Looking for Support from Working Moms.

You have gotten some really great advice! I have just one thing to add as I have gone through a similar situation, and we now both work full-time. As men sometimes do (not trying to put them down, they just think a little differently than women) he probably doesn't realize or has even thought about the stress he is putting on you. If you haven't already, sit him down without the kids or parents around and explain the situation, your fears, and outline the finances for him. I take care of all the finances in our house so sometimes I have to sit my husband down and say "No, you cannot buy that game and this is why...". I hope this helps and if you want to talk anymore feel free to email me at ____@____.com.

S., I feel your pain. I'm 28, married for five and a half years now with three kids. Three of those years, my husband was either unemployed or in school. Where to start... I know your situation too well. First of all, let me say that you must be an amazing person for being so patient. The pressure of making ends meet with a family to keep is enormous and I admire you for reaching out. From my experience, the subject of jobs is a touchy one for men and it's hard to talk about, especially if they feel they've failed in any way. It sounds to me like this new business could take a while to produce some real income for you guys and you really need the security of a steady income now, however small it is. Don't feel bad about asking him to make that happen for you and your family. Afterall, what's good for you should be what's good for him. My husband and I had to have a major meeting of the minds over this same issue, and for us, it was non-negotiable to make a decision together. We decided that the family needs ALWAYS come first. Sit down with your husband... figure out what he can contribute with the time that he has and you think about what you can give and it'll work out, as long as you work TOGETHER. Also, would it be possible to do this new business together? If you don't already have one, get a support system of people to watch your kids so that you can spend some of those evenings together, even if it is business stuff. Time is time and you'll drift apart if you don't continue to learn about eachother.

S.- if you get an answer let me know... I work around 50 hours a week running my business. My husband works a 4 days on-four days off shift...I feel that my week is longer and harder. However, I bring more money into our family than he does so I pay more bills but, he has a very expensive hobby that I feel is unfair. He has an airplane...and I work my butt off to pay our bills (and miss out on a lot of my children's activities). I have talked to him about this but-all he can do is agree but, nothing is ever fixed. I truely believe that women are just made diferently. Women think of the family and of the greater good --while men are still selfish "hunter" thinkers. So if you find an aswer to their genetic make up -please let me know. Good luck to you-H.

No you should ask him because this is his family too and it's his responsibility to make sure everything, especially money wise, is ok. I understand he does the house hold chores but he's been out of work for so long that he shounds like he want your to support him and that's not fair. I understand that back in the day woman used to stay home and the men supported us but times have changed and since gotten more expensive. he needs to work.

Once you become a parent, your life is not your own. The kids are/should be a parents first concern/priority. So, NO, you aren't being unfair, in fact, you are SO in your rights to require him to get a real job, a second and/or a third if that is what is necessary. His dream can wait until the kids are older and don't need you at home or can take care of themselves. Granted, all marriages have their sacrifices that need to be made...but you and your kids' well being should be your husbands number one priority; even if that means putting his business/dream on the back burner for now. Good Luck!

Don't feel guilty about this - AT ALL - tell him to get a part time job - NOW. We all have lots of hopes and dreams, and as someone pointed out we can pursue those when our kids are older. You've had to move in with parents, put him through school, and 'his business' may be nothing more than more debt. Been there, done that - tell him to get a job with a paycheck (and don't feel badly about it!)

I think that would be fair. You guys have to do what you need to to survive. My husband is the stay at home dad but also has a home business and it is difficult for us but we make it through. One idea I have for you is apartment management. Then your husband could stay home and care for the kids, work on his business but make a little extra as well managing apartments. If you get a small complex it is not that much of a time commitment.

Hi S.,
Well it sounds like everyone has already said, "Hubby needs to get a job". He can still work on his future career on the side. There are plenty of jobs he can work to help out with the finances and be available to work on his career on the side. It all depends on how bad you want it. My husband works 5 - 14 hour days a week and I work 4 - 10 hour days a week, plus I have a business on the side. I want that business really bad, so when I found out I was pregnant, I knew it would be difficult but I decided to just slow it down, but I get to do it. He needs to relieve some of that pressure from you. I am not sure how long it will take for my business to take off, but I know it can't be right now because we need the insurance and steady income for baby. Don't worry about right or wrong when it comes to supporting your family. Business dreams can wipe out a whole family if you live in that fantasy too long. Best of luck to you!!!!

I think it would be more then fair to ask your husband to get a part time job. I think taking care of the family should come first and to me personally how I am going to feed not only my children but myself comes first always.

Dear S., I SO know what you mean, Currently we are both not working and husband was laid off two years ago and still we are looking for jobs, finally I started an at home business which I am working at now and doing some additional stuff on the internet just to help pay the bills and things like that. So far we are doing okay but we are getting close to it being a tough situation. There are also ways I am working towards writing up some grants to try to obtain good earnings or grant money to help with 1. my business adn 2. with our ever climbing debt.

I would talk with yuor husband and find out if perhaps he should think about writing up a grant proposal or seeing if he is eligible for one, I think that you could qualify for ones especially if you are in the situation you are in...

I wish you the best of luck and hope all goes well. I am sure it will....if he can get some sort of part time job, will it really help out? I mean, if he is watching the kids then perhaps that is all you can do?

If you want to talk more let me know you can email at anytime at ____@____.com

I think I would be confused on what to do too, I do feel however that it would be completely fare to at least talk to him about anything your feeling in regards to the situation, I would feel too that if it was possible for him to work during the day (someone to watch the kids), that he should do it, so I wouldn’t feel guilty bringing up the topic, (well, I wouldn’t but I don’t know your husband). I think to tell anybody anything is a set up for an argument, but to tell him how you feel about the financial situation and ask his input on how the two of you can resolve the problem may be the way to go. Good luck, it sounds like a touchy subject.

It is complete fare and there great part time job out there. Moms do it all the time. Part time work and all if not most of the house and kids stuff too. I work for UPS www.upsjobs.com I work the midnight sort. It runs from 10.00 pm to 3.00am . I picked this shift for two reasons. One my kids are in school, so I can sleep in the mornings before they get home and be here for them after school, I don’t leave for work until after they go to bed at night so its not making extra work for my husband or taking time away form the kids . Two I did not sleeping during this time any way, mite as well be paid for it. UPS has all kind of shift. There is four shifts so something mite fit for you. I get health benefits that we don’t pay for. Anything over 5 hour is time and half, so if you need extra money he can pick up an extra shift. the pay is not the greatest but with the benefit, we figure it was a little more then what I was bring home after I paid for the health insurance and we wouldn’t be paying for day care.

it is not unfair of you to ask him to get a part time job. It actually wouldnt be unfair of you to tell him to get a real job. You have done your job you have paved the way for him to persue his dream. Now it is time for the pay off I noticed your request the "two potenetial career choices". His priority should be taking care of his family

I'm sooo sorry your husband doesn't understand the need of the family first. I think it is only fair to ask for the sake of your boys. You wouldn't what them to think that thier fathers behavoir is right. I think you and your support to your husband are wonderful. Lets just be real if the job he has now cann't take care of the family, well it ever? Has he thought about doing a paper route or a paper haul. I know this pay well, I do two routes and my husband hauls. Routes only take me about two and a half hours, pays about 1,000 a month. My husbands haul takes about five hours and pays 1,500 a month. These are only our second jobs. In the day I'm a hair stylist and nail tech, my husband is a cook and manager. It could be any job. I beleave that your family needs him to be more of an active part in the survival of the family. Trust me you and your marriage can not hold out like this for too long. Ask what can it hurt if anything it will let you know where your family and marriage stand. Best wishes and good luck!!!!!!!!!!!