another. however, as far as biting goes I did the old fashion way. I was folding Clothes one night and one of twins reach down and bite my toe.Without thinking correctly, My reaction was to bite him back.So forth, neither of them ever bite anyone else. Probly not best way to do things. But it seems to work. *not to bite very hard but, enough to get point across if you bite me /or anyone else then eye for eye* I suppose in odd way that I have been blessed though one of disable and other is normal child. I struggle along the way however, I keep in mind are children in worst situations and I dont limit them on striving. I been correcting them from time they were both 2yrs old.