Leaving BF Infant for Overnight Trip

Have you left your daughter with a babysitter or with grandparents for a few hours before?? How did it go?? A lot of the breastfeeding issues are just as involved with comfort and bonding...as they are tied up with the nutrition. I breastfed all three of my children and if they were tired or irritable or not feeling well...MOM was the only one who would do!!!
Maybe you can start out with a few hours on a "date" with your hubby...go out for a nice dinner and a relaxed time of conversation....see how it goes.
Personally...I would probably not be comfortable with leaving my infant who was being breast fed...especially when you say that she doesnt think much of the bottle. If you intend to continue to breastfeed, you may be "shooting yourself in the foot"...because she is going to discover how much EASIER eating from a bottle is and she may just decide to stick with the bottle!!!
Let us know what you decide to do.
R. Ann

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I actually left my 3 month old baby with my hubby and family for 6 weeks while I started a new job and made preparations to relocate the family from New England to the Midwest. In preparation I left a surplus supply of breast milk for the baby. My company flew me home every other week, so i would bring home more frozen milk for my baby - that was before the rules about 3 oz came into effect. When I came home, I was still able to nurse my daughter. Hope that helps.

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I don't have any experience, but my son is nine months old and still [virtually] exclusively breastfed. I really can't imagine leaving him for that long! They are too young to understand that you are coming back, so I would really worry about what he would think if Mommy just... wasn't there. I think Gale had a great idea with taking a day trip but coming home in time for your little girl's nightly routine! Especially since she nurses to sleep (don't apologize for that, my son does, too!), I think it would be very important to keep her routine.

Hope that helps. I know how it feels to be pulled between baby and hubby, but it's not impossible to meet both of their needs, just takes some creativity and flexibility! (:

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I've breastfeed all 4 of my children and none of them would take a bottle very well. So even though I'd pump milk and leave it behind for Grandma it was still a hard time for my baby and my Mom. However, that said...none of my children died from being left with Grandma overnight and they always kept nursing the moment I saw them again. They are still able to get food in their tummy by eating baby food at this age and actually my kids and Grandma benefited from them taking a pacifier to help comfort them when I wasn't able to be there. Honestly, I didn't leave them frequently when they were that young because it just felt too complicated but when they start eating more table food and drinking from a sippy cup...it's easier to get out once in a while for the much needed intimate, grown-up time with your spouse. I've just recently weened my 20 month old and bless her...she still asks for 'nee-nee' daily.:)

My suggestion is to try to give her the bottle a little more often the week prior to your trip and to keep pumping milk to keep up your supply and for providing her with your milk while you're gone. Maybe let Dad or Grandma give her the bottle and you'll need to leave the room because as long as your readily available she'll always prefer the breast. All my girls nursed for longer periods than my son for some reason. He wanted to wean himself around 1 year and I wasn't even away from him...so just keep enjoying nursing and doing it for as long as you and your baby feel comfortable. I have to admit the the first time I left my oldest for an overnight...I felt very sentimental and thought of her often but I still was able to enjoy time with my husband.

I do like the ideas about just going out for the evening and trying a short get away at first...I mean close enough that your sitter/Grandma could call you to come home if needed. Ultimately, do what you feel is right...your mommy intuition will always help guide you and be sure to visit with your hubby about how you feel too so that you'll be on the same page. I think when we get an occasional break we make better more patient parents anyway...so even though your daughter does come 1st...you still have to take time to take care of yourself both physically and mentally. Best wishes!

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8 months old is awfully young to be left for two days and nights. I would not leave my child until s/he were at least 12-18 months old, and then only for one night and with a close relative with whom s/he is very comfortable. What is the big need to leave her? You say your husband is pushing a bit more; what if you weaned her from nursing to sleep? Would that free up your nights and evenings more so you and your husband could spend more time together? I understand wanting to get away (don't we all sometimes!), but the reality is that we are SO important to our children (their whole world), and taking that weekend away would be so hard on her, it isn't really worth it. This is your life: you have a baby. So live it! She'll be grown before you know it.

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A couple of months for you and your husband isn't very long, but for your little girl, it's a quarter of a lifetime. I know I'm different than most parents out there, and might not be doing it the right way, but I just can't leave when they're so little. We've never been away from my 2 year old, it just seems her needs are greater than ours, and ours can be met by other things, planning time around her. I know that lots of moms have and have had to leave their young children, but listen to your baby and ask your husband to. I think some are ready much younger and sometimes couple time just take more creativity...

K.

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Only you know your daughter. So you do what you think is right for her.

If it were me and I breastfed my son for 16 1/2mths, I wouldnt take the chance of going on a trip just thinking of my son not wanting to still nurse when I got back. I never took trips away from him while I was breastfeeding. I had to be away from him for 8hrs due to a breast infection I got and just the thought of him having to take a bottle for those 8hrs killed me, thinking he may not want to nurse after having the bottle. If its a trip that can wait until she is weened then take it then. I know we all need time away from our children to reconnect with our spouses, but if you think its a trip that is well needed then by all means take it, but if you feel its something you need to do as as a mother then take the trip later. You can always pump enough of a supple for her while your gone and just have it put in a sippy cup. But only you know your child and you have to do what you feel you need to.

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There is nothing wrong with nursing your baby to sleep! I wouldn't take advice from anyone who implied there is. The thing is, every baby is different. Some do fine sleeping without nursing, some need it more, for whatever reason. My older daughter nursed to sleep pretty much every night until she was almost 2 and I had very little milk due to pregnancy. She didn't wean altogether until past her 4th birthday. That's what she needed. My younger daughter is very different, and though I don't expect to wean anytime soon, she is not nearly as needy of the breast to get to sleep.

So, I never tried to take an overnight away from the older one, but might consider it for the younger, who is 20 months now. I do still see that she REALLY wants it after being away from me for a few hours, so I don't think she's really ready yet.

I'd agree with others who suggest more shorter periods away, if you feel a need for it. Again, I wasn't very comfortable leaving my first one that way, but the second seems to be a lot less anxious in general about separation (esp. if her big sister is around!).

Another thing we have done is travel with my in-laws. We get 2 hotel rooms, pref. adjacent, and take the evening out while the grands have fun with the kids. MIL can get them down in bed in the room, then we come in and relieve her. It wouldn't work for every family, but it works pretty well for us. The kids love having that time in a different place. It's as big a treat for them as it is for us. (We use priceline.com to get a good price on the rooms.)

Will she wean after a weekend? I don't think this kind of question can be predicted. It's just a gamble. Definitely remember to pump frequently while you're gone, to keep your supply good.

I think you and your husband should take the overnight trip. I think the benefit of what it will do for you individually, for your husband individually and most of all, for your marriage and your family outweighs the potential risk of your baby not immediately taking the breast when you get back....

My mother is terminally ill, so with my second little one, there were instances where I had no real choice but to leave her in order to drive three hours and spend the night in the ICU. The first time I left her overnight, she was only 3 1/2 months old, it was hard, but it was a tough balance for me between my mother and her. She had to start on formula, in an emergency, the first night that situation arose because I didn't have enough breast milk stored, I was so upset. Suffice to say, it all worked out because she is 14 months and still nursing :)

Looking back with both of my babies, I wish I would have devoted more time to my husband and myself. There is some elusive balance out there that is very personal between your infant, yourself and your husband........... only you can find that, but because so many people on here posted about staying with the baby and not leaving - I wanted to encourage you to do this for you and your husband, but in the end, only you can decide if you can spend a weekend away from the baby.

Us moms have guilt no matter where we turn........ not enough time with the baby, not enough time with your husband, not enough time with your extended family, not enough cleaning, not good enough meals, not doing well enough at work..............
Sounds to me like you are doing a great job :)
Do what feels right to you for a change!!!!

There's as much of a chance that you would come back from this trip relaxed, happy, more focused and a better mom as there is that you would come back from this trip to a baby who doesn't want to nurse.

I hate to be a party pooper, but you do run the risk of her not taking the breast when you get back.

M., your post is very telling in a lot of ways. First of all you seem to think that nursing your baby to sleep is something that others would chide you for. If they do, so what! She is your baby and if the two of you are comfortable with that situation then by all means, do what is best for you and your baby.

The other part that struck me is that your hubby is more interested in this outing than you are. Been there done that and learned some things in the process. He is your partner for life and at times he feel neglected and lost in the shuffle. I think most men need some time alone with the woman they love, really alone. By spending this time with him you will be showing him how much he meanst to you. You will have to prepare yourself emotionally and try to be a good sport but it is worth it. It is something that will help him feel loved and appreciated and help you feel that bond to him again that tends to get lost when a baby is involved.

The breastfeeding could be an issue if you dont take the time to prepare your baby for this change. It can be done though, and you will be glad that you did. She wont be hurt by it and you and your hubby will benefit from it.

You also seem to think that 8 months is a little young for this type of thing. There is no reason why you should feel guilty or allow yourself to feel you are expecting too much from your baby. Go and have fun, even if she fusses while you are gone, you will not be gone that long. Enjoy your marriage and you husband, give him the gift of your complete attention for one weekend. In doing so you will also be giving grandma and grandpa a gift of bonding that goes beyond just a few hours. It is a special time.

Remember that it may not go smoothe, but accept that and move forward knowing that may be the case. Hubby will love you all the more for it, baby will survive, you will find that you do too.

Hi M., I was really honest with my husband and told him the truth of what I felt. I told him that I didn't want to leave the baby overnight. That the stress of leaving (and the plans to leave) were more than I wanted to deal with. He understood and we didn't do that. (We planned a few dinners with others coming to take care of the baby instead and those 2-3 hours were really nice....) Also, my mom stayed overnight at our house and brought the baby to me a few nights as well (for more sleep for me).

My daughter was 2 1/2 when I left her the first time overnight.

If you decide it is what you want to do, I would do the sippy cup breast milk. You will want to pump and she should not wean herself because of that....

Good luck and your husband will understand your decision - I was married 7 years when Emily was born!

As long as you pump your milk into a few bottles for her she should be ok.

M., it sounds like you are wondering a couple different things. i didn't breastfeed for long so i don't know about that, how it would work or anything. i just wanted to tell you that while you may suffer from some anxiety on your daughter's behalf, it really won't hurt her to be away from you for a night. i promise! my mother lives 30 minutes away, and since my son was about two months old he has spent a night with her once about every other week. it's WONDERFUL and i wouldn't change it for the world. it has increased my son's confidance, and strengthened his relationship with my mom. i think that is priceless. not only that but i get a much needed BREAK. not even my husband really understands how valuable that is for me. anyway, i am as ga-ga over my son as anyone (yes, i think mine hung the moon too!) but i will be the first to tell you that EVERY mom needs a break sometimes. i think if you can look forward to the trip, and enjoy it, you'll see that sometimes it's okay to let go a little bit. just the novelty of NOT having to think of her every second, and be able to think of yourself for a few hours, is wonderful. it doesn't have to be a big huge drama for your daughter. and i promise it won't damage her "psyche", if you leave her with someone trustworthy. you may be suprised (maybe a little hurt, but try not to be) that she actually has fun and does fine. good luck!

One night will likely be okay as long as you pump when she would ordinarily nurse. I'd be wary of more than one night though. There is no harm to nursing your baby to sleep as long as it works for you. I nursed my "baby" (my youngest is now five) to sleep until he was nearly four. He is now the EASIEST child to get to sleep on his own and often will just put himself to bed if he is really tired!
Hang in there and do what is best for you. If you do not feel right leaving your baby, remember you can always travel when she gets older. I never was willing to leave my children overnight until they were weaned. Now they are all great travelers and my husband and I recently went away for a four day adventure! It was fabulous!

My son always took a bottle of breast milk well from about 5 weeks, so I wouldn't leave until you knew she could do that. Then, I would try for only one night. Hubby may just need to hang in there a little bit longer.

We left out for 24 hours when my first born was about 3 mos old. By that time I was more than ready for a break and although we would call so see how he was doing I was enjoying being away from the baby a bit and the daily gride that I wasn't used to. My son did just fine with the bottles and was just as at ease going from bottle to breast. What really ended up killing the breast feeding for us was when I had to go back to work and he ended up going to daycare. I just couldn't pump enough at work and by the time I got home he wasn't interested in serious nursing except at bedtime.

I'd say if you are nervous about leaving her then go for 2 trips at 24-36 hours each instead of 48 hours at once. The break for you both will be good. It will give her a chance to get used to others being there and caring for her and give you and daddy a much needed rest and some couple time that you probably haven't had since she came along...just be careful or you'll end up with a second before you know it (that happened to us...LOL). Good luck and enjoy the trip!

Little background on my family: I work full time and my husband stays home with our almost 5 month old son. I pump and bottle feed him, so I don't really have knowledge of the weaning. Hubby does contract work that takes him out of town occasionally. When his first set of dates came up, we hadn't found a sitter or childcare for the little one. So at 3 months my brother took our son to my parents' house (4 hours away) and he stayed there for four days. He was not traumatized (and neither was I). He was with people who loved all over him, and while he knew Mommy and Daddy weren't there, he wasn't worried about it. It was lonely because not only was baby gone, but Hubby, too, but it was nice to sleep through the night and getting ready in the morning went a lot faster! A week and a half ago, my 12 year old stepson had a long weekend and wanted to go visit Grandma & Grandpa, so we met my parents halfway and handed off the grandsons. This time he was with big brother, but he had a good time and he came back unscathed. This time Hubby and I got some alone time together which was very nice. Each time I just sent coolers of frozen milk and he was perfectly happy.
I agree with one of the previous posters that you want to be sure you do have time with Hubby. You were husband and wife before you were Mommy and Daddy. You didn't marry him because he was Daddy, you married him because he was Hubby. Our children are better prepared for adulthood if they understand that Mom and Dad have a relationship separate from them and identities separate from "Mom" and "Dad".

Oh my, I can really relate to your questions. I now have a 10 month and when he was only 2 months old, and 5 months old I went on 3 and 4 night away trips. He was only breastfed at the time and had the same concerns as you had mentioned. Well I pumped while I was away, and when I returned, my baby had not weaned himself prematurely and everything went great! It did take about 1-2 days to produce the same amount of milk from breastfeeding when I returned, but that was because I didn't pump nearly as much as what I breastfed. I also new my baby was in good hands. Good Luck and treat yourself and husband to the trip! The two of you owe it to each other.

Good Morning M., I agree with Gale. If the trip can be delayed(hubby feeling neglected) then talk it over with him and let him your concerns. Be understanding & sensitive that you do know he wants a little bit of You & Me time.
There is nothing wrong with his feelings, most men have them at some point...lol
You might suggest a day trip only, go sightseeing or to a day spa for couples, have a nice dinner out then come home. Feed your little one and continue with your evening with your sweetie. Maybe a romantic movie on DVD, soft music in background to just cuddle and talk to each other.
Where it goes from there is up to YOU........lol

A day away won't hurt your little princess at all, you can prepare the sippys ahead of time for whoever keeps her.
Give it a whirl everyone needs a date now and then.

God Bless and I hope you can find a time for togetherness that agrees with both of you for the time being.

K. Nana of 5

I just wanted to see the moms responses. I have a 2 month old, a two-year old, and a three-year old... I would LOVE a break, but we can't afford it right now.

I am nursing, but if I could afford a mini-vacation it sure would be tempting. It is hard though leaving a lil one. My tots love staying the night at maw maws house and their aunts and uncles house... but I would miss the lil one horribly, especially since I'm nursing.

I don't think you should worry about her weaning, after just a couple days she should pick right back up. But pump while your gone to keep your milk supply up and ready for her. HAVE FUN!!

I breastfed until our daughter was 9 months old and did not feel comfortable leaving her overnight anywhere until we were done nursing completely. She probably would have done just fine, but I just felt better having it that way. I agree with everyone else that said to take a day trip...just to be on the safe side. :) Good luck!

My husband and I took an overnight trip (about 24 hours total) when my son was 3 months old. He, too, was exclusively breast fed and preferred the breast to the bottle. However, we felt we needed this time and my son did great! He took the bottles, I pumped at my "normal" feeding times, and when I came home there were no issues. And it was a wonderful break for my husband and I! We felt reconnected and refreshed and ready to tackle all the challenges of parenthood. Best of luck--you both deserve a little vacation!

I would have to agree that so long as it is a person you trust you probably could use a good break. I didn't get to breastfeed my daughter because she had such a tiny mouth and was tongue tied.

But start pumping and feeding her with a bottle at night with the breastmilk in it. so long as it is breastmilk it will be a little easier and less confusing. i pumped for several weeks just so my daughter could get the benefit of some breastmilk.

Every mother needs a break from the baby and trust me it is worth any irritation to get away even just for a day. while your gone just make sure you keep pumping to keep up the milk supply

I KNOW what you are going through, its AGONIZING to think of leaving your child and to have someone else care for her b/c you are the only ones that knows her best, etc. but at the same time you probably feel like you would love to spend time alone with your husband, he deserves someone one on one uninterupted husband and wife time as much as you do.....arrgh! I don't think a few days away from the breast will wean her totally away from breastfeeding. I don't recall how old my son was the first time we left him overnight, he was older though, maybe 16 months? We had taken lots of trip with him before that though. The first time I left him I remember I wanted to call and check on him 50 times before we even got ot our destination which happened to be camping and canoeing with about 20 of our friends, child-free. I resisted the temptation to call, knowing that if anything were wrong the person in charge of him would take care of him, I couldn't do anything for him from where I was, and if it was an emergency there were ways for them to get in touch with us so we could head home. We were actually pretty busy with various activities once we got to our camp site and with canoeing the next day so I think that helped ease my worry, too. I think if you have your daughter with someone who basically knows her routine well, and you feel very comfortable with that you and your husband shoudl def. go away for a few days. You both deserve it and kudos to him for [being brave enough to suggest it] wanting to spend time with just you. ;o)

My daughter was 8 months when I left her overnight for the first time. It was hard to leave her but we wanted to go out for our anniversary so we left her with my mom. I had to make sure I had plenty of milk stored up and I remember having to pump several times while we were gone, too; we took a cooler with us to store it which made me feel a little like a milk cow... :) My daughter would nurse to sleep often at that age too. One thing you might try now is for YOU to give her a bottle at bedtime instead of breastfeeding her and see if it throws her off. I did this with my daughter and she took it fine but didn't fall asleep so I had to lay her down with a pacifier and suprisingly she fell asleep. My mom did the same thing while we were gone and she went right to sleep. By the way, the way I got her to drop the feeding was to nurse her about thirty minutes before bed then I would read her a book and then cradle her with a pacifier for a minute or two and then layed her down. It took awhile before she wouldn't cry but stick with it!
I think it's good that you get out if it's just for a day and night. It's very important that your husband knows that your marriage is top priority. For me it would have been hard to be gone much longer though, I got sick of pumping and I did get a clogged duct for the first time the day after we got home. Go for a quick outing and have fun!