My son's preschool teacher recently told us that our 4 year old son is hitting, kicking and spitting at other children at school. We've tried time-outs and taking away privileges when he behaves this way at home, but obviously this has not always been effective. Does anyone have any ideas for stopping this type of behavior? I have thought about a sticker / reward chart for good behavior, because that was effective with him during potty training. Perhaps rewarding the good behavior might make him think twice about the bad behavior. We hope this is a maturity issue and know that he's acting out for attention. He will outgrow this eventually, right?!
Okay, I am not recommending this...but it worked on my brother. He used to bite his one friend all the time, one day the mom of the boy said, "I'm going to bite him back". She did and he never bit again...She didn't leave marks or anything and now she would probably be arrested but it is a funny store I thought you might like to hear. PLEASE DONOT THINK I AM TELLING YOU TO HIT or KICK BACK!
Again, this is just a story to share...
great news! He will outgrow it...Its his way of showing frustration and anger right now.
I went through the same thing with my daughter when she was that age. I found, after several failed attempts, that having her draw a picture of her feelings (corny, I know). I would ask her about her day, when she was frustrated or upset, we would draw it out, since she didnt always know the words.
Once I got her communicating, it carried through to when she was older. Now she keeps a diary, and works out her feelings in that.
Just a suggestion - let me know how it goes.
Rest assured, he will outgrow this too! Everything with kids is "temporary." I have a 15 & 10 year old. When they were about that age, they tried to act out either from frustration, anger, or feeling helpless. I would get real close to them, whisper in their ear something like "if you are angry, say yes", or "if you are mad, say yes". Just getting them to say yes seemed to re-focus them and then I could give them something to do for say, like, 5 minutes, then bring it to show me. Good luck!
Make sure you talk to him often about how that makes other people feel when he does that. Make sure you also offer him suggestions for other ways to handle situations i.e. use words to tell the child to stop doing what he doesn't like or if that doesn't work, tell the teacher.
It sounds like your son is frustrated or angry. The sticker idea is good but I would also try to find out what's going on with him emotionally. Are there children at preschool who are excluding him or being unkind to him? Is he having a hard time not being the baby anymore? If you can talk to him and listen to him and see if you can find out why, then you can address whatever the problem is. If it's not being the baby anymore, maybe you can spend some special time with just him regularly that he can look forward to. Hope this helps!
C. K
I would talk to the preschool teachers and find out why he is doing this-- when does it occur, what is the situation, is it certain kids, are other kids doing it. My son is 2 1/2 and the kids are all starting to hit and push-- it seems like it is something they all need to work through as a part of growing up, even if we don't think it is acceptable. I still give my son timeouts and then discuss with him why we don't hit etc.
Maybe you should question how the teachers deal with his behavior issues. At home I always found that positive reinforcement works better than punishment. I have two girls ages 2 & 3. I have found that when I praise one of them the other one will imitate her sister and stop her disruptive behavior.
Positive reinforcement has a place, but he should also realize there are negative consequences for chronic bad behavior. He is 4, not 2, so he should be able to understand what he is doing hurts others. Immediate time-out or removal from the area is a good idea. Sit him in his room, away from the "fun". If he does this at school see if you or your husband can take an unexpected trip to the class room.... that always worked wonders for my kids! It shows them you take it seriously. In lieue of a visit....the teacher can call you and you can talk to him on the phone.... The main thing is be consistent and do not let up. Good luck!
Just remember to be consistant in your dicipline at home. If you let it slide even once they know they've found your weekness. Make sure the you do the same thing EVERY time. Even if you're not at home. I've had to put my 4 year old on a bench at Target more then once for a timeout. He knows I mean business and I will NOT put up with poor behavior at home or out. When you give in just once he will continue to try for that again and again and 9 times out of 10 you won't but all he know is there's that one time you'll give in. Be consistant and he will "out grow" it. More realisticly he'll just stop the behavior when it doesn't get him what he wants. Good Luck!
