Looking for Ways to Control My Yelling

Set up a recorder and record yourself so that you can hear how you sound to y our chidren.

Once I was not yelling but I was upset with my daughter. I accidently called my home while we were driving home. I noticed a message on the machine later in the day so I clicked to listen and I was very surprised and upset to hear how I sounded to my daughter. My tone of voice was not the way I want to sound to her.

After hearing that, everytime I get upset, I think about that accidental recording I left at my home.

We all have times that we lose it and will yell.

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First, I'd say save yourself by childproofing so that they aren't into everything. Spend a few hours and put everything you don't want them into up and away, and put child locks on whatever needs it. Then you don't have to spend the day saying "no". Children learn by being curious and investigating and exploring everything; it's not much fair to them to be told "no" all day. They have powerful urges to do this, so if you head them off at the pass then it saves you and them.

I think you have to have something to substitute if you are going to be successful in breaking a habit. You'll have to have something to replace yelling with. Maybe come up with some kind of song to sing loudly so that you're singing instead of yelling, but still with the volume :)

1 mom found this helpful

Sadly, I am a yeller too. My kiddos are 12 and 5. For me it was just prayer...lots and lots and lots! I try to remind myself daily what a blessing my children are. I remember how I felt as a kid being yelled at by my step-dad. Its tough but take it one moment at a time. My kids are also old enough for me to talk to them about my problem on a very basic level. I ask them to have patience with me and to share their feelings with me when I have yelled. And to forgive me. My daily verse is Genesis 33:5 These are the children God has given me. God has been good to me.

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Try to look at life as a really big game - that is the way your boys are looking at it! See if you can make things a race, a contest, a challege rather than yelling. With 2 of them it is even easier to make things fun - first one to find their shoes, first one to get their breakfast bowl and spoon, etc. We even race my son to the potty or challenged him as to who could pee longest (counting the seconds of pee if necessary!).

I found this helped me a lot! Good luck! C.

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Breath in. Breath out. Sometimes it’s that simple. Or taking a step back and look into why you are yelling. Sometimes I get into a mode where I want things a particular way, and get frustrated when that doesn’t happen. But when I step back and look at it, its not a big deal if they dump the bucket of legos or want to eat again just after we got out of the highchair and got all washed up. Here are some other suggestions to relax your overall mood.
1. Yoga has been an incredible release for me. It is my time to relax and start over. I feel like I get a restart every time I go and I look forward to it. Check out www.corepoweryoga.com They have a work for trade program where you can clean the studio once a week for a couple hours in exchange for free, unlimited yoga.
2. Anti-depressants can help in the short-term to help you get back up on your feet, or long-term if you need them to maintain balance and stability in your life. Millions of people are on medications, so try to have judgment on yourself.
3. An alternative treatment for depression and anxiety is an herbal supplement called Luminex. Do some research and look into it further. I just ordered it for myself to try out this month because I have heard great things from people that have used it. It contains natural ingredients including St Johns Wart, griffonia seed, folate, and vitamin B12 that help with depression and anxiety. Let me know if you are interested or have any questions.

I carry so much guilt around because I am such a yeller. My mom was a yeller too. I feel like I'm going to traumatize my child but she hardly notices which makes me sad too because I do it so much she's used to it. Every night when I go to sleep I tell myself that the next day I'm not gonna yell and after we are up for 2 hours I find myself starting the yelling again. I now try to catch myself and just say "sorry,I didn't mean to yell that but I need you to listen" and then I take a deep breath and try to make the rest of the day better. I guess you just have to keep trying a little harder each day and reboot while they sleep. Sorry, I don't have a great answer but you are not alone.

I try to remember the quote "speak softly and carry a big stick." My SIL hardly ever raises her voice to her kids, but when she speaks...they listen. They've been sort of conditioned to, because she follows through on punishment if they don't obey.

So for my kids, I've been trying to come up with a special phrase that will get their attention. I don't really like the whole counting to three thing, so I've been experimenting by calmly saying "this is your warning" and then disciplining them if they still don't obey. After some time, I'm hoping that those words alone will be enough to get them moving.

My problem is that even if I could stop myself from yelling and start using the catch phrase each time, I can't always get my husband to remember as well. And I think it needs to be consistent with both parents or it won't work at all. So talk to your man and maybe together you can come up with a CONSISTENT game plan.

Heaven knows, I'm still working on it.

I feel your pain, I have always thought as myself as a very calm person but when me daughter came around I found out that I have a very short fuse.

I keep telling myself that yelling does not solve anything and that I do not like to be yelled at so do not do it to others. When an incident happens that starts to make me yell I remind myself to make sure daughter is not in a dangerous situation (if need be remove my daughter from situation to her bedroom) then go into the bathroom or my bedroom, close the door, look at myself in the mirror and talk to myself to calm down (sometimes I have yelled at myself). Remind myself of what times I have said are ok times to yell (ex: child runs toward street) then once I feel calm I will go talk with my daughter about whatever the situation was.

It works for the most part, but I think I might start wearing a hair rubber-band around my wrist (that might help too).

I also went to counseling for a few months because for me some of the yell/anger is due to anxiety, OCD and on/off again depression. That has helped me learn how to handle the anxieties which cause my fuses to blow (these anxieties have always been an issue for me but until I had a child they never were a huge issue, that added someone else to care for, in my space all the time really triggers the anxieties).

Hi, one of my friends is a twin and my other friend has twins. THEY COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER , I babysat one time and if you do what I did, stand inbetween them you will notice you are dealing with one child instead of two. I am not a twin expert but that is what I would try first and if you blow a fuse tell them and believe me they understand , go lock yourself in a room and when they start banging, which they will ignore for a second then open and they will be so happy to see your face that the disturbance before hand is something from the past.. Good luck.

I hear ya ... I tend to lose my temper and scream and yell at my 3 and 4 year old. I bought this book: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Big-Book-of-Parentin... ... it's helping. Just keep in mind that kids yell and good luck.

i have been feeling the same way.

from the time my daughter was crawling and walking, people would ask us how we could leave things exposed, like a wine rack, electronics, potted plants, etc. we would just tell our daughter repeatedly, "don't touch that". over and over and over. eventually, she would learn that she couldn't touch, and didn't.

i find it MUCH harder now to do that so calmly, because i feel like she knows better. when she was one, i thought, she can't help herself. i try to remind myself, that while she does know she shouldn't touch, she doesn't have the self control not to. she still needs the same reminders. also, i think they tune us out when we yell, or talk from another area. my daughter responds 100 times better when i get on her level, and speak to her. also, i have to be very direct, and say "go put your shoes in the basket" instead of "why don't you put your shoes away and then..." you have to get their attention first.

i think we get what we expect from our kids, but our expectations have to be realistic. their 2 yr. old brains work very differently from ours and they do not understand or care about being late, schedules, messes, etc. so, we get frustrated, even though they really can't help it. but, we have to keep teaching them so that they will learn when their brains can finally understand.

also, make sure they understand what areas are off limits, such as certain cupboards and closets (or all of them), your room, etc. then, if they violate that, make sure they have a consequence. try to associate the consequence with the behavior. be consistent. i find that my daughter respects rules/boundaries/off limits areas much better when they are VERY consistent. again, 2 year olds cannot understand why they can go in a closet to get out paint one day, but not the next.

finally, when i find that my daughter is just out of control (usually when we are getting ready to go or do something, and i have to go find her, she runs away or doesn't cooperate), i just tell her she has to sit in one place (on the rug, on the step, etc.) and she will stay til we're ready to go, or move on to something else. we started doing the "naughty corner" when she needed it at a very early age, and she actually stays, so i think she does understand that request. it helps my sanity, and in turn, helps our relationship!

when i first had my son i use to yell at him when he would get into things that he wasnt suppose to. it wasnt until my daughter was born that i decided to change some things. when he was into things that he wasnt suppose to be into i would give him no option. i would point toward his room and say to your room now very firmly. it may sound harsh but at the time i was learning to control myself and not yell. later i found that when my two kids got older and started the fighting bit i had to come up with something that was alot better. when they started fighting and yelling and what not i bought myself a coach whistle. you know one of those metal ones that tends to be really loud especially inside. i used it alot especially when i found them into things that i didnt want them into. the child locks only work when they dont see you unlock them. once they do they tend to still get into the cabinets they can reach. my son after a while figured out how to take them off with a spoon....don't ask me how but he managed. the whistle got their attention and they would stop. it saved my voice and stopped me from yelling at them all the time. they knew when mom blew that whistle that something was up. i don't know if any of this helps but i wanted to let you know you are not the only one who found after having kids that you had a short fuse which turned into yelling.

I have been a volunteer teacher/trainer for the Pinal Parenting Project where I worked with parents that were refered to us by CPS to learn parenting skills, plus I have taught preschool both in a private school setting as well as in my home and ran a childcare for over 10years in addition to having my own rather large family (7 children) including a child with Autism.

I have continually searched out new, better & best ways of parenting to not only help my family but to help enrich others as well. I love the approach of Love & Logic however...unitl recently, I was introduced to what I consider one of the best resources out there.

It is one that doesn't just put a "bandaid" on the situation, or battle the problem by nipping it in the bud but rather, it goes deep down to the root. It is a plan for not only the here-and-the-now but a plan for the future and can provide what I consider "peace & unity" in the home.

My suggestion would be for you to check out this website: http://teachingselfgovernment.com/

Watch the BBC broadcast (via youtube) done by these parents and see just how this method of parenting works with some wayward children from England. It is amazing to see the results in just days!
Here is the direct link (7 videos in all): http://teachingselfgovernment.com/videos/

You sound like a wonderful mom & I know you will make the decision that is most beneficial to you and your family.

The best to you and yours.
~D.

put a sign on the fridge.. to remind you.. to take it easy.. talk gently.. and it should work.. remember they are young.. but you want them to have a happy childhood.. good luck

I found myself to be the same way. I was alway's so patient with my daughter until i had my son. I had NO patient's once i had him because he is such a needy baby and I take it out on my daughter. she push's me alil more trying to get attention. I would snap to wear she would cover her ears or flinch. I'd feel soooo bad. i finally learned to take a deep breath, a REAL deep breath(hehe) , get on my knee's and calmly talk to her. It work's sooo good with her.

Call me weak, but I need meds. I take Lexapro. I'm a more relaxed mommy!

Two year old twins. Been there. Done that. It's exhausting. What one doesn't think of, the other one does. And child locks are no match for two sets of little hands. Still, they are lots of fun and having a built in playmate is great.

I don't know what your set up is but we had a separate dining room we gated off and made a play room out of. It was like having a giant playpen. It was the only way I could get anything done because like you said, they get into everything.

As far as the yelling goes. I too have the same problem. I have found that taking vitamin B suppliments helps to calm me and lengthen that short fuse. Also, walking out of the room, closing my eyes, and taking a couple of very deep breathes works most of the time (especially when I remember to do it-lol).

And remember "This too shall pass." They wont be two forever. Learn to find humor in ther antics even when you really want to scream (or cry).

My twins are 12 yr. old girls now and THAT is whole new ball game.....:)

You have gotten a lot of great suggestions. My hubby and I also have a bit of a yelling problem with our 5 kids. We recently took a class called "Parenting with Love an Logic" that has helped us to become more "thinking" parents than "yelling" parents. They have a website http://www.loveandlogic.com/ We aren't experts...yet :-), but the yelling has cut down significantly and we have learned new ways of teaching our kids how to make good decisions and letting them take more resposibility- even at a young age. They have books and seminars. I would highly recommend it. I wish I had gone to the class (they offer it at the school in our area) years ago. It's a great program! Good luck with whatever you try.

I use to yell alot, now I stop and I repeat to myself "I'm to blessed to be stressed". I'll repeat it untill I am calm enough to handle the situation. It works great for me. Good luck