Losing It: Very Defiant Almost Two Year Old Please HELP

Hi M.-

It sounds like she has reached that wonderful stage of independence. Try involving her in deciding what she is going to wear, give 2 options. Allow her to dress herself as much and often as possible. Give her a couple of options to choose from for styling her hair. Offer her a couple of choices for her snack and let her decide. I doubt very seriously that she is a brat or really even wants to be defiant, she is just trying to grow up, and if you are like most mothers you are still trying to do everything for her. Put a few more minutes into the morning schedule and wherever you can to allow her input and participation.

Hope this helps

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BTDT!

We found helpful a book called "1-2-3 Magic" by Thomas Phelan.

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I 2nd exactly what Vera said - its all a test and the more you react, the more DD will respond - when she is in time out do not talk to her and completely ignore her - she is going to try to do things to get your attention - don't fall for it - if she moves from where ever you determine the naughty spot to be simply pick her up and put her back there without speaking to her - when you put her in the naughty spot explain to her sussinctly what she did wrong so she knows why she is there, and reiterate it again when she is allowed back up - but above all: remain calm - it may take a while for her to get it, but she is definitely old enough to understand that actions have consequences - I have also found with my defiant one that a set routine in the morning helped alot - she learned what we had to do every morning and while she still doesn't always like it, she knows the routine and todllers are all about routine - one last thing, make sure she is getting enough sleep - my defiant one is much more so when she hasn't slept (or if she is hungry)

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It may be time to institute a time-out chair or corner so she learns there are consequences for her acting out. Usually kids should spend one minute on the chair for each year of age, so 2 minutes.
Try and ignore the tantrums if possible too, and redirect her to another activity. She is testing your reactions, so you can't show that she is getting to you. I know it's tough, but stay calm at all costs. This is a stage that will pass.
BTW, we named our daughter M.. Another M. C!

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