Looking for Help with Getting 3 Month Old to Sleep

ahh can I relate to you! I have a very temperamental baby who is almost five months. I have tried everything and will tell you that the best advice is to first pick up the nighttime parenting book by Dr. Sears (the Baby book is also great and has info about sleeping, but the nighttime book is more comprehensive, I love both) you can also go to askdrsears.com. My best suggestion: do not make a big deal out if getting her to sleep! I've found that forcing a baby to nap when she is not yet sleepy will not get you anywhere. Try "wearing her down"
(dr. sears talks about this in the baby book) in a sling, basically doing your activites around the house (vacuuming works wonders!) with her in the sling. It takes practice, but I cant tell you how many times my baby's just fallen asleep while we're cleaning. This is how babies not only learn important developmental skills, it helps them expend their own energy and get a workout. I suggest you get a good sling (any ring sling will do, I like the Over the Shoulder Baby Holder).
I can also tell you that putting your baby down when she is not quite asleep is a lesson in futility! she will instantly wake up. once she is asleep you want to wait until her arms go limp, this way you tell if she has gone into a deep sleep. It usually takes about twenty minutes for babies to go into this kind of deep sleep. Once she falls asleep, try rocking her in a ricking chair and read a good book! I also nurse her for a long time while she gets into that deep sleep, she will be sleeping and "comfort nursing" (sucking every few seconds), this works well too. Bottom line, nurturing a baby is the hardest thing you will ever do, it takes soooo much patience! wear her down with a sling, invest in the the DR. Sears books (you can get them on half.com really cheap!) and wait until the signs of deep sleep until you put her down. Trust me, bieng a first time mom, you get so much conflicting advice, it is hard to know what to do. I have based my advice on what works for my baby and what feels the most natural. I have learned so much from my baby, you really need to let her teach you, listen to her and listen to your instincts. Good Luck!

Unless you have an extremely mellow baby, this book is a waste of time for a 3 month old baby. I think there is something to get out of all parenting books, including this one, but trying to follow the EASY schedule is really a waste of time and energy. Little babies want to be held and they want to be close to you, and there is nothing wrong with that at all. Trying to change this at such a young age is not appropriate, in my opinion. I tried this for a day and took a break and came back to it around 7 months and was much more successful at that time.

Hi M.,

I'm currently working on the same issue with my 10 week old second son so I can appreciate your frustration! I started putting my son down awake for naps a few weeks ago. The first few weeks he woke up immediately after I put him down but over time he's started to fall asleep on his own and stay asleep for longer and longer stretches. I usually put him down when he is tired (yawning, rubbing his eyes, eyes are starting to close) but not particularly active (not kicking). This seems to have been good "practice" since he is now getting better about falling asleep on his own at night. However, there are rough spots, like last night he ended up crying himself to sleep. However, I look at it like a learning process which often has a few steps forward accompanied by a few steps back. Good luck!

Hi;
I know this seems like the hardest thing ever, I feel for you. I have a 20 month old and my second is on the way due in May. Hang in there, It will get better. My advice is that you are battling something you shouldn't even be bothering to battle. Your peanut is just way way too young to be sleep training. Try again when she is 8 months. All she knows how to do right now is demand only what her needs are and it's obvious that she needs to be held, consoled and comforted by you at this point. Enjoy the infancy because before you know they want nothing to do with you and you can barely get a hug in. Good luck.

Hi M.,

It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job with your baby girl, congratulations. I have a now 17 month old, and also read the Baby Whisperer (along with lots of other books). It didn't work for me at ALL the first couple of months - she could never last three hrs between feedings in the first three months as I was breastfeeding. She was every 2 or 2.5 hs for a long time. And I ended up nursing her to sleep for naps sometimes and ALWAYS for bedtime. We also invested in a good swing, which was our fail safe nap inducer when she was too cranky in the evening. We called the evenings between about 4:30-7 fussfest - that's when she would fuss for no apparent reason She got over that after a few months. We would always do a short little nap to 'rest up" for bed so she could be less sleepy 0 the catnap. Also, we swaddled her very nicely using a miracle blanket http://www.miracleblanket.com/ only for bedtime so she'd sleep longer at night. And we did the dreamfeed until she was about 8 months old I think.

I hope that helps. Things change so fast I am sure it will come together soon.

Also, I don't think we worried too much about a real "routine" for bedtime until she was just over 3 months old.

Hi M.,
My daughter is now 2 1/2 years old (and a good sleeper!).
My pediatrician kept telling me that breast-fed babies (I don't know if yours is or not) take between 4 and siz months to figure out sleeping. she was rigiht! My daughter learned how to sleep in her crib at 5 1/2 mnths old. Before that, we did whatever it took to get her to sleep at night - some nights in a swing, some nights nursed to sleep, some nights walked around the house. We thought we were going to lose our minds, but my Dr. just kept saying "she will figure it out between 4 and six months".

I think at 5 1/2 months old she had some regular signs (shreiking around 7:30pm due to prob overstimulation!). I came up with a bedtime routine and got her down by 7:30pm, did the cry it out method (which I thought I would never do - but it only took 3 nights - 20 minutes the first nigiht, 3 minutes the second night, one minute the third night, and the fourth night she just went right to sleep!).

Do whatever it takes at this point - when your daughter is older and her system is more regulated, she will figure it out, and so will you. Don't stress over it too much - it will get better and life will be different in 3 more months! Just hang in there!
Good Luck!
Warmly,
E.

3 months old is a little young to have any time of routine, in my opinion. They are unable to soothe themselves at this point and require that of us. I had no problems getting my girls to sleep with a little rocking and snuggling until they fell asleep, then about 4-6 months started to put them down awake but sleepy. Both of my kids slept through the night at 3-4 months.
hopes this helps.

You could also try putting her down to sleep in bed with you...

We co-sleep, and our 3 month old sleeps soundly through the nite! Only waking 1 to 2 times for a diaper change. I highly recommend trying it out. I know it's not for everyone, but it might help your daughter to feel more calm and soothed.

Hi! I went though that with my daugther when she was 2 1/2 months old I was determined to get her on a good schedule at night and to get her to sleep through the night. I made sure she was very tired before I layed her down and I made sure once I layed her down I would not pick her back up even if I had to come in the room 50 times and rub her head or sing to her. Does your daughter have a binkie? That really helped me and it made me feel better because they say it reduces the risk of sids. I just recommend onces you decide to put her down dont pick her back up because then she will know if she fusses she wont have to stay in her crid. Now my daughter is 4 months and has been sleeping from 9:30 pm to 8:00 am I am also a first time mom of a beautiful 4 month old baby girl

Hi M.. My baby too is 2.5 mos!! Anyway, we've pretty much gotten into a routine of quite time, feeding, and then I read her a story and/or put on some light music while rocking and snuggling her. Sometimes she falls asleep completely, sometimes I put her down while almost asleep, others I put her down still awake. But I would say to try swaddling her. I HAVE to swaddle my baby...she will NOT fall asleep for any length of time if I do not. She still wakes herself with her kicks and flailing arms. Actually now I leave one arm out b/c she's discovered her hand and LOVES to suck on it...it soothes her. That's the other thing...sucking soothes, so maybe a binky will work for you? My baby likes her hand better than her binky now :) Good luck, and don't worry. She'll settle into a routine like the others have said...she's just too young right now.

The BAby Whisperer had some good information, but I found Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child to be a much better resource for infant sleep schedules. check amazon.com to see if you can buy it used or check the library

Hi M.,

I started doing the same thing about a month ago with my daughter (she will be 4 months this Sunday). At first I let her determine her bedtime (anywhere between 8 and 10pm), and then the routine would start. We do a feeding, bathtime, story time in the rocker, then lights out and singing in the rocker. I used to let her fall asleep in my arms before I put her down. Then if she cried after that and needed to be comforted then I would comfort her while she was in her crib. I never picked her up (unless she got really angry). After a week of that, I started the routine at 8:00 every night. From then on, I would put her down while she was still drowsy. Sometimes she cries, but as long as I stay there and hold her hand or rub her tummy she can go to sleep. It has now gotten to the point where she can "talk" herself to sleep in the crib. It took a while, but if does work!! Good Luck!!

Hi, I know this is such a hard time with trying to sooth babies to sleep. For us we just dealt with it, me nursing my son to sleep until 4 mths. That is the time my pediatrician told me I could start sleep training. Before 4 mths we always answered every cry so my son was pretty secure in that we were there for him. But at 4 mths we began sleep training, which was hard, the cry it our method. Took about a week and then he was a great sleeper, I'd put him down awake and he would go to sleep on his own. He is 18 mths now and is great!! Good luck!

You need to swaddle her!! That helps with the kicking and flailing. They can't control their nervous systems well yet.
And try "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley.

try swaddling with the Miracle Blanket. It may help calm the baby, and then the baby is less likely to wake given the secure bundling.

Hello M.,
I hope this advice on what I am going to give you works, I know it did when my son was @ that age.
When giving your daughter her last bottle @ night put a lil baby rice in it. Mainly a 1/2 oz, to a oz. This should help, and if not try one of those sound machines that have waves and a heartbeat sound. That had helped with my son when little as well. Hope this was some help...and good luck too.

Have you tried swaddling her either in a receiving blanket or one of those swaddling suits? Our newborn loved to be swaddled and it helped him sleep without startling himself awake with all his wiggling around. He is now 6 months old and still falls asleep almost within minutes of being swaddled. If he wakes up we often reswaddle him and he's asleep again. There is a great book called The Happiest Baby on the Block - The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Baby Sleep Longer by Dr. Harvey Karp. Another thing that really helped our son sleep as a new born was a baby sling. It holds him tight and keeps him close to my body or daddy's. Congratulations and best of luck!

M. - 3 mos is still young to learn to sleep on her own. Just keep at it and she will learn. Don't worry too much about it now.
I too used the BW and now looking back it just made me feel like I could not do anything right. Tracy Hoag made it seem so simple - that if you stuck to her plan it would work like magic. I have to say though I found her advice extremely, extremely helpful, it did NOT work as fast or as simply as she made me think it would.
Her second book - BW solves all your problems gives some better advice. There is also thebabywhisperer.com with helpful advice.
BUT don't worry about it so much like I did. Sounds like you are doing a GREAT job!

For what it's worth, I think a lot of the research that was done on putting babies to sleep awake was done when babies routinely slept on their bellies. It is so much easier that way because the baby is just more comfortable. We got a breathing monitor and let my son sleep on his tummy and we just didn't have the sleep issues that we did with my daughter.

I also agree that at 3 months, any pattern or learned behavior is not going to be happening. Roll with rocking her to sleep now (or nursing, or whatever) and around 6-9 months find a plan that jives with your parenting style (CIO, Ferber, Dr. Sears, Babywhisperer, etc) and stick with that plan then. Any of them will work and be fine for your baby if you can commit, you just have to find the one that you feel good about and can commit to. But for now, there's really nothing you can do except snuggle. I know it feels like an eternity, but try to enjoy it (at least some of the time) because before you know it those snuggles will be few and far between. Good luck.