Kindergarten Consequences

I agree with the previous poster. I have a daughter that started Kindergarten this year as well and it has been a big adjustment for her as well. I think that you should try to address her motivation for her behavior before you punish her- she may need some help with coping skills that she can apply at school. Hope that helps!

I am having similiar problems with me daughter. She isn't behaving terrible but enough to get marks on her take home sheet. My husband and I discussed it this past weekend and the conclusion we came up is similiar to what some other ladies are saying. She probably is trying out the waters. She is older now and the other children's behavior is beoming more noticable to her whether she realizes it or not. The schools stress the rules,following directions and sticking to a strict schedule so much (which isn't horrible in many situations) that maybe she is having a hard time that the social restrictions are placing on her. Maybe you coaching her to keep up with solutions and punishments are help her own up to the situation.

Please don't say that your child is Bored and that's why she is getting into trouble. That is not a reason for your child to act out. I teach kinder and there is so much that we have to teach ,that your child has no time to get bored. First off, your child will not respect the teacher or the classroom if you have a bad attitude toward the teacher. You need to support the teacher in front of her (even if you don't agree) and then sit down with the teacher and come up with a plan that you both agree can help your child. YOu have to have consistant support from home for your child to have good behavior at school. Have you considered going to your child's classroom and spending the morning observing? That might show you what exactly is the probelm and give you some ideas to help. Being a teacher yourself you know the importance of parents and teachers working together. Good luck

Unless the teacher is completely out of line (and this wouldn't be one of those times) - then support the teacher even when you disagree with her. It teaches your kid to respect authority and to get along with people even when you don't want to. I tell my children all of the time, up front, that if they get in trouble at school, they will get in trouble at home. The consequences, of course, depend on the situation. But, they know this up front and have to learn how to get along at school. It's a life lesson. Your daughter has to learn how to behave herself even when she's bored or being picked on. Hands to herself and name calling are completely important issues in the classroom and must be dealt with or many problems will arise from it which is a great disturbance in the classroom. Support your teachers even when you disagree on these issues. If the kids don't know how to sit down, keep their hands to themselves, or be quiet or respectful to others, then it becomes chaos and no teaching will be accomplished. Your daughter needs to learn self-control for all situations. This will do her well as an adult.

It is soooo important for parents to back the schools in this way. Kids behave better at school when they fear punishments from their parents - not their teachers. Parents have a much farther reach and influence. Most of the "trouble" kids at school are from parents who stay out of it and let it remain between the teacher and student, etc. We teachers can do a much better job when parents are reinforcing the discipline at home. You will be avoiding many problems at school if you back up with discipline at home.

Hey - well as a former kinder teacher I tend to side with the teacher - still you know your child best - she may just be testing the waters to see how much she can get away with or establish herself as an alpha female in the class - I would be consistent with whatever consequence you choose I'm sure this will work itself out - be careful about using the word bored though because being bored is no excuse for bad behavior - if you think she is really bored come up with ideas of things she can do to help keep her from bad behavior - maybe the teacher can give her some special jobs or responsibilities - lets face it there are a lot of boring people out there it's unfortunate to find that in a kindergarten teacher but it will help her in the long run in being able to deal with boring situations - hope this helps!

Hi J., you have gotten some GOOD advice. I was a K Teacher for 15 yrs, loved it! The social aspect is SO important as these are skills we take with us for the rest of our life, especially at work. She will come around. Let school handle the major consequence but back them with your support i.e. ask the Teacher what can I do as a parent? Let your daughter know how disappointed you are of her behavior. And on the flip side Love the Dickens out of her when she has a good day: I am SO PROUD, I knew you could do it!, etc. Not everything a child is required to learn is what they are interested in but all the children in the room are learning and we must respect their right to learn in a safe & positive environment. She will get there. Enjoy, Kindergarten is a blast!! Ask her everyday, what did you learn today, can you their most important teacher expand on it. She will be fine.

You've actually received some good advice - just wanted to share a tad more. My son is also having a difficult time in Kinder. I met with the teacher as soon as the first note came home to establish a daily incident sheet, open lines of communication and mind sharing best practices on how to work w/ my son. All of which seem to be working great.
In the classroom they receive smiley faces in their folder if they've had a good day. We set up a reward system - 5 smiley faces = new 'inexpensive' toy. And so far he's working VERY hard to achieve those smiles!

I agree with some of the other posters to limit punishment at home, since they've already had a consequence in the classroom. However, I do take the evening snack away and depending on the action, sometimes TV (hard when you have other children to keep them out of the TV room) You do need to talk about her poor choices and I actually like your idea of writing lines - but what about instead of lines, have her write a note back to her teacher? That would achieve not only working on her writing, but also showing your child you're backing her teacher?

Good luck - you are not alone!

Hi J.,
with you being a teacher what I'm about to share may not be something new to you. When my son was in Kindergarten I never really knew he was causing any problems until I went to a Christmas party for the class and noticed he was sitting in a chair next to the teacher. Afterwards I asked her about it and she told my son was not a problem child but that he bored easily and was disruptive so she put his chair next to hers. What she realized is that Josh was advanced and that she had to adjust her teaching style for him differently. Basically she assigned him work gearded more for a 2nd grader. She also gave him responsibilites that made him feel like he was helping the teacher as well as the the other kids. This kept him occupied and he didn't bother the other kids. He stayed in trouble constantly in the first grade and the teacher even had the nerve to send home papers to have him tested for ADD. In the beginning of 2nd grade he acted up but the teacher saw the same thing his kindergarten saw and she began to give him advanced work and assign him responsibilities and he was like a new kid over night. All his elementary teachers (with the exception of his first grade, Ugh!) are forever in my heart because they saw his potentials and worked to enhance them instead of labeling him as an ADD or ADHD kid. In the 5th grade he was allowed to participate in Strings, and that brought about a significant change in his behavior. He has been an advanced student every since and is currently a Sophomore AP student.

Maybe this could be a route you could talk with your teacher about. It sounds like to me she is pretty smart she just may be getting bored and needs a challenge.
Good luck
S.

My daughter went through a tough time in Kinder too last year. She would come home with sad faces everyday and her teacher (who was pregnant and only in her 2nd year of teaching) would call me everyday at work and tell me that she was being bad. I was never sure what she wanted me to do over the phone!? Anyway, a lot of your child's behavior could be just getting adjusted to school. My daughter did not do the pre-school thing and I stayed at home with her until she started school. It was hard for her to learn how to be in such a structured environment. Kindergarden is a lot of trial and error for children. Don't be too dicouraged, even though I realize it is tough. It was very hard, so I get you! This year, my daughter is doing great! She couldn't wait to get back to school...now experienced in being a school student! Her teacher is fabulous and she gets smiley faces everyday. So, although it may be tough now, keep the faith. I know all kids are different, but I'm hoping that you have the same experience I have had.
As for tips:
When she came home everyday, I would remind her how important it is to get along with the other kids. I would teach her breathing techniques for when she would get upset with the other kids. Although I don't want her to become the class "tattle-tale", I tell her it's ok to tell the teacher if someone is bothering you. I tell her getting angry only makes things worse. Most kinder classes have "centers" to go to and be creative. I would tell her if she got bored (I think she gets bored too being that I taught her most everything they learned in Kinder by the time she had started), that she should ask to go to a center. This helped a little too.
I too was not impressed by her Kinder teacher. She was quite young, inexperienced, and did not have a very loving personality. She did, what I believe, the bare minimum. I am glad that it is over and am grateful for her new teacher.
Good luck to you and keep us updated on how your daughter is getting along!

I agree that the punishment should be handled at school in direct relationship to the misbehavior. At home, I would talk to your daughter about her behavior and explain to her how you expect her to behave at school. Talk to her about what it means to be a good friend, good student, etc and have her practice those positive qualities. Set up a reward chart to encourage her to go a certain amount of days without getting into trouble at school.

Also, being bored is NO excuse for name calling or touching others or their things. Those are bullying behaviors and should not be tollerated. Kids want attention and in their eyes negative attention is better than no attention. Seems to me she might be having trouble making friends or fitting in at school.

Many kids don't have problems in pre-k, then move on to Kinder and first where much more is expected of them behaviorally. I would talk to the teacher more in depth to find out what is going on. Bored or not, it's not acceptable behavior. There may be some aspects of Kinder that are boring to her (I clearly remember being in Kinder. I could read and no one else could, and I got very bored. But I never "checked out" nor acted out. I found books and READ!) because she already knows it, or perhaps because she doesn't want to do it. That's still not a reason to act out.

I partly agree with previous posters who have said the punishment needs to be between school and child. HOwever, I do think it's important that you talk to her about it and support the teacher. If you show your child that you don't support the teacher, either her discipline methods or what she does in the classroom, then that will transfer to your child. SHe won't feel "impressed" with what the teacher is doing if you don't. Remember that Kinder is about a lot more than just learning to read, write, and add. It's so much about socialization, so you may not get why the teacher is doing all that she is right now.

I also think writing lines is not appropriate punishment for a kindergartner. Not being able to watch her favorite shows for the night might be fine, but the lines are a bit much, I think. Just reinforce what the teacher is doing at school unless you feel that your child is not being treated fairly.

Good luck. If it continues, I would have a sit down talk with the teacher before the problems escalate.

You say that you are not impressed with what the teacher does in the classroom. As a teacher, just what is it that she does/does not do? This is early in the school year. Can you change her to another class? The not being able to keep her hands to herself may be just over-friendliness. The name calling has been learned, either at home or at school and that should be brought to a stop. Don't call me cruel, but when my now grown up sons were young and said something they shouldn't, they got a good mouth washing with soap They didn't swallow it, so it didn't hurt them, but it sure didn't taste good. They had to do the washing around all the teeth, over and under the tongue and around the inside cheeks in order to get all of that bad word out of their mouth. Believe me, it works.

J.,
I have a very outgoing kinder son. We have done several things when his color changes. His teacher is very strict, so any infraction causes a color change - which really is a good thing, since she is so consistent.

The thing that has worked the best is to take the TV away. He watches one cartoon in the morning and maybe 2 in the afternoon. When I pick him up, he now knows that he will not get to watch TV if his color changes from green to yellow. My suggestion is to try many different things until you find the one that works for your daughter. We also use rewards -- if he stays on green, we get to ride bikes to the park after homework and if we get green 5 days in a row, we get a prize. This hasn't happened yet (but we have only had three weeks of school with the hurricane and everything).

I think that this situation is not just the teachers responsibility to handle. As the parent, we need to set the expectations for our children. Talking with them and letting them explain what happened is good, but there should also be consequences to their actions. At our house misbehavior at school leads to consequences at home. The end result will be a better behaved child who will learn at an early age that there are consequences to all his choices.

Good luck,
L.

Learning how to behave in a socially-acceptable manner is just as important as learning academics. Many young children have problems in this area, so don't be alarmed. It is important, however, to support the teacher (you should be able to identify with this one!) and to keep the lines of communication open with her. I would keep a simple behavior chart--let the teacher check off every day how your daughter's behavior was. Include on the chart each behavior that you want to see less of, as well as space to add anything else. Now, the important part--discuss with your daughter the consequences of her behavior at school. Decide in advance what privileges she will lose if she cannot behave at school. When she agrees to your "contract", you're all set. The privileges she lose could depend on which rule she breaks...hitting others losing the most, name-calling losing fewer, etc. Now--what does she enjoy doing at home? TV time? Computer time? Playtiime outside? Dessert after supper? You know your daughter--you decide.

Anyway, once your daughter gets the idea that you are going to insist on her behaving at school, AND as she matures, she'll be better able to control her impulses to lash out at her classmates. Hang in there, Mom! Your heart is in the right place. (And by the way, I had LOTS of trouble when I was in kindergarten--couldn't stop talking! Once I understood that my parents were displeased with me, I tried really hard to improve, and I did! Hopefully your daughter will get the message, too!)

Wow! I don't mean to be disrespectful; but why are you giving consequences at home when (1) it should be handled by her teacher at school and (2) you don't know why she's behaving that way. It just seems a bit harsh to me.

I personally think issues at school should remain between school (teacher, principal, counselor, etc.) and child. I would speak with her teacher to get her take on it and then ask either the principal or counselor to sit in on class a few days to see if they have a different take on what' going on.

In the meantime, I would just love her and give her extra attention at home. She'll be more likely to open up to you and tell you what's going on in school. If she's already getting in trouble at school and then you're punishing her at home, then she may start feeling like she doesn't have anyone she can open up to. Now, that doesn't mean you can't talk to her and tell her that you're disappointed with her actions of the day and explain why it bothers you. Just remember that 5 is still very young and Kindergarten may still be a little scary for her...bigger school, more kids, etc. She may still be adjusting to being in school and you may be right, she could also be a bit bored during the day.

Make certain your daughter gets enough exercise and unstructured play. Sometimes schools have unrealistic expectations for children to sit still for extended periods of time. The exercise she gets at school is not enough. Ideas: indoor play systems, walks in the afternoon or early evening, bike or walk to school with her. We recently purchased Yoga for kids and my two younger kids love it--but save it for a rainy day when you can't go outside and play due to the weather. Having her write keep hands to myself and grounding her may actually be compounding the problem. Talk to her about name calling and find out what the problem is. Good Luck!