Leaving Small Kids with Grandparents While Vacationing

you need to nuture your marriage just as mucn as you do your children... my only concern for you is .... your children have never gone a day without seeing you.. what is going to happen when they go off to school..... start now and leave them for an hour or two with grandparents telling them you will be back at such and such time and do whatever it takes to show them you will be there when you say you will. show them on a clock / and or calendar days and times so when you do go away with hubby they know what to expect.

good luck, i started this when my son was about a year old and it gave me a chance to spend alone time with myhubby and then my son with my parents ... it was a win win all around!

and lastly, in reading some of the other responses, remember your mom raised you I would give her alittle credit that you are such a good mom that maybe she knows what to do..... JMO..

have a great over due honeymoon...

2 moms found this helpful

I am a single mom who works full time. We live in Hawaii, and I had a business trip to San Francisco. So my 2.5 year old daughter and I flew to Seattle on Friday and met Grandma and the rest of the family. Sunday I flew to San Fran while Grandma took care of my daughter for a week. I think the transition with both of us there for a day was helpful (since my daughter sees my mom only a few times a year).

I believe she adjusted well. I called a few times and my mom would ask my daughter if she wanted to talk to me, and she responded, "No, I'm playing." Although I missed her, I was relieved that she was distracted and happy. Once during the visit my mom said she changed the words to the song Jesus Loves Me to "I love my Mommy and my Mommy loves me."

I think as long as they have a familiar routine, kids are very resilient. You will miss your kids, but you also need to nurture your relationship with your husband. It's the foundation. Have fun!

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Since it is with their Grandparents....which hopefully they are not too far away from your home... it should be fine. And assuming that your children already have a relationship with them.

One thing though.... I would "ask" the Grandparents FIRST...if they don't mind baby-sitting, before you book your plans. After all, it is for 4 kids.

Nowadays....I've learned & seen, that Grandparents don't like to have kids dumped on them without warning. They like to be respected, they may be busy too.... and simply like to be consulted with first, before everyone 'assumes' they will babysit by 'default.' I know a lot of Grandparents, through my daughter's school, and they all 'vent' to me about things like this... they are old & don't have the energy many times to keep up with their Grand-kids or have the option to even say 'no.' And they get irritated too. They just want to be considered in all of it.

It should be fun for all... and will be fine.
Have fun!

All the best,
Susan

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Just wanted to share some recent experience...

I live with my parents and am a single full-time working Mom, so my son (2.5) is around my Mom almost all day while I work.

I had to go on a trip for work that I couldn't get out of like I usually do, and was gone for two nights. My son did okay, but kept asking where I was. We talked on the phone every chance we got and even set up a Web Cam so, he could see me. But, when I got back, he was so angry with me. It was the hardest thing for me to do, but we got through it.

Make sure you little ones are used to spending the night away from you before you go on your trip. It's a huge adjustment for little ones, and the first night I was not with my son he apparently kept waiting for me to come home and was very upset when I didn't come home for bed.

You should definitely take time to enjoy your marriage, just make sure your kids are prepared for the time with their grandparents and vice versa.

Good Luck!

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I am 27 and I will NEVER forget the time that my parents went on vacation and left my siblings and I at my grandparent's house for the week. We had the most wonderful time with my grandparents whom we didn't even have a very close relationship with previously. My parents left a pile of small gifts (Coloring books, etc) all wrapped up and we had one to open each day that my parents were gone. Boy, we felt SO special and we hardly missed our parents (who were incredibly involved) because we were making memories with Grandma and Grandpa and we knew they were thinking about us. I was about 5 at the time. It is seriously one of my fondest memories of my grandparents so I would certainly encourage you leaving your children for a week with them. You have invested SO much into the relationship with your children and they will trust you while you are gone. It is the parent who is NEVER around that will scar her child by leaving them with someone for a week.

Have a great time!

1 mom found this helpful

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Nurture your marriage. I have done it since my child was 2 1/2. Your husband comes first and you are leaving your kids in the hands of Grandparents. Grandparents treat their grandchildren with loving care, so why not?

Leave them with Grandparents for a trial over-nighter. You may choose to stay late until bedtime and come early for breakfast. Let them know that Mommy is coming back.

You will see that they are having a "vacation" too! Just tell them that. Plan with Grandma some fun activities like going to the park or getting an ice cream. It's the little things that make a day exciting for them.

Have a great time and call every-other day to check in. Otherwise, you will have crying children on your hands...

M.

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Go!! They will be fine, especially since they have each other. My husband and I just went on a 1 week vacation to Hawaii and left our 2,4 & 8 year old with their Grandparents, and they did fine. It's also good to have them miss you a little.....and vice versa:)

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Hi E.,

I say, go on vacation, lady! :-) One of the best things my husband and I ever did was to go on vacation for 5 days when our son was eight months old. My parents baby-sat in our home for three days and my in-laws came to do the rest of the time. It was a wonderful experience for all of us. Grandparents are excellent, and the vacation reminded my husband and I of how much we love our own relationship. My son never realized we were gone.

We have gone on little overnights since then--my son loves to stay with his grandparents. It's still great for everybody--refreshing for us, fun for our parents and our boy.

I highly recommend the occasional trip away--one day, our children will leave us... It's nice to know that my husband still sees me as a woman in addition to a mom.

:-) D.

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I would start off by bringing them to the grandparents more often for short visits during the day. Before you consider leaving them with the grandparents alone, be sure to monitor the relatives who will come in contact with them to make sure that they don't drink alcohol or smoke around any children. (You may think this sounds odd, but that situation did happen in my family...the relative drank and no one knew.) Review with them how to use the carseats, childproofing as well as your schedules for feeding, bathing, etc. Make sure they keep all medications out of reach of children, even those with childproof caps. (Again this happened in my family..my niece climbed up high on a chair and got into the grandparent's medicine cabinet and had to be rushed to ER). I understand your reservations. Another option is to take a weekend trip and get a babysitting agency to watch your children in your own home. Best of luck in whatever you decide.

1 mom found this helpful

Girl please, go away with your husband and have the best time ever. They will survive. Do not call every day. Just check in with your parents, not the kids. You will be a better mom for the time away. Time away to relax, know your husbands heart, and focus on the two of you. Enjoy. They probably wont remember a few years from now.

If your children are used to seeing you all the time, I would suggest you try this out before you go on a trip. Have the kids go to the grands for a weekend and see how it goes. If there is a major meltdown you may want to reconsider, if all goes well you have a greenlight.

lAST YEAR MY HUSBAND AND I WENT ON A 4 DAY VACATION WITHOUT THE KIDS.(AGES 11,9,3) i AM ALSO A STAY AT HOME MOM, I WASN'T REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THE OLDER KIDS MAINLY THE YOUNGEST- SHE HAS NEVER BEEN AWAY FROM ME OVERNIGHT. IN BETWEEN MY BROTHER-IN-LAW AND SISTER-IN-LAW AND A GREAT FRIEND ALL 3 OF MY KIDS HAD A GREAT TIME. i DIDN'T REALLY TALK TO THE 3 YEAR OLD ON THE PHONE- I DIDN'T WANT TO CAUSE A PROBLEM IF THERE WASN'T ONE. ALL OF THE KIDS DID GOOD, THEY WERE READY FOR US TO BE HOME WHEN WE GOT BACK. bUT LET ME TELL YOU, MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR ALMOST 13 YEARS, THE ONLY TRIP WHEN IT WAS JUST THE 2 OF US, WAS OUR HONEYMOON-(AWHILE AGO!!) IT WAS GREAT FOR BOTH OF US. I WOULD STRONGLY RECOMEND IT FOR ALL COUPLES. EVEN THE SHORT TRIP WAS RELAXING AND FUN FOR BOTH OF US. WE GOT TO DO THINGS THAT MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN THE BEST WITH THE KIDS. WE WENT TO THE COAST AND WALKED ALONG THE CLIFF EDGE- CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT THAT WOULD BE LIKE TRYING TO HOLD ONTO A 3 YEAR OLD- NOT TO MENTION TELLING THE OTHER KIDS NOT TO GET TO CLOSE TO THE EDGE. I WOULD HAVE BEEN A NERVOUS WRECK AND NOT ENJOYED THE WALK. I SAY IF GRANDPARENTS ARE WILLING TO HELP WATCH THE KIDS- TAKE A LITTLE TIME FOR YOURSELVES..ITS WORTH IT!!

I was in a similar situation with 2 small kids and big vacation coming up. I did "practice runs". Grandma and grandpa came to our house and my husband and I went to a local hotel for the night. We did this 2 or 3 times before the vacation and everything was fine. The vacation was great and the kids were happy! Good luck.

I think it is time for the honeymoon!

No, seriously, I think your kids are old enough now to be without you for less than a week, especially if their grandparents will be the ones caring for them. It might even be wonderful for the kids (special time with your folks).

Mr. Mom

They will have so much fun being doted on. I was in the hospital for a week when my daughter was 4 years old and my husband had to stay with me because of the problems I was having. I talked to oher every day and she loves her grandmother. She was a real trooper. They made sure her daily activities were the usual (pre-school, etc.), they answered any questions she had and she was the queen bee! They will be fine!

Go on your trip, kids need a break from parents as much as we need a break from them. What better family to go with but grandparents. Don't you think you and your spouse are entitled to some together time. Plus think about how nice it would be to not do laundry, cook, clean for a couple of days.... go forth enjoy some downtime...

Hi E.!

I'm a mom & a "manna" so, here's my take. My youngest daughter lives about an hour away from our house. She has an almost 4 yo daughter (the love of my life) and an 11 mo son (my monkey). My granddaughter has been coming to our house for the weekend on a regular basis since she was about 4 months old! Monkey has only been for the weekend once so far but will more as he gets older. My advice is to take advantage of loving grandparents who want to be with your kids. Our granddaughter gets the best of both worlds by having Manna & Papa working with her on educational games, going to the park, movies, etc. Believe me, the time spent with grandparents are memories in the making for EVERYONE! Your kids will appreciate them and so will you.

Hugs,
S.
aka Manna

Well if the grandparents are close by then try sleep overs and see how it goes. It might help if you do it a few times be for your big trip.

Start with 1 night sleep overs at grandma's and long day trips to grandma's. I don't know if they will remain at your home or at grandma's for the vacation. But try both so grandma can decided where is more comfortable for the kids. Sometimes it's fun for them to get away and deal with new things and toys. Sometimes it's better to have they're things around them. Leave little clues or fun idea's and little gifts to find in they're bags or drawers, or find a little mail box and give it to the kids so that everyday they can get a letter from you, then give the letters to grandma and have her refill the mail box daily so that they get your love notes. They will be fine. And NO your 4 year old will not be dramatized from this if he has a good time himself. J.

I would suggest to bring the kids to grandparents on weekends so that they can start spending more time w/ grandparents. Leave them for couple hours at the time, then sometimes at night time so that grandparents can tuck them in. My husband and I left for a 2 weeks obligation trip to where we should not bring small child when our boy was 2 years old, luckily, we live together w/ my parents, so when we went on our trip, he was okay w/out mommy and daddy, we called every day and web chat w/ him. Anyway, I think get the kids familiar w/ staying at grandparents house would help them while you are gone.

Have fun, and enjoy your honeymoon!

My husband and I didn't get our honeymoon until we'd been married for 10 yrs and had 4 kids(8,7,5,3). My husband had gone to school in Rhode Island and I flew out when he was done to drive home to San Diego with him. We left our kids with my brother for 10 days and had no problems. The kids loved it. I think if the kids are with someone they know then there shouldn't be a problem leaving them. Just tell them what's going on. You and daddy want to spend some time together, so they get to go spend some time with grandma and grandpa. Be excited about it and they will be too. My kids couldn't wait to spend time with their uncle. You're leaving your children with their grandparents, so go have fun and don't feel guilty about it. The kids will have fun so you have fun too.

Hi E.:
Your feelings of guilt, for even considering leaving them for 5 days,is normal. Your concern that nobody can know,understand,or care for your children like you do is not unfounded, After all,your their mother, You've dedicated the majority of your time,nurturing,and caring for them,and deep down, you believe they will feel you've abandoned them,if you leave them for days.All of us mothers have experienced these same emotions at one time or another.What you need to realize,is that while our lives evolve around our children,that we can't neglect ourselves.Its important to keep that love,and interests you and your lover have alive.You need to spend some quality time alone together,and remind one another why you fell in love in the first place.Like anything else in life you strive for,you have to work at it. Life can become A repetition. We get into a routine,and sadly in many relationships,lovers lose interest,and become bored with their lives. So, time together,benifits not only the two of you,but your children as well. No one can take the place of a MOTHER. You'll be number one in their book always,but its important for them to get the opportunity to build a relationship with their Grandparents.To feel they are loved,and cherished by others.To bond,and feel they can do no wrong in their eyes.They will receive nothing but love,during their time with them. They adore those children.After those few days,your children will be happy to see you,but don't be shocked if you have to pry their little hands from Grandma and Grandpas door frame, to get them in the car!! lol. E.,You sound like a Great Mommy,but you've earned a little time away,and I'd bet your hubby has to.Your children will be loved and cared for, the short time your away. Enjoy each other,and have some fun! When you return,you'll feel rejuvenated,and hopefully you won't wait quite as long for another break away.I wish you and your family the best. J. M

I have left my kids with my parents since they were 2 years old for a week at a time (they are now 4 and 7). I was really worried the first time I left my oldest and made all these plans to help the process. The plans were not needed at all. My kids have always been fine. In fact, it ends up being a very special time for them. It's a treat to "spend the night" with grammy and papa. Plus, they do all these extra things that creates an amazing bond between my kids and their grandparents. My husband and I go away at least once a year...sometimes for a week and sometimes for just the weekend. Either way, my kids and my parents LOVE the time together.

On another note, my girlfriend had serious anxieties with her 5 year old son staying with her mom for a weekend. She and her husband were required to go away because of their jobs and they had no choice. Well, my girlfriend discovered that her son and mother had the most wonderful time that her son is asking when he gets to do it again.

I think each child is different, but most likely you'll realize that the anxieties are your issues and not the children. They'll be fine. And, if there are issues, they'll recover. Children are resilient and you and your husband deserve time for YOU! There is more of a lesson to teach your kids that mom and dad really love each other and want to spend their own special time together.

Enjoy your "honeymoon"!

If you are worried about how things will go, have your kids stay for 1-2 nights with the grandparents while you're still in town for a trial run.

You and your husband deserve some time alone together! I would definitely start smaller and leave for one night before your big trip. Try not feel guilty, they will have a great time with the grandparents.

E.,
My daughter and son-in-law had not had a real honeymoon either after 5 years of marriage. My daughter is a stay at home mom. We watched their children for 10 days. It was very hard for my daughter, but she did enjoy herself. They needed some time alone to be together. The children were 2 and 4 years old, plus a 9 year old, and they did very well. They did miss their parents, but they had a good time with us. They see us quite often, so it isn't as bad as being with someone you don't see very much. They called and spoke to the children. But it did make the little one ask about his mom more. I only had one night that the little one cried and I put him in bed with us. I am very loving with my grandchildren, and my husband, their grandpa, is too. He spends time with them and has always done so. My son-in-law's mom, their other grandma, stayed with them for a couple of nights at their own home so that we had a little break and their other grandma got to see them. She lives a distance away and enjoyed being with them. We appreciated her making the trip to see the boys. I am glad that my daughter and son-in-law spent that special time together. You both need to make memories that you two can share that are especially about you as a couple. I hope this eases your mind some.

E.;)

They will be fine and it'll be a nice opportunity for both kids and grandparents to bond. It's all about your attitude. If you're anxious and snippy about your parents and say so in front of the kids they won't want to go. If you make it an adventure and are upbeat even if the 4 year old has moments of uncertainty they'll do great. 5-6 days is a long time but if the grandparents have a schedule (if they do that) and are up for it, it'll be great for everyone, hardest on you. When you return you'll be pleasantly surprised with stories about how polite and sweet and well mannered they were but BE PREPARED for backlash. When our kids were little there was usually 1-2 days of really bad behavior after we returned. Be strong. Think of it as a really good model for your kids of a strong adult relationship between you and your husband. Best of luck! G.

I am the mother of adult kids who left them at least once a year the entire time they were growing up. I found that I was a better mother when I came home--more enthusiastic about parenting. You are very lucky--you have parents willing to watch the kids. I often had to hire bonded sitters. Were the kids happy while I was gone? If I hired a good sitter (which I always tried to do), the kids had a great time. If not, they lived through it and it didn't scar them for life. In the meantime, if you don't attend to your marriage and be a wife to your husband, you could find yourself divorced, a single mother who needs to go back to work. But it's more than that, you need a break. Your children will bond with their grandparents in a way that only happens when they are truly in charge.

Hi E.,

I am in a similar situation.We started having the kids stay over on the weekends just one night at a time. By the time we went away for four nights, they were so excited to get to stay more than just one night.

When my kids were younger and I would go away, I would make them a calendar and give them stickers to put on it each day to count down when I would be back. You should make each child their own so there's no bickering. I also wrote them each letters. One for each morning when they woke up and one for each night before bed. In the morning I would write about what I thought they would be doing that day and that I would be thinking of them - this works good if they have a routine they will be sticking too... ie... "today you will be going to school.. I wonder if you will learn a new letter today?" or "what kind of snack do you think you'll have today".
When you go away - especially for the first time - of course you want to call and you will, but it never worked out for me to talk to my kids. They seemed to get more upset than anything. I did call everyday to check on them, but only talked to my parents. What I did do is schedule a special time (about half way through my trip) that I would be calling to talk to the kids and I put it on their calendars. This worked out really well. However, be sure to tell the adults to use their best judgement. If they feel the kids are having a hard time and a call from you would help then, by all means, let them call you.
Honestly, they are so little and I know it's probably ripping your heart out, but they really wont remember a thing. The most important thing I tell myself when someone else is looking after my kids is "they may not be doing everything that I would be doing, but I know my kids will be safe and ok when I get back" and, in the long run, that's all that matters.
Enjoy yourselves. You deserve it. The best gift for your kids is a great relationship between their parents. Try to get back to your "dating" days and have a blast.

Hi E.
I am a grandma and have kept my grandkids at my house when the parents have gone on vacation for a week (all ages from 18 mo to 12 yrs). I have only kept two kids at a time as that is enough for my husband and myself to handle for a week. The kids were very happy and did not miss their parents at all, including the first time the parents left them. Parents worry needlessly about this. The kids love the attention that grandparents give to their grandchildren.
And vice a versa, grandparents love giving attention to their grandchildren. It is a win-win!
You and your husband need this time alone together in order to be better parents. The kids mom and dad need to be rejuvenated and reinvigorated with a vacation, it will help everyone.
Trust me, the kids will not miss you (I know you do not like hearing this, but it is true). They will benefit, the grandparents will benefit and you and your husband will benefit from leaving them and going on this much needed second-honeymoon. Have a great time.

my kids are 12 and 9 and i have the same anxieties... STILL! grama and grampa love the little ones and as long as their young enough to keep up, the kids will be fine. however, i do think 5 days may be a bit long for the 1st trip. maybe try just a weekend to start. hope you have a wonderful time and don't worry, they'll have a great time :)

Assuming that your kids have a great relationship with thier grandparents, it should ok. Maybe you want to cut your time in half for the first time. Maybe a 2-3 day get away. This might sound weird, but anytime i have gone away, i don't call. It just makes you think of them and then you are not enjoying your trip. As long as you can be reached in case of emergency.......then you do not need to callt o check in. They might cry and make you want to come home, when really they are just fine and playing right after they were done crying. Ease into it, take a not to far short trip and see how it goes.

Definitely go on your trip! We left our son with his grandparents for a few days as well. Before we left we told him where we were going and when we were coming back. He didn't even ask for us when we were gone and he didn't want to talk to us on the phone. He was busy having a good time.

Believe me, I felt guilty about going but my son was fine so I realy had nothing to worry about.

Good luck!

Hi E.,

My husband and I have yet to go away on a vacation alone. I'm sure your kids will be fine, however I understand your uneasy feelings about leaving them. The thought of being away from my kids is tough as well. As it is for so many mommies. You are a great mother to be thinking this through and to care about how your kids might feel.

Anyway, someone wrote saying they were worried about your kids going to school with the fact that you haven't left them before. Well, I'm here to tell you not to worry, as both of my boys, now 10 & 7 both went off to school very nicely and feeling secure. My daughter will be in Kindergarten next fall and she will be fine as well, I know. Not only have I not been apart from them for more than a day, none of my kids attended day care or pre school. I taught them to read and to do basic math at home. I believe in children spending as much time with their parents as possible! They are put out into that big world soon enough!!!

Anyway, have a great time on vacation!

M.

Hi! E. Well you might try leaving them for a night cap and extend it for a weekend untill they feel confortable. They might get used to not seing you for a couple days:(

Have fun!
D.:)

Hi E.,
I am also a SAHM and I ONLY leave my daughter with her grandparents and thankfully they love to have her and wish we'd stay gone longer, LOL!
Just start out with sleepovers with the grandparents and extend it to a weekend and they will get used to it. Our daughter is almost 3 and another on the way, my parents can't wait until we go on a vacation again after the baby is born and my daughter most definitely enjoys the time she spends with them. We have gone on 3 longer vacations (5-6 days) and each time we'd talk to her on the phone throughout the day and of course we had our cells phones handy if she needed us (which she didn't!). She had a great time and although I HATE HATE HATE to be away from my daughter since she's my little sidekick, we both need time away. But I missed her like crazy and it will most likely be harder on you than the kids =) Be thankful they have grandparents who will watch them, I've ran into so many people who don't have that "luxury". Have fun on your "honeymoon" wherever you decide to go!

Bless your heart! I understand how you feel but this vacation will do your whole family good. First and foremost, you and your husband will have a wonderful time together alone - something every couple needs now and again. Also, this gives the Grandparents and your kids an opportunity to bond and make memories special to them. I have wonderful memories of my grandparents taking care of me and my sisters while my parents went on vacation. To tell you the truth, we looked forward to being with our grandparents and didn't miss mom and dad at all! Enjoy yourself and don't feel guilty about leaving the kids. They know you love them and they'll be in good hand! Bon voyage.

They will have a blast!! Leave them little notes or token gifts to open every day or like an advent calendar kind of thing so they can count down the time until you come home and go on your way. Grandparents and kids get along great without parental "interference!"

How old are the grand parents, and do they have a aunt or uncle that could drop in and take over for a few hours to give them a break, if you do leave them with the grand parents be organized, maybe pre make some dinners the kids will enjoy freeze them, snacks in pre made bags, favorite toys, and a what to do list if they need it. Doctors numbers.. poison control #s if you do this right then you will feel better about going.

Hi E.. I am a grandma to one 3 yr old girl. & 5-6 days would be too much for me at her age but i also work full time. I guess it depends on how they feel about it. I never left my kids with anyone for more than a day when they were little. My mother died young & my mother-in-law refused to keep them for more than a day...or even one night. You are lucky if the grandparents will keep them that long at this age. Maybe you should try one overnighter with the grandparents & see how they all do. I have no idea what parents do these days. Parenting styles seem to have changed somewhat. I do have two step grandaughters, 7 & 11, that i have kept for several days at a time but they are self sufficient (except they want to spend a lot of time with me doing crafts, etc.) and i have their grandpa to help me also. You said you have 4 kids? How old are the others? If they are older & staying with grandparents also, that may make it easier on the younger kids & the grandparents. I think getting away together would be good for your marriage though if you can swing it. Good luck! C.
P.S. WOULD YOU BE ABLE TO ENJOY YOURSELF BEING AWAY FROM YOUR KIDS FOR THAT MANY DAYS WHEN THEY ARE SO YOUNG OR WOULD YOU WORRY???

Hi E.,
My husband and I took a 10-year anniversary trip, leaving our just-turned-3 and a 6.5-year old with Grandma for a week. It was our first trip away from them. The six year old could not wait to be spoiled by Grandma for a whole week - but he was SUPER happy when we came home and proclaimed that "Grandma was even stricted than Mom!" However, although we had tried to explain the trip to the 3-year-old - he was really mad at me when we got home. He wouldn't come over to me initially and said with anger, "Go away! Grandma watches me now!" But he was in my lap in 10 minutes, so although I will never forget that reaction - it was over pretty quick. I called to talk to the kids, but they were happy & busy. I think if I were to do it again, I would insist on talking to them each time I called. Even if they are busy at that moment, later that day or night, they will probably be glad to have heard their parents' voices saying, "I love you." We did have a great trip and it was SOOO relaxing to have a nice meal without young children, to lay on the beach as long as we wanted to, etc. It was great, so I recommend going. It will be nice for the children to bond with other family members and you know they will be in good hands. Parents do need some time to reconnect and make memories of their own. All the best!