Latch Was Never good;Never Produced a Lot of milk;BFing at Home; Pumping at Work

When you have a lot of difficulty with breastfeeding, I always recommend a lactation consultant. I needed one after getting shingles when I had my guy and the resulting issues from bottle feeding and my son's weak latch made BFing hard. She got us back on track. Ask your pedi/ob-gyn/or the hospital for a referral and good luck!

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O.K. you need to relax. toss the scale immediately! You need to go by the number of wet and poopy diapers your baby makes per day and if she is growing and gaining weight in a steady fashion. Ignore the percentiles - this is not a contest and some babies are small. My son was in the 3rd percentile for a while and under the 50th until he was 3yrs. old and then all of a sudden jumped up to the 80th for height but still 54% for weight.
The latch issue is probably because of the bottles - my daughter changes her latch once in a while - perhaps from teething - I dunno but then she seems to go back to normal after a week or two - she also latches differently on each side sometimes - no idea why.
Also, my breasts are only firm if she has slept much longer than normal - the rest of the time they vary slightly in weight and firmness but not much. My 40 year old boobs are squishy and I always have to hold the nipple up for my baby otherwise it ends up in my lap - I have to use both hands to nurse even with a boppy pillow.
I have a good friend that pumped almost exclusively for 2 babies because her breasts are very large and her babies couldn't latch well so she just pumped.
Also, as for "doing her best" babies forget things very easily when something changes so do not take it personally and do not get mad at her.
We all get frustrated and sometimes overly concerned with doing things the "right" or "correct" way - but babies can't read pediatric textbooks so they don't know when they aren't behaving according to a chart. i was just like you with #1 baby - even worse because he was preemie so my friend's younger babies were doing things before my son. I drove myself nuts watching for autism clues and worrying becuase he didn't have an ounce of baby fat on him. He survived in spite of his frantic mommy and I am trying to really enjoy baby #2 because she is my last and I know now that it will go by too fast. In fact, I am purposely NOT weighing her except at check-ups and just letting her be whatever size she is.

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You are going to get lots of good advice I am sure.....

I would recommend seeing a lactation consultant immediately to assist with the latching issue.

Why? Because since you are asking about the loss of comfort and intimacy if you bottle feed, then I think you realize that it will be hard on you and baby.

I work also and am so grateful that I can reconnect with my little guys when I get home by nursing. I think you, and she, would miss that.

You are frustrated because being a conscientious mom is tough and exhausting and stressful.

That's why I say, take that stress off of your plate, consult a lactation guru and get moving on with your breastfeeding relationship. Maybe she is an early teether and is having latch issues because of that? Thrush? There are lots of reasons besides her getting more bottles that are causing her to latch differently.

We may all have good recommendations, but none of us are there to help you. If you want to salvage your BF relationship, and it sounds like you do, get some help immediately.

Good luck mama!

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First of all...great job for breastfeeding this long....you have no idea how special it is, and more and more women don't, so a pat on the back is deserved! I too went back to work and you are so not alone. This is a tough period in time and it will get better.

The others have mentioned all the actual helpfull tips (lactaion consultant, use shield again etc...) But my advise is just cherish every moment with your baby. The closeness of breastfeeding is so awesome! You need to DROP your expectations and just "Go with it" This will take all the "not trying hard enough" thoughts out of your head. Your baby is putting her ALL into this and its so OK if that means she is enjoying her time BFing and then taking a bottle as supplement. There is nothing wrong with that.

The biggest thing for you is to let go of the control and just relax and enjoy it...whatever IT may be. My baby is 19 monthes and oh how I miss those breastfeeding moments...now we've traded that in for tantrums and toothy grins...the good times : - ) You are doing an amazing job as a working mom...so keep up the good work!

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Hi there,

Have you contacted La Leche League in your area? You can check out their site www.llli.org and get some support that way.

I don't know what to tell you to do specifically, but I had similar problems with my little one. I also had a c-section and also had to use the nipple shields. I was told that I have very small nipples (who knew!). I was so upset about having to use them and was generally so stressed about breastfeeding! My little one was actually a good eater and really fat, so I didn't have the added worries that you do.

But I have many new mommy friends and it just seems that some kids are big and some small, it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with either, and certainly not something you or she are doing wrong. I completely understand how stressful it is because we want out little ones to be healthy and it's a huge responsibility to be the one producing the food and helping them to "eat" it!

My only suggestion would be to try to relax. Trust that your little girl is doing a good job and so are you. She will breastfeed more if she is hungrier, and your body will produce the milk you need to sustain her. It's nature, and it works! I used to chart every feeding, and looking back I wish I had just relaxed and enjoyed it more instead of being so neurotic. I also think it would have been better for my baby. But we live and learn. :)

Good luck! I hope someone will help you with more concrete answers.

H.

p.s. Another thing I've learned is that going from being a professional woman to a mommy is HARD! So cut yourself some slack about being stressed and frustrated with your child. We are in control at work and do a good job, and know how to do what we're good at, and solving the problems are more obvious, and we get positive feedback all the time. Motherhood is a bit different... :)

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I had similar problems with the latching in the hospital. My advice would be to go see a lactation specialist. I have one in my pediatrician's office and sometimes you can find one that does private consultations. I did this with my first child when I was home and having a miserable time. It helped me tremendously!!! I actually used a nipple shield with my first son until he was almost 12 months because he never got it without the shield. My daughter now just 12 months never liked nursing without the shield so she's still using it. You may have to resort to the shield again. Good luck!

Hi there! Congrats on your baby!

You've already gotton a lot of good advice and I agree with these -

-Seeing a lactation consultant to fully invesitigate the problems. It may take time and several visits, since I agree that she could be adjusting to not having the shield there anymore.

-Even if you can't get a good latch, continue pumping.

-Practice relaxing, breathing and visualizing your baby's ideal latch. It sounds silly but even visualizing waterfalls, running water etc all help get the milk flowing. Use these techniques even if you end up having to pump 100%.

I know it's hard, but your baby does pick-up on your stress so it's really important to de-stress even if it means only pumping. You you and your baby will both thrive better if there is less stress. You can still bottle feed with skin on skin contact and create that intimate bond - with high nutrition & less stress! But hopefully the lactation consultant can help and get you and baby to a good place!!

Much luck mama!

Possible she might have a "tongue tie"? When the skin under the tongue is connected to the skin on the lower jaw. Ask the doc. Otherwise I echo the other comments already posted. Except for the bit about the "disparity" of her weight ans height. As long as she is producing a normal amount of wet diapers WHO CARES how slowly she is gainig weight or what percentile she is in. seriously. All babies are different. All gain weight differently. I'm sure there is no need yet at all to introduce formula. Good luck!

Have you tried using the nipple shield again? My daughter had to use one the entire time she breast fed. What she used might be different then a nipple shield. At least that name doesn't ring a bell with me. It's purpose is to give the baby something to latch onto. My daughter has inverted nipples.

I agree that the best help for you would be a lactation specialist. The LeLeche League may also be helpful with support and info. One consultation with a lactation specialist may be all that you'd need.

I understand the frustration. You want to bf so badly and on the surface it seems that your baby isn't co-operating. You want her to cooperate. You know it's not her fault but the instinct can be to push her. Here is a clue as to why you're so frustrated and taking it out on her as well as yourself. I quote you, you get "upset with her for not doing her best." She is not refusing to latch on. She may not be able to because she doesn't remember how or gets confused, is unable too because the breast is too soft, or is reacting to your tension. Remind yourself that she is doing her best!

And so are you! Do you know it's not your fault, either? You are not getting the comfort and intimacy that you want. Could it be because you're focused on making bf work instead of on just being with your baby? You can have comfort and intimacy while bottle feeding too. I suggest that you and baby will feel and do better if you could find a way to relax and let whatever happens happen. That doesn't mean you have to give up bf. It means that you will do your best by getting info and support and be willing to accept however it turns out. Or accept that you have done your best and supplement with formula or switch full time to formula.

You've given your baby 5 months of breast milk. Those are the most important months, I'm told. Give yourself and baby credit for making it this far. If you decide to pump exclusively and supplement with formula, you're still giving your baby good nutrition. If you stop pumping, again formula is good.

Has the pediatrician mentioned concern for the wide disparity in height and weight percentiles. Is it possible that she is not getting enough breast milk and does need supplementation with formula? And you're beating yourself up about it? If so, don't. You are doing the best that you can. Not all women are able to breast feed. Some can't at all. It takes more than a willingness to do it. Your body has to have the right combination of factors.

My suggestion is that you consult with a lactation specialist if you want to continue bfeeding. Most of all, accept that this is the way it is. It's not your fault and it's not your baby's fault. You are both doing the best that you can do. Relax about the breastfeeding and enjoy your baby. If the lactation specialist can help, very good! If not, supplement or go to the bottle entirely. You will still feel connected to your baby, have comfort and intimacy.

If you are in the Sacramento area, there is a therapist that specializes in helping babies latch. They don't latch because they have a muscle issue in their jaw. She fixes that pretty quickly and they latch right on. Several lactation specialists send all their newborns there first. She has helped my son incredibly. Within 2 days he was able to pull 10x more milk.
That will also help with your supply.
Her number is ###-###-#### Judy Terwilliger

I was an exclusive pumper for both of my kids and I did it for over 1 year both times. If you want to ask any specific questions about how it went and my personal experience please do not hesitate to email me privately. Best of luck!

Deborah

Nursing problem often causes frustration on the mother's part. Don't be too hard on yourself for being frustrated, but do try to relax a little bit while you explore options that may work for you and your baby.
Your daughter may be experiencing nipple confusion ever since introduced to bottle. It looks like now she's nursing on the breast the way she sucks on the bottle. If you're not already, use bottle with slow flow nipple. When I had this problem with my first baby 3 years ago, the lactation consultant I saw recommended using Playtex Drop-ins Nurser.
You may be able to reduce the confusion by asking your mom or other caregiver to adjust a few things during bottle feeding. A helpful article is: "How to bottle feed the breastfeeding baby" -- http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/bottle-feeding.html.

Hope it all works out for you and your baby. As other mothers suggested, a lactation consultant is a great resource. My first child and I benefited a lot from our sessions with an LC.
Good luck.

Consider the Law of Attraction rules this universe just as much as the Law of Gravity. You get what you think about over and over again. Please, for your peace of mind and your child's sake, try a very simple experiment.

Focus your attention on how MUCH milk you are producing, even knowing it is the same amount. Say to yourself something like, "I am grateful that my body is producing milk so well. I LOVE producing XX oz today and look forward to producing even more. I LOVE that my child has been fully satisfied at times and know this will continue to improve. I love nursing. I love nouring my child."

Fake it til you make it! And use whatever it takes to put a smile on your face. Your child picks up on your anxiety and that may lead to eating problems throughout life.

I think that you are stressed and frustrated because that's what our bodies are programmed to do when things arent going well with nursing. Think about it - 100 years (or less) ago a child would have been in real danger if the pair weren't nursing well. But the fact is that children do well on formula, etc. But our bodies haven't caught up with our brains in this area, so we freak out. I had a really hard time with my first one, and I was totally freaking out. Here is my advice to you: make whatever changes you can to 1) adequately feed the baby and 2) RELAX. Because everything in your family will go better if you are not stressed. If I were you, I would consider upping the formula and just nursing when the baby wants to, and just plain not worry about it. When I was having problems, we finally started giving him formula and he started gaining weight. I kept nursing, and eventually, I as able to stop the formula. I think that me getting sleep (dad could feed him formula overnight) and having less stress (I knew that he was sucking up the formula) made it possible for things to work out with nursing, and more importantly, everyone was getting fed well and being happier. I remember that I kept talking to my friends about my problems and I hoped that one of them would let me off the nursing hook, but none did. I wish that one of them had - it would have helped to have had someone tell me that there is a lot more to being a mother than succeeding at nursing! You can be very intimate and close without doing exclusive breastfeeding.

And don't criticize yourself about not being able to guide your daughter. These little babies are whole people with their own view of things. Have you ever heard the phrase 'you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink'? It's like that with people of any age - you can't make anyone eat or drink or hold their mouth this way or that. They just will do what they want - it has nothing to do with you. You may find in time that your daughter has her own mind! And that's a good thing. GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK and find a way out of this situation. She'll be eating solids in no time, anyway. Enjoy that - it's fun.

Good luck!

I'm a peer counselor with Nursing Mothers Counsel (in the Bay Area), and while I do recommend you see a lactation consultant for latch issues, I can answer a few of your other questions.

Your breasts not being firm is probably not the reason for a bad latch. She'd still have plenty to latch onto.

Pumping does not dry up your milk. As long as you are receiving stimulation at the breast, you should produce a good milk supply. There is actually a new group of women who are exclusively pumping, so it can definitely be done. If you do switch to exclusive pumping, there are other ways you can bond and spend intimate time with your baby. Snuggling, bath time, even giving her a bottle can all be done in a bonding, loving way.

As parents, we all want the best for our kids, and if things aren't going according to our expectations, it frustrates us. Consult a lactation consultant for a home visit or a visit in her office and see if you can get the latch issues worked out. If not, decide if you want to exclusively pump. If you do, the lactation consultant can help you decide which pump would be best for you. It may have to be a double electric to help with efficiency and maintaining milk supply, but I've heard of women who can successful use hand expression and maintain a full supply. Nursing Mothers Counsel is fortunate enough to have an almost member who's going through her training for both Nursing Mothers Counsel and to be a lactation consultant. If you'd like her info, please email me off-list at ____@____.com free to check out our website as well as a couple other that we recommend and have had great success with:
http://www.nursingmothers.org
http://www.drjacknewman.com
http://www.kellymom.com

Le Leche League also has wonderful support groups!!

I agree with the moms that say you can pump exclusivly. As far as the bonding part you can just do skin to skin while you bottle feed her in the am and pm or whenever you would normally breastfeed. Getting your breast milk is the most important thing so I highly encourage you to keep pumping. Sounds like your supply is good....I think it's something all first time mom's worry about. In reality our bodies produce on supply and demand and you little one will have more than enough. Good luck.

My son never latched on and I pumped exclusively for 16 months. I had to get over that he wasn't latching on and realize that I was providing the most phenomenal food available to him. I didn't introduce any solids till 10 months as I didn't want him to have any allergy problems. When my daughter came along she was having trouble latching on and my sister just SHOVED her on the breast while I was holding my nipple on the ready. I was shocked by how ungentle she was but it worked. May daughter latched on and I always made sure she was very far on when she started nursing. Although the BF is wonderful, if you are stressed and mad at your baby it isn't worth it. If you decide to pump only, embrace it. Again you are providing the most wonderful food. And you can hold and love her to death while feeding her either way. I used a medela pump in style. I double pumped every 3 hours and would get 2 - 8oz bottles in 10-15 minutes so I had a good supply on hand. Be relaxed and enjoy the pumping sessions and realize what their true purpose is. Good luck whatever you decide to do.