Lost Christmas Spirit

The holidays are like this for many people, and there is actually a seasonal depression disorder that has been diagnosed to be associated with the holidays and our time change. The biggest impact is from the lack of sunlight during this time of year, and most psychologists will recommend either medication or sun lamps which I am for the second one. You may want to consider going an seeing a therapist to see if you have this disorder it is easily treatable and will definitely make you more the person you used to be than who you are not happy with today. I wish you the best.

Hi M.! Forgetting the past can sometimes be hard, but in the mist of mulling over the past we are missing our present blessings and our bright future. Until we let go of the past we cannot have hope and joy for our future. During this thanksgiving season begin to look all around you and recognize all the blessings God has given you. You are very lucky to have a loving supportive husband, I am a single mom of three beautiful kids, but I would love to be re-married as you are! Think of all the wonderful things that you have right now in front of you! Sometimes the In-Laws aren't like our own family but atleast you have an extended family!! I also agree with Tracy, tap into the "reason for the season" look for ways you can make your husbands Christmas bright! Make his favorite desert, buy him something he has been wanting, bake a goody for your neighbor, help out the less fortunate. I will continue to pray that the Lord helps you in those areas that only He can heal. God Bless.

Call a close girlfriend setup a date for the Saturday afternoon and evening after Tahnksgiving if possible. Go get some good food where they have great music, and catch up with her. Be sure to tell her how much she means to you as a friend. Then go shopping, but go shopping for stuff for the holidays not neccesarily Christmas gifts. Buy special chocolates, get a sample for the ride home, get some thing that will make your house smell/fill with Christmas, get a Christmas CD you been dieing to have. Then on the way home put the CD on, open the chocolates and cruise the neighborhoods that have started putting the lights. Take your time, enjoy the love you have with a friend. Girl friends can be closer than family, and the holidays are about loved ones and great memories. Now you have a new tradition you can do to start the holiday season off. I think everybody has that initial depression that kicks off the holiday season.

If all else fails, try some meds. he he he

Hi M.,

I can kind of relate. I'm not always thrilled to see more days that involve more work for me while feeling depressed that things don't ever seem to work out the way I plan. So, although we get there different ways, I think we feel about the same way. I'm working on adjusting my attitude, maybe it will work for you, too.

Try volunteering during the Christmases that your son isn't with you. It certainly gives you a chance to see your blessings in a whole new way. When I have to go to my in-laws, I try to make myself listen as a way to get to know more about my husband rather than getting aggrivated by having to listen to stories I know nothing about. Also, is there any way you and your husband can come up with to make the visits with your in-laws more fun? There is a game we've played at my family's Christmas parties for years. It has many names, depending on who you talk to, but it works like this.

There has to be at least one NICE gift, a few pretty good gifts and a few "fun" gifts to make it the most fun. It can be done a number of different ways. Maybe 1)everyone would take turns buying the different gift levels or 2)everyone make a donation and one person does the shopping or 3)you and your husband do all of the shopping as your gifts to his family.

Then, one person (that could be you) keeps track of who got what and who stole it. (No gift can be stolen more than 2 times. My mom would take a pad of paper and make 3 columns and do it that way.) To make sure that the "stealing" get started, because no one ever wants to go first, my parents always gave me a low number (3, 4 or 5) and I'd steal the best gift available at the time, knowing it could still be stolen again -- and would be.

Each person draws a number. The person with number picks a gift. The person with number 2 can either pick a new gift to unwrap or steal number 1's gift, and so on. If your gift is stolen, you get to unwrap another gift or steal from someone else, but you can't take back the gift that was just taken from you. My mother would always pick one "fun gift" (like a box of envelopes) and after the game was over, she would tell the person that in the front (or back)envelope, there was another gift (maybe $20, maybe tickets to a ball game) something really good to make a yucky gift suddenly a much better gift. Everyone leaves with something, its a lot of fun and takes up a fair amount of time.

The first year, people are a little shy about stealing, but never after that!!

Good luck and I hope your holidays are filled with much joy!

Let the past go, and focus on what is in front of you. You dont have to be a victim (over what happened in the past). if you cant seem to let go of what made you start not liking the holidays in the first place, maybe you should speak to someone, like a counselor. Think of Christmas with the family as a new chapter of that book, not the end....again, you dont have to be the victim at the get togethers...make new memories!! Enjoy the stories of the old ones! Good luck!

I'm sorry that you going through this. I had a family that was not enjoyable to go to for the holidays and that was fixed with the divorse though the kids are still not treated and if they care!
I too and in a slum this year. I really do not have a reason to be but it's so hard for some reason to get into the spirit!
I an engaged and my new family and husband to be is wonderful though they celebrate a different holiday there are differnt traditions.
I think as some other have said is to get into the sprit by volunteering or even go somewhere that is poor visit some neighborhoods and see what they do not have and that maybe will open your eyes to what you have. I have to do this as a reality check sometimes.
I also listen to holiday music or just some gospel it seems to sooth and calm me of the daily worries. I have smaller children and a ex that pretends that he cares and I have been having alot of issues with him lately so that dampenend the idea of holiday .I too live away from family not as far though I'm in Va and there in Mo 12 hours away and I will be moving another 4 hours further after getting married. That too I understand makes it harder!!!
Have you ever though about taking a cruise of a vacation at this time of year? Would your husband be willing to not do his familt thing for one year and go see yours? Or how about the 2 of you just go away to yourselves and get out and away from the pressure of the holiday!! Maybe that will help you deal with the hurt you still carry in side and make a new memory for this time of year You mentioned that your ex's affairs were during the holidays we'll have an affair with your husband take him and erase the old pain. The memories will not go away but the pain of the thought of the past can. You are still letting your ex control your happiness and he is old news he would love to know that he is still tourghing you!

I wish you the best, Find the love in yourself and remember that you are never gaurenteed a tomorrow! Love what you can while you can and enjoy what you have while you have it!

Take Care,
V.