Leaving Kids for Family Trip

I am a believer in the different "seasons" in life and right now, your life is about your children. All my opinion, but two weeks is a very long time and your children are still very young (and asking you to leaving your children with "strangers" is crazy) . It's just not the right time for you and YOUR family (meaning you, your hubby, and your children) for a 2 week cruise.

My In-laws do stuff like this all the time (plan things that are not feasible with young children). It was hard at first to turn activities/trips down, but we are at different points in life. Their children are all grown children and they are retired. That is a very different stage of life from where we are right now. I don't think it is being rude to say no to their plans, it's just about the reality and facts of your life- it's just not the right time in life for you to take a two week cruise with or without your children.

Again, just my opinion.
R.

3 moms found this helpful

Um why are they leaving out your kids? Just wondering. If it were me I would stay at home but then again I have trust issues with my own family watching my child and there is no way I would leave my kids with a stranger for a week. But that's just me. Other people probably have very different opinions.

1 mom found this helpful

I agree with the other posters here. There is no good reason to plan a family vacation that excludes your children. I would graciously refuse - especially since you have a 5 month old.

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Leave your children with someone you never met? Has your MIL lost her mind? I think you already answered your own question.

my parents decided to take all their adult kids and their spouses to ireland once. an amazing opportunity, but no children invited. i had a 2 yr old and a 10 month old baby who i was not ready to wean yet. my inlaws lived in another state and there was no one else i felt comfortable leaving my 2 yr old with who wasn't also going on the trip. i chose to stay home and i don't regret it. i felt that my baby needed me at that age too much to be separated. and i know myself-- even if i had found a suitable babysitter situation, my baby would have been on my mind too much for me to enjoy the trip. there will be other opportunities.

Hi BB,

I took my son on a cruise when he was 14 months old. We had a blast! Prior to that, we had taken him to Mexico at 4 months and 10 months old (we love to travel!). We always enjoy taking him with us - he's part of our family!

My advice: a European cruise with three kids that young would *not* be relaxing and quite stressful (depending on your kids, of course). If you are having a tough time leaving the baby, I would definitely consider taking that baby with you! Especially at that age... they are SO easy to travel with before they start walking! Take a baby carrier (like a Baby Bjorn) and an umbrella stroller and you'll have a blast!

Good luck on the decision!

P. :)

I didn't even read all the other answers, but I would say "no thanks" and stay home. My only daughter is 2.5 now and I still don't have the desire to leave her with someone overnight. I would have NEVER been able to leave her for 2 weeks when she was 5 months. I honestly would not have been able to enjoy myself, knowing that I was missing out on spending time with my baby.

Good luck.

Wow, 2 weeks? I am kinda horrified that your in-laws would want you to leave your kids for 2 weeks. Why don't they want them to come? Are you the only family with young kids and they have forgotten what it's like to have little ones?

Since you're asking, :) this is what I would do:
1) Take the kids with you. Most cruises have childcare--call the cruise line and see what they have set up. They may have childcare during the shore excursions, too, so you could go do some grownup family stuff, but still have your babies close.
2) Not go. Two weeks is just too long with your kids as little as they are. I'm surprised your MIL would think it's fine to leave them to go off on a vacation. Wait a few years--they're only this small once!

Hugs to you. Do what gives you peace.
M.

First off shame on your in laws for asking you to leave your kids AND baby!
Second if it were me I would say either my baby comes or I can't go. While it is hard to leave a 4 & 3 year old for TWO weeks, I can't even imagine doing that to a baby! Unreal....
If they end up "letting" you take your baby you don't HAVE to do all the tours. You can stay back and enjoy time with your little one.
My second is 7 months old and there is no way I would leave her....
It is a great trip and wonderful gift, but to me you need to pass. Explain that it is your duty as a mother to think of YOUR family first.
I realize your hubby might not agree (I know mine wouldn't) but who cares. You know what is right or you wouldn't be asking.
Good luck!

I agree with a lot of the other moms, sounds like you don't really want to go and don't know how to say that... I too would be overwhelmingly uncomfortable leaving my kids for two weeks! My husband and I are planning a trip in a few months for a long weekend, and even that feels like forever to be away from my baby who will be one by then. Can you postpone the trip? Go for less time? Take the kids? Do what your heart tells you is the right thing to do!

I would never leave my kids with someone I don't personally know, especially for that long. Stay home.
If your MIL can't plan a trip that includes the kids then you don't need to go.

You know, there will always be cruises, but to be away from your little ones when they are so young, I couldn't do it. Especially the baby! 5 months old! And your MIL wants you to leave them with strangers (to you)? What does your husband think about this?

It sounds like she has planned a very busy trip, so even if you did bring your children, you'd be exhausted and would never enjoy it. Which is probably why she wants you to leave your children home. I can understand her reasoning, she wants you and her son to join her and FIL and the family and enjoy yourselves. Which is, of course, very nice of her and very generous. But again, with your children being so small, I would not be able to enjoy myself. I would stay home.

I have to add my voice to the others. Two weeks is WAY too long to go away from your kids, especially the baby. I think it would be bad to take the infant and leave the others at home too....will they think they are being punished? Why can't they go too?
Your in-laws need to either include your kids or assume you will not go. 5 days is one thing, but 2 weeks! YIKES! Best of luck to you.

My parents have taken us on 2 cruises. Our kids came with! Our daughter was 8 1/2 months old on the first cruise and 2 1/2 on the second and our son was 6 months on the 2nd cruise. The first cruise was to the Bahamas (Royal Caribbean) and the second was to Mexico (Carnival).

You WILL HAVE TO BUY YOUR BABY OR CHILDREN "tickets" if you take them with. Kids are NOT free........

Could YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND just skip the tours at the stops??? There are always PLENTY to do ON the ship or near the ship. It would be more relaxing than going on guided tours everywhere. We DID do a couple tours but didn't "plan" too much stuff. We didn't buy anything in advance. When we got off the ship there would be people there ready to "sell" you tours and such......

Personally, I could not leave our kids. I would either take them with or stay home..... We are pregnant with our 3rd and my parents are planning another cruise for after this baby is here! Kids included, OF course!

I love cruising and we took our kids. Some cruise lines cater to families with children and some do not. Disney, Princess and Carnival and one other which I cannot remember right now are the best. My kids couldn't wait to leave us after breakfest to go to the kids program and fought to stay in the program when we picked them up for dinner.

Go on the cruise and leave the kids with your parents or siblings even if you have to leave one per family. I don't believe you can take a 5 month old with you. Check with the cruise line. Princess and Carnival will babysit your kids for a fee, but I don't know how much that is. You'll have to check into it. The cruise personnel that do babysitting are all carefully chosen, undergo background checks and are usually senior (longevity with the cruise lines) people that have been trained in caring for children and, at the minimum, have first aid training.

Good luck. You will have a wonderful time on the cruise. One of the cruise lines we sailed on had a couples massage class that was absolutely wonderful. You and your husband will learn a lot.

Anything and everything we plan is around the kids... I'm with Margaret- WHY did they not include the kids??? ESPECIALLY a FAMILY trip! I don't understand that. Now, I'm ALL FOR a married couple to have time alone for a few days... that is great! But not two weeks, and if you are going as a family-INCLUDE the whole family.

They had this "nice" gesture and now you are all frustrated in trying to find a solution! Two weeks is quite a time, AND your parents can only watch them for a week (and that is a long time already)! I really feel for you- I'm sure a cruise sounds SO GREAT to do, too! It's like dangling a huge piece of meat away from a dog that can't quite figure out how to reach it.

To me it sounds like something I would WANT to do at first, then reality would hit me pretty quickly and then I'd realize I would ENTIRELY prefer to be with my kids, and I'd choose to not go. Also, 5 months is SO young! Lets say you DID bring your baby- you would be the one with the baby that didn't have complete "freedom" as the other adults would. I'd feel uncomfortable.

Maybe-just MAYBE-if you turn down their "gracious" offer because of the kids, they might want to plan a different trip so that you can all be included.

It is up to you, of course- I wish you luck with whatever you choose!

Many cruise lines do not allow babies under 6 months old on board the ship, so before you even consider that as an option, find out if bringing the baby is even allowed.

As for leaving them, if they are not with someone you know and trust, you aren't going to be able to fully enjoy yourself. Talk to your family about it a little bit more and see what really is feasible for them to do and whether they are truly up for the responsibility of managing 3 young kids.

Also, remember - if you do end up bringing the baby (or the older two) on the trip with you, you shouldn't feel obligated to go on the guided tour each day with the rest of your group. Many of the cities on European cruises are accessible from the ports and there is no need to do a big tour. You could just take the baby out on your own and walk around the city at your own, relaxed pace.

We took my son on an Alaskan cruise the week before his first birthday. We had a wonderful trip - very fun, not terribly relaxing, but a great experience. Cruise ships are VERY accommodating with kids. The 3 and 4 year old are even eligible for the Kids Club (assuming they are potty trained), so that would be a chance for you to get some adult time too, if you ended up bringing them on board.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do!

You are feeling normal motherly feelings and you are absolutely right, your kids are too young to be away that long!! I am sure there will be a lot of people out there that will criticize what I am saying but you know what? You have the rest of your life to take cruises and travel, why leave your kids with strangers for TWO WEEKS right now. I just think it is too premature to take that step. I know people do it, I just cannot. I would stay home.

Now that being said, I know that a lot of cruise ships offer day care for your kids so you can enjoy the cruise and be sure you are close enough to be there for them when need be. Call the cruise line and see what they offer. Maybe you take all of them with you and utilize the day care.

I have found that once the oldest one is around 9 or 10 depending on their maturity you can easily go away and trust that he/she will help whomever you chose to keep the small ones together and give them a sense of security.

I say if your kids cannot go, don't go. You started a family for a reason and that is to rear a family not leave them for two weeks to have fun without them. That is not to say you do not deserve time away, by all means a couple days here and there without them is fine but at their age and for two weeks? It's expecting these little guys to handle a lot and I think you would find that the baby will do better than the older ones, they are old enough to miss you terribly and even remember when they are older that you were gone, the baby will probably have a rough time while you are gone but more than likely not remember.

Good luck and remember, you are the parent and you know the right thing for your family. Whatever you do, do not let anyone bully you into a decision either way (not even your husband) you do what is right for you and your babies!

HI--
I would either take the kids with me or not go. Sounds black and white but it is that simple. You won't have fun gone for that long without your children. Traveling to a different time zone with them might be really difficult for sleep, especially for the 3 year old, but is way better than leaving them with a stranger???? Really, though, the best thing for the kids is for you to stay with them--you did say you wanted to do what is best for them. Staying with someone who they do not really know for that long would be damaging to them. When I was in college I took care of two kids--on average I was with them about 25 hours a week. Their parents went out of town for a couple of weeks when they were 2 and 5 and left them with me and another of their sitters. Even though they were very familiar with both of us they were both very upset. The two year old even had some attachment issues after they came home. You can always take a trip, but you can't always take care of your little ones---they grow so fast! So that's my two cents. Good luck with you decision!
J.

I am going to take my baby on a cruise to Mexico in October. We will be gone for 7 days and will be in Mexico for 3 of those days. I too am anxious to hear from anyone who has taken a baby on a cruise and any helpful hints thay may have to offer. My daughter will be 16 months old when we go.

I've read some other replies, and I must say, two whole weeks is a very long time for little children (heck, even one week can be an eternity).

In the simple act of asking these questions, I hear you saying you don't want to go. What is best for your kids is what your instinct & heart tell you. It is absolutely okay to gratefully and politely decline an invitation. If it's not the right time for you and the little ones, the family "should" understand---do not get expectations about their reaction though, if you opt not to join them on their fabulous cruise they will very possibly be offended.

You are a good mommy! Keep it up!

p.s. I would never ever ever leave my child(ren) with someone I didn't know on a very personal basis, even for one night.

Can you split up your kids? That's what my mom did when we were little. You can send your 4 year old to a friend's house, a 3 year old to a different friend's house, and the baby to one of your friends (or family). It's a lot easier to handle an extra baby than three extra kids. And while it will be a lot of orchestrating, you can have your kids change friends after 2-3 days. It'll be like one big long sleepover for your kids (I know they're young and will miss you, but they'll also have lots of fun) and it spreads the responsibility around so you're not imposing so much on one person. And then you will need to offer to watch your friends' kids in return, especially for an overnighter.

I would say DON'T stay home. Yes, it would be easier, but, at least for me, this sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime trip. And while you may not feel like you need a break from being a mom yet, you do. And you will. I have only had a few days' break in the past 6 years, and wow, i sure could use some more right now. Sometimes, leaving your kids with trusted friends IS the best thing for your kids, because they'll get a happier, more relaxed mom. And they'll learn that they can live without you, and you without them (if only for a little while!)

I wouldn't leave my kids with someone I didn't know and 2 weeks is a very long time to be away - for both you and the kiddos. Trust your instincts - they seem to be telling you this is NOT a good idea - I myself would stay home.

Good luck!

Wow. I'd have to pass on that trip, as nice as it sounds. I definitly couldn't leave my 5 month old, and even if you decide to take the baby, that's a long time to be away from the older 2 and also a long way away (i.e. not a short plane trip in case you needed to get home to them quickly for any reason).

It's also a lot to ask of someone to watch the kids for 2 weeks (as you understand), and would be harder on them to be passed around while you are gone. I definitely wouldn't leave them with someone who they (and you) don't know. I think it's unreasonable for your MIL to suggest that as an option.

For the record, I have yet to leave my 18 month old over night an am currently debating whether I will leave him with my parents for a long weekend trip out of state with my husband around my son's second birthday.

Good luck with your decision! Have you addressed your concers with your MIL? Are there other families with young kids? Best case scenario, she could change the trip to a kid friendly cruise (with a good kid's program, so that you can still get some adult time)! Although, that doesn't sound nearly as relaxing!

I would tell my MIL thanks very much for such a generous offer, but that I'd be unable to leave my motherhood duties for one full week (without her around to babysit:). Maybe when the kids were older and gone, or if they could be included, I'd be willing, but not otherwise.

Good luck!

I too would have reservations about leaving my child. I think EVERY mommy out there would. It is almost impossible to find a babysitter for 3 just to go out let alone for a weeks time. Im sure if you decided your family was the best option your 2 older children would be excited to take a "adventurous trip" of their own. Has this trip been planned for awhile now? Not to be rude, but is it coming out of your pocket or theirs? The reason I ask is because if it was me I would feel obligated to go if they were paying my way. I would potentially harbor some resentment after a few days because I was so worried about my children at home that i couldnt have a good time. I would talk to my in-laws and tell them as much as I would love to share this experience with them I cant in good conscious leave the children for that long. Hopefully they would understand. If thats not the case and this is something I had been planning for some time than I would take my family up on the offer, knowing that they would love to have the children all to themselves! Either way I wouldnt be able to leave them with someone I didnt know no matter who recommended them. Its a tough one! good luck!

We just went on a cruise and left our three kids with my in-laws. The kids are 1, 3, and 6 with birthdays in July. We went in January, so all at half ages. The week we were gone was too long for my in-laws and too long for my kids. We had a great time, but we all agreed we couldn't do it again. Two weeks is much too long. The kids would just be adjusting to the time change by the time they got home, so chances are they'd be crabby if they went.

The tour guides cost tons of extra money, so I wouldn't feel obliged to go if you took the kids. Just get maps of the cities ahead of time from someplace like AAA that could give you advice, and have a fun relaxed time.

If it were me, I'd talk to my husband about how I'm feeling, and see if it would be acceptable to say a very kind and gracious thank you, but that you just don't feel this is a time in your life that you can do this.

If you do leave the kids, it's very expensive to call from the boat, but you might be able to call home from land a few times. I know of a few cheap ways to call in Italy, and I think they work all across Europe, if you want that information. Easiest is a prepaid phone card. You can purchase them really easily there.

I don't envy your position. Any decision you make is going to be hard. I hope you and your husband come up with a good solution that works well for you, and that the others involved can understand.

I don't think it is uncommon for parents of grown children to plan trips for grown kids only, sans kids. Two of my SIL's families do this annually (both are one of 6 kids), and they also plan wonderful trips for entire families too. In fact, my sisters and I babysat my 2-year-old nephew for 9 days just last month, while my SIL's family did this (cruise together). They had a fabulous time, and my nephew did great! BUT . . . I've never heard of two weeks, that's a very long time, especially with a baby. I think five months is a heavenly time to take baby along, esp if he or she is just breastfeeding. No sanitation issues (washing bottles and finding pure water), they aren't mobile and they sleep a lot. So here's hoping baby can go. If possible, I'd take baby, and fly home mid-way through at one of the ports of call -- Madrid? Rome? Istanbul? Sounds wonderful, so if you can do part of the trip, I would.

I wouldn't go. But that's just me. Leaving my child at 5 months for 2 weeks just wouldn't work for me, let alone the older kids.

I'm going to agree with everyone else who says I'd not be interested in participating in something for that length of time without my kids. 2 weeks is really long with children that young, and I'd personally feel really guilty under the circumstances - especially with a 5 month old.

It would be different if you knew, for sure, that trusted family members were watching your kids 100% of the time.

We've turned down several trip opportunities simply because we didn't want to leave infant children behind no matter how badly we wanted to go for ourselves.

At the end of the day, I wanted to be a mother, and I believe that means putting their needs ahead of mine. Getting diagnosed with cancer a few weeks after the birth of our daughter really made me realize this even more, and I'm willing to make personal sacrifices because the reality is that none of us know what our futures hold.

I remember sitting on the 22nd floor of the Northwestern University Medical Center with my husband and 6 month old daughter waiting to get a 2nd opinion from an Oncologist and realizing that if I was told I was terminal and had 5 years to live, I'd spend every waking moment with the people who are most important.

Good luck making your decision.

kinda crazy that your inlaws would lay down that kind of money and not include the children. sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime kind of vacation! i would go with family over whatever random people the inlaws suggest - honestly, i wonder about their views on children if they went all out like this and excluded them (unless, of course, there's a liklihood they'll do this again sometime and include them). it sounds like they would expect you to leave your kids with someone you've never even met too, which is another big, "HUH?" in my book...

but anyway...

i would feel the same way you do. and i would probably rather stay home lol. BUT i can understand wanting to make it work, too. what about your family splitting up the time they have with the kids? not splitting up the kids, but say, a couple family members take them for a few days each? if it's family your kids are comfortable with it might not be too big of a deal for them, more of an adventure.

ps, i would have a REAL hard time leaving my infant with ANYone for that long...especially with two preschoolers that person would have to be dealing with as well. the baby i might consider leaving with a separate person. but i wouldn't split up the two older ones. just my thoughts. hope it helps!

ok so after reading the other responses, no, i'm not crazy. your mil has got some jacked up priorities. i would seriously consider staying home. there are TONS of cruise lines that cater to kids, and she chose a very grownup vacation package. yes, an awesome experience....for people who don't have small children. really makes me wonder about your mil!