Looking to Rekindle the Romance

Great ideas, I really love the hostage story! My hubby and I will be celebrating 20 years this month, so I'm a long timer. This is going to sound like old lady advice, but you need to stop thinking about how you felt 6 years ago and decide that your marraige and your love for each other will grow and change through the years. I don't mean that you have become happy with the buddy relationship, it's important for you to rekindle the romance. You should look forward to a deeper and more meaningful love for each other. Over the years, you will travel through many ups and downs in the romantic phase of your marraige, and trust me, if you remain friends through the downs, the ups are that much better!
If you are concerned enough to ask this question, you are already ready to initiate the romance and that is the biggest turnon any husband can ask for. So just go for it, he'll be grateful!

2 moms found this helpful

Have you thought of getting a weekend away. My husband and I have 3 kids under 5 and have been married for 9 yrs. We just did a Marriage Encounter Weekend and loved it. If you are interested, here is their website: http://www.godlovesmarriage.com/index.php I think they have one coming up in October. It isn't a quick fix, but it is something that might help in the longrun.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi C. after 16 years of marriage I can tell you that you will probally move in and out of this phase throughout your marriage. It is completley normal. Do what works for you but here is what helped and helps us. I ask him out on a date. ( we share responsibility in the initating dates) I try and make it 1 weeks out so that I can line everything up with a friend or sitter. During the next week I send him texts or leave him little notes of anticipation. He picks it up quickly and starts to reciprocate very easily. The dinner can be a simple as pizza and wine the point is dress for him, flirt,laugh and relax. On a daily basis I make sure I kiss him when he walks in the door from working all day. (not a peck on the cheek like a "buddy".) I make sure I compliment him often. Its the little things that add up so pay attention to the details and dont forget to laugh and have fun.

2 moms found this helpful

You need to show him appreciation in a way a guy sees/feels. It will sooo rekindle things. There are several ways to do this...

Physically: Make sure you are touching him. When you walk by, brush his hair back with your hand. When you walk beside him, reach out and hold his hand. When he is driving, pat his leg. Rub his shoulders. Hug him when he walks by. Grab him and pull him in and hug him. I'm not talking about sexually touching, I'm talking about love touching. This will almost always lead to more touching.

Emotionally: Start writing him little notes to put in places that he will find them...his pants pocket for him to find at work, his wallet, his lunch...etc. Make him special things to show love and appreciation...his favorite cookies, his favorite dinner. Make plans where he isn't involved...he comes home and you already have the sitter lined up and the activity planned.

Surprise him. This one is a big deal. If you want to liven up your love life you need to take the initiative...esp. if you have rebuffed him in this area a few times. Do something you normally wouldn't do. If he is taking a shower, get in with him. If he is taking a bath, crawl in with him. If he is folding laundry, go in the laundry room and SHUT THE DOOR. You get my drift. Then allude to it in casual conversation a lot. Like, "Well maybe I'd have more self control if you didn't fold the laundry like that." And give him THE LOOK.

Lastly, try very hard to not make every conversation about your child. That is a hard one for moms, esp. if they stay home. Listen more to him and talk to him more about grown up things.

Good luck!
VickiS

1 mom found this helpful

Date night! My hubby and I have been together 3 years, married for 2, and we have a 1 yr. old son! A lot has happened in those 3 years since we met. After our son was born, I started feeling like the romance was starting to slowly trickle away. We were both working FT, and then had a baby to take care of, there was no time for sleep, it just happened. We started to make a point to make time just for the 2 of us. Sometimes it's just a late dinner after our son goes to bed, but we try at least once a month to go out. Even just going out with other adults for a couple drinks is nice. It reminds us that we're not just mom and dad, but we're husband and wife, too. It's made a big difference in our relationship.

1 mom found this helpful

Hey C.
I know just how you feel! I've been there until recently.
I have a 2 year old and a 9 month old and there just isn't enough energy in my body for kids and then romance. :)~
I found a book that helped me so much and some of my girlfriends and I got together a made a book/bible study out of it. It's called 'Intimate Issues' and you can find it at any bookstore (in the Christian section). I really didn't have many of the issues except maybe being a little selfish, but it was really a great eye-opener! Anyway, I have planned a night away with my husband to focus on our love-life and romance. He only knows that he has to be ready and the rest is a surprise. That book has some great tips that I am implamenting into our overnight date (in 2 weeks). If you want more specific ideas, let me know and I'll e-mail you. :)
I hope this helps.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi C.,
I have a couple of suggestions for you. How are you at writing "love letters"? I don't mean anything mushy, but I'm married to a big brawny man and nothing makes him smile more than receiving a romantic card or letter in the mail. (YES, I mail it) I've put little sticky notes in his lunch before. I once mailed him a letter with a Salt Grass Steak House gift card and asked him out on a date. I made sure that I made babysitting arrangements for our 11 year old daughter first. Or just suggest a "date night", our favorite is a nice restaurant, a walk downtown or a movie afterwards. I know when a baby is involved its very easy to get caught up in just being a mommy, but remember, all men love attention. We will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary next year, so I must be doing something right?!! Good Luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Read all your responses so far, all good, some from the "right now" perspective, some taking into account the length of time you have been together. First, I think it might be helpful to look realistically at relationships in general, and then I think that will suggest creative ways to go to "reignite" your relationship. I would say ALL, but for sake of being technically correct, I'll say ALMOST all relationships go through about 3-4 stages: 1) "MAGIC" or sparkle--when you first meet and you are so in love, you could walk down the street kicking cans and swear you had the best time of your life. Literally, endorphins are being produced by the presence and thoughts of each other. If your relationship is a day-to-day one (not long distance), the magic/sparkle period will last about 6 mon to 1 yr. 2) "SORT OF DISAPPOINTMENT or too familiar period; you've been together a while and know a lot about each other, and are beginning to see personality quirks and behaviors you hadn't noticed at first that are perhaps annoying, hurtful, questionable in some way; and you still care about each other, but may be feeling, "Wait, I don't know about this". 3)If you get through that period, you go into "WORKING IT OUT", compromising on the differences. May get married or more committed at this point. 4) If you are successful with "working it out" then you get to ACCEPTANCE, the BEST period if you know how to STAY ALERT and go for BALANCE between the SAFE FEELINGS of being BUDDIES and the EXCITING FEELINGS of keeping things ROMANTIC. Trouble is by then we often have children and as we all know, too often the demands of children, jobs, running a home, all begin to sap our energy and we may begin to let the romantic gestures fizzle out, kind of taking our relatiionship and love for granted.

That may be where you and your husband are at this point. Kudos to you for recognizing this and reaching out for some stimulus to get yourself going again. It is extremely important to be partners and be there for each other; however, your emotional/romantic life needs to be constantly nurtured as well. THIS IS VITALLY IMPORTANT: You will NEVER feel about your husband just the way you did when you first met and discovered the wonder of each other. You were, in effect, in an altered state of consciousness. It is unfair to yourselves to expect to keep that high level of excitement, wonder, 'MAGIC" for years and years. It physiologically will not happen. For years in my pracice, I heard young women say (because they were the ones coming to therapy more often than guys) that they weren't in love with their spouses anymore. They wanted that excitement they felt at first. Most still cared for their husbands, but they had mistakenly defined LOVE as that magical feeling of early romance and that is not SUSTAINING LOVE--hopefully it grows into sustaining love. Deeply abiding, sustainng love is so much sweeter and better as you grow and mature. Part of what gets us to sustaining love is doing what many of your respondents suggested: taking the initiative to do some extra, different, creative LOVING BEHAVIORS that you know your husband enjoys just because it makes him feel good. In turn, if your husband is maturing also, he will be INSPIRED to treat you more sweetly, tenderly, romantically as well.
You are on the right tract. YOU GO GIRL! God bless you, your husband and your family.

1 mom found this helpful

I know after a long day of being mom,cook, nursemaid and all the other requirements of motherhood we all forget to be WOMEN!!! So after baby boy goes to bed, change the mood. Become the woman again, Change the mood in your home, light the candles, get the wine, put some soft music on. And make time for the 2 of you. Sometimes we get so comfortable we have to step out of our comfort zone and be spontaneous. Have fun.

1 mom found this helpful

When my 1st was that age, I "kidnapped" my hubby from work and swept him away to a hotel in the next state.

I arranged everything: hotel, sitter, 1/2 day off from his boss, packed, etc. I swore everyone to secrecy. :o)

I even "held up" his office with a water gun (neon in color to prevent any suspicions and "took a hostage" (my hubby).

It was fun and totally unexpected. I had looked for a room with a hot tub and we were gone from Friday lunch till Sunday afternoon. We got to talk all the way there and back. We enjoyed the private hot tub. And we had a weekend of "dates".

You can even take your own DVD player and your favorite movies (our portable DVD player has cables that hook it to a larger TV).

Have fun!

Blessings,

P. <><

1 mom found this helpful

If you are looking for spark I would suggest an adult novelty sore....hear me out...you don't have to go all out and buy toys and such but they do sell some great games. My husband and I went and we found 'Lust!' It's a really fun board game for two.
It says on the box that it is "a game for lovers that allows you to explore both romantic and physical intimacy with your partner."
Not only did we enjoy ourselves but we learned new things about eachother that normally we probably wouldn't have found out.
Without telling your husband, have a friend or relative keep your son for the night...take a drive to "the store" together...get your fave takeout and take it home...enjoy your night together.

I might remind you that your romance won't grow on it's own. You have to tend to it like a beautiful and rare exotic plant. Pay special attention to it.
Even if you can only arrange one night a month for date night...DO IT Girl! Act like boyfriend and girlfriend again. Change it up, take turns surprising the other.

Copy and past this in your browser for a few ideas:
http://www.redbookmag.com/601230

Call him at work and talk "steaminess" or leave a love note in his car or send a pair of your fave panties in his lunch :)......
At any rate, whatever you do, make him and yourself feel fun and special again.

1 mom found this helpful

We will hit our 20 yr anniversary on New Years Eve. Our daughter was born in 1994.

Before our daughter was born, we made a deal that no matter what, we would ALWAYS have date night once a week. We have continued that practice. It does not have to be something extravagant. We enjoy going to Martini Park, Loft 610, Cru Bar, Fox Grill to watch sports, I tag along with him on a 9 hole round of golf, go downtown Dallas, West Village, we go to the mall, we enjoy fine dining/fine wine, socializing etc.

My husband is in sales and he is on the road weekly (2-4 nights). He LOVES sexy wear and I love to wear it. This can be my short denim skirt with a cute tee OR my tiny gym shorts with a tank. He makes me feel good because he tells me the only thing that has changed on my 5'4", 116# size 2 body is my perky boobs stuck at a perky size DD which saved him a a few grand because I did not have to go the fake route! I wouldn't go fake route anyway, I prefer natural, as most men do. He also tells me simply that he appreciates what I do at home and what I do to help him on the road. He calls me his right hand. We are on the phone with each other numerous times a day and I always try to say something uplifting, especially if his day is hectic. I dress sometimes to shock (sans undies or a new thong) him when he gets home and it is always a positive outcome. We have wide open communication and that is a must.

As for him, since he is on the road so much, I stick little notes where I KNOW he will find them in his suitcase. Most are just I Love You's with the special signature between the 2 of us, we chat online when he is on the road (business and pleasure). I send sexy little text messages, voice mail messages, etc. I try to make sure he knows I appreciate how hard he works so that our family of 3 can enjoy the wonderful lifestyle he has provided.

I saw another post that said you will go through ups and downs....SO TRUE. I think one of the most important things to do is to make sure he still sees you as the sexy woman he married. He appreciates you being a good mom of course, but he also appreciates knowing that you made an extra effort to smell good, be well groomed, etc when he gets home.

Our daughter is 13 1/2 now and we know that the empty nest is coming along in a few years. I completely understand that you are not in an environment where you can be quite so care free with a little one at home. Of course, I do not greet hubby at the door with little to nothing on when daughter is at home, however, I do make sure I look and smell good.

I reread my reply and I did say sexy a lot. Sexy is not just what you wear, it is how you feel. Little changes can do that for you (ex: fresh makeup, scent, hair, nails, new undies etc)

Best wishes to you!

1 mom found this helpful

we actually just took ONE night at a hotel IN TOWN...it was great. We are expecting #2 already (will have 2 under 2 and married only 3years)!! It was really nice and we didn't go anywhere. We are actually in Dallas and went to Ft. Worth. We hadn't really been together alone (other than in the evenings) since Luke came(12 months). We are already planning another time away before #2 comes in Dec. On that one night, WE BOTH realized that needs to be a priority. US first. God gave US the kids, so we need to honor that relationship to maintain the family unit the right way; in our opinion. you can get some really good deals in the summer. We looked at the Gaylord as well. you can even get a package with a couples massage and such. Lots of options, but it is just a matter of finding and comitting to the time to do it...there will NEVER be a good time. You may be suprised at how happy he really is just watching you be a mom!!! BUT it took us getting away to be able to TALK about stuff like that one on one!
Best of Luck! will be praying for you guys, i know it is hard.

does he have a particular fave color or outfit that you wear? perfume? have you stopped doing your hair or nails like you used to? we all go thru phases that we let ourselves down a bit, thus romance goes down a bit. spend 5 extra minutes on yourself, even as simple as painting your nails, and see if that doesn't make you feel more feminine.

I agree. We tend to forget that we are women and sexy. I have no idea why men find it sexy for women to wear their shirts, but they do. So, maybe that? lol That is simple and sexy and romantic. :)

Hi C.! You've already gotten some really good ideas, but I'll put my two cents in too. We got to stay at a hotel once. We went to bath and body works and bought some body oil and gave each other massages. Then we took a long bath together. We've also gone to the adult store and bought some "stuff." Men love any kind of lingerie, I don't like the dirty stuff, so I just go to Victoria's Secret and get pretty gowns. Just a few ideas. Good luck!

I purchased some tapes calle "Light His Fire" by Ellen Kriedman (sp?). She is great, funny and full of great advice on how to light his fire. This is probably available on CD or DVD as well. It will give you lots of ideas that you can turn to again and again. Just google Light His Fire and I'm sure you'll find her website. They also have a series called "Light Her Fire" for him.

I agree with all those that said get away with your husband. My husband and I go to a hotel about once a year. However...my friends and I did a little something different this last Valentines. We got a bikini wax. I couldn't keep my husband off me. Several friends reported that their husbands said it was the best V-day gift they had ever gotten. ALL of us have continued the waxings and our husbands are happy to let us spend money that way. We are like newlyweds again.

Make him feel special when he walks in the door from work, go to great him, give him a hug and kiss.(if you don't already) Fix special food for him , fix yourself up, have a date night,now and then, get a baby-sitter occasionally to have a special time for just the two of you. Write him love notes. Get a new sexy night gown, and tell him you got it just for him. Give him a massage.

My husband and I had lunch dates before we got into a babysitting co-op and started switching babysitting each saturday night so the different couples in our babysitting co-op could get dates. I have friends that I take turns babysitting for and having babysit as well during the day sometimes. Something fun could be to just have your son gone and have a romantic dinner and evening with him for a couple of hours. I found making time for just the two of us made not only him happier, but me happier as well.

Read "the proper care and feeding of husbands" by Dr. L. Schessinger. It helped me alot in dealing with my husband better, which in turn made him a very happy hubby.
good luck,
L.

101 Nights of Grrreat Sex

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/101-Nights-of-Grrreat-Se...

Just thought I should recommend this book to you.
We've had it for a few years. It says to do one of the ideas once a week but even before children, that was impossible for us. If you are like us, between the sheets after a few years can get a little redundant and it turns the "Hey - you wanna?" into a much better time. Some ideas we've repeated, some weren't worth it again. I've recommended it to some of my friends recently. They were all excited to try it. It costs less than $30 and a really fun way to jazz it up a little.
I think that if you just bought the book and gave it to him, that'd be a spark right there. The way we use the book: We each choose a scenario and read it and just sometime in the near future, we gather the necessary items and plan the night. Even when we choose the idea and read it to ourself, that is another spark.

Just a recommendation :o)

I would highly recommend the book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. She addresses many issues in keeping a marriage happy, including keeping our sex lives vibrant and satisfying. She also speaks to the male pysche, and what men need from their wives to be happy, which in turn makes them devoted out our well being. It's a win-win situation!

Best of luck, and God bless!

We plan a date night at home one night a week. We choose a meal we know the kids won't love, open some wine, and enjoy preparing it together after we've put them to bed. This is easy, cheap (since there's no sitter involved and because you can splurge on steaks and such and it's still less than eating out) and relaxing, because we know we're saving good time for each other. Sometimes we watch a movie afterward, or sit on the porch and light the chiminea, or even just watch TV. It's the act of knowing that it's our time together that makes it special.

My husband and I went through that same thing when my son was about the same age. We ended up pregnant with my now almost 4month old daughter. Be careful...if you aren't ready for another one. I just made sure to make time for him every night. I was so focused on work and my son, that I shut my husband out pretty much. After a lot of arguing, it just clicked with me, and the spark came back and before I knew it we were having another baby to add to the mix. Maybe go get something sext to put on for after the baby goes to bed. The littlest things can set the mood and get things back in motion.
Good Luck.

My husband and i always have time by ouselves or with a group of adult friends once a month. This keeps us 'grown-up' and not all about the kids. We have a great time whatever it is we do. We look forward to 'our' break. I am very blessed to have family close by to watch the 3 kids. We also try to make a get-a-way once a year. Sometimes it is for a whole week, like hawaii or a cruise or even a long weekend at a fun spot. We take family vacaitons also but we always do something for the two big people. We are the ones who started this crazy tribe so we have to stay together and connected to keep it functioning. Good luck!

You need some date time! Maybe even a weekend away. Let the grandparents or if not available a good friend babysit and have a date night--dinner and movie. If costs is an issue than dinner at home with candlelight and his favorite meal and then kick back with a movie at home but the child with your friend.

A weekend away at a bed and breakfast or one of those nice hotel specials for the weekend would be awesome. You just need a little alone time. Then make it a priority to have date night often.

Also, if you send a lunch slip in some love notes for him to find when he opens his lunch. A phone call to tell him you miss him and love him loads at work.
A.

I don't know how much my husband liked this but it helped me fall in love with him again, which produced results that I'm fairly confident he enjoyed! I wrote him a letter that told him all of the things I loved about him and some remember whens. I love how you are able to design and build anything from scratch...I love to see you wrestle with the boys in the living room...I love the way you are never ashamed to say I love you no matter where you are...Remember when we went to San Antonio for the first time...Remember when we would cruise town in your old blue Malibu... I also put in some things that I would like to see more of: I love to hear you pray with me... It was a great way for me to realize all of the things I loved about him.

Good for you for realizing that keeping the love alive takes a little bit of effort and doesn't mean it's time to bail out! Like a fire that was once blazing, you've still got the embers burning and if you just tend to it and add another log or two you can make it blaze again!

OkI know how this feels....my husband and I have been together going on 15 years and married for 7, with 2 beautiful sons. I would say have you tried doing the date night thing. I know this helps us when we start getting in a rut. of course you do nothing but talk kid stuff, but it's great just to talk to your husband sometimes. if you like to dance, try going to the club sometime, dancing almost always gets you in the mood. and puts a little spring in your step. Just get out and do something out of the ordinary and you'll both see that you still love each other....anyway just a thought....good luck with everything.
C.

Get a sitter, friend or neighbor you trust to take the little one for a weekend and get outta town! Go to Fredricksburg, Granburry even downtown Ft, Worth and spice it up a bit. Go to a B & B or a hotel in FW and visit Bass Hall, some pubs, listen to music on a sidewalk or some Jazz. Make reservations at a restaurant that isn't kid friendly and be husband and wife not Mommy and Daddy for the evening. Buy something new and make yourself feel sexy again, when you feel it, he senses it. Don't have the $, then maybe just all day and night then head home, you can still do a lot of those things in one day and evening. Maybe invite another couple, oh the Reata is fun, sit on the rooftop in FW, have drinks and look at the lights. Good luck.

When you figure it out....please let me in on it. My husband and I have been together for 7 years and married for 3. We have an 8 month old, I have a son from a previous marriage and he has a daughter....we are more buddies and friends...which I love! He comes to me and we can talk about anything....but, I want that spark back!

Check out this link - there are some great ideas for date nights and even just for finding ways to bring the romance back into your marriage. Good luck and hope this helps!

http://ideas.thenest.com/LoveandSex/Articles/100-great-da...

Themed, or "out of the box" date nights are great. I know cost can be a factor but some of the dates you can go on would be free. They give you creative ideas to stimulate each of you whether it's visually, by touch or by sound, the dates offer ways to connect back with each other opposed to just going to a movie or a weekend away. All dates are any age appropriate so you can be 16 or 73 and still enjoy each of the 52 different date ideas. If you are interested please email me back and I can give you some more info.

Missy

I think it is something that all relationships go through. We are in our 21st year of dating and 13th year of marriage. It gets harder as time passes. We have an 11, 10 and 5 year old who demands much of our time. You just need to do little things, cards, notes, kisses in the middle of the night. Don't ever stop trying because you or your husband feel tired. Make date night...even if you stay home. Your son will learn to adjust if it start it now, especially if you have family close, he will be fine without you for one night every once in a while. (Bake or cook his favortie meal/dessert without him having to ask.) Good luck with all of that.