Kindergarten or Another Year of Preschool

Hi M. L,
I struggled with the same issue. Both my boys have fall birthdays.
I DID send them to kindergarten at 4 even though it's much more popular to wait an extra year.

Both are outstanding students. My oldest is a freshman at an engineering school on Merit Scholarships. He was 17 went I sent him off, sigh. The next one is doing very well also.

Here's the thing, in hindsight....what's the big hurry? When I dropped my 17 year old BABY off at a strange school and had to turn around, walk away, and TRUST, I had a thought, maybe it woul've been nice to have just one more year of childhood, sigh.

(BTW, he's doing fine, got a 3.83 GPA and havin' a blast, it's just ME who wishes I'd had one more year, not THEM!)

Anyway, that's my experience with my two fall birthday boys. Might be very different for others!

Good Luck!

:)

3 moms found this helpful

i can say my son is the oldest and at first i was upset that he wouldn't be w/his friends in K. well guess what. that may be true but socially he's way better being the oldest : )

3 moms found this helpful

You do what is best for YOUR son.
Bottom line.

Don't compare to what the other kids/parents are doing.

My son is currently 4 years old. Late born.
I am still deciding IF I will have him attend Kinder. He would be turning 5 in August. Our school starts the next school year in August.
I have 'registered' him, for Kinder. Just so he gets a spot. But I can always change my mind. Then have him attend at when turning 6.
I already spoke to the school, about it, So I know I can do this.

Some schools, IF a child is entering school at turning 6 or at 6 years old, they will enroll the child in 1st Grade. So, beware of that. OR, speak to your child's school, first, to see what their 'rules' in it, is.
Kindergarten, is not 'mandatory' in many States.

For me, IF I decide to enter my son into Kinder at turning 6 years old, for example, I would have to 'request' that, in writing, to the school/Principal. So that they enroll him into Kinder, NOT 1st Grade. As is their policy.

At our school, Kindergarten is for 5 years old, entry.
Or they have a Jr.K. But that is for LATE born kids. November or December born kids.

In my daughter's Kinder class, when she was in Kinder, about 3/4's of her class were older kids, turning 6 years old. She was turning 5. But per HER maturity and 'readiness', we enrolled her into Kinder at that age. She is late born. But did fine. She is just a mature child, emotionally.

If you have your son repeat Preschool, then you just explain to him, that each kid is different. NOT better or worse, just different and you are doing what is best for him etc. Because, Preschool is GREAT, and he is 'lucky' to have that choice... and his Teachers love him.
Do not compare him. Don't show him ambivalence about it, or he too will get anxiety about it.

all the best,
Susan

3 moms found this helpful

Give him another year of Preschool. It will best in the long run (I taught Middle School for many years and saw the issues the younger boys faced).

I have a Sept. 1st boy (the absolute last day of the cut off here in Texas), and I decided to have my son be one of the oldest rather than the youngest. His school life will be much easier down the road and he will make many new friends.

Just my two cents,
R.

2 moms found this helpful

I understand you to be saying you have a child that is currently 4 years old and he will be five this Summer/Fall. Kids in Oklahoma must be 5 years old before they start school so he would not qualify to go to Kindergarten here. But my opinion, if you have a choice, is below.

I can honestly tell you that it will be devastating for him to see his friends go off to Kindergarten and he stay in Pre-K. He will feel stupid no matter how many times you tell him he is smart. He will be left out and they will move on and their relationship will never be the same. They will be lucky if they remain friends.

My Grand Daughter (K) has an October birthday and her best friend (F) is only 3 months older. Of course her friend started Kindergarten a year earlier.

It wasn't much of a big deal until their academic differences started showing. F was reading to K, F was doing adding and subtracting, F was practicing spelling words, K was still learning shapes and colors. It made the world of difference to these two little girls. Of course F is a bit more mature than K but that is due to lifestyles, living situations, family dynamics, parenting styles, education background, etc...F went to a private Pre-K that taught her much more than the Head Start program K went to.

K didn't get to play soccer with F, she didn't get to be in the same dance class, everything is based on grades of school these days. Even Sunday School is based on their school grade.

We have had to battle this age thing for several years now and it still effects K to some degree. She understands a bit more now because she understands about ages in the grades and her birthday being after school starts.

I recommend he go to Kindergarten with his friends. It's just Kindergarten for goodness sakes. He's going to learn a lot, even if he's not as mature as his friends.

There is a stage of development called the Latency period, it usually starts around Kindergarten and first grade. All kids stat to catch up and be equal during that stage. Those left behind really start showing they should have stayed with their group at that time but it'too late, they don't have the knowledge to move up a grade and are stuck with kids that act younger and are not their equals. It is just sad to watch.

Give him a chance to succeed, don't decide he'll fail before he even has a chance to do it right.

2 moms found this helpful

While it may seem like the right thing and feel good right now, please do some reading about the concequences that are reflected in the data to having a child who is older than grade. www.wrightslaw.com scroll down the left side of the page, and read about retention. It is not an effective educational strategy, and it is very highly correlated with contact with the juvinile justice system, using drugs and alcohol and dropping out of high school. Get the facts and the data and think about not just how this might feel right today, but how it will effect him in the years to come.

M.

2 moms found this helpful

I would send him to kindergarten. There is starting to be some research on this trend to red shirting kids with late birthdays and so far there does not seem to be an advantage. I have a son with a late Dec. birthday and I wish we could send him sooner. Both my brother and I have summer birthdays and ended up skipping a year (me in middle school, he in elementary) as we were not challenged. Both of us ended up doing well and still having plenty of friends. There is some good evidence that teachers have different expectations for maturity/subject matter interests according to a student's gender and that this very definitely affects both the kid's performance and teacher assessments. This 'it's a boy thing' is very damaging to both little boys and girls.

1 mom found this helpful

I'm in the same boat, as my son can start kindergarten in the fall. I have talked to so many moms who said, "I am so glad we waited that extra year," and so many who said, "I wish we would have waited." But I haven't heard from anyone who said, "I wish we would have sent him sooner." I called our local grade school, and even the secretary told me to wait.

I really want to respond to what Martha R said about retention. I don't mean to be too critical, but we are not talking about retention. One of the problems with retention is that it is flunking a grade or failing, and the kid knows that and the other kids know that. This is beginning a little later and waiting until the child is emotionally ready. Big difference!

Our son is in his second year of preschool (the have a 3's class and a 4's class), and he loves it. The 3's meet Tues & Thurs mornings, and the 4's meet Mon, Wed, Fri mornings. We are going to send him to a private school that offers PreK 5 days a week (we can choose half days or full days). We will let him know that he didn't do anything wrong. We just wanted him to have a little more time before beginning kindergarten. And from everything we've heard, kindergarten is the new first grade. It is "sit in your seat and pay attention," and that's hard for boys. That extra year can make all the difference.

1 mom found this helpful

It'll be a little tough at first I guess bc of his friends but I'd hold him back. I'd tell him he's younger than his friends the way his birthday falls and leave it at that. My oldest started K at almost 5 (Sept) bday and the main reason we started her is she's very tall and I felt waiting a year would cause image problems later as she started to realize it. She's smart enough but now that I see her in 1st grade and realize in a sense she's "competing" against some kids who are a full year older than her, it hits me what a disadvantage it is. I'm so glad my younger one will be one of the older kids. I would see what seems normal in your district - I know some areas have lots of parents holding back, others not so much. And then see what the reading requirements are. I was shocked when my daughter was behind at the beginning of 1st grade. Per her preschool and K teachers, she was very smart, doign great etc but the requirements were pretty hard in 1st grade. Since we've focused, she's improved dramatically but I think - look how far she's come in 5 months. If she was starting 1st grade at almost 6.5, she'd have been in a way more comfortable spot. I also see it's the boys that have the most trouble focusing and staying on task (I volunteer in class). I knew I might have a bit of an uphill battle with my daughter but felt I had no choice and all her preschool teachers said she was DEFINITELY ready for K. Her K teacher also said she was DEFINITELY ready for 1st. But boy would an extra year have made everything easier... In contrast, my sister's oldest is super smart but she was held back to start K and now at 13, my sister is very glad bc socially she said it's been better. And this is a super pretty, popular type girl.

1 mom found this helpful

My daughter and son are Sept/Oct birthday's so they will always be one of the oldest in their class. I am happy with this and if I were you I'd wait another year. My mother in law held her 3 sons back a year and was happy she did it too - esp with boys. She said that the extra year gave them a little more time to mature and become more ready for school with the things they were able to learn before starting school. Being older gave them a height advantage and made them a little better at sports, which gave them confidence. This is my MIL's opinion I'm sharing... I'm not sure about the height thing, but after 3 boys she thinks being a little bigger made them a little more confident amongst their peers.

Regardless, I'd wait - and it sounds like you are leaning that way anyway. Our school district has a Kindergarten Readyness checklist on their web site. Maybe peruse your districts web site to see what competencies/skills they recommend children have mastered before entering Kindergarten. This may help your decision making too.

1 mom found this helpful

This is dependent upon the child.

We have a 6 yo in kindergarten. Never doubted for a minute that he needed an extra year of preschool. He is STILL not as mature as some of the 5 yos in his class. He will turn 7 this summer.

Our next son is only 2 and a summer birthday as well. We thought we'd do it automatically, but now we think otherwise. We'll make the FINAL decision when it's time....but since, unlike his big brother, he thrives with structure, we suspect the answer all ready.

I suggest you go with what your "gut" tells you is right for YOUR son. You can figure out ways to manage his friends going to K. After all, right now 5-6 months is HUGE!

1 mom found this helpful

As a former teacher (25 years with LAUSD) and as a mother of 2 boys - one with developmental delays- WAIT. All the current research supports waiting as long as possible and from a practical stand point as well - how old do you want him at high school graduation? Check out the books Boys Adrift, Raising Cain, It's a Boy - anything written by Michael Thompson - talk to the kindergarten teachers, the first grade teachers - starting too early can cause a host of problems - misidentification of ADHD, poor self esteem, poor academic progress, poor attitude towards education and school, etc.
Don't be quilted out - make play dates, make new friends - the adventure will be his - when he is better ready for it.

1 mom found this helpful

I think you know he would benefit from another year for that maturity.
Teachers are professionals, so I really listened to them as well as followed my own mommy heart and brain..

1 mom found this helpful

Ahhh I went through this with my daughter. My only difference was that my daughter's birthday was in March so she was right on target but her private school required full time pre-K. She had been going there since she was 2 for two days a week but I couldn't afford to send her for 5 days a week until Kindergarten and personally didn't want her in school 5 days of week if I could be home with her so they held her back one year and she went to Pre K when she should have been in Kindergarten. Not because she was not age appropriate etc.. but because at that school they taught them how to read in pre-K etc... so all though her beginning elementary grades I "felt had to explain" why she was in what grade when people such as checkers or strangers would ask her "What grade are you in?" I would feel like I had to go though this whole speech of how she didn't flunk etc..!
Argh! Fast forward four years. I moved her from LA to the raise her in the country but she had to go to public school. They automatically wanted to put her up a grade to make her age appropriate due to her high test scores etc. (thanks to private school) After all my own hang ups (yes I know it was all mine and I own it!) I said if she does well for one week in third grade I would allow them to skip her to forth but I did not want them to just skip her because I had spent her whole school history trying to make her not feel as if she flunked. Well, she skipped and got placed in the GATE (gifted) program and was always one of the ones who gave speeches or got the drama parts because her Christian Private School was so drama based. Sooo my point is... it may just be the parent's issue in the end. I don't think my daughter ever cared one way or the other. I was very careful not to make a big deal in front of her though it was a huge deal to me! In the end looking back about 15 years or so later... one year is not that big of a deal and if he could benefit and his age is leaning either way... I'd say swing to the side of giving him more experience. He'll be more mature and you just need to give yourself a break and know in the end you will end up having better parent conferences!

1 mom found this helpful

I would think about high school. He will be 18 and able to write his own excuse notes and cutting class will be a temptation. School is a really long road, I personally don't think I'd want it to be any longer. If he goes to college and then graduate school... it's even longer. The trend to hold kids back doesn't seem to consider where they will be when they are teenagers or adults. If he has friends to keep him company, and a kind teacher, Kindergarten will be a pleasure.

1 mom found this helpful

All I know is that I didn't delay my son and my cousin did. Both good mamas and smart, sweet boys, but guess which one has had a lot of success in school (yeah, no... not mine). Of course everyone is different, but if I could go back, I'd change my decision.

OK, so I read through all the answers first to see if I can add anything. I have a 16 year old boy, born in May. Even when he was in pre-school everyone was questioning who to hold back. We live in CA, the trend here was to hold back summer birthdays which now put my son in the position of being the youngest in class! We toyed with the idea of holding him, but didn't, and there have been times when there have been classmates a close to a full year older than he is. I would not do anything differently though, as he has done fine in school.

I mention this also because no one has brought up the issue of sports. I don't know if your boy plays (or will play) but he will be playing mostly against others in his grade. It can be a tremendous confidence booster or buster being the older or the youger player on the team.

Good luck with your decision,
M.

Well we kept our daughter who turned 5 in May last year another year she will start Kindergarten at 6yr 4mo, and I couldn't be happier, there is no rush at all to put them in and they demand so much of children, now at almost 6yrs old I know that she will be ready for Kindergarten, There is no way she would have been ready last year. My thoughts is if you have to even think about whether or not to put him in Don't he will be better off. He will make friends he is young. The best thing you can do for him is think about his personal ability and go from there (friends will come)

I was in the same boat, September birthday, maturity level behind the other kids. We opted to send him to Kindergarten, and then ended up having him repeat kindergarten because he was NOT ready for first grade. In hind site, we should have given him another year of preschool.

I, too, have a September birthday boy and though we're not quite there yet (he's only three now) I expect to be in your shoes this time next year. I figure if his preschool teacher - who sees these kids all the time - tells me to wait, I'm going to trust her judgment and wait. I'd much rather he be ahead of the game by being older than playing catch-up for the rest of his school life because I rushed him.

Something to think about, unless your son's preschool is FREE, they probably want to keep him in pre because you pay them !! And usually a preschool is structured for a specific age group so their teaching curriculum stays the same. My son, same situation, was told pretty much the same thing, immature, etc. etc. So I sent him to Kinder anyway and he is learning soooo much, actually ALL the kids in his class are. I am a volunteer at his school and these children have grown and developed immensely in so many ways since the beginning of school. Who cares about the "boy thing" . When does a male EVER outgrow that? Ask the school if he can tour the Kinder classroom, he will love it. I say let him go!

I think there are so many things to consider and each child is very different. My children who are summer babies, but mature, high-level learners, would have gone crazy if I waited to start them in kindergarten. However, I know many children who would have benefited by waiting a year to mature, academics aside. You may want to check out http://www.chancyandbruce.com/. Chancy and Bruce does developmental evaluations that are spot on and a perfect resource for determining kinder readiness. Good luck as you make your decision!

We have been struggling with this. My son is the youngest and is immature. We went back and forth. But in the end I think he will be bored in another year of pre-K and in kindergarten he will be pulled out to catch up if there are problems. He also has to have speech therapy and the school offers that (we take him to the local elementary school now for speech and his teacher has assured me that she feels he is ready for K and said I would be doing him a huge dis-service by having him repeat pre-K). My son also models behavior, if the kids around him are bad, he follows right a long, if they are good, he is very good. Hopefully being with older kids will help him. A friend of his is in the same boat and the pre-K teacher told her mom that she would be really bored repeating and she should go on to K. If you are worried and can afford it, you could always put him in a private K. If he does well, he can go on to first grade, if he doesn't he can repeat in the public school system next year and he would be in a new school and wouldn't know the difference. In the end, someone always has to be the youngest. My daughter is one of the oldest in her class, and she is not a leader and is not at any advantage once so ever.

I say wait! I was in the same situation as you. My son has a summer birthday and we debated this very topic for quite awhile. We kept him in pre-school so he could start at 6 years old. Best decision we ever made!!
I spoke with school officials, preschool directors, every teacher I know or would run into and every single one of them told us to wait. One teacher said that holding them until 6 is called "the gift year" for a reason and another teacher told us "you will never regret starting him later but you may regret starting him early".
I work in my son's kindergarten class every week and boy what a difference age makes! In California, because of budgeting, Kindergarten classes can now have up to 32 students. The teacher does not have the time to do any one on one with the students and the kids who need it don't get it unless there is parent help in the room. Its very sad.
In Kindergarten they are teaching what we used to learn in 1st grade. Much more is expected of the kids. Those kids who cant sit still and pay attention end up getting in trouble more and being a disturbance to the rest of the class. I end up working with those kids because they don't get their work done when they should. So they miss out on recess or rug time to finish their work. They are smart kids but now have the mentality that they "cant do it". Makes me sad for those kids.
For us, we would rather give our son the extra confidence of being one of the top students in his class. If he ends up being beyond Kindergarten, we would rather him be bumped up a grade than held back.
Kindergarten has been a great experience for our son and there is no battle going each day, doing homework, etc. Waiting was hard for that year but boy it is a huge blessing now!
On a side note, one of my sons friends who starting Kinder at 5 has been held back and is now in the same grade. So you never know what's going to happen to your sons friends. Do whats best for him!

Go with your gut feeling and give him that extra year of preschool. Maturity has mothing to do with birthdate. My son was born in May so sending him to school seemed like a no brainer. He is in the 4th grade now and although he does well academically he remains very immature. Most of the boys in his class were held back for that extra year so my son is not only younger by a year but even more immature by comparison. Most of these boys play sports which is based upon birthdate instead of school grade so they are more "knowledgable" about things like curse words and sex. That comes back into the classroom and influences my very immature son.

Your son will do just as well academically but I would be concerned mostly about the social influence and peer pressure. Looking back I wish I would have held my son back a year.

Good luck to you.

Long Beach, Cypress, and Los Alamitos have a program for "younger" kindergarterners where they do a prep K program preparing them for the "real" kindergarten. I read in the Press Telegram that this program is going to be mandatory until 2012 when the state changes the deadline to September 1.

Hi M.!

Check with your local school district. They may have a "developmental" Kinder program. If they do, have him evaluated and go with their recommendation. My son has an Oct. B-Day, just turned 5. We have him in the D-K program, and I'm so happy we did it. I debated for a long time, as he is "highly gifted" and easily grasps the academic concepts. However, he is socially immature with other kids, and choosing this program was a great choice for him.

Don't think of him as being "left behind", but rather as a gift of another year of development. Kindergarten ain't what it used to be, and if you are seeing maturity differences now, think of how great those will be when he's in a classroom of kids 6-12 months (or more) older than him.

Best of luck to you!
C.

Hi M. L,

My son has a late September birthday and frankly he wasn't emotionally ready to go into Kindergarten. We are happy now that we did hold him back. He has blossomed academically and emotionally. It is not that unusual to see kids a little older in the Kindergarten classes now (especially boys). I agree you must do what you think is right for your son and forget about what your friends are doing. One caveat, if he is in a pre-school will he be in a class with other 5 year olds or will they be much younger than him? Because that's a problem too if he continues peer relationships with younger kids and he continues to progress. That could cause frustration. I think I would make sure there are plenty of like age children in the preschool class before holding him back or you may regret your decision. Good luck!