Losing Momentum

Hi R.,

I can relate to you totally and it is so good to hear that there are other moms that feel this way and it is not just me! I have been going through the same type of thing...reading your story sounded almost identical to my own right down to the weight gain.

I feel like I am just going through the motions everyday, it is the same thing. Wake up, get kids up for school, make breakfast, make lunches, get them of, then the fun at home starts, laundry, dishes, vaccuming, etc and before you know it the school bus is here then it's homework, dinner, baseball practice, bathtime, bedtime just to know it will be the same again tomorrow.

I feel like I am in some sort of funk and don't know how to get out of it. I have some friends but no one that I really relate to and during the day they are at work so it would be nice to have someone to say lets get out, go take a walk or workout together.

I have only 2 kids myself, a 6 yr old son and a 21 mnth old daughter but I babysit a 5 month old baby from 6:45 am - 6 pm and her 5 yr old brother gets off the school bus with my son at 2:40 and I also watch my neighbors 9 yr old son after school and his 4 yr old sister so all day I have 2 babies and after school , I have 6 so I can so relate.

I have started to try to feel better about myself in the past week or two just by simply putting on make up during the day, even though I am not going anywhere I thought maybe a make over so to say may help me feel better about myself. I have about 100 extra pounds myself and I am so unhappy with my body. I was a size 5 127 pounds when my husband and I started dating 12 yrs ago and stayed small until trying to have kids and had to take steroids and fertility treatments for 9 months to get pregnant I gained about 60 pounds prior to getting pregnant from everything and then with the baby weight I now have to shop in the womens section and just dont feel attractive anymore.

I would love to hear some of the comments/suggestions you get as I am overwhelmed here as well. I wish you luck and hope all works out for you.

I am a stay at home mom of 6yr old son and 21 month old daughter, my hubby is a web/graphic designer.

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Check out this web site www.flylady.net

It's wonderfully motivational about taking care of YOU, as well as your family.

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I know exactly how you feel (100 lbs and all) and my sanity saver came when I joined a local MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) group. You can find a group close to you at www.mops.org

My group made me realize that I am not alone with these problems and that it is okay to feel this way, but you also need to learn how to get past your insecurities. I have two small children (3yrs & 3mos) and I plan on staying at home at least until the youngest is in pre-school, so I have at least 3 years until I want to search for that job that makes me happy and helps me define better who I am. I know that right now being there for my children is the best thing I can do and even on days when things don't go right and I raise my voice more times than not....I am still doing the right thing for my family. No one is perfect and I am sure your husband feels the same way mine does. We may not be the same size we were when they fell in love with us, but we are the same person. A good marriage is not soley based on looks or what happens in the bedroom, but on good communication with the person you can't live without. I have come to the realization that after assisting me through two child-births, a major surgery, and the sporatic stomach flus, that my husband has seen me at my worst and he knows every curve of my body with the lights on or off and that he truly doesn't care about the extra pounds when it comes to being satisfied. I am sure he worries about my health and would love for me to feel good about myself, but that is the key point....he wants me to be happy (not necessarily 100 lbs lighter, just happy). Its kinda like you need a self-help tape running through your mind when you are feeling down....just reassure yourself that you are doing the best you can, you are beautiful, you can get through this rough spot, your family loves you, and you love yourself. Once you start believing this all other things will fall in place. Its true that you have to love yourself before you allow anyone else to love you. Little steps in your day can make you feel better. Small things add up and even if you don't lose weight, you can feel better about yourself just by exercising a couple of minutes a day, eliminating one snack, drinking more water, or just taking time to sit back and meditate.

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Hi. I know also how you feel. I'm married to a truck driver also and we have a 3 yr old and a 10 mon old. I pretty much take care of everything the house needs and on top of that I work from home. After my second was born my boss of 5 yrs decided that I could work from home. It is not full time hours but b/t taking care of the house and kids and working, it's a full load. And just recently to add to my load my sister and her 3 kids came to live with me probably until the end of May. To gain my sanity I try to get together with other moms in the neighborhood and have playdates at least once a week. The kids can play together and us moms have girl talk. I also want to shed some of those baby pounds. My friend has a family y membership and she goes 3 times a week and they watch her baby for up to 2 hrs a day whether she's there or not, so she could do some errands by herself. That's an option that I would love to do soon myself. I live in the Grovetown area and if you ever would like a playdate or sanity break then feel free to email me. A little about me...I am a 26 yr old SAHM with a 3yr old son and a 10 mon old daughter. I've been married for 5 yrs to my husband. We would like more children but are not sure at this point.

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WOW WOW WOW all too familiar! i totally have a clear picture of your situation and I have to say your not alone first so if your feeling as if your so very small and alone in the world of mommyhood I have to shed a little light to that fact! Well I too am in a similuar situation aside from my hubby being able to come home everynight but he use to travle for disaster relief and those times were the hardest!! I am not gonna go into too much of my own situation but I figured I would just tell you what I have done to find some peace within. I first off got a clear picture of what I wanted I actually wrote down my goals for myself and once I saw what those goals were I set a date to start working on those goals. I got on slimfast they are awsome to use cause their on-line program is so daggone helpful I like to snack too so I bought myself 100 calorie snacks I really like the popcorn especially for my before bed snack. It takes some will power but I don't like to call it dieting cause I still have a bit or two of what i want and on Sunday I eat what I want regardless and I just want to add I have been doing this for about 2 months and I have lost over 20 lbs. NO excersize and I am not promoting no excersize cause I have a gym membership but I never go for a multitude of excuses and I even have an awsome work-out tape but um yea excuses excuses! I think if you find the time to do some sort of activity aside from the kids like walk or jump rope that gives you time for you and I think that is KEY to finding yourself! What do you like to do for you? I like a nice bath or sippin some really nice tea or wine and read a mag. or a book away from the kids give yourself an hour a day to do you!! Whether it's after the kids go to bed or before they wake up no matter when, it just needs to be your time to breathe and relax and reflect without interuptions! I know a lot of moms like to do yoga for that reason try to look for a beginners yoga tape whatever it is that fits you change it up maybe one day you want to do your nails put on some music just something!! You have to give yourself time for you cause if you don't you spread yourself too thin and then theres nothing left for you to give and then the kids sem to anoy you more then the house work becomes too overwhelming and then of course when to hubby comes home your soo full of frustration and the need to get if out that he isn't getting you he's getting your tension and your need to release and feel validated and that will distance you from beeing able too connect with him the way you want to and need to so making time for you is the key!! I know I blabbed ya to death I just hope something I said helped!Take care of you (smile)

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you shouldnt have to feel like as a "woman" you cook the bacon while he "man" just brings it home.
If it were me, I'd have my husband look into a less demanding job.
perhaps even then you could both get part time jobs, and take turns with parent and househole duties.
Have your older kids help wit chores, etc.
GOOD LUCK!
-N.

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Find a group os SAHMs to hang out with. There have been several recommended on Mamasource. I was a member and coleader of Mothers & More. There are also playgroups at some churches. It's a lot easier being at home if you can find a group of "collegues." I call them that because it's like when you start a new job and you have people there at work who show you where the copier is, how to fill out your time sheet, etc. YOu might also look into mother's morning out and preschool programs for the kids. Wanna know my secret sanity saver? Every now and then when the housework and laundry gets to be too much, I take all my laundry to the wash and fold! It's usually $1/pound and worth every penny! I end up taking anywhere from 20 to 50 pounds of clothes. It makes me feel like I've got the energy to take on other chores.

Good luck!

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ARGH! If that's not an exact verbatim almost for how I've been feelin I dont know what! Girl...I FEEL YOU! But I only have one thing to offer....Adonai...God! He gives me strength! This morning was the first time I actually forced myself to start a workout! I use to do Ty Bo (3) times a day girl before My kids....my hubby...my extra flab... that is in places I dont know how it got to!I woke up one day and turned 30! URGH..that hit on reality a bit!
But I did it! I made it happen I excercised...dont know about tomarrow but Im gonna try...thats all we can do...I finally wont go to bed tonight feeling guilty or lazy...Just a basic ty Bo workout...but I feel better...I am also a wife of a minister,a minister myself & a mother of 3boys. Life does get very repetative and boring at times...especially lately...I've felt very overwhelmed and semi depressed! I dont even really come on this site anymore! I cklicked on for 2 seconds and there was your story...Hmh?
I hope Im not a ramble...just wanted to tell you your not alone, and if you need a shoulder or something I'm here! ____@____.com
Stay up sis!
Shalom
MzNina-

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Now I don't have four (just one) but www.flylady.net has helped me get a handle on things around here. I love it! Also helps me take care of me.
I was skeptical at first but gave it a try and I really really like what has happened - the house feels manageable and I feel much better too...
Good luck with all of it.

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Wow R., you just said everything I feel most of the time and I only have two little ones. I couldn't imagine your stress level. So I have actually called my obgyn and gotten on wellbutrin I have felt much less stressed and over whelmed and just kind of plug along. Stress is a huge cause of weight gain. Although that didn't help with me feeling extremely stressed at dinner and bath and bed time. When my husband wasn't there and when he is he is in just in the nick of time to get them to bed. I have also put on uncomfortable weight and don't know what to do to get it off. I tried doing an exercise routine first thing in the morning or at night after the kids went down but that lasted all of a month. What I need is someone to say lets go get your but in gear. Well I only can say with what you said I feel your pain and aggravation. Check into a low dose of antidepressant whether you think you are or not you maybe with your weight struggle and it could help loose it with little effort feeling better inside could definitely motivate you. Good Luck and let me know what you do and keep in touch it is nice to know other moms out there that there husbands are gone allot. A.

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OH wow, R.! I know exactly how you feel! Mine aren't quite as young as yours, but we have a 16 year old girl, an 11 year old girl, 10 year old boy, 7 year old boy, and a 2 year old girl. I've been feeling the same as you lately. It's gotten so bad, that I am practically just refusing to clean my house (I haven't even GONE upstairs for 2 weeks, let alone CLEAN it!). Dont' get me wrong, it's straight, just not real "clean." Know what I mean? It gets hard, when you don't work outside of your home, to not lose yourself. With the homework, and the extracurricular activities, and the talking to 2 year olds all day, and the cleaning (that neverending cleaning to the point that you feel like a rat in a wheel), the laundry (that NEVER goes away), keeping doctors appointments, going to the grocery store, etc, etc, etc. "Finding a hobby" like most people would recommend, is practically IMPOSSIBLE!!!! Read a book? Yeah right! Paint something? No way. Do some needlework? Impossible. I try to keep my head above water by having constant contact with other adults. Join a play group. I know that getting out of the house with so many little ones is kind of hard, but it's so worth it. I stay active on my PTA, and other committees (although I usually end up over extending myself because I think I can accomplish more than I really can!). And keep in constant contact with your hubby. I am a stickler for early bedtimes because that gives hubby & I time to reconnect every single night. Let's face it, we made the choice to have big families, and sacrificing ourselves for a while was part of that choice. Try to hang on to at least one thing that you like - even if it means including the kids (we have 'reading hour' around here - usually during little one's nap). It passes by so quick, though. Enjoy those babies while you can!

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Hi,
I've been plugged in with mamasource for a couple of months now and you are the first person that I'm responding to. I have SOOOOOO Been there! I hear your heart and feel your pain! When I was at home with a 4, 2, and 1 year old, I believed that my life would never be my own EVER AGAIN. I had been an interesting, fit, funny, fun-loving, active adult before I got married (to a wonderful man who travels 3 - 5 days a week)and blessed with 4 incredible kids, not to mention the extra pounds that seemed so permanent. (one of my children was a twin, who passed away soon after birth.) People used to say "There's J.!" Now its, "There's Will's wife," or "It's Daniel's mom," or ....(fill in the blank). I wondered when did I ever stop being me and become lost in the identity of those I was caring for? It became scary, overwhelming, and almost suffocating. Of course there were days when I wouldn't trade it for the world, but there were so many nights when I wondered if it would all be worth it, and would I even know who I was once I emerged from this stifling coccoon of "motherhood". I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. You are not alone in how you feel, how you think, or in what you are doing. What helped me survive the most was advice my Grandma gave me (mother of 10!) She said, "Honey, get yourself some good girlfriends!" She was right. I had to put myself on my calendar for 2 hours a week. There were 4 of us who would get together and do whatever we could. Walk, laugh, cry, window shop, go to the park, Starbucks, or each other's homes. Once a month we tried to get out to a movie or to eat. I felt guilty about leaving the kids with my hubby since he was home so briefly, but sometimes after everyone was fed and tucked in, even if it was 9 PM we would try to grab coffeee somewhere or take in a late chick flick. Or if we just couldn't, I would get lost in a hot bath. Whatever I could do to protect my sanity, regenerate my mind, remember the woman I used to be, and dream of the woman I would like to become because of and in spite of all the chaos. Last, but not least, I prayed. I found that talking to God about things really helped. Besides, He was the only other person who was up at 2 AM when the baby was sick or the kids had a bad dream. I know that telling you that it will get so much better doesn't help right now. But I wanted to bring you some encouragement and let you know that the light at the end of the tunnel is not a train, there really is hope. Your kids will be in school, you will have time to excercise, and intimate times won't always have to be completely in the dark :) Feel free to email me anytime you're struggling or you just want to vent a little. I am 38 and my kids are now 12, 10, and 9. My husband still travels and I'm still very involved in their lives, but my perspective has changed and I've lived to not just tell about it, but laugh as well. I know you will too.
PS My email is ____@____.com

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it sounds to me like you need a day to your self! drop the children off with your friends just for a couple of hours to relax your mind!!!go to the movies alone, or take a friend but you need a day to your self or a day out with the hubby and you...this is legal...and you know what else you can take the children out to the park the weather is grand; but when you do go out and play with the children run, jump, skip, laugh, let the babies catch you [ this is great way to lose pounds] this is legal also!!!you will be alllll right !!!!!!!!!!!
D.

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Hi R.,
my name is S. I'm 38yrs old and I have one more child than you =) 20,17,14,7, and 2. My husband is out of the home alot too, he's in Iraq as I speak he too come's home every now and then in a (once in a while schedule)I'm a stay at home mom doing my own "home business $2,500 plus a month =)" as far as laundry I do mine, my 7 yr old "which I'm teaching her how to do it now" and my 2yr olds. My teens do thier own. Set a scheduel for laundry.Like I do ours Mon-Thurs, I leave the weekend open for my teens. " Yes laundry and dishes will always be there" especially when you have a large household. As far as the dishe's I do them everynight as well as mop the floor "once all are in bed", that way when you wake up in the morning you have a clean kitchen.Start getting your children involved with chores make it a fun sorta game way =)I don't know if you have a job outside the home but if you don't I do suggest you go to a gym. I do and made friends "gym's have free day care" I only spend 2 hours at the most there and I feel like I'm having me time,as far as the beedroom goes and feeling uncomfortable, do different things experiance different things to please each other, I'm sure since your husbands away and when he does get to spend time with you it's not cause of your looks it's because he loves you ! Hope I've helped you out some =) Oh yea and also I try not to eat after 8 p.m. I take a "chew" which works wonder's, please feel free to write me any time...

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la fitness has a wonderful child area....for $10 a month for each kid you can go there for some alone time to walk on the treadmill, swim, take a class......do some training on the machines......to help you loose the weight, gain your self-esteem back.....and have some time to think about what and who you are and what your needs are as a woman. I go there about 4 times a week..........I'm also about 50 lbs overweight from my last baby (who is now 2)......and I'm working on taking it off and having some time to myself. Let me know if you need a partner..........I go to the one in East Cobb. Always nice to have someone to work out with.

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I know exactly what you are going through. I am a mother of 4. Two are in school and two are at home. My husband works all day and is on call all night. I also work a part time job in the evenings and on the weekends and watch a friends kids during the day while she is finishing school. It can be very overwhelming. I know that there are a couple of things that I do to keep my sane. I have a membership at a gym that has child care. So I can go and drop the kids off and spend at least a hour to my self. Whether I take a group class or walk or even just go sit in the hot tub, its time to myself. Also working part time might seem like an added stress, but it is something I like to do and it gives me the sence of knowing that I am good at doing something other than being a mom or a wife. I am luck that my husband is supportive of this. He watches the kids while I am at work. His on call just means that he needs to be near a phone and his compurter. The last thing I like to do especialy in the summer is to get out of the house with the kids. Go to the park, go swimming, find and group or even one other person that have kids and make play dates. It gives the kids someone else to play with and you someone esle to talk to. We are always looking for new friends to make play dates with. My kids are 8/6/4/2. The best thing that I can tell you is to make sure that you take the advice that you are getting from everyone and find some way to make at least some of it work for you and your family.

Hope it helps, E.

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Hi R.. I completely have been there. I was at that place one year ago. I felt so lost and was so down on myself. I live in Ball Ground and get to stay home with my little boy, Brody. He will turn 5 this summer. I chose to stay home with him when he was born and left a 13 yr Technical Support career with Hewlett Packard ----BUT, it just wasn't what I thought it would be. I looked for something that I could do for myself, and I found The Pampered Chef. Have you thought about finding a business you can start and do on the weekends? There are many companies out there that will give you that time you so much need and deserve to yourself (and make money too!) You have to find that 'thing' that fits you and personality. I love it when I go to my shows- I meet and make new friends! I have become very close to my Hosts and love working with them. I have so much confidence now in myself and so much to keep myself busy with. :-)

This is what helped me. Give it some thought... Let me know if I can help. I'm sending HUGS your way!

Sincerely,
T. Blackwell
###-###-####
The Pampered Chef
Trainer

OH, PS: A little about me: I'm ALSO 37 and married to a truck driver - my hubby is gone several nights a week. I have two sons, Tyler, 17 - but he lives with his Daddy now; and Brody will be going to Pre-K this fall, his Bday is in September and he will be 5. I work my PC business on the weekends. Big Hug!

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I feel the same way. I have three children, ages 10 yrs, 17 months, and two months. My 10 yr old has ADHD and intermittent explosive disorder, is taking meds, is SUPER SMART, but his behavior detracts from all that. He is in the "I hate my life" stage right now and is very mouthy. My 17 month old has weak ankles and can't stand on her own, let alone walk. She needs braces for her feet which she'll get casted for tomorrow. She is just figuring out her the baby isn't leaving and doesn't want to eat a lot. I feel pressured to keep feeding her as her doctor makes a comment on it at every visit. At her last visit the nurses weighed her and told me she only gained 2 ounces in 3 months. My daughter wouldn't even sit still on the scale she was petrified. She has always been petite. My 2 month old is at the stage where he smiles a lot - which makes me smile. My husband is currently out of a job - he quit 2 weeks after I had my son and applied for two positions and procrastinates on looking. The house is a mess. My husband likes to hord stuff and every time I clean a room to where you can actually walk in it, he fills it right up again and you can't see the floor. I'm frustrated, have no family close by and feel like I want to scream. We have enough money to get by for a few months, but still the supply is dwindling with no money coming in. I feel uncomfortable too, as I gained a lot of weight with my last two pregnancies - I was on bed rest both times. I am the biggest I have ever been in my life. I have a treadmill, but who has time when I have to pick up after everyone. I am in the same boat.

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You NEED to make you time. And that isn't while they are napping. You need to have a chunk of time every week set aside where you are alone to do whatever your heart desires. Think of your hobbies. I like to have coffee with my friends, and sometimes alone and read cheesy magazines at Barnes and Noble. It is only about 2 1/2 hours a week but I am a better person for it. Seriously, you need to do this. Or you are going to lose it.

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