Lice Dilemma

Absolutely not! Kids can catch lice "just hanging out". I'd be VERY upset if my child was knowingly exposed. Lice is a pain in the butt to deal with. You wouldn't think twice about not having them come if they had a stomach virus or the flu, right?! Have a second get together for the cousins after their lice is gone.

J.B.-actually I have dealt with lice and don't care to ever again! My school district's policy is NIT FREE. If the find even ONE NIT, it's back home to retreat!

I try to treat other parents the way I would want to be treated. I would be upset if my kids were knowingly exposed to lice at a birthday party. It's one thing to be exposed at school, where children must attend to do an important function like education. It's another thing to be exposed via an optional event like a birthday party.

I know this is a delicate situation with the nieces. Is there a graceful way to handle it with their mom? I would say something like "look, I'm not worried about it but I can't in good conscience make that decision for other parents. People are so squeamish about lice and I'd rather not rock the boat with my daughter's friends' families." Then I would do something special with the nieces at a later date.

You're in a tricky situation. But again, I'd treat others the way I would want to be treated on this issue. That's the guiding principle.

ETA: If you're willing to tell the other families, and they're OK with it, then that's fine imho.

If their mom is handling the lice then they are gone. Is she just not doing anything about it?

Do they have live bugs on their hair?

Do they have white nits? Those are sacks that are empty, the ones that are black in the center have babies inside.

What has the mom done? Did she shampoo their hair already? Just find it this morning?

If she just found it this morning and hasn't started taking care of it then they can pass them on. The mom should not be taking them anywhere yet.

BUT IF IF IF she's already treated them then the school system would allow them back in school, so why can't they come to a party?

It truly depends on a ton more information than they have lice, there are so many factors to be considered.

NO>>> the kids cannot go back to school till the lice and nits are gone. so they cannot go to parties either.. maybe have two smaller parties.. have the friends party now.. and the cousin party in a few weeks when the lice are gone.

you do not want your daughter to catch the lice either.. gross..

Why would this even be a question?!

Lice is a terrible burden on parents: they often have to miss work to de-louse the child's hair; haircuts may be needed, whole house laundry, toys/pillows put in plastic bags and stored for two weeks, crying kids who are sick of having to sit still while you pull nits off their heads....money spent on shampoos and laundromats (for the quilts) and unpaid time off work, something many parents can't afford.... ? And then, often, it isn't 100% eradicated and comes back.... and you have to do it all over again....

Anyone who would have a problem with you inviting the cousins to do something later, when they are lice free-- anyone who would actually be 'offended' is an idiot.

(If I seem incredulous-- my sister just had to do all of this, twice, with her three kids b/c their other cousin brought it to the house, twice.... nightmare for them.)

seriously?
if your nieces' feelings would be hurt by the necessary limiting of exposure to others, their own mother needs to work with them on sensible expectations. it's not like they're never going to see your kids again.
deliberately exposing other people to head lice would make you a pariah in my book.
khairete
S.

OK I'm going against the grain. Apparently other responders haven't actually dealt with lice?

Children with lice ARE allowed in school and group care settings. I would know - all of my kids had lice and neither the elementary school nurse nor the day care director found a need to keep them home after the initial treatment. They do not have to stay home until all of the nits are clear. You don't want to send them anywhere with live lice but the initial treatment of the nasty shampoo kills the live lice. The remainder of lice treatment is then limited to "nit picking" to make sure that none of the remaining eggs hatches. Nits are very sticky - they're not going to just detach themselves from the host hair shaft and roll their way onto someone else's head. Nits are not contagious.

Have they been treated and what has the initial treatment been? If they have killed the live lice and do a thorough nit-picking before the party, and wear their hair tied up in braids, I wouldn't worry about it.

The link below has good information and may give you the info you need to make a decision that you are comfortable with:

http://www.cdc.gov/parasites/lice/head/schools.html

Good luck!

Absolutely not. This is not a case of good manners vs. bad, this is just common sense. Your nieces' feelings should not be hurt in this situation...even though it's not their fault, their parents should sit them down and explain to them why they can't go to the birthday party.
Lice is very contagious and a pain to get rid of. I can't believe you'd risk it for your own daughter and yourself!
We had a similar situation at Christmas with some family members of my husband's. Unfortunately, their feelings were hurt and even though I'm sorry about that, I'm very glad that our family doesn't have lice.

I'm sorry, but what's the dilema? You are trying to sway comments and justify it by saying: "it is not a sleep over.......just movies and hanging out for a couple hours" - Are you kidding? Get real. I dare someone to invite my children to a house or outting where lice is knowingly on the other children present. That woman would have hell to pay. Why on earth would you even think this is an option?? Why would the mother of these children even allow them to go? You all are missing the common sense chip.

Absolutely not. I would be livid if I found out my kid was exposed to lice on purpose. That is what you are proposing to do.

What a nice parting gift - lice !

Um, no, you do not knowingly invite children over who head lice - family or not. Do you want your children to get lice? You do not invite other children over to hand out with the head lice.

You should speak to the nieces parents and explain because of the lice you cannot have them over but that once they are cleared up you will host a get together for them.

Makes me itchy just thinking about it.

I see no dilemma. This is a no-brainer. It would be unconscionable of you to expose her daughter's friends to lice.

Ask yourself if you would be OK with someone making that decision for your daughter?

I'd have to agree with JB, as well.

Have the nieces been treated? Then it's a non-issue.

When I realized my son had head lice, the world stopped. We immediately determined that only he and I (not my husband and not our other child) had lice. My husband went to the store and bought everything we needed. My son and I washed our hair with the shampoo, and my husband combed out the nits. Laundry was done, floors vacuumed, stuffed animals put in bags, etc. We retreated a week or so later, but otherwise ... done!

If they haven't been treated, they need to be immediately. If they have, it's a non-issue. Invite them to the party.

I'm with JB. DD attended 2 sleepovers last fall with girls that have lice (all parents were told) and had been treated - no one got lice. Lice can't jump, they spread via head to head contact. If the girls don't have live lice and you carefully supervise to make sure there is no hat/headband/brush sharing or head to head contact it should be fine. Of course you have to tell the other parents; if the thought of that makes you cringe then you have your answer.

No, don't invite them. Its not just about the other children, whose parents would need to be notified before the party (which means some would not come, my kids would not I know that), but about your house getting lice in it and possibly your whole family ending up with it. When the cousins are all clear you can invite them over for some fun, but not before.

Why doesn't someone just treat the cousins for lice, then they won't have lice anymore and it won't be a dilemma? JB is absolutely correct.

Reverend Ruby: You are thinking of fleas. Lice can not live more than 24 hours without a human host.

No!! Do not invite them over. I would be livid if my kid picked up lice from a party like this, esp if you knew the other girls had lice. Maybe you can arrange something for just them and our daughter after the lice were taken care of.

If I found out that a party my child went to had two kids there that have lice and that parent knew it that child would no longer be allowed around mine (no invites over no accepting invites to their home etc.) Because I wouldn't be able to trust judgement that my child would catch something. Be it lice flu whatever if you knowing have two girls over that have lice I can bet there will be a lot less invites for your daughter especially if the kids there catch it and the parents call and let you know and they find out that you had two girls with lice at the party

Here are ideas on how to handle this:

*why ask us, ask the parents of the children; let the parents decide
*postpone the party
*have a separate party w the cousins

Personally I would be PISSED OFF if I wasn't given notice of the lice. I have dealt with lice and NEVER want to deal with that ever again. It cost us $400 to take care of the problem. And the time/energy killed me for a long time.

More importantly the "treatment" is a joke and does NOT guarantee that you will get rid of the lice…..anyone that says the "treatments" will take care of it doesn't know what they are talking about.

FYI the treatments are dangerous pesticides. I would advise everyone to stay away from these nasty chemicals that penetrate into a childs body. The only way to guarantee to get rid of lice and their nits is to comb the hair everyday for at least 12-14 days.

Please let the parents make this decision NOT US.

Also I hate that SOME schools let children back in without checking for nits. It's a disservice to the children. And the only reason why they let children back in is because they don't want to hurt the infected childs feelings, it's all about the politics of public schools, not whats right for the others.

How old are these kids? I know that my daughters and their friends were constantly in big puppy piles whenever we had two or more over. I don't think I could have prevented heads from touching.
What I would do is have the party for friends only and then another day have a special get together for the cousins. That way, only your daughter would be at risk.

Nope. Invite them over another time for something special

I am a little confused. If you haven't even invited anyone yet, I'm assuming their is still plenty of time for the children to be treated and cleared of the lice. It's not like you just get lice and live with it. Or is the party in a couple days?

You do not want lice in your house!!! If they are 100% lice free (which is often hard to accomplish on the first round of treatment) then let them come. But if not, no way! You are risking your house, your daughter,and your daughters friends (and you). Think about this...IF the friends got lice at your house from your nieces, the parents would not only be mad, but the friends might start associating the lice they got at your house with your daughter. It's something that could turn really cruel towards your daughter. It's not worth it. You can do something with the nieces at a later date, but not the party!

People need to calm down!! Lice sucks, for sure (We've had it in our house twice) but once the kids have been treated then they should be OK. How long are people supposed to treat them like lepers?? If they're treated, schools will let them back in. So why couldn't they come to a party? I realize not everyone does a good enough job at getting rid of the nits (and then the lice come back) but really, everyone should be just fine. If you're truly worried and want to be an awesome friend then I would just let the other moms know "cousins HAD lice, they've been treated, just wanted to let you know." If there are any moms out there who don't understand lice then they can keep their kids home.

I'd tell them that you're sorry, but they cannot come with an active case of lice. That is horrible to the other parents. We fought lice for months because of one child that visited my SD. Even just movies can be everyone on the same couch, or bean bag chair, etc. Please, tell the parents of the nieces that they cannot come. Otherwise you risk everyone else - your kids and the other kids - getting lice. If I found out that my child's friend's mom knew about the lice and didn't tell us, my child would not play there again.

If the nieces have been treated, you should still give people a head's up and let them make that call.

Trust me, it's not a fun conversation but people appreciate knowing. Honesty is much better. We were on both sides. My SIL canceled a sleepover for SD when we were going through the whole lice thing. We had lice in three houses from one vector. It was miserable. But we understood that SD could not go to her aunt's house for good reasons.

I'm torn. But having dealt with lice three times in our house, I have to agree with JB. If they are treated before the party, then I say no problem. And put each kid's hat and coat in a separate trash bag while they're there - that's just good policy whether or not anyone has lice.

Talk to the mom of the girls, if they are lice free then invite them, if not NO WAY. An adult louse can drop off the head of a host and live in your carpet for a month before needing to feed again. It then will find a new host and can climb up your foot, leg, etc to your head and nest and you start the process all over again.
If you have never dealt with lice -- you don't want to. It is a horrible experience. Not only do you have to treat every head in your household but you also have to treat the ENTIRE house. Every soft surface has to be vacuumed, including curtains. Bedding has to be washed and dried in the dryer including pillows and stuffed animals. Since you live in Arizona you don't have the benefit of below freezing temps outside and anything that can't go into the washer dryer or be vacuumed has to be tossed into the freezer or wrapped in plastic for at least a month. And you need to treat your car as well.

It's a nightmare

Updated

Talk to the mom of the girls, if they are lice free then invite them, if not NO WAY. An adult louse can drop off the head of a host and live in your carpet for a month before needing to feed again. It then will find a new host and can climb up your foot, leg, etc to your head and nest and you start the process all over again.
If you have never dealt with lice -- you don't want to. It is a horrible experience. Not only do you have to treat every head in your household but you also have to treat the ENTIRE house. Every soft surface has to be vacuumed, including curtains. Bedding has to be washed and dried in the dryer including pillows and stuffed animals. Since you live in Arizona you don't have the benefit of below freezing temps outside and anything that can't go into the washer dryer or be vacuumed has to be tossed into the freezer or wrapped in plastic for at least a month. And you need to treat your car as well.

It's a nightmare

Have the nieces been invited yet? If they lice is recent, I would not invite them. If it's been a week, and mom says they are good to go, maybe.

As a rule lately, I tend to have separate friends parties from family parties. I find that having nieces and nephews at parties with school friends just leads to drama. They only know my kid and the school kids don't know them, so they all try to have time with my kid without the one they don't know. Having a friends party, with just friends has been much easier and happier.