Kids Taking Care of Kids...

My girls have grown up in a daycare. They understand completely how important it is to be careful. Each of them went through stages where they were very good with the little ones and a lot of help. I agree that most of the time they are very good with each other. But there have been times when it wasn't that way. They had bad days or times when they were tired of the little ones or didn't want to share their things. They went through times where they would lash out. They are kids. They can't be expected to behave in a grown up way or professionally. They need care themselves.

One day I heard screaming and ran the 10 steps into the room they were in. One of my daughters was sitting on top of a bean bag chair which was on top of a child! Of course I freaked and went off because they don't realize how easy someone can suffocate. Other times one or more of my daughters went from vacuuming to sucking the skin of a child with the end of a hose.

I don't think it's appropriate for us to assume that just because a child is mostly responsible, most of the time, that they will always be. Kids do stupid things! That's why they choke each other until they die and dare each other to do other dumb things.

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20 minutes of playing with a 3 year old doesn't qualify a 7 year old for the great responsibility that comes with caring for another child. There is a difference between simple entertainment & "taking care" of a child.

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I didn't read the responses... but No Way would I leave my 7 year old to watch littles. She is very responsible. She sees me care for kids all day long and imitates what I do. She has a good head on her shoulders. It's not really about her *ability* or willingness to do it for me...
It really takes seconds for something bad to happen, and I would never put her in a position to be responsible for another child. Certainly would never go to the store and leave her to watch little ones. People in third world countries do it out of necessity, not convenience. Sorry Mama, I think you're way off.
Mother's helpers is a different thing. You're in the house, accessible to the kids and the helper. And I still think age 7 is way too young.

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OK--well 3rd world countries do a lot of things that aren't exactly what I would consider "right" or "safe"! LOL

I think it's wrong if only that you would NEVER want to put that type of burden on your 7 yo, God forbid, something happens to the little one and it wasn't even her fault or out of her control.....she would carry it with her the rest of her life. That's reason enough for me to vote "no".

Now, entertaining the baby while you cook dinner--sure. A 7 yo "in charge" for 30 mins? No way.

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Just because some kids can help entertain other kids with supervision, does not mean they can watch them unsupervised. In fact, isn't it illegal to leave kids alone under 12 or something? There is too much that can happen, and not all kids have good enough judgement.

I think what Bug meant is that third world countries are not great for basing our standards, because they generally are not quality places to live. "this is how it's done in third world countries"...people on here say this all the time about a lot of topics (breastfeeding, cosleeping, etc.) as if this is what we should strive for...as you said, people in third world countries do things out of necessity, not always because it's a good idea, or because they want to.

I'm all about kids learning responsibility and helping out, but they need to prove that they are responsible by showing they can handle all situations...and be of a safe, acceptable age. You just never know what can happen, and I wouldn't want to take a chance...

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My daughter is 9 now and has loved taking care of younger kids always. She often goes to her big brother's house and watches and plays with his kids (age 7, 5, and 18 months). They love having her there. Our neighbors like having her come over to play with their younger children, also. They are not left completely alone, there is always an adult within earshot, but she keeps the younger ones busy and entertained for hours.

We are denying our children important learning experiences if we give them absolutely no responsibility or credit for simple things they are capable of doing. How is a kid suddenly OK to be a babysitter at whatever particular age, if they haven't been given increasingly more chance to show that they can be responsible with little ones?

Please read the book "Free Range Kids" everyone.

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Your 7 yo should not be responsible for taking care of your 5 yo when they are alone. She is not mature enough - and no, I don't have to know her to make that statement! She is 7 YEARS OLD! As R. H pointed out, what if your 5 yo HAD started choking? Does your 7 yo know how to do the Heimlich? She may have the sense to call 911 or go to your neighbor's if she figured out quickly enough what was happening. But by then, it would be too late.

Personally, I find it hard to believe that you could get out of the house with the baby, get to the store, buy what you need, and get back all in five minutes.

I admit that I allowed my responsible 8 yo son to stay alone for 15 min. periods, and increased it to 30 mins when he was 9. But he did not care for his younger sister until he was 10 and she was 7, and they both knew the rules well enough that I could trust them. By then, my son had already had a first aid and cpr course, and could tell me what he would do in any scenario I gave him. Now he is 12, she's almost 9. I leave them alone for up to 2 hours, and I stay within a 25 mile radius from home.

Sue W. -- I'm all for giving children responsibilities. Such as chores! And caring for pets. And at 7 yo, HELPING keep an eye on a younger sibling, with an adult on the premises. As they age, their responsibilities should increase. Children learn through imitation. They watch what we do, and emulate it. Therefore, when a child becomes 11, 12, or 13, they have the sense and ability to care for younger children because they have seen us do it. They have had enough life experiences (and hopefully read of other's experiences in books) to make a good judgment call. And they should have first aid and cpr training, to boot. So it's not "all of a sudden" they are able to babysit. It's what they learn over the course of the five years between 7 and 12.

Children should be allowed to be children. We are the adults.

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I totally get what you are saying here.

In my home at one point there were six children 10 and under. Yes the older ones were paired off with the younger based on personality. It gave the moms of the house a chance to cook, clean, shop, etc.

Since our culture here in America doesn't cherish or crave huge families. It is hard to understand this concept but when you have to care for 5 or more children at a time, you appreciate this all too well.

Most may not even remember the 1 room classroom where all the grades where in one room and the teacher taught them all. How the heck could she do that if the children didn't cooperate and help.

Yes sometimes children are taken advantage of but that also happens with adults and teens watching the kids (especially teens) but it still takes a village even if that village isn't "grown" yet. Great post.

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I would only allow it if an adult was was somewhere in the house, like the mother's helper scenario. I'd be more worried about choking, drowning, ingestion of accidental poisoning, etc. What would a 7 year old do if a preschooler started choking on a grape? I hate to think of worst case scenarios like that, but it is a real possibility, and that is why we have teenage or adult babysitters who have completed a cpr course.

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The Red Cross offers babysitting courses for kids 12 years of age and older. So if they are training them at that age they must be legally old enough to care for another person besides themselves. If they are not given responsibility and taught to care for themselves then they cannot ever learn to take care of someone else.

When I worked with persons with developmental disabilities we worked with each person to achieve their goal of home alone time. Doing it in stages will help the child to be able to get used to being responsible and be able to care for themselves very well and other children too.

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As for the "So What Happened" comment you posted, my daughter lived with her dad and step mom for several years and were latch key kids. The boys were very mean to her. They would wrestle her to the ground take her clothes off and push her out the front door and lock her out. They would be sexually inappropriate. The step mom found out when I called her and told her. They got a baby sitter the next day.

Sixty something percent of incest that is reported is between siblings left alone. That is an older statistic but it is very common for that to occur.

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Edited to say that I may be wrong, but I don't think Sue is giving "cart blanche" to leave children alone to care for younger siblings. She said there's always an adult within earshot. (More like my house).
Yeah, I'm gonna have to go more conservative on this one. Kids watching kids is fine and good if there's still an adult around (my older son "watches" / plays with my younger son upstairs in the playroom....they can go in my fenced in backyard....I have walked over to a neighbor's house to borrow some paprika and left them playing---but told them where I was going). HOWEVER: I agree that the developing nations rationale isn't apples to apples. We have a home that I built myself in Kenya.....I have very close friends in Tanzania who run a children's home. But the situation is not the same. And things that come from necessity (8 year old Eliza caring for her 2 year old brother because the dad is dead and mom has AIDS, or 15 year old Abrahim shepherding a little gaggle of young children because they are all street children and they watch each other's back at night so that President Moi's thugs don't shoot them like rats).....NOT the same thing. And those older children are not children anymore. They weren't meant to have that put on them, and it is a terrible, terrible shame to see such old souls and old, weary eyes on little bodies. If you had a 10 year old and were within a walking distance to a little corner grocery, I wouldn't see a problem leaving a younger sibling (no less than 3 years old--younger than that can go in a stroller with you) in the 10 year old's care. But really, nothing younger than that should be babysitting without an adult. If you have to drive: what if you have an accident? What if you left the dryer running and it sparked and a fire broke out? Like R. said: choking on a grape. Ft Worth has had a little rash of break ins where the guys kick the door open in the middle of the day. I DO NOT live in fear. But you do have to assess possible problems (not necessarily what could go wrong, but the awareness that "something" could go wrong) and understand some situations are best handled by someone with a little age, experience, or ability to react to take care of a situation. I would say no to children watching children for 30 minutes or more. (And yes, when I was 12 I went to babysitter camp, took my classes to get certified, also did a separate basic first aid and cpr class for those cards too....it made me feel better as a sitter, and it certainly makes me feel better as a parent to see those certifications). Oh---I just thought of that African babysitter who ran back to Africa (but had to return and face the music) when she left to go to the store and the house caught fire and several children died---that was big news just a year or so ago. No judgements on anyone else here, but MY kids aren't going to be left home alone. (Again, my 4 year old DOES play with his little brother in the playroom or outside without me, but they are safe zones and I can hear them if they fight or get hurt).

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I started babysitting for others in the 5th grade after my 11th bday. The "base rule" (we lived on a navy base, and this was a parent-norm not mandated rule) was that babysitters needed to be in the double digits.

My son went to montessori preschool... and kids helping kids is the norm there, as well. One kid is good at one work, they help another child who is just learning it. It's not strictly an age thing. A 3yo may be teaching a 5yo one kind of work (like my son used to help a lot of the older kids with their reading, because he was fluent), and then on a different work the 5yo may be teaching the 3yo. ((Slightly off topic, one of the things I absolutely LOVE about montessori is that there's no "single year grade level" nonsense. Kids one year older -or more- aren't "scary" and kids one year younger aren't "babies". They split into 3-4 year age groupings and the kids all teach each other in addition to the teachers teaching them. Little kids have the older kids to model off of, instead of just 10 other 3yos all dealing with hitting/not sharing/etc., and be role models for. It's hands down my favorite early childhood educational model.))

Back on topic, I find it sad that kids are stripped of both their ability to be responsible and their HUMANITY (especially boys) until they're grown, it seems like.

My 9yo boy is a natural 'big brother'. At the park he is just as apt to find a toddler who is scared of the bridge and hold their hand, or a group of kindergarteners and get them involved in a game of tag at THEIR level, as to seek out the older/ faster kids his own age/size. Little kids LOVE him. Their parents, otoh... I've had him accused of being a molester at age 8 (public park, I'm sitting right there watching him) all because he got a group of toddlers involved in a game, and another time when he offered to read to a group of toddlers at the bookstore. Ugh. Evil minded people.), and for the first 15 minutes or so ANY time we're at a park with little ones that he's playing with parents are on "high alert" (fair, since a lot of kids his age pay no attention to the little ones and just knock them over).

He likes little kids. He's gifted (hate that term), and so he's often with older kids and adults (started doing algebra at age 6 & 7, and was reading at the 4th grade level at age 3... so when he's in 'level appropriate classes' he's usually with teens and adults)... but he's incredibly kind, gentle, age appropriate with littles. Plus, they never get their feelings hurt if he 'knows more' (they expect him to know more, since he's a BIG kid), and he doesn't have to pretend with them. He'll play Lions, or Princesses, or hold hands on the "scary bridge" or up and down the stairs. Some day, he'll be a great dad.

But as to leaving him with a child older than him for a short period of time? Yeah. I have, and would again. I've found kids tend to rise to the occasion. I also started leaving him home alone for 5-10 minutes last year to start getting him used to the responsibility. I leave him alone for FAR longer when I'm actually home (like he's inside and I'm out in the yard) or conversely when he's at his cousins -100 acres- he's often out with them for hours at a time, just calling to check in every 30 minutes), but it's different when you're a block away.

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Depends on the age of the kids involved. I think I'd want the oldest to be at least 11 or 12. Do they know how to get out in case of a fire? call 911? Who to talk to if there is a problem?

As far a group play or mother's helper, I think that's great.

Also, some states have laws about the age kids can be left alone. Some say 8, others 10, 12 and 14. Others have no law. VA has none.

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We have a neighborhood boy who is 10 and he is WONDERFUL with our son. His parents are really good friends of ours and he will often come over to play with our son while I am working outside and definitely when we are doing home improvements inside. We've never left him "alone", but they go over to the neighbor's to play with "big boy" toys and will be there for a good 20-30 minutes at a time. When the weather is nice and the windows are open, you can hear my son laughing b/c Anthony is being silly and he's loving it!

I wouldn't leave my toddler with someone younger than 15 for an extended period of time, but 30 minutes so that I can get something done? Absolutely- if the parents are home!

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I cant wait until my oldest is 12......the babysitting is so ON.

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I think that even though it happens in 3rd world countries it doesn't make it right. It happens because there is death, disease, poverty...it's not a good thing.

There is a huge difference in asking an 8 yr old to keep an eye on a 3 yr old while you run back inside or something and having that 8 yr old be a babysitter with no parent around. I would not leave my 3 yr old in the care of a child that young or even a 5 yr old - an 8 yr old is barely old enough to be left alone by him/herself for an hour, legally speaking.

If we left the older kids alone, it was partially age and partially maturity. My stepdaughter could not handle being alone as young as her brother and did an extra year in aftercare. If I leave my DD alone when she's 8 will depend on how far I'm going, who else is around and how mature she is. If she's like her sister, she's coming with me. I'd rather bring her than wonder "what if". Which is not to say we don't encourage independence or allow the kids to help out with younger kids, but it's all supervised/at the right stage for that child.

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My 12 year old daughter helped out with her younger brothers and cousins since they were born. I dont leave her here with them for the day or anything but I do run to the store or the post office and leave them here(and have for awhile). She is also responsible for making sure the youngest gets on and off the school bus during the school year. When we do family bbqs and such she keeps all the little ones entertained
and usually gets them to bed. I think if they are responsible and want to help out, why not?

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i wish someone would've told my mom that! then i wouldn't have had to watch my little brother and sister! but, alas, i live in the real world and in the real world, the 'bigs' help the 'littles.' in my house, i think the youngest person I would leave alone to care for someone younger would be a very mature 11 yr old.

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I wouldn't leave them home alone but my oldest (7 year old) helps watch my youngest (4 year old). I've told him that it's his job as older brother to watch out for his little sister. They go in the basement and play by themselves all the time while I'm upstairs. I check on them once in a while. Or sometimes they're in eachother's rooms playing. My husband's cousin used to help her daycare provider with the kids when she got older. Also whenever my son goes to daycare I tell him he needs to help out.

I can kind of see your reasoning though. When I lived in Guatemala it was normal to leave your 10 year old home alone to watch his/her younger siblings. It's expected and not to mention not many people can afford a babysitter. I used to walk home by myself (over a mile) and be home alone when I was in kindergarten. This was in Guatemala.

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Yes I would and have.I don't think kids get enough credit now a days or chances to prove themsevles.

I started babysitting when I was 10 (23 years ago). I was in charge of 4 kids... 4-8. by 11/12 I was babysitting 3mo, 2yr and 3yr. My brother was there, but more because my parents were out with the parents of the kids I was watching and they didn't want him home alone ( he is a year younger than me). At 14 I was babysitting 3 kids 4,6,8. The 8yr old was is a wheel chair and had a program to follow daily. We were out in the middle of no where ( the clostest neighbor was 2 miles away) with no phone, obviously no car. Everything went fine. Maybe I am one of the lucky ones..

My older kids (11,12,15) help all the time with the little ones (3,4). Call me crazy, a bad mother what ever but my 11yr old has stayed home and babysat the little ones for me for a few hours while I worked 2 blocks away and only a phone call away. Now my 12yr old... there is no way I would leave him in charge for longer than 15mins! He isn't mature enough for that responsibility!! It all depends on the child.

Its truely rewarding as a parent to watch my older ones take it upon themselves the things you have taught them/ learned what you have showen them by loving them and raising them passed down on the younger ones. Atleast I know Im doing something right in the way Im raising them

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I think that one big reason why so many first time parents have no clue how to care for their baby is that they never got to help care for younger siblings or cousins. I helped out a lot with my younger siblings and it certainly didn't scar me for life, it taught me how to care for younger children! It also taught me responsibility, compassion, and empathy, traits that are sadly lacking in so many children today. I was never alone in the house in charge of sibs until I was 10; I was babysitting for other people's children at 11. I think those are reasonable ages, though I now have a 9 year old and I'm not sure if she'll be mature enough in a year or two to be in charge of her little sister who's 6. I have left them alone in the house while I work in the garden, I wonder if the sanctimommies would call the cops on me for that?

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My sister has 4 kids 14,12,6 and 3. It is not unusual at all for one of the two older girls to watch their little siblings for a limited period of time, either at home or walking them to the playground. I have no problem leaving my 3 year old with one of her cousins either.
I think it depends on the individual maturity and reliability of the person - there are some 30+ year olds I would not leave my child with...it's not just a matter of age.

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Whew!!! What a hot button.
I am not answering the question but just so you know, not an hour north of you a lady was arrested last week for leaving her children in a car while she ran in to go to the bathroom.
THe ages - 2, 4 and 13. Yes 13 years old, and they arrested the mom. THe keys were in the car and the 13 yo had turned it off and was trying to discipline the 4 yo who had gotten in the front seat or something.
I believe the charges have been since dropped.
My 13 yo has driven my car, the tractor, a riding lawnmower and been babysittiing for 2 years.
I have left my 10 yo in the car with the keys, until last week, because now Spotsy Cty police have nothing better to do I guess.