20 answers

Kids Can Be So Mean!

I took my 5 yr. old to lunch today (she's in kinder). One of the boys said, "Hey is that your mom?". My daughter said yes & then the boy said, "She's so big & fat!". This was said amongst all the other kids starting to line up. I didn't see what my daughter did - I think she walked away. I walked past him & said, "that wasn't nice to say" but he wasn't fully paying attention to me. My daughter knows how much I'm trying to lose weight & I'm so thankful she & her sister has her daddy's skinny genes. But it just broke my heart & I almost started crying in the middle of the cafeteria!

How do you handle these situations? Should I talk to my daughter about it? I hate to have her have to stand up for me but she's such a strong girl. I don't want her to ever be embarrassed of me.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you all for your replies!
Truthfully, I will never stop going to lunch or any other school function with my daughters. I'm not going to let one snotty kid stand in my way! But words can hurt. I hope my girls learn from this & hopefully will never follow in their classmates steps.

Featured Answers

I have had this situation happen to my daughter also. I can say my daughter was very upset. We talked about it and she understood. I just explained the meaning of prejudisim (sp?) and that not everyone knows what it is like to be different at this age. I also explained that maybe she should talk to this person (who was a friend) and tell her how much it upset her. It has seemed to help.

More Answers

I'm still very young and dealt with this problem with my mom. Luckily, as I got into high school it tapered off a bit because kids start to mature. (Not much but some Haha) Anyhow, my mom has always had a little weight on her. She gained a little at a time and then started having more kids. I now have 4 younger brothers a sisters and my mom was close to 300 at 5'2. When people used to say things I'd always stick up for her. One reason is because I always knew how GREAT I thought her weight was. I CANNOT imagine my mother skinny! She had the lapband surgery last year and has lost a LOT of weight and it has taken me awhile to adjust to hugging a smaller woman. Honestly, anyone could say the worst things about my mom but I'm a tiny little girl, I always have been, and my mom being thick has always comforted me. I'd stick up my nose because I always knew that kid making fun of my mom, was just unlucky because his skinny little momma wasn't near as comfy as my mom to hug. :P Now I'm that skinny little momma! HAHA! So the tables turned but don't worry about your weight. Kids are kids but you're daughter loves you because YOU ARE THE WAY YOU ARE! They are going to love you no matter what! My mom is now 180 lbs. and I still love her the same! She still gives the perfect hugs and laying in her lap while she plays with my hair is still just as wonderful! And now my son gets to experience it as well. Sometimes the things that bother us the most are our children's most cherished things. Do what's healthy for you but at the same time don't worry about anything else. It will all take care of itself! Sometimes (even at 5 years old) I had to stop and say a few simple sentences to my mom to remind her. "You are THE BEST mom!!!! I love you FOREVER!!! NO MATTER WHAT!" And you are great mom who's daughter's love you very much NO MATTER WHAT! Good Luck girl! Keep your head up because you are definitely worth it!

3 moms found this helpful

((((K.)))),
I am so sorry this happened to you and your daughter. I would just talk to her about how kids will *always* find something to say and how sad it is that they feel like they need to say mean things. You can also teach her a come back like "yeah, she needs extra room to carry all of the love she has" :-)
I am not as skinny as most of the mom's in our school- but I have heard kids make comments about other kids parents and their ages (she's so old) stature, race (why is she white and you aren't?) yada yada. I think some kids will always just be mean. OR some kids have yet to define good boundries- they are just describing what they see. If a kid has a size 5 mom a size 18 mom may look huge.
Here is a bright side- you are a SAHM, you are able to go and share lunch w/ your daughter- not all moms can do that!

D.

1 mom found this helpful

I am very overweight myself, but I would never put that kind of pressure on a child. Maybe it would be a good motivator so that doesn't happen again. You are very right tho, kids can be very mean. If his mother was there, she would have probably passed out.

1 mom found this helpful

I would have said:

"AT LEAST I CAN LOSE THE WEIGHT YOU'LL ALWAYS BE UGLY!"

JUST KIDDING!

You handled it very well but I know it must have hurt. I have no words of wisdom, just sending you some hugs!!!

1 mom found this helpful

I agree that you handled your response to that child's comment the best way you could. Some children just arent taught when things are inappropriate to say, and even then sometimes they are taught and dont follow what their parents have tried to instill in them. Use this as a learning tool with your daughter, and let her know how that made you feel when he said that, so that she will understand and hopefully follow the values you have tried to instill in her. Good luck with your weight loss, I know it can be a tough road. But dont do it for anyone but yourself.

1 mom found this helpful

First, I am so sorry that someone could be so thoughtless. However, you handled it well. I most likely would have looked directly at the child and said in my firmest voice, "My what an incredibly rude thing to say."

Of course yesterday I had to tell kids on the way to school to get off the retaining wall in someone's yard AND another group not to run people down and/or off the sidewalks when they are riding their scooters. I am of the mindset that kids need to be told when they say/do something that is unacceptable.

Good for you for spending time at school with your child.

1 mom found this helpful

Kids are just very cruel!! It's a shame. I would just talk with her and explain that God made everyone different...if we were all the same, it would be boring and we wouldn't learn tolerance, patience and kindness! You might want to mention to the teacher, that she needs to have a class talk about not saying mean things, etc.

I am so sorry you had this happen and I know your daughter is probably hurting for you too...just be strong for yourself and for your daughter. Teach her the right things and she'll do great, especially if she's strong like you said!

Also, keep up the great work and losing weight...you need to be healthy for you and your family, not just "skinny". Exercise and eat right and you'll not only feel better, you'll be setting a great example for your daughter!

My thoughts and prayers are with you!
T.

1 mom found this helpful

K.,

First, what a nice mom you are to go have lunch with your daughter.

I grew up and still have a mom who struggles with her weight. She had done about everything healthy and unhealthy to manager her weight. I know there were times people said mean things about her, but I was NEVER embarrassed of her weight, I only thought ill of a person who would be so rude. Sometimes when people would mention my mom's weight I would think, oh yeah, I guess I never see her that way.

Don't mention it to your daughter unless she brings it up. The incident may be out of her mind and the focus being on you meeting her for lunch.

I'm sorry your first experience at a school lunch was bad. Please don’t let a bratty child ruin this experience.

1 mom found this helpful

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