Looking for Advice from Sahm's as to How to Talk DH into Thinking Its Good Idea

Try looking at this...This is a post on cincymoms.com was put together by another mom. It's a list of companies that hire people from home. You do not put money into any of these. These are strictly legit.

http://cincymoms.cincinnati.com/f/ShowThread.aspx?tid=232...

1 mom found this helpful

Sounds like you are too used to/dependant on your dual-income to make any changes right away. The changes that need to be made so you do not live beyond your means would include downsizing the house, trading in the cars for lower-cost ones/used ones, cutting out luxuries.... if you don't the financial strain could hurt your marriage as well as your credit rating.

Although this is too late for your case, it might help others: advice about the subject... for newlyweds, etc. When you get married, and you know (or even think, maybe) one of you will be staying home with any future kids, pretend you only have the one income. Don't use the second one to figure out what kind of house you can afford, cars, etc. That way, you truly live within your means.

(If people learned to live within their means and stopped using credit so much, maybe our country wouldn't be in this mess right now.... and guess who is footing the bill for the "buyout"? EVERYONE!!!)

Good luck,
L.

PS - I am all for SAHMs!! I am one! I think it is so important for the kids. But it is also the hardest job I have ever had!! :)

1 mom found this helpful

I don't know that I have much advice for talking to your husband about this. I can tell you it is possible. I am a stay at home mom with 3 children. It is frustrating at times and I have to remind myself that some days are really hard, but it is so worth it. I think the security of knowing mom is always there outweighs ANY and EVERYTHING! I really think of being a mother as a full time job. Some people are able to balance it all, but I say why add extra stress to your life and your children's if it isn't necessary. Necessary, that is the word to really be honest with ourselves about. There is so much in the world now, like new leased cars, that we think are necessary. Love is necessary to children and that is about it (other than food and the obvious things).

I became a stay at home mom 3 weeks before my husband went back to school and took a leave of absence from his job. We were living on loans for school! 4 years later and 2 more kids, I am still at home. Our income is about 80 thousand a year, but he's going back to school next year for a PhD, so it's back to loans for a while. Life is so short. My mom stayed home with 4 kids and my dad didn't make much at all. We didn't have a lot, but we always had enough. I loved the feeling of coming home and knowing my mom was there. I loved that she was always there for every game I had and picked me up from every practice. My friends liked coming to my house because there was something different there- a mom. Kids grow up so fast! It is totally worth it. Worth more than a nice house and nice cars for sure. I know giving up those things is hard. I still live in an apartment. My kids don't know the difference and are so happy. Really, do we have all those things to impress people? All we leave behind is our children. Some may say it doesn't matter and I know kids turn out great from homes where moms work, but being home is where IT is at.

I really hope that didn't come off bad. I think it is great you are thinking about this and I really wish more mothers did. It is possible if we are willing. Our society has just gotten used to having 2 incomes and I think that isn't a good thing.

Financially, look into Dave Ramsey. I stay at home and we just bought a nice van with cash. You can do anything you really want. He has books and a radio show. He has helped us make it work.

Good luck. Your children will be so grateful.

1 mom found this helpful

There should be some things to consider: you have a brand new house, two brand new leased cars. That's quite a debt load!!

My sister lost her job several months ago and has said that she was quite surprised at what things they could "live without" (misc. extra shopping). But they're still "not keeping up". She did go and get a realtor's license, and is interviewing today with a real estate agency - with the thinking that hopefully that might help bring in some money somehow.

I know someone else who decided to leave her career when her 3rd child came along because the cost of daycare was more than what she was making at her job.

I would love to be a SAHM, and we are getting closer to making that a reality. BUT we just paid off one of our cars, and it has some things that need to be fixed. We have a relatively new home that we want to make some changes to before I would stay home. Plus, our insurance is through my job, and it's better than what his company's insurance is.

I would love to be the one to take my kids to and from school, and participate in activities, etc., too. But the fact of the matter is, what I want is not what is in my family's best interest - at least right now. That may change in the next few years, but it isn't that way right now.

Maybe you guys could talk about why it's important to you, and why the extra income is important to him, and work out some sort of compromise - set a date and work to make that a goal to have you stay home. Keep in mind that that date may need to be re-set, but he needs to know this is important to you, and that there are ways of making it work.

Good luck!

I know this has been recommended in previous posts, but Dave Ramsey is awesome. I have been staying at home with my daughter since I was "cookin" her and while I did not have a full time job, I did work and it has taken some effort to get used to being only a 1 income family. I also do tax prep in the tax season as well am a manicurist and have a few clients that come to my home. That being said, in Dave's book, he will tell you how to make things work. I can't imagine 4 kids in day care is cheap! Also, I just found a websit, www.Moneysavingmom.com. I have been shopping at CVS & Walgreens for about 3 weeks now, and the money I have been able to save on my grocery budget is crazy! It is a great resource for teaching you how to shop at those places without spending a lot of money.
Bottom line is, what is going to make you happiest? Are you willing to give up one of your leased cars and buy a cheaper used car? Going out to eat once a month? Giving up cable or home phone service? Reducing your cable bill? These are all things that we had to consider and a few we had to do in order for my CPA husband (read tight wad) to be comfortable wtih me staying at home to raise our daughter.
There is a way this can all work, but he has to be open to the idea. Do your research before you talk to him, so you have an answer to every, or most of, his questions and resistance. GOODLUCK, and God bless you!

I stay at home with our 4 children. I do sell Tupperware in my free time. But we have adjusted to being a one income home. So, any money I make is for vacations, going out to dinner etc...So, it can be done but will require some work from you, your husband and kids. My hardest thing was getting used to not just going out and buying stuff for the kids. I would also suggest Dave Ramsey.

Hope this helps. God Bless

Hello,
When my oldest son was 7 , had a daughter 4, & a new baby boy which I was breastfeeding, I returned to my job. Soon I was exhausted! Totally drained. My husband was not coping well w/ the stress in the house. I LOVED my job & the people I worked w/. But I decided it was best to quit work & stay at home! My husband got a larger second job. My baby was 8 months old.

I was able to put order back into our home, schedule I mean. Soon my daughter went to kindergarten & I cried because I missed all her pre-school years! But I did get to help her & help my oldest.

When my youngest son was 4 I became pregnant w/ number 4. I was planning to return to work but decided to wait. I had a beautiful baby girl.

Guess what-I did learn from missing my oldest son's & older daughter's pre-school years & did it all different. Not only did I wait until my younger son went to school-but I waited until my youngest was 4 until I returned to work.

After 7 years I looked for a job. We really needed the money w/ 4 growing kids.
By the grace of God I got to return to the job I had loved at the same agency. Now I work 32 hours or 4 days a week. My days are very busy but I get weekends off, from the job that is.

When I was pregnant with my second child an older woman I worked with said to me "spend your time w/ your kids. It will go soooo fast. You can never get that time back, when they are little. But then I thought I could never afford it.

If you can go w/o new "things" for awhile it is so worth it to stay at home! The time with your little children is worth so much more than anything. I know there are many Moms that have to work & have no choice. But if your husband can be supportive & you can live with a smaller budget--then stay at home. I lived it & learned! Wishing you the best.

I would suggest reading one of Dr. Laura's books on the subject. She can really convince you to stay home and also have your husband read it. Good Luck...
Priorities count. Children are No.1 priority.

J.
Stay at home single Mom of one as well as foster children for which I have been blessed.

First off..It is NOT easy to be a SHAM, bosses are easier to reason with :)
If I were to do it again, the first thing I would do is look into earning an income while staying home. Mary Kay, Home and Garden Party, CandleLight, Avon, PamperedChef (to name a few) are good ways to make extra money and still be a SHAM. I suggest starting this while working for several reasons...1) build up a cliental, 2) see if you like it and can earn money at it, 3) save the money in a savings acct b.c you will need money saved up prior to quitting your job.
I also agree that Dave Ramsey is Awesome!! However, he would suggest you get rid of your leased vehicles and pay cash for a used one that will get you around. (Even if your hubby isn't willing to get rid of her lease, you might be able to have the lease bought out on your car.)
Do you have any other debt besides the house and cars? If you do, I would get those paid off Before quitting. It will reduce the income you need and give you more money to put towards savings and paying off your cars and house.
When you are ready to get your hubby to see that becoming a SHAM is best I suggest...1)Creating a spreadsheet (for him to understand) of where YOUR paycheck goes each week (daycare, gas, lunch), 2)Create a spreadsheet of all your bills and his income and make sure there is extra money each week/month, 3)decide what you can live without in order to be a SHAM (But don't expect him to give up things right away) like a cell phone or gym membership.
Be sure to have an emergency fund of 3-4 months saved up for just in case. And If ALL else fails, you could convince your Dr to put you on very early maturnity leave. I had to quit working when I was 6 months pg (Dr order) and that is when my hubby realized fully that we could manage. Best of Luck!

Well to be quite Frank if you have 3 kids and 1 on the way I am sure you pay an arm and leg for a sitter so it might all pan out if you do not work. I am a SAHM of 2 and OMW that is enough I could not see me with 3 let alone 4 lol. Love my kids to death but it is a FULL TIME job plus more. To bad we do not get paid we would be wealthy lol... My hubby has a good job to where I can stay home and we live within our means. We had a house built plus 2 new cars so I know you can make it work BUT once again we have 2 not 4 kids. Those little bundles of joy can get expensive lol. I hope it all works out for you. The 2 of you should sit down and see what you can eliminate from your lives that is NOT needed. We do not have a land line phone just our cell phones plus we eat in a lot more at home and not go out. The crock pot is a WONDERFUL way to fix a good meal. lol Hope it works out for you. My hubby took over the bills well what we have left so try to cut your debt in cards WAY down if you have any and trust me that will help a lot b/c the darn things are getting you in interest rates that is for sure. It does not pay to have a card if you do not pay what you charge right off. M.

Like many of the others that have posted I agree you really have to evaluate and reconstruct your budget. Staying at home with your children is the most rewarding yet challenging jobs you'll ever have. I made this decision three years ago when my oldest was 6 months old. The cost of day care is expensive these days and most of the time when you do have the dual income household the second is solely for providing childcare, and work related expenses. I have done the whole babysitting in my home, as well as nannying for a family that allowed me to bring my daughter along. I find that for my own personal sanity as much as I LOVE being a stay at home mom that I need to get out of the house alone every once in a while. I now serve at a nice restaraunt two evenings a week. This give me the break that I need, some adult interaction, as well as provides a small supplemental income. The money that I make, which is actually decent money for the time put in, is our "fun" money. Its the money that allows us to go out to eat, splurge on a day trip somewhere, or a small shopping trip for things that aren't necessarily needed, etc. Three forths the women that I work with are in the same situation that I am. They are SAHMs that feel like they need that little break outside the house, and are doing it for the "fun" money that they once had with dual incomes. You may consider doing something like this to have the supplemental income.

Depending on what type of work you do, could you see if its something you can do from home, at least most the time? or see about making a few dollars from home? Have you explained to him exactly why you want to be stay at home mama full time? I was an at home mama full time from June 2000 til Oct 2004 before leaving my kids father. We never had any extra money but the time I had to watch all my kids' firsts was well worth any extras we passed up. I firmly believe if you want it bad enough, there's always a way. but offhand, only suggestion I can think of is see if you could make some money from home so that if he's afraid to be the sole source of income then it'd help ease his mind. Good luck!

You've had some great advice. A budget that you can stick to is the most important thing to consider. I don't have any stats for you, but I do have personal experience.

I was a SAHM for a year after my daughter was born (our 2nd). I had been a Realtor for two years before she was born to spend more time with my son. That worked really well before the bubble popped. :) (Before that I was a career professional in a pharmaceutical company gone almost 11 hours a day.) After a year at home, we found it wasn't financially feasible for me to be at home anymore. We were losing ground, and dipping into savings almost every month - even living on a tight budget. I'm now working 30 or so hours a week second shift, but will need to change that before next August, when my son will start kindergarten. We've talked about me staying home again (now that the other house is sold), but it's scary to give up that extra income - especially because we have next to no child care expenses. My husband is EXTREMELY money concious, and with our budget as is, we can't afford it right now. However, we know what bills we would need to pay off in order to be able to afford it (our van will be gone in a couple months, an old student loan is right behind it, etc.). But, that would get us into our regular budget without leaving room for vacations, Christmas, or unexpected expenses (like the furnace going, car repairs, unexpected medical expenses) and we'd have to cut back on eating out (we eat out once a week). And this is all on a very comfortable salary (I don't know exactly what my husband makes, but it is over $70,000) with a really low mortgage (less than $600 including escrow) and no car payments. We already keep costs down by ad-matching at Wal-Mart, garage sales for kids' clothes, and I get almost all my clothes at Goodwill or Salvation Army. We do give away more than 10% of our income and save about the same, but we feel those things are non-negotiable.

All that being said, if you feel strongly about it, it's possible. You just might need to make a LOT of changes (including changing your husband's view of it). It sounds like you would have to completely change your lifestyle. Be prepared! It's doubtful you'd be able to afford an expensive mortgage and two sizable lease payments. You might start by preparing a workable budget to show your husband, work on how to lower expenses (don't make the mistake of using credit!), and start saving money while you are still working. Try to live on only your huband's salary for a few months while putting your salary in savings. Track where every penny goes, so you have a realistic budget (and don't forget about additional expenses like heating bills going up, Christmas, birthdays, travel, clothes, etc.). If you have miscellaneous debt like credit cards, student loans, furniture payments, etc. pay them off before trying to stay home!!! The biggest stress you'll have being home is making money stretch. Having debt hanging over your head will drive you crazy!

When I was home, my kids were very young and clingy. I found that I needed time away about once a week or every other week just to be alone. I'd usually lock myself in the bathroom in the evening and take a bath to relax and be alone, too. I loved the flexibility, being there for my kids, and being able to volunteer to help in other areas. But, working a few hours a week has been great. It gets me out of the house and interacting with adults. If given the choice, I'd choose not to work, but I'm not sure I'm willing to give up the little luxuries like sister weekend getaways and nice date nights with my husband that we couldn't afford if I was staying home. We also want to give our kids the best education we can (they are both very bright for their ages), and if I'm not working they'd be in a less than stellar public school system. We haven't given up the idea, but while I'm working we're targeting as much debt as we can. Once the minor debt is paid off, we're planning to at least double our mortgage payments to get that paid down quickly. That way we can always refinance down the road if it becomes absolutely necessary (we only owe like $58,000 - stretching that over 30 year would really cut down our mortgage payment). But be careful to not get upside down on your mortgage. I'm a big advocate of keeping the term on a mortgage as short as possible.

Sorry this is so long. O.k. Here's my summary.
*Know what lifestyle changes you (and your husband) will be willing to make to make it work (downsize house, sell cars, stop eating out, etc.) Keep in mind long-term goals like retirement, college for your kids, etc.
*Track every penny in and out
*Create a workable budget with room for unexpected expenses
*Start paying off debt
*Start building up savings
*Set a long-term target date to quit your job (maybe a month before your daughter starts kindergarten).
*Start living the new budget - without fudging!
*Have a back-up plan if the budget doesn't work (get a part time job, get a different job, find something to do from home, etc.)
*If everything falls into place, and your husband agrees, quit your job and enjoy being able to stay home!

I wish you the best. Just make sure you go into it with eyes wide open. :)

are you kidding? sell your house for a smaller one! Buy a cheaper car! Your kids dont care, they want to be w/ you! All this stuff is making us crazy. dont you feel like you are a hamster on a treadmill? Its just going to get harder as they get older. they need to be taken to activities. your husband will be exhausted, and grouchy, and so will you. I have lived this, as a full time working Mom w/ 2 girls now 11 and 14. My husband stays home and does the traditional Mom things but it's great. Who will put meals on the table and do their homework w/ them . And when will you just be able to have normal relaxing family time? L.

I don't think there's any easy way to replace a full-time income, unfortunately. I always said that if I won the lottery my first line of business would be to find a way to help women who want to be stay-at-home-moms become stay-at-home-moms! With that said what are your costs for child-care, now and when the new baby comes? What are your costs for actually having a job, such as driving expenses, parking costs, clothing costs, meals out, etc. You have to sit down and crunch the numbers and see exactly what you NEED to survive, financially. And then you have to see if it's possible to make that without working outside the home. You say you work in the evenings...so are you then home with the kids during the day? If so, then you aren't missing out on the kids...and I would strongly suggest that if you want to stay home that you start planning for it and set a date. Making a decision based on emotions and not facts or planning will be the worst thing you could do...for yourself, your children and your marriage. Buckling down for the next year or two and paying off everything you can pay off as well as saving everything you can save can certainly help you get to the point where you can stay home in the future, I'm sure. Good luck. I'm with you. Unfortunately I don't have the opportunity to even consider staying home, as I'm not married and I carry the insurance for my children and, well, make all of the money to survive. One day though...one day I pray I can stay home with my kids...

M. -

I have several friends that work with me that were in your shoes. The solution for them was to start a home based business while they were still working. Work it a few hours a week -- as much as you can until you start earning a nice commission check. Then you can slowly ease out of your full time JOB and have a part time home business, where you have time flexibility and can earn a residual income. That is what I do. If you want to know more, just contact me.

L. L.

If you put things on paper he might be able to understand better. What I mean is what if any are your child care expenses? What kind of money are you out buying clothes for your position? How much money would be saved by getting rid of the second lease? Include up keep on the van/ car also include gas. Do you know anyone with children who would like home care for their children or do you have a skill you can do at home? How much money would be cut from your budjet if you left work? change your shopping style now and bank that extra cash so you can have a nest egg. Also pay off any small loans or credit cards you may have and don't charge anything back on them. Do you live paycheck to pay check or could you live on his income alone? Buying a new home somtimes means getting in over your head when little things go wrong. He may feel you need that second income to cover those surprises. Or do you work to do the things like big vacations you couldn't do on just his income? You need to take that into account. Also why do you feel you will miss out on things at school by working nights? I was a sahm and went to the day stuff and voluntered during school time. I am a seamstress and had my own business for years until we lost our home due to bad health on my and his part. I have gone back into day care. I just take him with me wherever I go. He's so good 2.5 years. No bother at all and I also am volunteering at school again it gives me a social life. Otherwise I don't do much socializing. Health not up to it. Good luck getting what you want but remember if you are in a fast moving carrer yo may not be able to go back into it without going back to school or without a paycut from what your at now.

Hi M.,
Your life is a challenge currently but you are contemplating a really good thing. There is a flash movie that does have some good numbers and reasons why owning a business (working from home) makes a lot of sense. I realize you did not ask for recommendations for a home-based business but the web site that contains it requires you to watch an introduction video and fill out an interest/response page. I am the only one who will get your information and I will only use it to facilitate you getting to the movie. I do not try to convince people that this is the business for them but if the numbers you are looking for are in the second movie, I believe you'll find your time was well spent. Good luck in your quest. I have not been sorry that I stayed home for my children. We only get one chance to raise our kids. Here's the web site: www.changingliveshome.com

I quit working when our first child was born. At first it was fine but then after the second money started getting tough. Hubby told me I was going to have to go back to work and the kids to day care. Well the cost of day care is crazy first off. I would save that money by staying home. Also my mom worked from home when I was little and was there for me and come to my school and I never have forgotten that. So I decided I would work from home. I showed hubby the company my mom was with then and he told me to go for it. (thank goodness he was very open to wanting me home) I make great money and now hubby works from home too. We live a good life and now are thinking about homeschooling the kids (now have 3) so we can continue taking the vacations we love. We do at least 2 a year. Hubby wants to get an RV and travel more with that. Thinking about it. Maybe sit down show him home much it cost to drive, day care, and all that and say if I could make $x amount of $ we would be the same off and I would be home with them to help them out. I love some of the other answers here too!
Just a thought. My goal now that I am home with my kids and making good money is to help other moms to the same. My teams name is a Passion for More. I know there are women out there that want more.. To Give more, To be home more, vacation more, whatever it is they have a passion for more like I did.
Good luck and let us know what happens!!!

I can tell you it is possible. My husband and I have been married for 11 yrs. When we first got married we had/have his 2 children (girls, from a precious relationship)that he has sole custody of, w/o child support. We were making about 75-80k a yr. That was a lot of money 11 yrs ago. I quite my job and got another job making about 1/2 of what I was making and my husband took a 20k a yr pay cut. We did just fine. In 2001, we had a child that is severely disabled, so in 2002 I quit my job. We know have 3 chidren, 2 TEENAGE girls, and 1 severely disabled son and live on my husband income and have for 6 yrs. I can understand your hubby being used to his 2 family income, but it is possible. It takes some getting used to, however, it is quite possible. We loved having the "extra" money, you just learn that all of the things you thought you needed, you really don't. I don't get my nails done anymore, we go to a matinee movie instead of night movie, if we go, I can't remember the last movie I went to see. I try to shop with coupons and sale items, etc... It is hard but you learn to live within your means.
Good Luck
J.

When my baby was born, my husband said he would support me if I decided to go back to work or become a stay at home mom. I decided to stay home, but was definitely worried about money! Before I quit my job, I pulled out our bank statements and bills and made a budget. So much of our spending was on things that made our lives more convenient - going out to eat, picking up whatever product was closest and easiest as opposed to seeing if we could find it cheaper, etc.

We save so much money just by having someone at home to make a dinner - even if it's something quick and easy. We also realized we could do without cable (we wanted to spend most of our time with our baby anyway) and I order DVDs from the library system to pick up at our local branch. We switched to one pay-as-you-go cell phone to keep in the car for emergencies.

We also eat a lot of vegetarian meals, fresh vegetables and fruit, poultry sometimes, rarely red meat and rarely "pre-made" meals. It takes a little more time (I keep it simple) but it's healthier and we are shocked by how much less we spend at the grocery store!

So, we "do without" but we really don't feel that we are missing out on anything. So, if you can figure out exactly what your bills are every month, and see what you can cut out, you can find out if you really can afford it or not. Maybe you can afford to work part time at least.

Make sure your hubby understands that being a SAHM is a full time job too (and I only have one child, not four!) and that he will give you some time off when you need it. If he is upset because he wants you to work, he might be less willing to take care of the kids.

First, I'd sit down and see if your job covers all expenses encurred, child care, your meals out, kid's meals if it means they don't get cheap home-made meals, etc...it's not even a discution if it's cheaper to stay home!
Otherwise, I'm sure you can find information online, but be prepared for his counter argument because there really is no evidence one way or the other that staying home is better for kids. It really has to come down to whether or not you like what you do, if you can live comfortably if you don't work, and whether you feel your children are supported emotionally.

Good Luck:)

I had a book given to me called "coming home to raise your children" but really in trying to talk my hubby into it - I was in the same situation. I prayed about it and while 6 onths pg I had to go on disability, I had 2 miscarriages before and we decided to follow Drs orders to the T. I knew that I would probably loose my job if I went on disability but I did it anyway for the baby. Sure enough, when my son was 5 weeks old I was terminated. My hubby went nuts. To hear him talk we couldn't afford electricity or running water. Well I did end up going to work 2 days a week about 8 weeks later
(first and only interview I went on) then when I got pg with my daughter I was down to working only 1 day a week and my hubby suggested I quit. I have still worked seasonally preparing tax returns for about 8 weeks a year working only a few days a week.

I guess what I am saying is it is possible, my daughter will be 2 in Nov and we are not sorry that I decided to stay home at all. We have started a home business and it has more than replaced my full time income so that is a nice bonus. Good luck to you !

There is always a way - it won't be without sacrifices, but it is possible. For us, that means we don't drive two brand new cars, we don't go on big fancy vacations, our eating out is a lot less frequent, we gave up the housekeeper, etc. etc. All of that was not nearly as important as me being with our children (we have three). It's amazing how quickly you get into the new financial groove. Yes, I still think "If I still worked, we would have ..." and then I realize what we WOULDN'T have - the time with our kiddos. All that other stuff is just stuff and we can have that later when and if I go back to work full time.

I am a SAHM who is looking for a job. Now you need two paychecks to survive. Another way to look at it is if your husband loses his job then what? This just happened to my husband and I. He lost his job and I don't work so now we are trying to survive off of his unemployment while he is out looking. The job market is not good at all, and with you guys just buying a house and leasing 2 new vehicles, I would suggest staying in the workforce right now. If you have to change jobs and get one during the day instead of at night. Your husband has a point, you guys probably can't afford for you to stay home, at least not right now. New house,cars and 3 kids, one check is not going to cut it. He needs your help. Right now with the way things are being a SAHM is not a good idea at all. But whatever road you choose, I wish you luck.
D.

I am 31 and have been married for almost 12 yrs. My husband and I have 3 boys ages 10,7, and 4.

Hi M.! I know exactly how you feel! I have three kids -- my boys are 11-1/2 and 10-1/2, and my daughter is 11-1/2 months. I am an RN, graduating from nursing school when I was 7-1/2 months pregnant with my first baby. I felt obligated to work at that time, so I got a supervising job just two days a week when he was 4-1/2 months old. I hated leaving him, but felt I should try and put my degree to use. I would rush home every day to see him! I couldn't wait to get there! After getting pregnant again two months after starting my job, I had another baby. I continued to work for 2-1/2 years, but then we decided I should stay home with the boys. So, I did. I have been home ever since and love every minute of it! If there is a way that you can convince your husband to let you stay home... do it! I was actually offered an awesome nursing job a couple of years ago, and my husband told me that he wanted me to stay home with the boys. Next thing I knew... I was pregnant with my daughter! Being home with my kids who are now in 5th & 6th grades is the best thing ever! I don't get to be involved at school like I used to since the baby has been born, but I was at school for everything prior to her joining our family. Just being here when they get on and off of the bus is great for the kids! Like I've always said... my kids are young for such a short time, but I will be a nurse forever! I keep my license active, but I don't want to put it to use unless I really have to. It might take some convincing since your husband likes the two income lifestyle, but believe me, it's worth it to stay home with your kids if you can. Maybe you can sit down and list all of the things that you can cut back on just to show him how much money you could save that could replace your income. Babysitting is huge if you use a sitter at all. Who knows, maybe you could do some sort of business from your home or sell stuff on E-Bay -- that's what my girlfriend does and makes about $500 - $1,000 a month! Voice your heart-felt concerns to him, and let him know how much you really want to be with your kids before they grow up and move out!! It goes fast, that's for sure! Best of luck!

good for you for considering a life change! that is not an easy thing to do.
when i had our first child i stopped working.........we sold our house, bought a smaller, less expensive one. we even only had one car for awhile.
that was seven years ago and four more children later. i still stay at home with my five children ages 8, 6, 3, and 11 month old twins. it is the hardest job i have ever had, but i wouldn't change it for anything!
we can never "get back" the time that our children are young...only in photos! but i love tha daily interaction. caring for them always.........giving them the security in our family that i want them to have.
i am very lucky that my husband is completely supportive. we are a pretty good team (most days!) it is important for you and your husband to agree on this change! But remember........stuff is stuff........you can always get more stuff! you'll never have your children at these ages again.even though you are probably as involved as you can be....you are still missing a lot!
i (we) do without some things sometimes. we watch our money more carefully than i would like to. one income divided 7 ways doesn't go far! but all that being said....we are fine! we have what we need and much of what we want. a great house, cars to drive us all around, plenty of food, and activities for the kids. you have to make family a priority......make budget important, let some of the flashy things go for awhile, and decide that your kids need the best part of you each day. They are worth it! and you will benefit too.
Good luck.........follow your heart!

Well I guess it depends on if you can truly afford to not work... if you have a good job at nights and he is taking care of the kids and you have to work then he's not going to budge. Now when he is running around like a chicken because the kids are involved in night time things he just might change his tune IF you can afford to be home. Ever thought about doing something out of the home to supplement your income that would be lost? Staying at home requires both of you in agreement or it will be nothing but arguing and he will resent the situation.

I highly suggest Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. We have been working his baby steps for over a year and have come a very long way! If you don't have a working budget, you should put one in place and base it solely on his income/single income. That will tell you if anything needs to be cut. Make sure if you do have to cut things, that there are cuts that apply to both of you. For example, if you need to cut allowances, make sure both you and your husband's allowances are cut...does that make sense? If he sees 'his' things being cut, but nothing of 'yours' being cut, then it probably won't fly.
I hope that helps. Good luck!

You're right - there IS a way if you and hubby are willing to make the necessary sacrifices (and it IS worth it!!).

Some websites that may provide more facts and give you calculators/tools to provide solid info for your hubby:

1. daveramsey.com
2. crown.org - look under "Financial and Career Tools" then under "calculators" - you can analyze the cost of you working. There are also many other helpful calculators and tools to help you budget on this site.

Blessings!

I highly recommend going over your current budget and make a new budget based on you not working. See if you can afford to stop working. If you can, great, present this info to dh and tel him that you really feel strongly about staying home with the kids. If you must, you can take a part-time evening job. They don't pay squat, but it keeps some extra rolling in for the fun stuff. For budgeting and getting out of debt, my dh and I went to www.daveramsey.com. We attended, together, a financial peace university class and now we are becoming debt free. All we have now is a student loan and a mortgage. We are saving up some money to get some mandatory repairs to our house and then we'll set up a 3-6 month emergency fund. Then we'll pay off the student loan and the mortgage. Good luck to you.

C.

M., I was in the same position. I had 2 children and one on the way working f/t evenings so that daddy could take care of them instead of leaving them with a sitter. After the birth of my youngest daughter my husband worked f/t and went back to college in the evenings so they were going to have to go to a sitters witch I was not in favor of. After many discussions with my husband we decided that our children were more important than material things! So we didn't drive brand new cars, we had to stick to a strict budget. But we felt that our children were so much more important than material things. We chose to have our children be raised by us, to be given our morals not the babysitters. Yes it does take some bending on both you and your husbands part, but your children will thank you in the end. My children are almost grown, 21, 18 & 16, and they have many times told me that they appriciated not having to go to a sitters, that I was always there when they needed me. In this world today, I find it hard to trust people. You just never know! So its a decission that you have to make for your family. I had to ask my self "Are my children not worth giving up a few extras"? You will get so much more back in return by raising great kids.
If I were to cure cancer, and someone was to ask me what my best accomplishment in my life was I would still have to say MY CHILDREN!
Good Luck

Try setting your paycheck aside until the baby is born. 1. you'll save money 2. if you can survive on his income while your working - you should be able to afford to stay home!

I did this with my youngest when he started kindergarten and am so glad I did. I didn't work for about 6 years, then began with a 1 day a week job - I am up to 2-3 days a week. My youngest is 15 and oldest is 18! By doing this I have a little extra money and the best is I know ALL my sons friends even at their ages!

Enjoy your time with them if you can - they grow up faster than you think...

I'm a SAHM and it wasn't too tough for me. Although my situation is a bit different. I would first look closely at your finances. Are you paying for child-care now? Do you have a commute? If your income from your job isn't doing much more than paying for your commute and child care, plus things like work wardrobe, etc, that's a great point to make. A lot of people think they need to work, but don't realize how much of their pay is going towards paying for them to be able to work (like the things I mentioned above) I think you have to really consider if you want to do the job of a stay-at-home mom - there are many days when I wish I had a job to go to for a break from snotty noses, poopy bottoms, dishes, laundry, etc. It's not always as great as it sounds (I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, but make sure you think of all the aspects before going to battle) You might re-consider the lease of a brand new car and purchase a used minivan. You could also consider, and I don't know what your profession currently is, ways to make income without working outside the home. I take care of other kids, my nieces primarily on a full-time basis, and a few other kids on a part-time basis. It has really helped - I have a (small) income and feel like I'm pulling my weight (especially on those days that I didn't get the kitchen clean or the laundry done!) There are lots of legitimate ways to earn an income without a formal job. I guess you really have to think about what sacrifices you are willing to make, personally and financially, to make it work. I think you and your husband have to come to an agreement on this before it will work -otherwise you will always feel his resentment (like when you tell him he can't get NFL Sunday Ticket or something) if he doesn't feel like it's the right change - but you should convince him that it is a wonderful thing to do for your almost 4 young children. Sorry I rambled on so much and I hope something I said helps you.

Before trying the one-sided hard sell on what YOU want to do, consider how your husband might be feeling.

If you stay at home, it is quite possible that he will be the exclusive financial provider for 6 people. That is a ton of pressure for him, especially in these days where the economy is tanking and job cuts are more common. A lot of men feel a huge amount of burden when they are the sole provider for their family.

He also might be feeling a bit resentful due to what he might see as a bait-and-switch. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you knew all along that you wanted to change your role and become a SAHM (as moms, do we really ever know if we want to work in the home our both in and out of the home until we have children?). But, your husband might have thought that he went into this relationship, into this marriage, into being a parent to four kids with the expectation that both parents would work and provide financially for the family. It's possible that he thought two newly-leased cars and a brand new house were a part of the common goals that the two of you planned for and met together. You're potentially asking him to dump all his goals to meet yours.

I'm not saying you cannot do it, but you will definitely get a better response from your husband if you try to look at things from his point of view.

for us it was the cost of day care alone- I was working for nothing everything went to the daycar center. start savings measures now- coupons, sams club costco Aldis.... shop like you ahve one income for a few months bring your grocery bill down to 1/2 what it is which means NO GIANT EAGLE, NO KROGER stop Penzone haircuts... alll thethings you will have to do when you quite and then after one month of savings add it up and the cost of day care.... Also no starbucks etc.... its a sacrafice that is soooo worth it..we didn;t think we could afford it either but.... once we both gave up on the convenience and splurging we are actually saving money as a family o fsix BTW my grocery bill is about 125.00 a week.... I do almost all sams clib everyweeka nd suppliment with coupons or aldis only.. ( we hd that one 700.00 plus sams spree and now I only replace weekly what has run out. Generic everything too cleaner, bread, etc. it comes form the same factories, withthe same reciepe but not the label. GOOD LUCK let us know how it turns out.

Oh also i have the van and my husband drives a totally un- super jeep rag top with ROLL down windows great on gas and less then 130 mo. we call it our date night convertable and you know what..... I woudl NOT trade this life for anythingin the world

I am now a WAHM of 3. I had always worked full-time and only took a 2 week maternity leave with all 3 of my kids. I quit working about 3 years ago right before my middle child entered kindergarten. It was not that much of an adjustment financially because the majority of my paycheck went to babysitting. It seemed like I couldn't wait for my kids to spend the night with their cousins on the weekends because I needed alone time. I tried working a part time job a couple nights a week at first, but gas took up most of that cash. I had always been in construction sales, and a friend of mine suggested that I get my real estate license. It took a bit of money to get it done, but that is what I do now. I work for a great broker that lets me work from home. My work schedule revolves around my kids. The great thing about real estate is that you get from it what you put into it. The market sucks right now, but I seem to be doing pretty well. There are alot of appointments that I can take them with me. It does take adjustments both financially and emotionally, but the time spent being there for your kids is well worth it. Talk to hubby about working from home. Could you watch a couple of neighbor kids for some extra cash? There is so much you can do nowdays from home. The difference it will make in your kids' lives is so worth it!

go to this website. I got this from church and a friend of mine actually quit being a full time manager!

http://www.stay-a-stay-at-home-mom.com/

I am a SAHM. I don't know of any books, but I can advise you to take a good look at your budget (we track every penny we spend with Quicken), so you can determine where your money is going and where you can cut back. A lot of people say they can't afford it (and certainly, some can't), but often, it is all in your priorities. What can you cut out of your budget, and is that worth it to you? I'd do your research and then lay it all out for your husband and have a heart-to-heart talk. Also let him know that it is about more than money--it is something that means a lot to you that you would like to do with your life. Good luck!