Legal Advice Needed

the only thing he can do is to give u 100% of both custody and placement. custody is for big decisions and placement is where the child lives. but he will still have to pay child support. the only way he can get out of it is if u marry and the guy u marry wants to adopt your child. i had the same situation with my daughters dad. hopefully that will help.

Hi E.,

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Hi E.,
I'm so sorry that you are in this situation.
No, he can't. If he is the father then he is the father. If you ge married and your husband wants to adopt you little one that's another story. But, as the situation is as it is then he can't.
If he doesn't want to be in your lives you will be able to find someone who WILL want to father that little one. Someone who loves you and your two little ones. I hope you find that soon. It is harder, but you can do it on your own too! be strong! Good luck.
take care-K.

Are you married? If not all he has to do is NOT sign the ROP (recognition of parentage) when the baby is born. He will be the biological father, but without PROOF he is the LEGAL father, he doesn't have to pay, and can just walk away. If your 2 year old is also his you are going to have to go through the court system.
When I found out I was pregnant, my then b/f walked away. My daughter was 17 months old before she had a legal daddy. All we had to do was fill out the parentage form.
I work for Child Support Enforcement for the State of Minnesota, you can call and ask to speak to our policy help desk, they may not be able to help you with your situation, BUT they will know who you can talk to to get help with your situation. The number is ###-###-####, just ask for the Policy Help Desk. FYI They are in a daily meeting from 9am to 10:30am. Office hours are 8:00 to 4:30 Monday thru Friday, excluding Federal holidays.

Good Luck!

E.-

I can't give you legal advice without knowing your entire situation so please do not consider this legal advice.. However, you must have good cause to terminate your parental rights voluntarily, and the Court needs to determine what "good cause" is-- "I don't want to be a dad" or "I don't want to pay child support" are not good cause and would be summarily rejected by a Court. He does not offically BECOME dad, legally, though unless he signs a Recognition of Parentage or Paternity is established through the courts ( usually by mom initiating a paternity action or the county initiating one on your behalf) Hope that helps.

-S.

You should look on lawhelpmn.org. It's a website that has a ton of fact sheets, and I'm pretty sure there's one that covers this issue--it will explain the law.

Last time I heard. Anyone can terminate their rights. I think the judge has to okay it though.

if you can prove to the state through a blood test he is the father he is stuck with child support reguardless if he want to or not. i think the termination would only be if you want to marry someone else and they want to adopt.

That's a tough situation you are in. I have been there with my middle son's father. However the court would not let him sign off on my son unless there was someone willing to "take over". If there was someone willing to adopt then it was a different ball game. I was awarded sole custody and sole placement, but he is still my son's "father" and was/is required to pay support. On another note, since I was not married at the time of conception or birth I did not have to place his name on the birth cirtificate and he had no rights until we went to court and a paternity test was ordered. If you recieve any kind of state/county assistance, including insurance, they will probably have you sign some sort of child support waiver that you must cooperate with the child support office in order to obtain support owed to your child and they will send the information to the child support office. My son's father did finally come around to fathering him after a little while. Took him well over a year, but he now takes my son every other weekend. Good luck my dear!

my friend is going through the exact same thing... for the most part they want to terminate their rights because they think then that they don't have to pay child support... this is not the case... if he does sign over his rights then you do still have the right to child support.... HOWEVER... if you say that you are ok with him signing over his rights THEN YOU LOOSE the benefits from the state for child care and those types of assistance programs.... the best thing to do it to take ti to child support then you will go in front of a judge and they will basically walk you through the steps of what will happen... check into it before hand but for the most part it's just up to you on deciding whether you want him in the childs life.... whether he is able to care for a child... but guys also have a tendency to change their minds when they see and hold their children for the first time...

By the way you word this, I am assuming you are unmarried. In the state of Wisconsin you cannot legally put a father's name on the birth certificate until paternity has been proven (unless you are married). And he cannot do this until after the baby is born, the birth certificate forms have been initially filled out, and you have taken the baby home from the hospital. He would then have to take a paternity test if you or he wanted him listed as the father. Then you would refile the birth certificate after paternity is proven. If he does not want to be a father, you will have to go to court and they will have to order him to take a paternity test. Until that happens, he has no parental rights. So he does not need to terminate them, YOU have to prove he is the father.

Good luck!

Hi E.. I am sorry you are going through a difficult time. I am a paralegal for a family law attorney, so I can help a little bit. He is the father of a child. He cannot just give up his parental rights. There are grounds for giving up parental rights. Under current law, “termination of parental rights” (TPR) means that all rights, powers, privileges, immunities, duties and obligations existing between parent and child are permanently severed, pursuant to a court order. Parental rights may be terminated either voluntarily or involuntarily. Voluntary means the court may terminate parental rights with the parent’s consent. Involuntary means the court may terminate parental rights without the parents consent. In both instances, there are grounds for each. In order to have the process begin, a Summons and Petition has to be filed, served on the father and there is a hearing date assigned, which both parties must attend. My best advice is to seek the assistance of an attorney. In many cities, if you cannot afford an attorney, there is a self-help center and/or free legal advice. Call the Clerk of Court for your county and talk to them. THey should be able to direct you. Also, most law firms offer a free consultation. You could always go to a family law attorney and find out what they think is best and what would be involved in doing this properly. Good luck!

You don't need to list the father on the birth certificate. I didn't when my daughter was born. This has now been changed (per a court order), however he WANTED to be involved in her life.

Although years from now the father may have a change of heart and want something to do with the child and than you would have to pay money to have blood tests done to prove he is the father.

It seems as though your baby's father doesn't want to take on the reposponsiblity of paying child support and caring for his own child.

I would say, it is your ultimate decision, but think about the future of your child, not just the present.

Good Luck...

I know you have a plethora of responses, but I felt compelled nonetheless. I quickly read through most of the reponses, and there is some accurate advice, but most of it is not or is only half-right. First of all, one cannot unilaterally termiante parental rights. Beyond that, you really need to see an attorney. If you need assistance, please contact a Legal Aid office, they provide civil legal services for lower income households. It is very important that you seek some legal advice, regardless of what you are planning to do- it will only help you make decisions with a clear mind and you will know exaclty what the consequences are of what action you choose. Just remember, a man cannot abdicate the financial responsibility of a child just because he doesn't want to be a dad- its too late.

Even if he terminates his parental rights he still has to pay child support. By him terminating his rights it gives you all authority in every aspect of the childs life it's basically free reign to raise your child as you wish and still get his money to help you support the child. I only know this because I have been through it unfortunately. Good Luck and just hang in there. If he does not want to be involved your child will feel and know that and it will be harder in the long run.
From a mother of 3

It depends on you. If you don't want him to have anything to do with you or your baby...then so be it. But if you want him to pay child support then I would look into this much more.

(((Sounds like he is just trying to avoid paying childsupport. It's so sad when the father's act like this and the poor children are the one's who suffer.))) I agree with this.

I don't think he can do that unless you have a husband that wants to adopt the baby.And everyone involved agrees on the decision. Otherwise every Harry, Dick and Tom out there would do that to get away with not paying childsupport.

I wish my daughter's dad would terminate his rights I've begged him to but he won't and I can't make him. He hasn't seen my daughter in quite some time. I've even told him if was to terminate his rights he would no longer have to pay me childsupport.

Once they terminate their rights they are no longer EVER legally or physically or financially responsible for that child.

Sounds like he is just trying to avoid paying childsupport. It's so sad when the father's act like this and the poor children are the one's who suffer.

I worked in Hennepin County Juvenile Court for 5 years clerking for a district court judge. I am a licensed attorney in Minnesota but you should not consider this legal advice. This is simply my experience in a Minnesota Court. In Minnesota, a person is not able to just terminate their parental rights because they want to. There has to be a good reason... usually unfit and the state takes them away, or any other number of reasons listed in the statute. Regardless of whether the parent has any contact with the child, he is obligated to pay child support. Whether you attempt to go after him for it or not is irrelevant. The money belongs to the child, not to you. If you tried to apply for any type of state aid for the child, the state will most likely ask you to list the father and will then go after that person, whether his name is on a birth certificate or not. You also need to keep in mind that should the father die, even if he has never had any contact or paid any support, his child is entitled to a portion of his estate. Check with your county government and see if there is a child support department. There most likely is and they will have information for you. If you still have questions after contacting them, or if he files a petition to terminate his parental rights, contact an attorney and get a consultation. You don't want to wait until its too late for the attorney to do you any good.

Good Luck.

Here in Wisconsin (where I see you live, too!) they view the parental rights as a privilidge, not necessarily as a forced-responsibility.

I spoke with a woman at the Child Support Agency here in town. Apparently a man can give up his parental rights to a child. It's not as simple as just signing a paper and being done with it, but if he really wants to do it (and go through the legal steps) he certainly can.

I believe that Wisconsin is under the opinion (as am I) that if a person doesn't want to be a parent then they don't deserve to be. There really isn't any point to trying to force them (believe me, I've tried with my oldest's father!) and, honestly - would you really want that person in your child's life knowing that they resent their baby?

In addition to what I already told you, there is also a "use it or lose it" law that recently came into effect. This is where a parent doesn't use their parental rights to try to maintain a regular presence in a child's life and their rights are forcefully removed by the state (usually started by the other parent's action). I'm currently trying to take advantage of that law so that I can take my oldest's father out of her life completely.

Good luck with this!

In order for him to terminate his parental rights you both have to agree to it. I am not sure what all he has to do to have it done. But you have to be willing to allow it too. I personally told my ex that in no way is he getting out of this. He helped me make this child and he was gonna help me raise him. Even if all he did was pay child support. If he wants to give up visitation fine, let him. My ex did for the first 4 years of my son's life. Then he changed his mind and has been around for the last 4 years. But do not let him out of his financial obligations. You may or may not need that money some day. There may come a day when life is hard and money is tight and that child support would be a life saver and keep food in your childs belly and clothes on their backs. Good luck. I am sorry this is turning out so hard for you.

My husband is a family law attorney. You can call him to discuss. He does the initial call for free and then if you need a lawyer you can decide from there. Good luck.

Bob Weiner
w###-###-####
www.rweinerlaw.com

He can terminate his rights, but he will still be responsible to pay child support and health care costs for the child. The only way a man can completely cut himself away from the child and not pay anything is by two ways. One they are deadbeats adn don't pay (it will catch up with them), or if there is another man in your life willing to adopt that child. Otherwise the state will make him pay. My x husband is going through the same thing right now. He doesn't want anything to do with the other girls baby (he was tricked, but it doesn't matter) and he is pissed he still has to pay (his fault not the childs). Good luck with they future, it is going to be very tough, but I have a feeling you are strong enough to handle it.

Hi E.,
You would be doing your child a huge dis-service if you let him do that. Read between the lines...he just doesn't want to pay child support for your child for the next 18 years. If you intend on keeping this baby, then start the court process now and get child support lined up. Remember, child support isn't for you, even though you think you can do it on your own, it's for the best interest of the child and you need to give your child everything he/she deserves and that's the income from both parents. My friend didn't want to accept any money, so what she did was start a college fund and all the child support she got, she had it put in there for her child's future. The truth is you NEED the financial support and if you let him terminate his rights, you're cheating yourself and your child. You could fall on hard times in the future and that money could come in handy. Don't you think MOST men that say got a girl pregnant on a 1 night stand would LOVE to terminate their rights just so they didn't have to pay child support? Of course...it can't be that easy.Tell him in a very firm and normal tone "Fine, you don't have to be in this child's life, but you WILL be paying child support." (then tell him he should have been wearing a condom instead of planting a seed in a garden he had not intended to care for)

Fight for the rights of your child and be strong!!!! You are not weak.

J. N

You can lead a horse to water but you can not make him drink. Get yourself a bulldog attorney that will get you some financial support from the "father".
I'd recommend my divorce attorney, Mr. Michael Dittberner in Edina. Best of luck, hold your head high and be the best mom you can be!

The same happened to me with my youngest. The guy bailed out the second I told him I was pregnant and had to search him down when Tyler was born to get child support. TY is now 5 and has never seen his dad. As for him being able to terminate his rights I do not know if he can do that. The state might not allow that unless someone else is going to step up and be daddy. The state might make hi still pay support although they can not force him to see the child. The best advice I can give you when it comes to something legal go to a free consultation with a alwyer and see what your options are.

Hi E.,

I am sorry you are going through this. I myself went throught this when my son was 2 years old. I talked to someone and they said that absolutly not. He has no valid reason. The only way he can give up his rights is if the state finds him unfit or you get married and your husband wants to adopt the baby. If you have any questions or just want to talk feel free to email me or call me. I can give you my phone number if you like.
My husband is also in the National Guard!

he cannot do it on his own and it is an expensive and long process. they will not allow him to do it if his reason is for not wanting to own up to paying child support. i have sorda been through the same situation.

I went through this. (Although my circumstances were WAY different.)

Some questions for a paralegal, or legal atty. (I have no experience, and therefore feel as though I should state you should contact the County Atty's office, or Chrysylis.)

-Do you have to legally have to put a name on the birth certificate? (I didn't.) I knew my daughter's father didn't want to be on it, or have anything to do with her. When they asked who the father was I declined to provide the info.

-If you aren't receiving assistance, and no one is on the birth certificate- he won't have any legal rights unless he demands it-- right? (You might want to make sure on that.) (And if he does demand it- you can request a paternity test.) If he's stated that he wants no rights concerning the child- you could always have him sign a statement in front of a notary. (This will probably not hold up in court- but... it could help your cause if he later changes his mind.)

The legal process will be time-consuming and costly. And the judge may want his name still on the certificate to ensure you're receiving enough support for yourself and the baby. MN is a very conservative state. That's just something to keep in mind. You may go through the whole process, hire a lawyer for both sides.. and the judge might still tell you that the 'father' needs to still be involved, (ie: paying child support.)

It's important you never lie in the process. You want to prove you're a great mom- all on your own.

I highly suggest you contact a lawyer, or attend the child support question workshops that happen in Hennepin County on Weds. (I am friends with a lawyer who always mentioned to me that I should attend.) They're really informative, from what I know.

Most of all? Good Luck. It sounds like such a terrible situation, and no doubt you're going to hear conflicting things about it all. Remember: You are going to be a great mom. We shouldn't be judged on what happens to us, but how we evolve past the situations.

Hi E.,

I am a single mom, like yourself, and I have sole custody of my 4 year old daughter. In Brown County, all I have to do was fill out paper work that stated that I had sole custody and my child's father had to sign it. Then the paperwork needed to be signed by a judge and then it was a legal document. This of course was because I wanted to have sole custody. I still recieve child support, whenever he has a job, and he still is able to see his daughter, but basically chooses not to.

I believe that if the father of your child chooses not to be involved, no one can force him and that is a very sad situation. The state will force him to pay child support though, but there are still loopholes that he will find to make it as difficult as he can for you.

My personal opinion would be to go for child support if you need it, but always leave the door open for your baby to see his or her father if they choose so. And if the father decides after awhile that he would like to take part in the little one's life, then great, but no one can force it.

This is a very difficult situation, just as long as you do what you feel is in the best interest of your children, everything will, hopefully work out in the end. All you should worry about is being the best mom you can be to those kids. Good luck to you, I hope everything works out for the best.

unfourtunally i think as i recall when my son was born my partner had to sign something saying that he was going to take responsibilty as it were of our son, i can not say for sure but i think that he can terminate his parental rights to be sure ask aa attorney