Loss of Sleep

It's time to get things straight with her. She knows how to manipulate the house now. So you start with Choices as in "you can choose to ask for something nicely and accept my answer when I say no then go on to play or you can choose to throw a tempertantrum and end up losing something." That something should be her most cherished item and then keep taking things away for each bad behavior ending with her freedom (one minute for every year of age). To earn something back back she has to be good for 4 hours.

Here's a website that helps with choices: http://lifematters.com/step.asp

Then it's time to be realistic about these explosions. break them down into categories,
A~ the things that you will absolutely not tolerate and will endure a temper tantrum for. Most of the time this is personal safety issues for you, the family and for her. In this case she either chooses to stop or she will get a punishment. No Warning, no exceptions.

B~ the things you can expect her to do without throwing a tempertantrum and are willing to give warnings and more choices to avoid the tempertantrum. 1 waring and more than one choice. (think of this as redirection)

C~ Manners and niceties that irritate you now that they aren't being done but you know will fall into place whent he tempertantrums stop. These you just need to let go of for now.

If you have any questions about this breakdown you can check out The Explosive Child by Ross Greene The Tulsa County Library has it and could possibly loan it to your library system for you to check out. I checked it out in tape form and my husband listened to it in the truck before I listened to it at home.

I would definatley talk to her dr... I had a friend whose Son had the same thing done to him when he was 3-4... He was the same, and have been sort of angry since.. He is now 10... He is adhd and add.. He also has a sensitivity so sounds and you never know what will set him off into a rage.... either yelling,screamming or throwing things.... He is a very sweet and mild in between times... His mom links everything back to this surgery though.... they are soo little and might not understand... and just be angry along with the pain.. She also said that he was mad cause he wanted them back.... lol.... I dunno, I would try to talk to her, keep explaining things and talk to her dr.... good luck.... HUGS, T.

I completely agree with Tracy here!! Also, is she taking any medication? If so, it could be that she's experiencing some side effects. A week and a half after surgery like that isn't very long and its not unreasonable to assume she could be in pain still, or as Tracy noted, possibly a little traumatized by the surgery. I know I would be...and frankly I'd want my mommy. I would definitely call the doctor's office and speak with the nurse about her behavior.

I would give her a warning that it is time for bed and you wont be coming in to her bedroom and let her cry it out. She will eventually get exhausted and sleep and hopefully the following night she wont wake crying.

I can relate.
My son had his tonsils and anenoids out Feb. 1st, as well as, had tubes put in his ears.
He also has been extremely moody.
I am wondering though, does your daughter complain of bad dreams. My son is four (will be five in June) and since his surgery he has been having night terrors. I know all kids are different, but I asked the doc and she said that the anesthetic can cause this. I made a pot of coffee when he kept waking and ranting, and just stayed up and watched him in his sleep. Sure enough, he was kicking and talking in his sleep, then became so restless that he awoke half asleep crying. The constant waking really affects his day because he is just as tired as I am. Unfortunately, naps don't come easy, but rests really seem to help. We read a lot of books before bed and stopped all TV for the time being. I think this might help as he knows that when he can sleep all night, he knows he can see his favorite program again. I understand the whole thing about being spoiled too. I am sure that is part of my son's problem also, but I am trying to consider all solutions. Also, does your daughter have any scabs or sores in the back of her mouth. My son still has these large greyish-white patches in the back of his throat from the surgery, so I am thinking this might be part of his problem too. We bought my son a flashlight to keep by his bed. This seems to help ME sleep more since he doesn't wake me up soo often and the screaming has curbed a bit.
Hope things get better for you soon.
B.

P.S. I wanted to add that I had my tonsils out at four and I still remember it. I was given a little plastic toy bunny, and at some point in my recovery it came to life and I still remember this dream to this day. Also, I still remember the pain associated with the surgery. It is like the worst sore throat that doesn't go away for a long time. I think remembering parts of my experience helps me relate a bit. I have been sleeping 3 maybe 4 hours a night and giving him attention when I notice he is doing what I wish to reward. I think it just comes along with kit and caboodle of being called mom.

Wow--- I’m a little taken aback at the immediate jump to ADHD and Explosive child stuff here. It automatically assumes there’s something “wrong” with your daughter that has to be fixed. It seems so “clinical” and frankly, a little unfeeling and uncompassionate, in that none of it addresses your daughter and her needs.
People use the word “manipulation” as though it’s a curse word. If it’s “manipulative” for a child to cry and scream in order to get their parents attention and get what they want, isn’t a parent taking away a child’s things one by one (as mentioned in the other response) in order to get the child’s attention and get what the THEY want, “manipulative”?
Let’s talk about your daughter and why she’d suddenly be having this problem. Only when you know what’s actually at the root of her new found outbursts, can you find a solution.
I assume that when you say she was spoiled over the past week or so after the surgery, that you mean she was being loaded up with popsicles and ice cream to soothe her throat? (every child's dream :) And probably received a lot more individual attention and coddling than she usually gets? Did you stay home with her the week after her surgery?
IF her screaming during the night really IS from being spoiled--(and that's a BIG "if") then maybe you should look at this a different way. Because all it really means then, is that she REALLY ENJOYED having you home with her and having that individual attention. Now everything’s back to normal, you're gone all day, she's at the daycare or babysitter all day, and she wants it back the way it was, when mommy was with HER all day.
There’s nothing WRONG with her wanting that. Millions of children all throughout the world have that. She’s a 4 year old little girl who want her mommy. That’s not a need for a psychological evaluation.
The problem is you’re single and have to work and can’t be home with her. And let’s be honest, when you’ve been gone working all day, at get home, what happens?
Parents are usually tired and not in the best of moods when they get home from a hard days work, only to face more work. Dinner has to made, there’s housework to do, dishes, etc, the kids are all wound up because they haven’t seen you all day – and you just want some peace and quiet.
But, our being tired doesn’t lessen our children’s need to be with us. Your daughter had a taste of what it’s like to have a stay at home mom. (And that doesn’t mean being spoiled— even when mommy’s in another room doing the dishes, folding laundry, doing regular housework, there’s a lot of peace and security just knowing that mommy is there. Plus having mommy make your lunch, reading a story, watching a show, etc—there are a lot of moments of interaction and connection that don’t happen when mommy’s not there.)
So if you really do believe that her recent behavior is due to having been spoiled with your attention when she was recovering, then really, it just shows you how much she enjoyed that time with you, and she wants it back. It’s actually a good thing—take it as a compliment!! She’s not a spoiled brat—she’s a normal child who loves and wants to be with her own mother. The problem is that she may be rebelling, now that things have gone back to the way they were before.
In that case, what might help is a sweet talk between the two of you. Tell her how much YOU enjoyed being with HER during that time. How you wish you could do that everyday, but since you have to work, you can’t be with her all day, but that you’re going to make sure that she has a little more “mommy time”, reading a book together, coloring, etc. If you say, with a really big smile, and with excitement “And when mommy gets home from work each day, you know what I’m going to do? I’m going give you the biggest hug, and the biggest kiss because I’m SO glad to be home with you!” …she’ll respond to that.
Now—the reason I’m wondering if all her screaming is NOT a result of having been spoiled after her surgery, is because she’s screaming DURING the night, and not just when you get home. . Why would being spoiled during the day a week and a half ago, make her wake up NOW all through the night screaming? Unless she’s subconsciously saying “Well, if you’re going to be gone from me all day, then I’m going to keep you up all night by screaming and making you come to me”--- but that just seems SO unlikely. If you’re exhausted, then she must be too. And it MUST be hurting her throat—physically, I mean, not just a matter of healing. I must actually cause her pain to scream like that after surgery on her throat.
So the whole idea that her screaming in the middle of the night is from being spoiled, just doesn’t sound right. Is she saying anything when she’s screaming? Is she screaming for a drink? Is she screaming that her throat hurts? Is she just screaming “Mommy!” Or is she just screaming sounds? Like, “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”
It’s possible that her screaming and throwing a fit when you get home is in protest of you being gone during the day—but during the night? I can’t help but wonder if it’s something else entirely. Maybe she’s in pain? Maybe she’s having horrible dreams about the surgery? I wonder if her subconscious brain remembers it or something? It’s worth speaking to her doctor about this.
Well—I’ve gone on forever! Sorry about that!

T.

Hi V., it sounds as though rest is what you all need, I can only suggest trying a night light a story a music box or some music for her to concentrate on instead of her fears being alone how about trying to get a puppet or one you can disguise your voice and talk to her about all the things going on in her language being 4 yo of course puppets in time of desperation worked on my boys but i wish you the best and hope something works out for you. I hope shes not in amy physical pain but having a pet may even work to keep her company and mind of things but make sure she knows it stays in her room only if she goes to sleep or what the situation is at that time Good luck and Godbless D.