Late Talking Child

Hi B...

My name is A.. I have a 'special' lil angel girl who is 9 yrs old. She didn't talk until she was almost 4. We knew that there was something 'different' when at 2, she didn't even try. She seemed content with allowing her older siblings to talk for her.
When she was 2 1/2 a good friend of mine suggested taking her for testing for autism. At first, we thought she was deaf, because she didn't even acknowledge it when we talked to her, let alone answer us. When that (thank God) turned out ok, a long battery of tests followed. The drs weren't finding anything "wrong' with her and we were getting frustrated because we knew as her parents that something just wasn't right. Then, this friend of mine who happens to be a speech therapist, suggested us finding a developmental pediatrician. It took a lil while and alot of research, but I found a wonderful one in our area. She spent time with our lil angel, with us watching. After spending only about an hour with our daughter, she said that she had Asperger's Syndrome. It is high functioning form of autism. It has more to do with speech, social skills and emotions than the more serious 'symptoms' of autism.
This wasn't an easy process for us. I had to be willing to extensively search for the best possible care for my lil girl. It took time, patience and the willingness to fight for my child. But if we as parents don't fight for our children, who will?
Not long ago, I wrote something that went out to MANY parents of 'special needs' children and their care takers. I am going to include it in this hoping that it will help you, your child and many others. I hope it's ok to do this. Here is is:

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My Baby's Story

Take a moment and completely clear your mind. Picture yourself in a room that is completely dark, with no light source. At the very beginning of this mental exercise you are by yourself, yet all of the sudden other people begin to enter the room. There are so many of them, yet since darkness resides it is hard to see the full image of anyone in particular, which causes you to see only the profiles and outlines of individuals. You come to the realization that these people are enjoying talking and laughing with one another. As you focus in a little bit more on the events occurring around you, you see that there exists a giant bouncing ball in this room. Each individual is able to grasp and play with this ball when his or her turn of ownership comes around. This ball is recognized as the great ball of communication. Yet you noticed that this ball never comes to you, leaving you little chance to participate in the joining celebration of comprehension. You begin to feel completely isolated and overcome with sadness. You see that the people around you try so hard to fully comprehend and understand your expressive thoughts and words, yet they never fully get the picture that you consistently try to paint for them. Intense feelings of frustration arise, since your projected views are not being acknowledged as they should, or as well as everyone else's in the room. You try so hard to make them see your point. "Just let them understand me" is the thought that replays in your mind. You feel as though you live in an imaginary bubble. This bubble causes the communication coming in and going out to be extensively confusing and extremely misunderstood. Right now you might feel as though separation and distance from your environment in your only safety net to keeping yourself at a sane point.
Why would anyone be subjected to these emotions throughout their daily lives? Who are they and what causes them to feel this way? Her name is Summer Rae and she is 9 yrs. old. She was diagnosed with a disorder known as Asperger's Syndrome (a mild, high functioning form of Autism) when she was just 2 yrs. old. She is my little girl.
The majority of people, when they hear the word autism, automatically perceive the person who has it as being mentally retarded or severely handicapped. Yet there are many different levels of Autism and Asperger's Syndrome is considered to be of the mildest forms research has acknowledged. Asperger's Syndrome, with many characteristics of autism, more specifically affects a person's ability to interact socially, to develop communication skills, and understand emotions. Children with this disorder tend to place themselves in their own little worlds in order to escape the frustration of being misunderstood.
Just before Summer had turned 2, doctors did a series of tests on her to see if she was deaf. They did this because most times Summer did not show an acknowledging response to someone who was talking to her. Many children with Asperger's Syndrome are automatically titled as deaf and this puts a pause on their chances of development at an early age. At the age when a child normally begins to form short sentences such as "hi mommy" or "I want a drink," Summer was still mimicking sounds in her environment. This restraint on communication led to extreme displays of temper tantrums and episodes of acting out frustration, which included self-imposed arm biting and screaming. This type of display had taken place because she was not being completely understood as she tried to project her feelings.
Now, a little less than 7 yrs. later, Summer is progressing absolutely beautifully. Since her original diagnosis, she has been following strict weekly schedules at the John Heinz Institute of Rehabilitation in our home town. A scheduled agenda of tutoring and schooling was established for her, as well as other children with this syndrome, in order to enhance the extra help that is needed to develop a better understanding of social skills needed for regular interaction. These skills are those that she will need to know in order to exist comfortably in her daily environment. Not only does she learn how to relate to the rules of communication with society, but we, her family, also learn so much more on the level of understanding where she is coming from. This helps us immensely in our efforts to communicate and respond understandingly to her thoughts and ideas. The past 7 yrs. of Summer's life have been dedicated to daily physical, occupational and speech therapy appointments; along with the awesome programs and support within her school at Wyoming Valley West and extracurricular activities. (She is on a local bowling league, she plays T-ball, she's a cheerleader and she's involved with the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program.) This strenuous agenda enables her to establish a learning discipline that she will need throughout her life.
The information projected concerning this special little girl inevitably attains meaningful attachment to me since it is my daughter's story. More than anything else, I want people to completely avoid the idea that Summer is to be stereotypically titled in any way, shape or form. Correction...she should be titled as follows: A compassionate, expressive and undeniably intelligent little girl who has more love expatiating from her than any one person can possibly handle. She has taught me so much about life in the sense that she has been allowed the opportunity to see things through a different set of eyes than those of the "norm" of society. She has been given a gift that I will never completely have the ability to grasp, yet I will do my absolute best to soak up all knowledge that she willing to share with me.

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I am my daughter's mommy. I didn't and won't let someone else tell me (even a specialist) that they know my child better than I do. Trust your instincts with this. Don't just give in when it comes to your child. We are all they have!

A.

Hi B. -

My name is L. and I have a 21 month son who is also a late talker. He sees both speech and occupational therapists. I have been told he has dyspraxia affecting his speech as well as sensory issues. He was also diagnosed by his pediatrician with PDD NOS...although I question that. I have him on special diets and give him all kinds of supplements that are supposed to help with the brain pathway (under the supervision of a DAN doctor).

I completely understand your concerns. When I found out something was wrong with my son - my world stopped.

If you would like to get together and talk let me know. I live in Southwest Charlotte.

-L.
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Hi B..
I just had to respond. What you have said could be word for word what my husband's nephew is going through. He is three and a half and barely talks. He says Mommy, Daddy, choo-choo, his sister's name, and the dog's name, but not much more. His drs also say that doesn't seem to be anything wrong with him (ie autism). I am going to tell you the same thing I told my sister in law...please get a second opinion from a doctor that studies and deals with autism. There is so little that is known about the disease that main stream drs and nuros may not recognize it.
Good Luck!
N.

Hi B., It is always great to get a second opinion. I have a 6 yr old who is not talking but she is delayed in all areas. At 3 yrs old, I think your doing everything you can. It is not uncommon for a 3 year old to not talk and not have any other problems. I know how hard it is when the public asks questions. Did you get his hearing checked? If he is 100% healthy in all other ways and getting speech, I wouldn't worry too much. He can start talking at any time. Try encouraging his speech. I know someone who didn't start talking until 5 and now they are of above average intelligence. I believe Einstein didn't talk until 7? Your little guy is probably very bright. He is just thinking about what he is going to say. And when he does start, he won't talk babyish.

I know how you feel. My son too was late in talking and is still at almost 5 difficult to understand sometimes. He also has not been diagnosed with any "umbrella" cause. I was told he will grow out of it.

My son was also a late talker. When he was three he wasn't putting sentences together and didn't have but a few words I could even understand. He's six now and has speech problems - pronunciation only, but I wish I had stayed on the therapists and got him more intensive help earlier. When he started kindergarten, no one could understand him and that's not a good thing when someone is trying to make friends.

My oldest boy did not speak more than a few words of babytalk when he turned three. I was a bit concerened when we put him into preschool at age 3 about his abaility to communicate and make himself understood. However, within a week or so he started speaking in full sentences! Initially he had some problems with pronounciation, but we worked that out and he has no problems whatsoever and is very articulate and a good student (he just turned 15).

My second son also waited until about 2 1/2 until he started to talk, and he has hardly shut up since ;-)

With both we did not do any therapy, our pediatrician just said they will outgrow it, and they did. We knew that hearing was not a problem, as they were able to follow commands, even several steps (which impressed the heck out of the preschool teachers, that they were able to finish and complete tasks that required three and more steps, in a different room, without any problems at age 3).
And both enjoyed listening to stories, even longer ones and without a lot of pictures at that early age already, they clearly were able to hear and understand.

They grew up in a bilingual household, and I believe that that contributed to their delay in active speaking. But like our pediatrician said: rule out any hearing and physical problems that may have to be treated. and otherwise give them time: some develop later, and boys tend to do that more than girls.

A little about me:
SAHM of two boys (now 12 and 15), and a certifierd birth doula with DONA International

Hello, I am a 31 year old single mother of three children. 2 of my children have a disease called NF1. They both had speach delay and they did not talk till about age of 4. They are 7 and 10 now and speach is no longer delayed. When they where younger I worked as a nanny for a speech therapist. She told me something that seemed very odd to me but it worked so here it is. Tellitubbies, you know the cartoon. She said it encourages chilldren to talk. It teaches them that no matter how they sound that they can talk. Well I thought that this probly wouldn't work because my children needed to learn to talk right. She said that the first thing is to get them talking and then work on the different sounds they are making. So I tried it. My children loved it. Before I knew it they where talking up a storm and now they have no speach problems. My children loved the show and they where singing along with it the first time they watched it. I am not a mother that likes for her children to watch t.v. but on the advise of this therapist I did and I was glad I did.

B.,

My brother was the same way. At 3 all he said was "Hi Ray" to our neighbor Ray. He had two older sisters to role model after and my parents were great parents. If you have been to the specialists and they say there are no autistic tendencies than relax girlfriend, he will talk when he is ready. My brother is now a physical therapist in Chicago and is the Chicago White Sox'x physical therapist. He makes 6 digits. Very bright!
I hope this helps, I know it is hard to wait, but you have done what you need to. Keep talking to him and one day he won't stop talking! M.

You didn't say why he has been going to a behavorial therapist since eleven months. This alone if nothing phisical is wrong could be why he isn't speaking. Does he have behavior problems or behind socially other than not speaking. Have you had his vocal chords and ears checked well? Does he jump or start when he hears a loud noise? Do you sit with him with books and read to him and try to get him to read? My daughter wouldn't talk until I started reading to her and then she tried to say the words in the book. When she started doing that at 2 1/2 years she hasn't shut up since. I'm a single parent at 48 also and found that sometimes we jump to satisfy them without giving them the chance to verbalize. Do you want a drink of water? Of course you do and then we give it to them. I didn't give her the chance to learn to tell me she was hungry or thirsty or cold or warm. I think it's called being too perfect. They are so well cared for they have nothing to say. Really wierd but it does happen. Keep us posted.

And you have definitely had his hearing checked? a few times?
My son was delayed quite a bit...and it all ended up stemming from his hearing - or lack of.

When they are small like this - the hearing tests are so difficult to depend on... when we finally determined with the Ear/Nose Throat specialist that it was his hearing - we got tubes and VIOLA! He started talking up a storm! He was well over two before he ever really said his first true words! Until then - he was really quiet - and when he did talk it was only one syllables and no one could understand him except us - his parents.
I would recommend having his hearing checked even again - to completely rule that option out.(We did three times...to finally decide to have tubes put in.)

My grandson will turn 4 this month and is just now talking so we can understand his words. He is developmentally challenged. He was diagnosed with autism at about age 2 and he has been on the GFCF diet and also extensive treatment. He is now in preschool and functions fairly normal. You need to get a second or third diagnosis. YOU CAN HELP HIM NOW. The younger the child, the more the improvement.

Late talkers are very common, especially in a house where it is just the two of you. Is is quiet at home? My only advice is to not let the therapist give up and tell you he will come out of it. If you don't feel the current therapist is helping find another, I believe he is probably now to old for First Steps, but if you haven't called them, I highly suggest that you do. They do some really good work, and they come to your home or childs daycare so it is also really conveinent.
Don't worry, even without speech I am sure he is a wonderful little boy, and we all love our children despite any flaws they may have. You never know maybe he has a gift he just hasn't shared with the world yet.
Your doing great, give it time everything will work out for the best.

I have a friend who's oldest son was slow to start speaking. There were no neurological problems. All the "experts" said to put him preschool (at the time we was too young, so she found a parents-day-out program that excepted 1 year olds). Anyway, being around other kids opened him up and he started talking! He did/does have speech problems that w/therapy got cleared up. Hope this help.

Hi B., My son was also a late speaker. When he was three he spoke but only myself and his sisters had a clue to what he was saying. He start speech therapy at that age and also daycare at that age. I personally think that the daycare was the biggest help. Kids tend to learn faster when they are exposed to their peers. My son s speech was fine by the time he entered kindergarten, and he became an excellent reader!

Hi B.,

My name is S., I just started this group and saw your post. I am a 38 year old single mother of 4. When I read your post, I just had to comment. My next to oldest son is 16 now, but he has always been developmentally delayed. His speech is easier to understand now than before, but he still has some difficulty. When my daughter was born, he was 2 years old and when she was old enough to talk, she talked more clearer than he did. I took him to neurologists and to many different doctors. Some told me that I was just being an over protective mother, but there were a few who really did try to see what the problem was. One sent him to an ear specialist who put tubes in his ears and treated him for allergies. The ear specialist told me that his speech would come in time, but with each passing year, it never improved. From the time that he was in Kindergarten, he has been in special education as well as speech therapy. My son has been taught to use all the machines that the school had that were programed to tell my son's name, his wants, needs, etc., and he mastered them all, but still wanted to be verbal. The problem with that was, no one could understand him and it caused him to be frustrated alot. One year, he had a speech teacher who really took notice of him. She had went to some kind of seminar that talked about speech apathy or something to that affect. She then called me and set up a time to meet with me and told me that everything she had heard at that seminar reminded her of my son. For the first 7 years of my son's life, he never had a gag reflex. He could put anything into the back of his mouth and never gag. I was told that was one of the signs as well as the fact that the brain doesn't send the message to the tongue on how to position itself when pronouncing a word. Well, we had tried everything and always seemed to hit a brick wall for every test, even the cat scan showed that there wasn't really anything wrong. The neurological testing only revealed that my son was developmentally delayed and borderline mentally retarded, so I was game to whatever the speech teacher wanted to do to my son. She had him push a popsicle stick out of his mouth with his tongue. She had him touch his chin with his tongue and other things that I cannot remember, but I had to help him with it at home. Within 2 weeks of these tongue excercises, my son had his first gag reflex, and at that moment, I had hope. Gradually, my son started talking a little more clearer and no longer sounded like baby gabbling. I was amazed and still am when my son talks to me. I don't know if any of what I said to you makes sense or will be of help to you, but I want you to know that you are not alone. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

S.

Hi! I'm a 38 yr. old mom of 3. My two boys (ages 4 and 2) both have speech and developmental delays. My 2 yr. old has been in OT and speech therapy for 1 year. My 4 year old has never had any therapies (I always thought 'he's just a little immature, he'll get there'). Well the difference in these two kids now if pretty significant. My 2 yr. old has surpassed his older brother in language, fine motor skillls (writing/drawing), and letter/number recognition. I can't say enough about how important early intervention is!!! My 4 yr. old is going to a wildly expensive private preschool to catch him up before kindgarten next year...I wish I'd started him earlier with special services. A good start is SOOOOO crucial to future success. Kids birth to age 3 work with the Mecklenburgh County Child Development Service Agency (CDSA) and kids 3-5 work with the Mecklenburgh county Public Schools preschool services. Please look into them...they're mostly free to residents (based on financial need, or a copay). The evaluation screening alone will be worth your time! Good luck, stay calm, all things can be fixed, N.

I understand your concern, but I have heard of children waiting til they were around 4 before talking. He may just not want to do it, and he will talk when he is ready. If you have investigated any health problems that could be causing it, and there is nothing wrong then I would just continue to do what you are doing. Encourage him to talk, but let him know it is ok if he doesn't want to. I don't know if he is around other children in a daycare setting, but it might be good if he is not to get him involved. If he sees other kids his age communicating he may be promted to do so as well. Good luck.

B...
Hello, my name is A. my email is ____@____.com That's also my yahoo ID. I'd like to ask you some questions and help you out. Most pediatricians like to tell you not to worry until the child is much older and then when other specialists get involved they make you think you didn't do enough when they were younger. So, drop me line or IM me, I hope to help you out because I've gone thru what you are going thru.

A.

My first and only child was a very late talker. He was 2 1/2 said only a two to three words. He was in speech and occupational therapy. Then one day it just clicked. He started to speak in 5-10 word sentences he just blossomed. I don't think the therapy was the cause. He just decided it was time. He is a very independent child. Now he talks all the time.

M.

43 year old with only child

Has he ever been tested for lead? If not, it's worth looking into...just a quick finger prick at the health department or pediatrician's office.

My daughter was a late talker as well, and we were very concerned. The grandparents said she would talk when she was ready, but that did not satisfy me as the mother. So we asked our pediatrician what to to. He recommended First Steps which is our state funded program for speech and developmental therapy. I was worried that it would be horrible since it was funded by the state. We have had the best experience with it. It is very inexpensive and they come to your house or childs daycare for everything. I am told that every state has something similar. Ask your doctor and they can point you in the right direction. If you have a feeling that your child needs help, don't stop until you find a way to get it for them.