Little Fits

I would try time outs. Since he's one, try one minute in the naughty chair each time he does this. And ignore him for that minute. Put on a timer. All kids are different. It's not just because he's a boy. He sounds strong willed and will probably test you every chance he gets (like my daughter). They usually act up when they are tired and don't know how to take a break.

My son does the same thing. He is almost 2 now and still had his share of tantrums. My doctor advised me to just let him cry it out and ignore him. What I do is first try to distract him with something else; but if it doesn't work, I just get up and walk away and he gets over it pretty quick now. When I first started doing this he would cry for awhile, but then he started to learn it doesn't get him what he wants. Sometimes he even follows me around the house whinning, but at least the tantrum is done. Good luck!

Dear V.,

No, no splashing of water, that is mean, you are a different generation, and that is not a good thing to do nowadays. Just let him scream and cry until he is finished. Make sure that he isn't hurting himself, put him into another room and make sure he stays there, you will have to spend some time monitoring him so that he is safe, he is pretty young for such spunky behavior, so the sooner you let him cry without getting any lovey hugs or redirection, the better off you are. Yes, boys and men are different than we are. Please do not try a regular time out with him, he is just too you. Just let him cry on the floor.

After he quits crying, then give him a drink of water, wash his face take him into the kitchen and give him a cracker or something. Don't do a lot of talking, he is too young. Your actions are more important than your words right now. Don't tell him that was bad, don't say that you don't see sister doing that. Etc. You get the drift, just let it go and be a part of the past. Repeat this every time he goes limp and so on. He will forget it and quit, especially if he doesn't get any satisfaction for those actions.

Don't tell you mother in law about what I said about the water splashing. She probably would not like that and you need her friendship.
Good Luck, C. N.

Around turning a year or so my daughter went through the same thing. I did not yell or anything but I did not give her anything either. I just told her she was more than welcome to be mad but that getting mad and having a fit will get her nothing, then I would just walk away. It is a hard stage I think, but her fits were short lived when I pretty much just ignored them. Good Luck!

I am also having this problem. Its my 16 month son.
I agree with the other mothers. I just ignore him, so then he screams at me from the top of his lungs. I just continue to ignore him. He "always" calms down, then runs to me for a hug. I think its his way of apologizing. You have to remember at this age they can't verbally tells us that they are upset about something. So I just let him have at it and vent his fustration. As long as he isn't hurting himself or his brother, who is 3 and cries over EVERYTHING!
So you see things are fun at my house too.. LOL!

Hi V.,

Try to get down to his level and let him know you know he is mad mad mad!, you want to stay!stay, stay! or you want it, you want it! etc..doesn't mean you are going to say yes, just that you are letting him know you are trying to understand and if he doesn't calm down, you can say..o.k. mommy loves you but you are mad, mad , mad, mommy will let you be, check in with him after a minute. I learned that my son needs help with settling down when he wants his way and get frustrated at times and there are times when he just needs to work it out a little bit as long as he knows that I understand what he is feeling.
I got it from Dr. Harvey Karp who wrote "the happiest baby on the block" and "the happiest toddler on the block", there is a video I found at the library too that gives the perfect example.

lol...I only laugh because I am right there with ya!! :)

When my son has his little fits, I make sure that he isn't, in fact, hurt...then, I ignore him. At the most, I chuckle at him because aside from him squirming and crying; it's kind of funny. And having a sense of humor with kids is a sanity saver, I think! :)

The best thing that I could suggest, as it has been suggested to me by friends with kids, professional child educators, etc - ignore him. If they get a reaction, they know how to "work the system" and it can just get worse as he gets older.

I certainly wouldn't splash him with water - he's not a disobedient animal! But that IS just my opinion!

You know, I logged on this morning to ask for similar advice. My 2 year old goes from smiling little angel to screaming terror at the drop of a hat. If I say 'no' to him, he just throws himself on the floor and screams. This weekend we took him to Disneyland, and he did it there, too, laid right down in the middle of Main Street. And, he threw himself off a chair at a restaurant and onto the floor. He's very dramatic.

I understand that it's frustration over his communication level. He wants things but can't communicate them properly. I usually acknowledge his feelings (I know you are sad because you can't have...) and hug him, which works sometimes. However, if it worked all the time, I wouldn't be on-line looking for advice. I wouldn't try the water thing, though. It just sounds wrong. I can tell you that if you start to get frustrated, put him in his room or his crib, close the door and take a minute for yourself. It's a lot easier to handle if you are calm, yourself.

Well, my son acts the same way (he will be 2 next month). I don't always know what to do either, but I do know that you shouldn't give in to him. I wouldn't suggest hugging him and giving him toys to make him happy. When my son throws a fit, I just ignore it (unless he gets hurt or something). Eventually he will realize that you can't get what you want by throwing a tantrum.
Hope that helps!

I went through behavior modification training and what they teach you is that when he has a tempertantrum you just let him go through it, as long as he isn't hitting you or someone else you go about your business and let him see that throughing a tempertantrum is not how you get what you want. Then when he finally stops, the first few times may take a little while, you try to talk to him. Pick something up you think he might have been wanting, as long as its something that he is allowed to have, and ask him was this what you wanted, explain to him that he doesn't have to get upset to get something, instead he can try to point or ask (depending on where his development is at) though he may not have much in the way of words that he is saying yet he probably understands quite a bit right now and if you keep this consistent he should begin to understand that the tempertantrum is not how to get what he wants.

I agree with the others who said to ignore him. The more you reward the behaviour the more it will occur. When the tantrum is over then have him come to you, give him all the hugs and kisses you want and then talk to him. When he is in the middle of a tantrum he isn't listening anyway and probably fighting the hugs and kisses. This too shall pass.

V.,

I have a daughter born in January as well. I also have a son, 2.5. My daughter is going through the same type of tantrums right now, and my son did as well. We pick up the kids, place them in their room and tell them that when they are done throwing a tantrum, they can come out. The more consistent we were with our son,the better it worked. It took months, and went from tantrums to whining. But, he knows that the behavior is not tolerated. Hopefully this will be just as effective for our daughter...we'll see. Consistency is the key. Good luck!

LOL All kids are different. Just be glad he doesn't squall until he turns red in the face, then purple, then blue and then starts projectile vomiting! (That was my first child at the same age as your child.) I found a great little book around then called, "The Spirited Child".

With tantrums the best thing is to be calm, be loving... and just ignore it! Calmly state your rule/limit. Redirect him to something more appropriate he can do or have. But sometimes they just need to cry for a little bit. This helps them release the emotional energy so it doesn't stay stored in the body as stress and tension.

Smile at him when he's done and help him find something appropriate to do.

If the tantrums are for attention -- don't give it in response to the tantrum. But do make sure that later you surprise him with additional attention, and try to schedule more "special time" together.

As he gets a little older you can give short explanations too for why he can't have something. (And show him what he can have instead .) As he matures you can continue to expand on how much information you give him. Teaching him. This prevents frustration on his part, as he understands that there is good reason for these things. And he learns there is an alternative to defiance -- finding a compromise or alternative solution.

Remember tantrums are just a natural response when a little one gets emotionally overwhelmed. As long as we don't make a big deal out of it (spanking, spoiling, freaking out) it won't become one with the child.

But it's usually good, if there are a lot of tantrums, to ask ourselves if we are placing the child in too many frustrating circumstance. Sometimes parents dont' even realize how many tantrums are fueled by the child being simply hungry and tired. Or being asked to do something way beyond their age and developmental level.

V.,
My baby boy is now 20 months old but we had the same issues. I would just walk away. Let him throw his fit. I would walk away in a store or anywhere he would start. My son loves praise. Wether it be bad or good. He finally figured out that his behavior would not be rewarded and would stop and go on with something else. This was and is the only thing that has ever worked for him. A coincidience is my son is Hispanic (dad) and Native American (me). Goodluck!

Ignore him. There is an article I think you should read. It basically states that when you comfort him, you are actually provoking him to do it more b/c he is getting "special" attention. Instead ignore him, look over to make sure he is not hurt. You will see a big difference in no time. When he falls down, or doesnt get his way when you are not giving him that attention he will soon learn to forget the tantrums. Instead when he falls down, etc. and doesnt cry, reward him, go over there hug him tell him he was a big boy for not crying, but consistent though.

Hi V.,
It may sound harsh at first, but you've got to walk away. Good attention (huggs and kisses) bad attention (punishment or raising your voice) -- it's all attention. Positive and negative doesn't seem to matter. When you step back and don't respond to the behavior, eventually they will try another means to get what they want. To be honest I wonder where they learn to throw those tantrums! So many little ones do it even when it hasn't been modeled for them. My son is only 7 1/2 months old, but he already throws himself backward when he dosn't get what he wants! I know my son is young, but I do have a background in Child development and education.In the meantime, try to model behavior you would like to see your son to exihibit. It takes time. They don't know many ways to vent their frustrations.
As for the water splashing... I used it to modify my cats behavior once upon a time. It seems like maybe an old cultural technique. Mother-in-laws are full of advice... don't get me wrong, it can be excelent and welcome, but can also be somewhat out of date. I hope this helps you a bit. I promise where there is a will there is a way, I hope you find what works best for you family.

Hi V.,

My daughter was about one when she started to through fits as well. She would start screaming and arch her back, sometimes almost flining herself out of our arms. My hubby and I just put her on the floor and let her cry it out. Early terrible twos starting. If in a store we just put her in her car seat or in the cart and also let her cry it out. We didn't want to give her more attention to feed her tantrum. She is now 22 1/2 months and still throws a tantrum from time to time, but we have noticed that she does not cry for nearly as long as she used to because no one is watching. Hope this helps.

Hello,My name is B. Im also 24 going on 25. I've got a 1yr old little girl who does the same thing so its not a boy thing.But the advice you get from the other lady out their' please! some how let me know. I could really use it. Thanx and good luck

if you have time to read, you might like to check out aletha solter's 'the aware baby'. she is one of many who believe that babies/kids need to release their stress by crying, and the best thing to do during a tantrum is offer to hold them or just let them release by crying, as long as they don't hurt themselves or others.

My son also turned one in January! I recently noticed that my son seems to be doing the same thing. I try to let him know that I understand he is frustrated, upset, mad... whatever but that he needs to use his words or signs (I have been teaching him baby sign language to help him communicate until he can speak) so that I can understand what he needs or wants so that I can help him better. Sometimes that just upsets him more but then other times he realizes that he can do something to express himself in a better way. If all else fails I just let him cry for a minute or two then he usually forgets, goes onto something else or has figured out a way to get what he wanted. Hopefully this helps you realize that you don't have the only little boy (or girl) who does the same thing your son does, or maybe even help. Good Luck!

Hey V., I'm going through the same thing. My son is 14 months and he would straight fall out and scream and holler to the top of his lungs if he don't get his way. I would step over him and say go head let it out and get it over with. But the screaming sometimes get the best of me.. I need help as well!!! If you come across anything that helps please inform me and I will do the same..