Keeping a Household of 14 Clean, Organized, and Happy...

Dear S.,
you have quite crew to take care of!

Here are some great advices:
http://www.mamasource.com/request/12660689709631012865
on the relevant topic,
and allow me to copy-paste my response to one Mama,
where we spoke about chores, AND allowance for kids,
so I just put here the entire writing that I did before,
and there is one more link to the similar issue:

there have been conversations based on the question that you ask.
Before I will pass you on my advice,
allow me to say something that does not quite fit into the picture of the contemporary society:

I raised kids without allowances, but taught them to be caring, loving, AND also hardworking: WITH JOY. I had an exclusive and exceptional situation with my sons though, as they grew up in the mountains, in the total wilderness, so we did not have stores around, and the money-issue was out of not only the question but even their life. My boys were introduced to the society at the ages 10 and 8, and by then they had a well developed good character, whereas they did not COUNT what how and when they can help in the house: it came up naturally: they were washing floors, dishes, sometimes socks :), helping in the kitchen-garden, cooking with and without me and so on... It did not happen out of a blue though: I really worked on it, and here is the example, please see below.

Money was circulating in our family like this: "Mom, could I have ... please, as I want to buy an ice cream (go to the cinema). Mom" "Are all your chores done, homework ready, and did you help anybody today?" If I got three positive responses (they never lied), then they got their ice cream money and some extra, 'just in case". Once in-a-while I gave them some money, and they learned to use it wisely, by conversing with me: is it worth spending money, or is it better to save some more and get something more expensive a bit later... Once my daughter wanted a stuffed dog which was way too expensive. I said this is not a wise decision, and anyway we do not have such money. She started putting all the money aside: I often gave them all the change, for example. She also went to the store with me sometimes, and ran to that stuffed dog, hugged it, and always dug it deeper into the pile of toys so that nobody else could find her treasured 'friend', and finally in TWO MONTHS she had about 2/3 of the money to pay for that dog. As her desire was so huge, and she was so consistent with her decision, I added the necessary amount. She is 17, the dog is still 'alive' on her couch. :)
So, in SOME sense they did earn money, but not straightforwardly: you do this, you earn this much... I was concerned that if they do things FOR money they might always wait for reward, and this is not an idea of happiness to me. There are times when an urgent help is needed, and people around should be able to provide this help just because they CARE, not for any reward.
Okay, this is how we worked it out, I will copy-paste what i wrote earlier, answering the similar question:

actively engage them into all cleaning and dish washing and such things: when I needed to wash floors, we turned the house into a pirate ship, and spilled some water on the floor, as if the huge waves washed the deck over, and we took turns who is the captain and the captain gave out orders (not only you alone do it!) how to clean up the floor, how to wash, what corners were missed and what else can be done so that all is sparkling. The sailors, under the captains' guidance (you in some cases) can also have a word to POINT OUT TO THE CAPTAIN what he missed while ordering around, and of course the captain must HELP the sailors, not only just being a chief commander, as if he does not help, he loses the authority of the sailors and they won't obey him...
when I needed to clean the room up, all the surfaces full of eee... whatever, you know, then I did it thus: absolutely EVERYTHING from all over the room, goes into one huge pile in the middle of the room, on the carpet (floor): papers, toys, books, dishes, uneaten snacks, EVERYTHING. Everybody helped to do it, ans it was fun as you do not need to apply your brain into such cleaning, just all from everywhere goes into one pile. Be careful with liquids and chocolate/ketchup only, as you do not want it all wet or stained. Now, what do you see?
A clean room!!!!! One task is immediately accomplished. What else do you see? Now, the next part starts: THIS IS CALLED A "TREASURE HUNT": you can make it more fun if you take turns, and one at a time, you close your eyes, and pick ONE OBJECT from the pile of 'treasures', and decide (together or alone) where would be the best place for this object. garbage? Fine, run take it to the bin. Upper shelf? Great, climb up and put it there... and so on. If your 'crew' had a lot of energy, make then run all over the house to place things up one by one. If you all get tired, you can make smaller piles around in the circle: garbage pile; bedroom pile, kitchen pile, and once all sorted out, put all the bedroom pile into a plastic baggie, walk over there, and take thing one by one, placing them into places.
This way, your house is clean, you teach the kids to be caring, neat, happy, communicative, creative, and all are happy.

I copy-pasted this my response from here, http://www.mamasource.com/request/8359052428103909377
look maybe you will find more great advices, there are good responses there.

All the best to you and your family!
M.

All the best to you and your family!

1 mom found this helpful

My mother had eight children I kind of know what you mean. I have the same problem with just two little busy boys. Here is some tricks that helped my mom and I plan on trying once my boys are a little older they are both under 18 months.
1. The gunny sack. This comes out at night at kidnaps any childrens toys that are left out of place. The only way the toys get back out of the bag is by doing an extra chore. She only gave us the extra chore option if it was something we desperately wanted back. However, I know I lost a calidescope to the sack and never saw it again. It really made us pick up our own things.
2. Name bins. Instead of taking the items that needed to be put away in the children's rooms where they would stay on the ground my mom made a box with each kids name on it. She just picked up items and put them in the box. We had to make sure our box was empty and clean before we went to bed.
3. Expect the children to pitch in. At first we had a job wheel but then as we got older we found how happy mom got when we pitched in with out asking. She purposely got real excited when we did a chore with out asking. It really wore off.
4. Make sure children know where things go and things have a place. Eliminate as much stuff as possible. Kids can't clean up when they don't know where things go so if everthing is scattered everywhere the kids will want to help but won't know how.
5. Always compliment a job well done (even if it is not as good as you would have done it) This helps reinforce the children to help out around the house and feel confident about doing so.

Hope some of these help.

1 mom found this helpful

S.,
You sound like an amazing woman with a great heart. You can do this! You are already on the right track by WANTING improvement. My thoughts are:
1. do you have rules posted somewhere so that all adults and kids can know at all times what the rules of your house are?
2. Do you have chores divided up among all of the kids AND adults AND time limits attached to those chores? Make a list of all of the chores that need to be done in the house on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. Divide them up according to ability and time. Perhaps you and the younger children and your mother do the daily, the older kids do the weekly and the other adults help with specific assignments and do the monthly. Or something like that.
3. Teach them to report back to you when they are done.
4. Reward the whole clan with a family activity when done.
5. Have family meetings to teach the rules and the chores.
6. Be flexible with things that can be flexible and not with things that cannot be. (For example, allow individuals to swap chores but do not allow them to postpone them).
7. Give yourself a break. With an newborn and a young baby at home and a household to MANAGE allow yourself to be the manager and chore teacher instead of the maid.
8. I once heard a mom say "Lazy mothers do it themselves." It truly is harder (at first) to teach a child to clean than to do it themselves. But SO worth it in the end.

Hope that helps! Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

OooF! 1st of all kids should never have to be entertained all of the time. Is there a play area that they can keep toys and not mess up the other part of the house? You can make a game of cleaning up before moving onto the next activity. They can play outside and that does not have to be organized, because they need to use their imaginations. "Can you help mommy or auntie pick that up" is always a good way to get them to work with you. Teach them to remove their plates/bowls from the table themselves. At two that is somewhat difficult because you have them in high chairs or booster seats. In a large family, it is much easier to do some cleaning when the others get home to watch kids while you finish. Nap times are good for floor cleaning and bathroom cleaning. I'm sure mom/grandma is a big help too. I use to do and talk to the kids at the same time. I had a set of twins my 1st pregnancy and from then on I did everything on the floor, because like you I was tired also. I didn't have any extra helpers. I hope this helps. K

WOW you have a housefull! I SAY DELEGATE! you have more then enough adults around that can step up and take on jobs. If every adult took on two or three things, dusting, garbage, picking up, laundry and the kids all knew a set rule of "if you get it out, you put it away"...then I think it would lighten your load a lot! I am a big fan of visuals, so do a chart.
Plastic containers and labels are huge in my house too, so everyone knows where things go. We have it for our office and our playroom. At the very least, give yourself a break, it would be impossible to keep up with that many kids. Some are old enough to help out with chores!!!

I am a family of nine, me and my husband and 7 kids, I couldn't imagine 14! But I can tell you the only way to get organized is to cut back the amount of "stuff" you have in the home, something I have been figuring out myself. Also the 7 and 5 year olds are old enough for some light chores, taking out the trash and clean sweeping, which is where you get a basket(laundry) and have the kids walk through the house and put everything in it that is out of place, once the basket is full line up the kids, even the little ones, and hand them the things to put back in the right place. Clean the bathroom while the little ones are in the bath (the 3&2 year olds)that's the only time mine gets cleaned. while cleaning the kitchen sit the little ones down with paper and crayons, yes they will get them all over the floor but at least the will be entertained while you do the dishes and wipe down the counters. One other thing.... the other adults in the house HAVE to do there part, I know they work and you are at home but you are not a miracle worker! ANd ultimatley when it comes to the house each person should be responsible for the mess there families make, you are not the housekeeper and if they feel you should be then you should be getting paid! If I can think of anymore tips I will send them your way good luck!

S., I've lived in a house with two families and a grandparent, but you still have four more then I ever dealt with! A few things to keep in mind: The men can help...the older children can help...the men can help...split up the jobs according to ability, then assign jobs. THE MEN CAN HELP! The Dad's and Grandpa can help with homework just as much as showing how to change oil in the truck, or how to fix the toilet when the inevitable happens. Inside, if you rotate the dish duty, garbage detail, pet feeding, toy pick-up...etc, then no one gets stuck with the same job. We would assign jobs on a week to week basis. At the end of the week, the kids would move up the list to the next job, which would be theirs for the duration of that week, then on to the next job. A white board with jobs listed next to a child's name really helped, as did a white calendar where we would cross-index all the information like school nights, concerts, choir, sports and so on. The most important thing I've found is to make sure each child knew what their job was, and that no body else was going to do it for them. It really took the pressure off me just having someone else sort clothing into different hampers for washing, then having others responsible for switching the laundry, hanging it up, and doing the folding and putting away. It's important the kids see the men of the house helping as well, or the boys will grow up resenting "women's work" and be total babies when it comes time to leave home. (I speak from experience!) My boys can all cook, sew a button, and know where the cleaning materials are to be found. The girls all know how to change a tire, check the oil on their vehicles, and all the kids can haul hay, feed horses, mend a fence and split wood! I hope some of this helps you to organize your house, but the most important item to keep in mind is stay united as adults, make sure you all agree on chores so the kids can't bounce back and forth between adults until they get what they want through sheer confusion! Then make sure the kids understand they are part of the family too, and you're proud of them for contributing. Don't make a big deal out of it, but be matter-of-fact about families staying together and pulling together. Then, be sure to do fun things together as well, church outings, school events, or just a mass picnic or trip to the zoo, can be a wonderful incentive for "doing the job". Be careful not to overpraise, or trade jobs for money. Helping out at our house was just "business as usual", and we expected it of our large group. However, we would pay for special jobs, like cleaning, washing and vaccuming the car, or painting the chicken coop. This taught the value of money and a job well done. I'm down to only three teens and my Mom now, but I'm gonna miss the last of my kids when they've all "flown the coop". Don't quite know what I'll do with myself when I'm not cooking for an army, but I've noticed that even the oldest (35)is never that far away...Hope all this helps!

Hi S. -

I am sorry to hear your situation is making you so worn down, especially with a newborn - hang in there!

I know a household that has many families/parts of families living together and they struggle also. One thing I have noticed is that they have only put out the things they really need or need daily. They put away or pack away things that only make clutter or mess. Another thing is they keep all the toys in one place. The kids can take toys to other places of the home but are required to take it back to its "spot" before moving on to another. If they forget and an adult finds it they have to stop what they are doing and help keep things clean.

My suggestion would be to enlist everyone in the household. All the kids and the adults who work - you cannot do it yourself. Give chores to each person that must be done daily or weekly and have prizes for follow-through. This will teach the kids the value of work and hopefully over time they will learn to keep things clean out of habit. I also think that your idea of "clean" will have to adjust - like you said, nothing stays clean for very long and that is just reality with that many people. One thing that helps with this may be having a place for everything. Then when everything is in its place the house is clean. When someone doesn't put something away examine if it has a spot - if it does, have them put it away, if it doesn't, create one or get rid of the item. I am hoping you have a space that is just your family's and you can work your hardest to keep that area clean and neat and know that the rest of the home with be a bit of chaos all the time.

Talk with your husband and share with him your frustrations. This may not directly help the situation of "clean" but will help you by talking about it. Maybe he can help you with the things you can control and having his support will help.

Good luck and let us know how things go.

Out of curiosity, why do you all live together? What do the husbands think about it?!
I can't imagine there really is any sort of way to keep everything organized and clean when the majority is there everyday. The only way would be to have a system and schedule down and demand that everyone pitch in.
This isn't a permanent situation is it, I hope??

Why are all of these people living under one roof??? None of my business, but OH MY GOD! For a long term solution --- I think the other two households need to find their own homes. For a short term solution --- You need to sit down and have a family pow wow. It's time to assign chores and have it posted where everyone can see. Why is it your sole responsibility to do the housekeeping when there are 13 other people living in your home? Many hands make light work. Your job is to raise YOUR children, not to be everyone else's maid. You need a routine for the children. You need stations for the children. Much like a preschool or school operates. Visit one to get ideas. Watch the tv show Super Nanny for more ideas. You need to stand up for yourself and stop letting people take advantage of you. Even though you are a SAHM --- you work just as much, if not more, than the adults who leave the house to work and get paid for their work. Good luck.

I would recommend watching John and Kate plus eight on TLC. It's a great show, and Kate is very organized and handles her eight young children very well. You can also email her by finding their email address on their website. Good luck!

A fun way to keep kids motivated is the housefairy the website is www.housefairy.org it uses a reward system over a punishment system for the kids to do chores. I grew up in a family of 13 kids so there were 15 of us in our house--it gets busy but also fun and rewarding at the same time. There are always mountains of laundry and loads of dishes--we never had a dishwasher either. I think that had my mom had the house fairy along with what she did things would have been smotther-- on that note, what she did do is have a family meeting each week where we were assigned our chore for the week. We were each assigned a room in the house and a day to do dishes. I think a day was too much but a specific assignment on dishes, like set the table or wipe it after eating breaks it down and gets everyone involved. The chores were then written on a piece of paper that was hung on the fridge that way if my mom went into the living room and it needed to be picked up she could look at the paper and call that child to come do their chore. Our house was never spotless, that is impossible with so many people but it was clean and comfortable. We started doing our own laundry around 7. We all helped put our stuff away long before that though, as soon as we were able to carry them. they didn't make it to the drawers folded neat like they started out but we learned to do the chores. I love the quote from flylady "even housework done incorrectly blesses my home" (I might have it off a bit but that is the idea) most of us are grown now and running our own homes and we know how to work, how to take care of ourselves and our homes. Sometimes I miss the chaos! but when we get together and enjoy each others company I remember how great it was to work together and play together. Good luck!

make the kids help clean

You do have your hands full! People say that to me all the time (we have 5 children too) but you definitely have a challenge. At our house, each of the kids have assigned responsibilites that fit their age. Some of the "chores" rotate throughout the month, so that one child isn't always stuck with a chore they do not like. I made them up on the computer and then slipped them into plastic sheets. I hang them on a bulletin board. I also have a large write on/wipe off calendar above this area -Our command station :) The kids mark on them during the week, wipe them clean and put them in a binder when they get the new week out (we start with a new week on Mon-I labled them Week 1, week 2 ect) and we can reuse them over and over. This helps alot, because it leaves you to focus on what is left over to do. There are a couple of websites out there specifically devoted to extra large families with ideas on laundry organization, meal planning, ect.. I would encourage you to check them out and apply what works for you. One idea I found that works for me is with laundry. I use to have the typical sock basket. I would always put sorting the socks off, I just did not like doing it. So now I buy each of the kids white socks with diff color lettering (Hanes does this). As I am taking clothes out of the dryer, I fold right into a basket (each family member has a diff. one lined up on a counter-you could have a basket for each bedroom if that would work better for you)As the socks come out- I just toss them into the approp. basket-No, I do not match or fold- The older kids put their own clothes away. All the kids down to the 3 year old are able to pull out two "matching socks" from their drawer in the morning. This saves me a lot of headache and time. Good Luck!!!

I can't even imagine cleaning for this many. I would only say two things: 1) start with a clean pallet 2) develop family buy-in

1) Start with a clean pallet by getting rid of just about everything. Seriously, download clothing to 14 outfits a piece or so...even adults. Put away the winter things in tops of closets, under bed storage, or plastic bins in the garage. Rotate out each fall and spring saving like one long sleeve and sweater (or so) for summer when you are out in the moutains or something. Get rid of horizontal surfaces (coffe tables, side tables, etc.) These surfaces collect things and things need to be put away or dusted. Opt for cabinets with doors for storage or benches with storage for the dinner table (multi function). Location, location, location. Store every day shoes in the garage (adult dress shoes in the closet) Or, baskets by the door as we do since there isn't enough room nor a closet close to the door. Have everyone take off shoes and put away before entering. This also keeps your floors cleaner longer. sort your kitchen, etc. And toss big time!!!! Save only one set of spoons, two spatulas, etc. Get a storage unit and box up in plastic bins anything that is still of value but you just don't need right now in your life together...like grandma's vase that is breakable anyway. Or your sister's china from her wedding...just use one set right now. Use your china, her silverware...something like that.)
2) Family buy-in. this is theie house too. No reason they should adopt any additude that you and your mom are home all day sitting on your bottoms so you should clean! Your priority right now is getting a nap and teaching your toddlers. Therefore...even though they work so hard all day outside of the house (or go to school) they should know you work hard too on the little kids and keeping yourself sane. So everyone has a job!!! Rotate if you like. Supernanny (there is a book too) has great ideas for games for jobs. She buddies up little guys with older cousins or siblings for teams and they compete for quality time. Once a week, all meet and make a game board with a spinner. Each team (and adults can be on a team...you and your mom are already a team and are already in charge of meal prep and laundry...or whatever). They spin for the job for the week like washing dishes, cleaning bathrooms (picking it up every night), lawn work and sweeping steps, etc.... Make them doable and fun jobs and daily!!!! Some times it is five minutes and sometimes it is 30. also, have an hour every day for everyone (including men!!!) to pick up. Start a timer for ten minutes and play loud music or whatever (you sit and nurse the baby). Every one has to run to their room and pick up super fast. Then go to the living areas and pick up anything and everything. At the end of the day, you pick up the baby's things, your things...and take a trash bag and toss in everything that is not picked up but should not be in the living areas...aka: toys! Have a seperate bag for important things and one for give aways. This way when they are learning and your husband says: where are my $300 sunglasses...you can pull them out of the keeper bag...after he has cleaned the gutters or shovelled the drive way, of course.

Think of this like a teacher. Allow of a learning curve. But, a teacher does not do the math homework for her students...otherwise they will not learn. Teach your family to work as a team, as a well oiled machine. It is sort of like teaching dogs, really. Use humor, kindness, refuse to yell...and just toss it. If they don't respect the item well enough to put it away when asked once...then they just don't need it...end of discussion. and, though it takes time...they will get it!

WOW! You are a real trooper for even TRYING to take on the cleaning for a group that large! I can't keep my house looking good for five minutes, and there are only two kids here!!!
I think your best bet is clearing your clutter, and then getting a lot of shelving and rubbermaid containers. That way, you can put things AWAY that really need to be away--when something is in a container with a lid on a shelf, it is harder to get out (so the kids won't be dumping stuff out all the time) and looks organized, even if what is in the container is a mess. You can also get those shelves with the bins at Target that hold toys--those help me a lot with organizing our toys.

The older children in the house need to have specific jobs, even if it is only keeping their space clean. They can also help you with dinner, too, even if it is just setting the table or tearing lettuce for salad. I have also heard that in big families, each older kid is "in charge" of a specific smaller child to help with things like getting dressed, etc.

As far as keeping the kids entertained, you almost have a full preschool class there, so I would try to do planning ahead of time. You don't have to do detailed lesson plans or anything, but just write down a list of things that might keep the kids busy day to day. That sounds tedious, I know, but there are a number of really great books out there with good ideas for activities-- the "Toddler Busy Book" and "Preschooler Busy Books" are great, and so are the "Wonderplay" books. And it would be really helpful to have your days planned ahead of time. I am sure you already have a pretty good routine going--I imagine you'd have to!

Hello
My name is J. and I have only 2 kids so I couldn't tell you much on 5 kids let alone 8. But I do know that I have tried to organize alot around my house and I find that putting some of the toys where they can not reach them like the top of the closet or somewhere they know where they are and when they want those they have to pick up their other toys first and have everything put away. also I have all the blocks in a tub and when they play with those they can throw them all over if they would like but they have to oick them up before they play with something else. I know it is probably hard with more then 2 kids but I take care of kids and was raised in a home where my mom had a daycare my wholke life and her house was always clean. I used to wonder how she did it. it takes time to switch them from one way to another but if you stay strong on no you can not play with that until you clean up the other toys. and to help them learn at home get games that you can play with them not just them with eachother. I sell Simply Fun and I have had a few ladies that needed help teaching math or ABC's counting all kids of things come to me and ask me if I have things like that. The good thing about the games that I sell is our goal is to bring families together and all our games are under 30 minutes so you can play while you are cooking and you can have family night where kids and adults can play together and the kids really can win you, you dont have to lie. any ways I am not trying to sell my business but I think you should really look into something like that for learning games we have games for all ages not just kids. if you are intrested you can go to my website ____@____.com and my number is on there. anyways I hope that I could have been of some help on getting them to help pick up.

I would try making a cleaning chart - showing names and "chores". You can turn it into a game for the kids which will also keep them busy. You can even have a couple of them help with one chore......see how fast they can clean and how long keep it clean. You can even implement a reward system - if you want. Rotating the chores often - once a week, or every other day, etc. - will help keep the kids interested.

Try these two websites and see if they may interest you. Flylady.org and housefairy.net. One is on maintaining the house and the other is for the children. Flylady is free and housefairy has a small cost but with the number of children that are in the home it may help. Good luck!

i have two young children, plus i run a preschool/daycare. something that works well for me is having cheap plastic bins with lids to organize their toys. i also wrote what was in it and drew a little picture of the toy on the outside of the box. this has worked well, because the kids know where the things are that they want to play with, and if more than one box of toys is out at a time, they kids can pu them back away in the right bins when they're done. this way there is no excuses keeping them from cleaning up after themselves. i started doing this when my oldest turned two and he caught on right away. another thing do is anytime we are having lunch or snack the kids must clean up the room before the food is served. this works because the room i use for preschool is also the room they eat in, but it can work even if they eat somewhere else. it took them a while, but now as soon as i say that i'm getting the food ready they start cleaning up immediately! getting the kids to clean up after themselves is the key! good luck!

Why aren't the other adults in the household helping? Just because you stay home doesn't mean your are the maid, does it? Your sister need to take some responsibility for her own kids. Just like other working mom's and dad's, they can help clean when they get home or on weekends. If they are not helping you, they I would stop doing it.

S.: You have a lot on your plate. First, give yourself a break! You have toooo much to keep up with. However, I have a wonderful solution to involve everyone in your family without overwhelming just one person. I divvy up chores and break them down. For instance, the kids just took out all the cars, toys, legos, etc. When they have to clean up I would assign one child to all the cars -- only. Another child, to the legos -- only. Another to the dolls, etc. This works VERY well for a horrible chore like cleaning out the frig. One child can unload one shelf. The next can clean the shelves and then a more mature person can wipe everything off and throw out what is not needed and then put the items back. You can also use this technique for difficult, hard chores like vacuuming the steps. Give everyone just a few to do and it won't be so bad. This works in my family and we have been spending the past few weeks Spring cleaning -- really cleaning. Remember: lots of people in the house means more help! You should sit and take care of your tiny baby.

WoW! I hope they all appreciate how great you are! Just because you stay at home doesn't mean you are not working, as you know you have a never ending job especially with watching your sisters kids also.
I recently found a site called Flylady.com. It is great and I think it could give you some great ideas. You just have to work on one task at a time and not expect to get it all done in one day. It is all about getting organized and then finding routines to keep you organized with a clean house. Sounds like you have lots of other recruits. They help make the mess they need to help clean the mess. Good luck and hang in there!!