Kindergarten Entry

starting kindergarten on the child's schedule, not just because of age, isn't holding a child back. it's being sensitive to his individuality. nowhere else in life will people be artificially segregated by age peers.
there's such an unnecessary stigma about being 'held back.' i wish more kids were offered the opportunity to interact and learn at their own pace instead of being frog-marched along with the majority.
khairete
S.

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I truly don't believe in ever forcing children into anything they're not ready for. Personally, I don't think that boys especially should be forced to sit still and pay strict attention until they are 8yo at least (and truly it depends more on the child than the age). And neither does Dr. James Dobson, author of "Bringing Up Boys". I think expecting children to act like adults when they are 5 years old is insane! If you let them be kids now and don't force them to grow up, they will surprise you in their early teen years by how mature and adult they have become. Especially if you always treat them with respect and listen to their opinions. After all, we are not raising children, we are raising future adults.

I made the choice to homeschool so that I could work my kids' educations around their lives as it should be, not the other way around. My children have their own unique qualities accounted for every day and have realistic expectations in accordance with who they are, not by what AGE they are. Age is far too arbitrary an indicator. As you yourself mentioned, there IS a wide range of development at this age. My children also have tons of great, wholesome friends and a wide range of activities out of the house. They're very well rounded; more so than most public school kids I know in fact.

In my honest opinion, no child should be in government schools unless their parents have no other choice. That was the original intent of government schools. Compulsory attendance didn't become law until the Great Depression and then it was only to keep kids out of the work-force and keep jobs open for adults. The academic abilities of Americans has been declining ever since. Homeschooling isn't the "fad" here. Government school is. Homeschooling has been in use for MILLENIA. Compulsory government school has only been in use for the last century and has an abysmal track record already. Homeschooling produced people like our founders, compulsory government school produced people like our current administration. Enough said!

If your son is special needs in any way, or suffers from any "delays" I would strongly encourage you to look into homeschooling. You'll be glad you did.

Just my opinion though. It's how I choose to operate and others have the right to choose how THEY will operate.

Sorry if I got a little off topic, but I wanted to give you another option to think about and one or two good reasons to think about it. I have a gazillion other reasons, all well thought out and researched. If you're interested in hearing them, shoot me a message.

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Boys mature at a much slower rate than girls - Sometimes a little maturity goes a long way. You don't often see much difference at the elementary level, but by middle school, the differences are huge.
Those kids who started "early" or "earlier" are notoriously the ones who act out in class, get in trouble more often, and are socially "behind" their peers.
I had an 8th grade math/science class that I taught for 8 weeks - the kids who were the most obnoxious, got in trouble, and generally made a nuisance of themselves were the kids who were started before they were socially ready. They are the ones whose parents insisted that they start kindergarten at age 5 when they were not socially ready.
YMMV
LBC

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Both of my kids miss the age cut off so they are both the oldest in their classes. It hasn't hurt them. The only problems we have had is that they are ahead of their peers in academics. They absorb knowledge like a sponge. But that really doesn't have to do with their age.
I was held back a year as a child and the only time it was a problem is when people thought I was a yr younger than I was because of my grade. Frustrating for a high-schooler.

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I put my oldest son in a TK program before kindergarten. It was the best descision! He was old enough for regular kindergarten and was very articulate, but, I had heard wornderful stories about transitional kindergarten. Dylan thrived in both TK and the next year in kindergarten. He was at the top of his class and well liked by both his peers and teachers. We moved by the time my middle son was kindergarten age. There was no TK program and he was bored in daycare, so I sent him to kindergarten right at 5. He struggled academically and socially until middle school! I saw a huge difference between their two experiences! I wanted to hold him back after kindergarten and the school fought me! He is not a learning challenged kid, he is actually off the hook intelligent, his social skills were just a bit behind and he was very tiny for his age. It just took a long time for the stigma of not fitting in to go away. If I could do it over, I would wait another year before sending him to kindergarten. It would have made his life alot easier. It is so hard to watch your child struggle to fit in. Especially when big brother fit in so well!
He is fine now. I don't think I ruined his life, or anything. But I will never ever recommend sending a child to kindergarten right away if there is ANY concern whatsoever about his or her readiness. I have yet to hear of a mom say, "I wish I would have sent him sooner." I hear everyone say, "I am SO glad we waited!"
Think of it as giving him an etra year of childhood!

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My stepson was held back in kindergarten. He is ADD to the max - unfortunately has to take a lot of meds but even they don't always help. Anyhow, they knew he would be held back - his preschool teacher told my husband and his ex that he was not ready socially or academically and would not pass if they sent him. Luckily, my husband was then in a financial situation where he could afford to send him to private school for a year of kindergarten. This allowed him to get a year of kindergarten under his belt - get practice with the stricter classroom setting, learn some of the basics, etc. - without "failing" and being left behind while his peers moved forward in the public school. He went to our local public school for the 2nd year of kindergarten and he did well and has moved on up with his peers since. That said, in 4th grade I believe it was, one of our neighborhood kids (who had been invited to our son's bday party) figured out he was a little older than the other children (he turns the age in August then his peers start turning that age during the year). He put two and two together and started teasing our son for being held back. That is something you have to be prepared for. Personally, I think your idea of homeschooling or another alternative for 1 year is a good one. Being held back while your friends move forward has to be difficult. Good luck. P.S. We actually decided not to go the IEP route as it is a pain and we felt our son is more than high functioning enough that he has to learn to deal with the hand he has been dealt as we all do.

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Where we live the cutoff is Sept. 1. My daughter is turning 5 the day school starts, Aug 25th. I am not putting her in for a few reasons, but I don't consider my choice redshirting because if she was born on her actual due date I wouldn't have the option of putting her in. She is extremely shy so much that she still takes a long time to warm up to anyone even people that have been in her life consistantly & sees on a regular basis like my sister who we see several times a week. She is also on the smaller side. She is very much a follower with her friends. My dghtr has had 2 yrs of preschool & the teachers have said she would benefit waiting one more year for both social & academic skills. My dghtr will not participate if she is unsure of the correct answer, she does not like to be wrong. I am not worried about her academically during k-2nd grade, but it's 3rd grade & up that starts to become very challenging for kids academically & socially & dealing with peer pressure, etc. I would like her to be a bit more mature to learn how to deal with those challenges.

I haven't seen most parents that holdback due it because of just social skills. I have seen it more for academic. And some because there child is very hyper. And for boys so that they can be bigger for sports. But to each his own, I just hope parents look at their reasons and know that it's truly for the best interest of their child.

Best wishes for your son & I hope he does well being off the medication.

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My only concern to holding him back from kindergarten is that if the behaviors that were triggered by the medications that he was once on are out of his system, the way he acts now just might be learned. He has gotten used to acting this way. Wouldn't putting him in the correct K class with other kids who are behaving 'correctly' show him the proper way to conduct himself. Just holding him back would almost reinforce the way he is acting now.

It seems like it would be better to put him in K and if he had to repeat K than at least he will have a solid foundation. An extra year of preschool seems like it would do him a disservice, sort of 'baby' him.

I don't know what your plans are, but GOOD LUCK! I think whatever decision you make will be good for your son!
K

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From my personal experience the cut-off for my school was Sept. 30th, my birthday - Nov. 29th. So I was two months from turning six when I started kindergarden. I am also the youngest of 10 children, so I was around many mature people during my upbringing. I now have a Masters degree in Education. Being one of the "older" kids in my class was never a problem. I was always a leader in class and drove before many classmates, including my first boyfriend in high school! Don't worry about the age issue.

I haven't read most of the comments but I did want to say in reference to your comment about being older than his friends : I was always older than most of my friends in school (I stayed back in 2nd grade) and it never bothered me. As far as the IEP goes feel lucky. Many people have to fight to get that for their child. You know your child better than anyone else. At the end of the day you will know what is best for him. Good Luck!

Hi M. B. When I was working in daycare's instead of curricular activities we would teach them self control so that way when they did start school they would be able to sit and pay attention.( we did teach them stuff but more so the self control) I have been told that the reason china has smart people is because they wait until they're kids are 7 before they start school because they are better prepared to pay attention. In kindergarten teachers spend more time getting onto the children than actually teaching them. The teaching starts at home. I have been teaching my 2 y/o his basics since he was 4 months old. I taught him sign language and then when he started walking I started on other stuff such as colors and numbers etc. I have read to him since he was an infant. Yes, I know there are very "hyper" children! I know, I have an hyper 8 y/o and a stubborn 2 y/o!! But that's just kids stuff!
I will wait as long as I can to enroll my 2y/o in school. And I know everyone is going to have some great advice and hopefully not negative. Everyone has an opinion!

I know you have a lot of answers already, but I wanted to chime in because I have a similar age issue with my daughter. My daughter turned 6 the week after Kindergarten started. The cut-off where we are is 5 by September 1st for Kindergarten entry. My daughter’s birthday is September 2nd. She has no challenges like your son and we still struggled with whether to put her in where the cut-off had her or to ask for a waiver and put her ahead. After much thought, research & prayer, we decided to leave her where she would fall and not push her ahead

She started Kindergarten at age 5, had a new friend have her 5th birthday on August 28th (a few days after school started) and then she turned 6 the following week. She is (and always will be) the oldest in her class. She had a fantastic year and is heading into 1st grade this fall. (I learned that the kids are not as focused on the birthdays as we parents are!)

I am a firm believer in doing what is best for your child. A few of the major points we considered in our decision-making process that may help you in making your decision:
1.) Kids are allowed to be kids for such a short time now-a-days, why push it?
2) If we decided to delay our daughter’s start, and she turns out to not be challenged academically later, we can always give her more challenging work or move her up a grade later down the road, but if we started her early and she ended up struggling, school will not be enjoyable for her and then she would continue to struggle.
3) There is much more of a stigma attached to repeating a grade than doing advanced work.
4) Do we really want our daughter to be by far the youngest in her class in High School & College? (She only missed the cut-off by one day so there was the potential for her to be 16 with 18 year olds if we put her in ahead of the guidelines!)
5) The foundation for learning (& loving or hating school) is made in the Pre-K, K, 1st & 2nd grades. If she were to struggle thru these years, she would most likely struggle all the way thru HS & College, so why start her at a disadvantage?
6) Kindergarten now is like 1st grade when we were little! Why rush into it if you don’t have to?

Those were some of the things we considered, but please don’t discount the school’s opinion when making your decision. They had him in the classroom for a year. They know him and they know the school environment. If they think he is not ready, he most likely is not ready for their program.

In the end, YOU know your child the best – NOT the doctors or “experts”. Do what you think is best for him and you will have no regrets down the road.

Good luck with your decision. ~ B.

My son's b-day is October 21. Out of 23 kids in his 2nd grade class, 19 had bdays before the end of December and he is not even close to being the olderst kid in class, 10 kids are older than him. Your child definitely is not going to be the oldest kid in his class. Though in kindergarten it might seem like a big deal I look at how he will be in high school. My son will be the kid with the license while some of his friends won't be old enough yet. Plus the older kids tend usually to be the leader and the younger kids follow. I personally prefer my child would be the leader. About the age cutoff thing, it isn't only because of social skills for the kids its the academic comprehension that is expected of the kids and if your child can't sit still to learn that can lead to problems with him learning what he has to. That said, my son also has ADHD and other issues as well and the extra year has helped a lot. He went into K reading on a 4th grade level but there is a lot to school other than reading. And no, just because your child starts out a little "behind" (for lack of a better word only) in certain areas doesn't mean it will always be that way but I just want him to start feeling successful right away not having to struggle just to keep up with the rest of his class. And if the cutoff is Sept 30 you arent holding him back at all as most of his friends are the same age. Oh, and we have full day kindergarten here.

I feel similar to you except my son's birthday is at at then of November. He'll be two months away from turning 6 when he starts kindergarten. I ams ure he will always be the oldest in his class but there has to be a cut off and there is always going to be someone who is the oldest and someone who is the youngest. I guess i have just excepted that it is what it is.

I'm not a fan of holding back, red shirting or whatever you want to call it. How close is your son's bday to the cutoff?
There are some people who believe that it's best to be the oldest in the class rather than the youngest, but I can certainly think of instances where that is not true. It is not ideal to be either, but it can't necessarily be helped. Not every kid can be my kids, June birthdays in an area with a December cutoff, right in the middle.
I have a friend whose son had the November birthday, and he did end up repeating kindergarten. It was not a terrible thing and he's doing great in school now (going into 6th) - the extra year of kindy was a good thing for him. I don't think I'd have held my kid back for a late birthday, unless they were going to full day K and I did not think they could handle that much school.
In your situation, I'd likely send him. Does he qualify for an IEP and additional supports/services? I'd probably go that route in your shoes. Good luck!

Look at it this way. You're son won't be behind his peers because his peers are also being delayed because their birthdays are behind the cut off. Everyone got up in arms about the move up of the cut off date. I honestly don't get it. (I have 7 1/2y/o twins btw) As long as all kids are cut off at the same time then the age thing balances out. If my boys were a year ahead - even tho they have a late birthday, then they'd be in a class with kids who are a full year older than them. As it is, they are in a class where they are in the older group but certainly not the oldest and not the youngest.

It always works out and as many other moms who have discussed this same issue, I don't know one who wasn't satisfied after the fact that their kid was 'delayed' due to the age cut off. This allowed them to be with kids who were closer to their emotional maturity and development status.

I wouldn't worry about it, your son will do wonderful in life with a mom who is concerned and there for him!

My daughter turned 5 on August 26 and I put her in kindergarten because I thought developmentally she was ready. She is the youngest in her class and will be the youngest to get her driver's licence, etc. I think it all depends on the individual.

Who is determining if your child is too "behind" in his/her social skills? My daughter started kindergarten at age 4 - She had to be five by December 1. She turned 5 on Nov 25, so she was right at the cutoff. She was a little behind in her ability to sit still, but otherwise fine. She goes to a Montessori school, so she is way ahead in language skills, yet a titch behind in math.

I would think that. unless your child is very disruptive in class or physically abusing classmates, the school district would have no say in whether they enter school. It is their right (and the law) that they are allowed to attend school.

M.,

I just responded to your later post. The trend to hold kids back may feel good, but it is very bad for children, and is espeically bad for children with special needs. Again, check www.wrightslaw.com and read about retention. Children only recieve intervention based on grade, never age. Holding kids back is not a recomended research based intervention for children with special needs, it is in fact, shown to be detramental to most kids in the long run, but does not meet the standard called for in IDEA. You may not only delay necessary intervention for one year, you may keep a child from qualifying for an IEP until they encounter complete failure. Reading failue is very common for children with special needs who were held back. After age 9, reading intervention is slow and difficult.

You should send him on time and make the school recognize his needs at age level, instead of risking hiding his needs by lowering the grade expectation by a year.

M.

I just read your "So What Happened" and wanted to tell you that my daughter is young for her grade (she'll be 9 at the end of August and is entering 4th grade) but her best friend turns 10 next week. I've never seen this girl have confidence issues - in fact, I believe she's MORE confident because she is older. I worry all the time that I did the wrong thing sending my daughter when she was eligible. Just thought I'd throw that out there. I think the "long term impact" of holding your child back will only be a positive one. One idea - my niece turns 6 at the beginning of August. Last year my sister-in-law put her in a private half day kindergarten. They watched throughout the year to see how she did, and determined that repeating kindergarten (this time it'll be full day) would be good for her. Maybe try that with your son? Good luck in your decision!

I can speak as a former teacher and a current parent. Boys especially are sometimes not emotionally ready for kindergarten at age 5. That being said, if you are really torn about it, have him start kindergarten this year and see how it goes. At the end of the year, re-assess the situation. He might be ready to move onto first grade next year or you may want him to repeat kindergarten. If he repeats, he will be more confident with himself because he will be reinforcing things he learned already. The only thing I want to caution you about is that if you move him onto first grade and he is not ready, he may become frustrated and start acting out or shutting down. It is incredibly important to hold them back in K instead of the older grades as there tends to be more of a stigma attached to it in the upper grades.

Good luck!

We are starting to think about this for our son, but he has another year to think about it. In his case, he will turn 5 in late July and our deadline is Sept 1, so he will be one of the youngest in the class. If he were going to be 5 1/2, I wouldn't even think about it and would put him right in. My daughter was in kindergarten this past year. In every class, there were kids that were pulled out for special education. Basically, a reading teacher or math teacher would take about 5 of them at a time and give them special help. At first I thought, "I don't want my kid to be one of the ones pulled out." My aunt teaches Kindergarten and told me that I shouldn't think that way. That some of her kids pulled out were in the bottom reading group at the start of the year and by the end, with special help, they were in the top groups. It really changed my thinking. As far as your other post about aides--2 children in my daughter's class shared an aide. The teacher commented in a conference that we had how much she loved having the aide, because when she wasn't busy, she would help her with the rest of the class. The students (she didn't tell us which they were, my daughter did) had behavior and ADHD issues (one little girl scribbled on everyones paper at the start of the year and the other boy had outbursts). By the end of the year, you couldn't tell there were any issues. Either the aide helped them, or they matured a lot throughout the year. Personally, I am not a fan of home schooling. Not only do I think that my kids wouldn't listen for me, but they would miss out on important social skills. I would find a smaller private school before I went that route. Good luck. I think he will be fine no matter what you choose.