Know-it-all 7 Year Old Boy

Oh M., I hate to tell you this but it will continue. My son is 17 and has been that way since about 6. We went into therapy and everything. I have decided that it is part of his personality. The good news is that he has gotten better. For example, he forgot about a project due on Monday. He told me about it last week but it is his responsibility to remember as well. Well, we both forgot. Got a text message from him yesterday and said "You forgot to remind me about the project and we didn't do it". Well, I sent him a message back stating that he was 17 years old and it was his project not mine. Now he did text back later and say he was sorry and this it was his responsibility. That is the improvement. Before he never would have accepted responsibility. The attitude can wear you down but just keep at it. It may be part of his personality but you can fine tune it. Good luck!!!

Know it all's are insecure. You are handling it correctly by letting him know that no one is always right. Remind him it is also rude to say that the Coaches do not know what they are talking about. That once he is a Coach he can coach any way he wants.

Manners in our society are important and are not a natural thing to all of us. We have to be taught the rules. Be sure you and your husband admit when you are wrong, make mistakes, or do not know the answer or how to do something. There is a great book called "How Rude" by Alex J. Packer, Ph.D. It says it is for teenagers, but you can look at the different chapters and use the info to help him with his manners. It is very basic and covers everything.

Use your words each time this happens. Gee, I do not know why they.... I wonder why they....
Then let him know there are tools, The internet, reading How it works books etc. to find or verify the correct answers.

Remind your son that the most intelligent people in the world, know that by keeping their mouths shut and opening their ears, they will learn more.

Also remind him no one like s a "prig". A "know it all" is a person that will not have many or any friends. If he does not have the correct answer and deep down knows that he is wrong, that is lying. Lying is a punishable behavior. If he keeps insisting that he is right about something, but he is not, have him prove it to you. Just say something like, "Hmm, I remember reading that apples do come in all colors. Lets look that up on the internet."

His behavior on the team is the worst. He is not allowing everybody else on the team to learn and enjoy their time. He is disrespecting the coach, who is donating his/her time. This is a punishable moment. "No computer for you if you do not keep your comments to yourself during practice."

Also remind him that the "Best" Baseball players all started out not knowing how to play. They did not have the skills. It took a lot of work and also a lot of patience with themselves. Coaches are there to help, not to tell you that you are wrong.

It is a normal thing at this age. Try reading "Have a new Kid by Friday" to get some strageis. Good luck!

Yea, my youngest son was the same way. He would fight tooth and nail that it was the way he said it was, even if it meant getting the wrong answer on his math problem. I found that working with him became a power struggle and the more I insisted it was one way, the more he would go the other way. The best thing was to pull myself back, tell him that I would help him when he asked and would listen, and then let him make mistakes. Your son already realizes that he isn't doing as well as the other kids. You can gently point out that they are doing as the coaches ask, but then drop it. It is his choice to listen or not listen, and take the consequences of his choice.

Oh, my son is much better now at 12. It did seem to be a stage he went through.

Hi M.,

It sounds like your son is going through a tough stage in his development. Things will get better in time!

This sounds like a classic power struggle coupled with a bit of low self-esteem. Giving your son lots of love and positive attention when he is not acting this way will help. Asking open-ended questions when he is certain about something will help him think it through if he wants to do so. If not, say something neutral and move on. The more you and your husband debate with him and try to prove him wrong, the more fuel he'll get to stand his ground.

You might speak with his coaches privately and give a bit of background on this. If his behavior is inappropriate during practice or a game, support the coach if he gives a fair consequence. Time spent on the bench, for example, is an opportunity for your son to think about what got him there.

Be as supportive, loving and positive as possible. This is his issue, not yours. With the right approach, you can give him the opportunity to grow through it.

Good luck!
Parent Coach J. B

Hi M.-

One thing that my husband and I have started to do is make sure when we make a mistake we acknowledge it out loud in front of our kids and model how to handle the mistake. Also we ask each other for help in front of the kids so that they see that even grown ups can't do everything on their own. When we first started having this problem with our son we noticed that when the kids witnessed us making mistakes they usually saw us get mad or frustrated. Example: this morning I spilled half of a box of cereal all over the kitchen floor and my initial reaction was to get mad at myself! I stopped myself and calmly said oops I made a mess can anyone help me clean it up? Sure enough my son and daughter were right there to help.

When I stopped and thought about it most of the mistakes I made and most of the times when I might ask someone for help my children probably did not see or hear it. They usually only witnessed those accidents that would bring out a less than desireable response from me.

I noticed that another mom had mentioned her daughter with Aspergers. My son has Aspergers as well and this is a common trait in Aspie's. I'm not suggesting that you son is in this category however since it is common there are a lot of books for parents of Aspie's that discuss this topic so if it becomes difficult to work with you might want to research it just for some suggestions on handling this particularly trait.

Good luck,
K.

My 6 YO has Asperger Syndrome and she has this 'have to be right and perfect all the time' so strongly that it affects her school work. She doesn't want to do school work unless she already knows she will do it perfectly, which means not learning NEW things!

S., mom to 4 girls

when he says I don't like doing it their way I like doing it my way. ask him "how is that working out for you?". when his math problem is incorrect and he thinks it great say "oops try again" (calm voice nothing excited or negative just matter of fact). i know kids that are like this and i dont like them then i feel bad for not likeing a kid! the know it all attitude even when i teach them something becomes yeah i know that! we would get into trouble for being smart mouthed. you might want to catch him on things that are above his head like what muscles are involintary, or what type of tree is that..turn it into a learning experience and have a book ready and tell him the profecionals know this is a ______. or turn the questions into facts. fact it is better to have an open heart and mind to listen to all facts then make a correct conclusion(sp) knowing the right answer and having someone with knowledge back up that answer. he wants to be smart so teach him how!

My daughter is the same way. I have worked very hard at trying to teach her what pride is and how bad it is for her. When I catch her in the wrong, I force her to admit it or she will be punished. I resorted to that because I think this is a very bad trait that will only hurt her in the long run. She didn't like it at first; well, she still doesn't like it, but she will now admit she's wrong. I also make sure I fess up when I am wrong and make it obvious to her. Pride is a sin and is one that God does not take lightly. I talk to her about that over and over again. It is has been a slow progress, but there has been progress. It's the age, I think. I wasn't expecting it until later on though, ha! But, you have to enforce the value. Keep talking it through even if you think he's not listening. Punish him when he refuses to admit he's wrong when it has been proven so. Let him look like a fool when you can't reason with him or prove it. Then, gently show him (or sarcastically depending on his personality) how he made himself look like a fool when all he had to do was listen to someone else. I started asking my daughter if she thought she was smarter than me? She wasn't too ready to say that out loud. Then, I would just tell her, not waiting for her answer, that she was not smarter than me. I also say over and over again, any chance it may come up, how there is always someone smarter and better at something than you are. It's just a part of life. I point it out often. And, I don't allow her to praise her own triumphs, as she likes to throw them into her brother's face. She has now learned that I will praise her and it is wrong to praise herself in order to make someone else look bad (or even at the chance someone else may feel bad). I've noticed a change in her since. So, just take every opportunity to teach this and insist on the confession when he's caught.

I think this is just a stage they go through. My son has 2 friends that are always telling him the "right" way to do things. When they're pretending to be superheroes, they tell him he has to do it their way. Several times I tried to tell them some neat facts about animals, and they told me I was wrong! One actually said she knows everything because she's 8.
I have heard the same thing about this being common in kids with Aspergers because my son has it. He usually wants to do things his way. At school they deal with this by having him do "work, work, choice"- if he does 2 of the teacher's projects, then he gets to choose the next one. We went to a counselor who told him to focus on having the right behavior to get other people to think about you what you want them to think. My son does try to tell other kids how to do things, which comes across as bossy. But in his mind he's actually trying to be helpful. I have to remind him that the other kids are just as old as he is and they can figure things out for themselves. I hope that sports do have a positive influence for your son. My son has told me that he doesn't want to play sports, he prefers to be the coach instead.

Our son will turn 7 on Nov. 1st, and I certainly hope its something all kids go through :)))) because he's like that too and I get exhausted from it .
Its not as bad as it used to , I will admit that.
When I try to correct him, the battle can go on and on, because in his mind he's not wrong.
I can't wait to hear your responses, it will help me too!

Laurie A is right on. It is going to be a slow and patient process to correct this.
I am trying to do the same with one of my sons. He is very bright, well read and freely tells you when he THINKS you are WRONG.
(My husband and my FIL have similar traits....always want the last word!!! I think a lot of this might be upbringing.)
I can't change my husband, but I have tried to watch myself. I am very careful about not talking about others or the decisions they make or what they say. I don't want my son to be so critical of others. I often stop him, and will say, "you have an interesting opinion. My viewpoint is different, but that doesn't mean either of us are wrong."

It is a slow process to teach acceptance, tolerance and being able to admit you are wrong.

Yeah...good luck with that. I see dark cloud in my future.