Looking for Help with Dd's Hair

Updated on September 06, 2011
K.U. asks from Detroit, MI
8 answers

My daughter just turned 4 and I have always kept her hair trimmed short in a bob with bangs ever since she had hair enough to trim. Giving her bangs was way easier than trying to keep the hair out of her face with clips or pony tails because her hair was always so fine and thin the things would not stay put. Her hair has some natural curl to it so when it is trimmed shorter it tends to curl up more and looks really cute - when it starts getting longer it's more limp and straggly because it's still very fine (I have her pic as my profile pic right now so you can see what I mean. That was a really humid day so it was curling up even more!). It also tends to tangle very easily so I constantly have to spray detangler in it and comb the tangles out (I start at the bottom and work up) - another reason I have kept it cut shorter. DD is now telling me she wants long hair like some of her friends that she's noticed in preschool and in our neighborhood, but all of these girls have hair that grows thick and straight. It's been 6 weeks since her last hair cut and right now it's looking like it's at that point where I would normally get it trimmed again.

My other challenge with her hair is that it does not part down the middle - it parts from one spot off to the side near the back of her head so some of the hair tends to grow forward rather than to the sides or back. She has the bangs but some of it that is not trimmed as bangs will still hang in her face. I can give her 2 symmetrical pony tails if I work at creating a separation down the middle but that's about the only style I can give her at this point. She wants it long enough to have one pony tail in the back and it's just not long enough yet. It's not really long enough for braids yet either (although I've done 1 small braid with the hair on the sides and then tied those back with the rest of the hair in 2 pony tails). She also says she wants to grow the bangs out too. I'd rather keep the bangs and try to let her grow out the rest just so we can avoid the whole annoying long-bangs-in-her-face stage, since clips still don't stay in her hair too well. I've tried hair bands to keep her hair back and she'll ask for them, but then 10 minutes later wants to take them out. Honestly, I'd rather just keep her hair short, because she has the same fine thin hair as me and what's worked best for me are pixie cuts. I don't want to give her a pixie cut at this age and have her look like a boy, and it's her hair, so I want her to feel like she can decide herself what to do with it, but I don't think she understands what we are up against has far has growing it out and having it look good.

Anything I can do to help it become thicker and stronger and stop tangling as much? And any ideas as to how to style it and keep it looking nice (bangs or no bangs) especially as it grows longer? Have a safe and happy Labor Day everyone! TIA!

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So What Happened?

Just an update - DD now really wants to go for a hair cut. She's loved going for hair cuts before and I've had to explain to her that getting a hair cut means her hair stays short. If she wants longer hair, it can't get cut. So now she's saying she wants it cut today and kept short. Which personally I would prefer because I'm the one who does need to take care of it all the time. I'm on the fence about keeping the bangs or letting them grow out - DD says she wants to keep them. At 4 years old it is sometimes hard for me to tell if she knows what she is talking about or not! Ironically, her wish for long hair that she could wear in one pony tail came from seeing her best friend having long hair in a pony tail and now that best friend has her hair cut short in a cute little bob!

EDITED TO ADD: When we went to get her hair cut, I purchased a special brush called the Knot Genie for getting tangles out without the pulling and the trauma and it has been AMAZING - it really works, no spray detangler needed! And since she isn't getting the detangler, her hair doesn't seem as weighed down by the residue. I've also started washing it with a moisturizing shampoo plus conditioner for curly hair and it seems much fuller and softer. Maybe now we can think about growing it out if it will continue to look so nice!

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M.W.

answers from Detroit on

At some point you'll have to let her fix it how she wants even if it looks terrible. Preschool is probably NOT the time.

My mom let me start fixing my own hair in 3rd grade. I'd do 10 styles a day and it was usualky silly looking. But I appreciated the freedom.

I'd suggest telling her that when she is old enough to do all the wadhing, drying and styling she can choose how to wear her hair-within reason. Until then you get to choose because you are responsible for fixing it snd the short hair is fast and easy. This will give it time to thichen. Try horse main and tsil shampoo in the meantime it will help.

Best wishes!!!

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M.R.

answers from Chicago on

First of all, you're daughter is adorable! Her hair is super cute also! I would let her grow it out if she wants to. Maybe letting her bangs grow out will add to the amount of hair you have to work with. As far as detangling goes I would be careful of those sprays, they can cause build up. At that age, she'll probably be asking you to cut it again anyway. Good luck with your little doll!!

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S.H.

answers from Detroit on

What had worked for me when my daughter wanted her hair to grow long is I told her okay, as long as she takes care of it everyday, which at 4, may be tough... Eventually, my daughter was okay with shoulder length hair because it was easier to comb the tangles out! So, it was sort of a short lived experiment!! Lol! One of these days, we will have very little say over their hairstyles... Good luck!!

1 mom found this helpful

K.*.

answers from Los Angeles on

Ha, that's my daughters hair, the only difference is the color! I think my daughters hair is in my profile, but I blew it out that day for pics. She has the scraggly wave and it looks terrible when I try to grow it out. I recently cut it into a bob again because the long hair does not suit her. I have also done the braids on both sides pulled back, and clips don't last. I guess I'm saying to do what has been working...it looks cute!
I'll try to find a pic of my daughters hair curly and post.

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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

What a cutie your daughter is!

My oldest three granddaughters are allowed to have their hair any way they like; hair is a battle their mama has simply chosen not to fight. Letting bangs grow out is a hassle, but only for a few weeks. I believe I've seen some girls' hair clips/barrettes that are supposed to work for fine hair; your might check online.

If it's in your budget, you might take her to a hairdresser for trims so the hair will look better as it grows out. That hairdresser might have some good suggestions about how to take care of her longer hair. It's good to have a pro around now and then.

My long-haired grans - one has fine hair and the other two have thick hair - have major trouble with tangles, and they do use the spray detangler (they wash their hair about every other day so it can't make their hair icky). This summer I showed them how to braid their hair at night, a la 1900, so there will be fewer tangles in the morning, and it seemed to help.

It's more a problem for you than it is for your little girl, I think! :~) Your daughter just wants to try something different. In three months she might want to try something else different. It's the mamas who worry what will look good! I'd let her do her thing; she's only four, and if she says later, "Mommy, I don't like what my hair is doing," then you might say, "I always thought it looked better when...." That provides decision for her and input for you.

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M.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

She's a cutie, but definitely grow out the bangs as bangs with wavy hair are impossible to manage -- and it will absolutely give her fuller hair when the bangs grows out.

Not everyone has thick straight hair, in fact , everyone's seems to be flat ironing their hair today to look limp and thin! Her hair seems to have a lot of body. Spray mist it with some water in the morning and scrunch if you want to give it some more fluff . But you may be transferring your feelings/anxiety about your hair on to her -- no reason to chop of that beautiful hair into a pixie cut. Let it grow and let her enjoy those gorgeous blonde tresses!

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R.S.

answers from San Antonio on

I am also thinking growing the bangs out might help with thickness to work with in pigtails and pony tails.

If you can get it into pigtails...tell her that is the way she will have to wear it until it grows long enough for pony tails. OR she will have to learn to wear a headband all day to keep it out of her face. You could always pull some hair back in a pony tail on top and leave the rest down to keep it out of her face as it grows.

My daughter has very fine hair but it is really long and pretty thick. I have to french braid it everyday as ponytails and pigtails are too heavy to stay in for long.

Good luck...

L.C.

answers from Washington DC on

It's just hair.
Let her do what she wants. If it makes her crazy, she'll ask you to cut it.
LBC

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