25 answers

Legal Advie NEEDED

Ok long story short, I met my now boyfriend on facebook. I live in CA he lived in NJ. He has a soon to be (sept) 4 year old and an ex wife. Prior to leaving NJ him and his ex and worked out an agreement on custody, for once he moved here. ( nothing was written on paper, as their custody order is as simple as they share joint custody, and can have the child whenever agreed upon, no set days or times or whatever) As soon as he got to CA which was a little over two weeks ago, she flipped on him. Says he has abandoned his child, and calling names and such. She has refused to let him talk to her on the phone as well as talking badly about him to his daughter. A lot of it has to do with money, as she is wanting him to pay half of a birthday party that she is throwing for her family in PA. He has offered to pay what he could and half of a 200 dollar cake, ON TOP of his child support. He wants his daughter, and is willing to fight for her, but we are not sure how to proceed, or even what to think. one day is cooperative, and the next she is mean and spteful. One more thing she has bipolar disorder, and has gone off of her meds due lack of insurance. what are our options?

*******their whole custody agreement was verbal. Nothing was in writing. this was all worked out before he moved. She was the one who dropped him off at the airport. she was fully supportive until he cut her off financially. he didnt figure it would need to be in writing because they had never had trouble before as far as custody goes. Technically she was the one who moved first. she moved from NJ to PA because they had AGREED to it, just as they had when he planned on moving to CA. This was a long process (almost a year). oh and there is no way she has contacted an attorney. all she does is text him complaining about how much she needs a break from the child, and how shes tired of dealing with her.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

I think Christine W summed it up pretty well.
Why on earth would you want a man who abandoned his child for you?

I hope that there is at least a slim chance that this post is a punk.

11 moms found this helpful

I'm sorry - sounds like he needs to move back to NJ and care for his child...

EVERYTHING needs to be in writing when it comes to custody and divorce...nothing should be "just verbal" as things can change on a dime - here is proof positive that it does.

I would suggest you move to NJ to be with him so he can get this mess straightened out, legally and professionally....if you are not willing to do that or put up with a bi-polar ex-wife - then maybe you need to tell him "goodbye and good luck"...

He needs to hire a lawyer in NJ and he needs to get this resolved.

I can tell you that I have NEVER spent $200 a child's birthday cake and in my opinion - that is just OBSCENE!!! No child needs a $200 birthday cake.

GOOD LUCK!!

9 moms found this helpful

my advice, unless he moved to CA for a job, is for him to move back to NJ while he establishes child custody in writing.

Look up lawyers.com for recommendations.

6 moms found this helpful

More Answers

She doesn't have meds because she can't afford insurance yet she buys a $200 birthday cake? That does sound crazy but what is crazier to me is why your boyfriend would leave his daughter with an unstable mother who is tired of dealing with her daughter to move to California. Also, no wonder she is upset since she has been cut off financially. I would be upset too. Why did he do that?

13 moms found this helpful

In my non-legal eyes he left his daughter in New Jersey to move with his facebook honey in California. You must be very different than me because I would never encourage or accept a man that would leave his daughter and move cross country for me. I think that four year old needs him a lot more than you do, even if he is not with his ex,

13 moms found this helpful

I think Christine W summed it up pretty well.
Why on earth would you want a man who abandoned his child for you?

I hope that there is at least a slim chance that this post is a punk.

11 moms found this helpful

I'm sorry - sounds like he needs to move back to NJ and care for his child...

EVERYTHING needs to be in writing when it comes to custody and divorce...nothing should be "just verbal" as things can change on a dime - here is proof positive that it does.

I would suggest you move to NJ to be with him so he can get this mess straightened out, legally and professionally....if you are not willing to do that or put up with a bi-polar ex-wife - then maybe you need to tell him "goodbye and good luck"...

He needs to hire a lawyer in NJ and he needs to get this resolved.

I can tell you that I have NEVER spent $200 a child's birthday cake and in my opinion - that is just OBSCENE!!! No child needs a $200 birthday cake.

GOOD LUCK!!

9 moms found this helpful

There is NO agreement, take everything this man tells you with a grain of salt. He has chosen you over his child (for the moment----meaning he's thinking with is #%*. As for you, please think twice before you marry or God forbid, become pregnant because you can expect the same treatment. As another mama mentioned, if the mother of his child is mentally ill, why would he leave a small child to fend for herself?

Since he's not making good decisions, you can. If you love him and care about the child, tell him to go back the state where the child is living and get a custoday order in place. You will have no peace until this matter is settled. This will also give you a chance to take a good look at what you have gotten youself into....You may want to re-evaluate.

Blessings.....

9 moms found this helpful

Tell him to go home. His child needs him.

Edited to add: I just saw your update, and paged thru your history of questions on this site.

It's possible that this new facebook boyfriend is going to be an amazing-forever-love connection, and it will all work out great for the children involved, and for you, but not likely. Consider it, how many stable, happy marriages/families do you know of that involve this many spouses, boyfriends, exes, lawyers, and states of residence? What kind of man leaves his child with an allegedly unstable ex wife to move across the country with a new woman? Please, break it off, send him back.

Also, NJ and PA are literally right next to each other, CA is not. I could walk to NJ from PA right now. It's really, really not the same thing to move to PA as to move to CA.

9 moms found this helpful

Sorry, but I wouldn't want to be with a man who would abandon his child across the country with no legal protection in place to be sure he stays part of her life. A new arrangement needed to be in writing and filed with a court before he headed to the airport. He would need to expect to pay for all costs of his move, including airfare and all other expenses for all visitations with his daughter. Send him home. If this is meant to be, move yourself to NJ.

8 moms found this helpful

So many red flags. If there's nothing in writing then the mother of his child must be an an ex girlfriend, not ex wife. Divorce settlements always specify child custody.
And he left his little girl on the other side of the country, in the care of someone unstable, for a woman he met on Facebook?!?!
With no set times for visitation, just wherever, whenever?!
Sorry, that's not a dig on you, I'm sure you are a very nice person. But you have young children of your own and I'm just wondering what you are thinking? Is this really the kind of guy you want to be with? I don't care how crazy his ex may be, that's just all the more reason for him to stay close to his daughter.
I know you are very young but I hope you can see this does NOT look like a good situation for you and your kids to be a part of :(

8 moms found this helpful

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