Just Out of Curiosity...

Updated on December 23, 2010
R.C. asks from Bakersfield, CA
36 answers

I have a 4 soon to be 5 year old baby girl and she is the only child. She really wants a little sibling but I just cant get myself to accepting this request...
Dont get me wrong we want more children. My brother and I are 5 years apart and we didnt get to do much as children and my fiance has 7 other bros and sisters. They range from 26 right down to 3 years old.
I really want to wait but I am a little curious on how far aprt she should be from the next kiddo.
So how far aprt are your kids and if you would have done something a little different, how far apart would you have had them?

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C.W.

answers from Redding on

I had to add my 2 cents, even though you have a TON of great answers that I have enjoyed reading...my advise is do it when YOU are ready, and dont wait for ANYTIHNG! I wanted my kids 2 years apart on the nose...but waited "just 6 monthes" for my career to be fully vested before having another...and bam...after 5 monthes into my waiting I got laid off...now we've been trying for 4 monthes and cant get pregnant...now my kids are going to be over 3 years apart (or 4 or 5 !) and I guess thats just how the ball bounces. It kills me and makes me so mad I waited in the first place. But moral of the story is just have another when you want one...dont wait for anything!

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C.O.

answers from Minneapolis on

My kids are 3 years apart. I'm an only child and my husband has a twin brother and an older brother (3 years older). That age gap was what I wanted for my kids. Close enough in age to play together but far enough to not have two kids in diapers.

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S.K.

answers from Sacramento on

Mine are 20 months apart and I think it's great! I wanted mine close enough together that they could be friends but far enough apart that I didn't lose my mind :)! I have a friend who's kids are 5 years apart and that seems to work for her. I really wouldn't wait much longer if you want more kids if you want them to have anything in common.

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K.L.

answers from Redding on

It is just a matter of personal choice, and how nature takes it course. All the planning in the world cant guarentee a birth at the exact time you wish, and most people adapt to whatever they end up with in spacing their children. Once you have a child its hard to imagine not having that exact child so we think its perfect the way it turned out. From personal experience I will say this. I am the middle child of 5. I have a brother nearly 10 years older than myself and a sister 3 years older, a brother 2 years younger and a brother 9 years younger. I was somewhat a mini mommy to the youngest boy since 9 year old girls just love babies! With this much age difference between the oldest and youngest they barely know eachother. By the time the youngest was born, the older brother was out of the house on his own so they never really grew up like brothers. When I married and started a family it didnt turn out the way we planned. Our 2 kids are 6 years apart. We had wanted them closer but these things arent always in our control. Our son was not thrilled to have a sister at 6. He wanted a dump truck instead. He could barely stand her for the first several years dispite all our efforts to make them get along. Now at 27 and 33 they are best buddies and spend time together laughing and acting like I always imagined siblings could be. So who is to say what age gap is best? It just turns out the way it turns out and we love what kids we get and when we get them.

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W.H.

answers from Modesto on

I would have them 2-3 yrs apart but I have an only and he's 8 1/2 yo now :(

You don't say the reason why you want to wait but I would go ahead and have the next child(ren) you want sooner, while they're still close enough to play together. Otherwise, you'll be 'starting all over again' with each one. When you have your oldest in school, you are at home with an infant. And if you keep the spacing similar, your oldest may be in middle school before having another baby. When she graduates, and you may want to travel, go places with your older kids, you'll still have a little one who isn't mature enough for that yet.

There are pros and cons to EVERYTHING so YOU decide what it is you want, and make it right for you. These are just my thoughts on the matter (and why I'm telling myself it's ok I don't have a 2nd by now. At 43 w/a 8 1/2 yo child, I don't have the energy for starting over w/a baby.)

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R.D.

answers from Richmond on

I am the eldest child and have 2 little brothers, one being 2 years younger than me, the other being 7 years younger than me. My kids are the exact same age difference apart. It's funny though... my youngest brother and I are MUCH closer than the sibling closet to our ages (being the middle child)... and the same holds true for my kids. There is no right or wrong answer to this... it's all in how you raise your kiddos to love and respect each other. If you're not comfortable having another child, maybe get a puppy ;) If you're seriously thinking of trying, don't stress about it... just do it. Everything happens for a reason :) Either way, BEST WISHES!! :)

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A.W.

answers from San Francisco on

Well, I can answer that from both ends. My first two children were just over a year apart. And they grew up together and are really close to each other today. There was never a question as to who can I play with. Then my next child was born sixteen years later. Built in baby sitters. But not much closeness as far as brother sister relationships. If I had it to do over again, I would have another child for the last one so he wasn't so much alone. But ultimately, you decide how close together your children are. My opinion? Get started now.

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J.K.

answers from Anchorage on

Do what you feel is right! Don't base your decisions on what others want you to do. I believe that moms know when the timing is right. My siblings either much older than me, or much younger. Kinda grew up as an only child, and am fine with it. As far as mommy experience, I have two children 17 months apart. This was my choice, and I love it. It's what works for me. Other moms have other opinions about it, but that's what works for them. I don't judge. Do what makes you happy. I think that your soon to be five year old, will be a great sister, no matter how old she is.

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E.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I had my 3 girls within 4 years: the first 2 are 20 months apart and the youngest is 2.5 years younger than my midde one. I LOVE it!! My youngest is only a month old, but my older 2 play together all day because they're into the same things. They call each other their best friends and are so sweet together :) It's tough when they're all small and need you, but I wouldn't change a thing.

On the opposite side of things my 2 younger sisters and I are all 4 years apart, which makes me 8 years older than the youngest. I pretty much have no idea who she is as a person. I was moved out when she was 10, married when she was 14, and now I've got 3 kids she's 21 and just starting out. I hope that once she gets a little older and into the same phase of life as me (ie NOT the party-girl stage) that we can get to know each other, but right now we're not close at all.

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D.M.

answers from Denver on

I have one who is 4 and 5 years older than his 2 siblings. Sons #2 and #3 are18 months apart.

I like the 5 year gap - though it was a shock to deal with diapers again. But what's right for one family is not right for everyone.

Closeness can be encouraged, regardless of ages. Two of the closet brothers I know are about 7 years apart (and half-brothers, to boot).

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K.M.

answers from Laredo on

My brother and I are three years apart and we were really close growing up.

My DH and I waited and there is a four year difference between my son & daughter. We wanted to wait until he was able to do some things on his own before we threw another little one in the mix. He is so helpful with playing with his sister and he has designated himself as the official "diaper boy" lol which just means he throws all the diapers in the trash. It is also really helpful that he goes to preschool three times a week.

I dont think I would change anything about their age difference but I personally wouldnt have waited any longer than four years either.

You have to do whats best for you though and what you feel you can handle. I knew that I couldnt handle two little ones in diapers.

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T.F.

answers from Los Angeles on

My kids are all 3 yrs apart more or less a month or two. I found it to be a great age difference for us. Not too close in age to be competative and not too far that that can't play and get along.

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B.K.

answers from Chicago on

My kids are 9.5 years apart. I wouldn't do anything different. They are 22 and 13 right now and great friends. I don't think there is one set answer to this. I have friends who have kids close in age and they fight constantly. Also friends who have kids far apart and they don't do much together. Family is what you make of it.

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E.A.

answers from Erie on

My kids are 16, (almost) 13, (almost) 11, and (almost) 9. I like their spacing, it works for us. They get along great, besides normal sib stuff.
My sister and I are 10 years apart and have no relationship. She resented me ever being born, liked being an only child, and has never hid that. We haven't spoken for years, and unless one of our parents dies, I doubt we will in the future.

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A.M.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi! Our oldest son is 5.5 yrs older than our second son, but then #2 & #3 (our daughter is youngest) are only a year & a month apart. It's been great to see how they interact at the different age levels. The oldest was able to babysit one sibling & then both siblings as he got older (if I had to go to the store or something). He's been a great older brother. (He is an adult now, & our others are older teenagers. They all get along well - always have.)

Our two youngest have gone through school together & known most of the same friends & their friends' siblings. Our oldest son has known the older siblings of their friends. It worked out very well for us, but 5 or 6 yrs can be a big difference in age at the different age levels - it depends.

Age difference in your children is your choice, though. We have had a wonderful experience. :)

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G.T.

answers from Modesto on

Mine two were only 11 mos apart. If I had it to do over I would do it that way again. They were easy to raise and are great friends.

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K.M.

answers from San Francisco on

You've gotten a lot of good responses here aleady but I just want to add.....don't have a chlid cuz your daugter wants a sibling. Do it cuz you & your fiance want another child. That said, our boys are 4.5 yrs apart & honesty, it's too far. We tried to have them closer btu that's just not the way it worked. I think 3 yrs is ideal (not an option for you now :) ) as they remember having you to themselves but then also very quickly forget what life was like before the younger sibling. But, soooo much of it is your child's temperment. I truly think if my kids were 18 m apart, my oldest (10) would still have jelousy issues cuz that's just him. I never thought much about it until we had our 2nd son (5.5) who just LOVES smaller children & babies& is so good w/them. I realized my older son was NEVER interested in his friends little siblings or my friends new babies. It was nice, tho, to have my older son completely potty-trained, able to get his own snacks & drinks as well as work the TV/DVD when needed. Maybe try to spend some time w/families who have toddlers & babies. Give those kids your attention & see how your daugher reacts to it. She doesn't fully comprehend the way her life will change when a younger sibling comes into the picutue. You should talk it over w/your fiance & figure out what is best for your litte family. Good luck!

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A.S.

answers from Eugene on

We were one and done for years. I couldn't stand the thought of my daughter being an only kid/adult. Having all the responsibility for taking care of her parents. Being without any family member later in life. My kids are 6 y and 3 months apart. I love the way the little one looks up to the big one and the big one thinks things the little one doesn't is cute. Six years as an only child helped her get ahead in school and sports. With out a sibling to take our attention. They don't fight like normal siblings. Now when the oldest in school the younger one gets one on one attention. "They" say more than six years apart is like having 2 only children.

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C.S.

answers from Milwaukee on

You need to do what works for you-ours our 26 months apart and it's perfect for us. My next sibling and I are 9 yrs apart and for me it is to far. We aren't really close at all.

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A.S.

answers from Lynchburg on

I have two children (a boy and a girl)..My son is almost 5 and my daughter just turned 3...They are 21 months apart. I love them this close in age. I wouldn't change a thing. My brother and I are 5 years apart and we got along great. I am older. My children get along pretty well...they have there moments of pure insanity toward each other but it's manageable.

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A.G.

answers from Houston on

my kids are 6 years apart, i think too close is terrifying, but the farther apart they are the more different the dynamic, 5 to 10 years apart there is someone to model after and look up to, 10 or more years its like a second mom kinda.

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T.C.

answers from Colorado Springs on

My first three are about 2 years apart. Then, we have a 4 year gap, a 2 1/2 year gap, and a 3 year gap. The baby is 4 1/2, and we are still trying for another. I love them being close together, but the larger gaps don't cause any issues with their relationships. My 10 and 14 year olds (#3 & 4) are extremely close. My 16 and 4 year olds are extremely close. And, they all have good relationships in between all the rest. I wouldn't postpone a baby though. I would want them to come as soon as possible. :)

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S.G.

answers from Oklahoma City on

my daughter will be 8 maybe 12 before i have another one..she has 3 step sister's twice her age, but she's my only so 1 more is definatly hoped for, just not good time right now

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H.V.

answers from Cleveland on

To each his own really.
I'm #4 of 5 kids. ages right now 29,28,27,25 & 20.
I liked growing up with siblings my age. My younger sister is actually a bit of an outcast in the family. Not saying its TOTALLY because of her age difference, but when your youngest is 15 and the next is 20 there really isn't much they would have in common.

Now with my family. I have a son that turned 2 in Aug. and a Daughter that was born on sept 6. I wasn't planning on having them that close, but now that It's happened I'm glad.

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K.I.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I have a 7 y old girl and she was always asking for a baby sister since she was 3, as a single mom that wsnt possible.. I get married and have a baby last year so she was going to be 6 when the baby arrive....right now Im pregnant again ...and I think the closer the better, because they will share everything ( Im talking about moments) right now my daughter want to get a lock in her bedroom cause she doesn't want the baby girl on her room.. and when I ask her why if she just to say that she wants her sister to sleep on her room.. and she say "" well because I didn't know how it was to have a little sister''' even movies and tv is hard because I can't make the 7 year old to watch yo gaba gaba ....so this is my experience.....now I know that never is going to be easy as years will pass she will become a teenager and the sisters will be little girls so you can imagine the caos that is coming....

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R.L.

answers from Detroit on

My kids are 6 & 2...I think they are perfect distance. Yes, they fight, but they are both young enough to enjoy playing together too.

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D.F.

answers from New York on

I have a 23 month old son and when I was pregnant with him, I wanted to give him a younger sibling that was 2 years younger than him. Well.. hes 23 months old and Im not even pregnant yet :( We've been trying to get pregnant since April, but it just hasnt happened. I hope that my son and his younger sibling will be no more than 3 years apart, though. My brother and I are 3 years, 2 months apart, and we were SUPER close growing up as kids. However, when he hit puberty, we drifted apart.. big time. But I still remember him being my best friend as kids.

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J.M.

answers from Scranton on

I have 4 kids ages 7,5,4, and 2. the 5 y/o is my step son. Most times I am glad They are all bunched together because they are close and play together. Then I have nights like tonight. It is total chaos. I put them all in the tub together b/c it was eaisest. The bathroom floor looks like a flood, they are running around screaming and fighting and picking at each other. I am pulling out my hair, is it bed time yet? Then there are the moments where they are all sitting quietly together watching tv or playing. The younger 2 like the same and so do the older 2 and there are some things they all like. The 7 year old tries to act like a little mommy sometimes to the younger ones, she is the only girl. My brother and i are 5 years apart, me being the older. We always have been and still are close despite the fact that i live in pa and he in fl. So there are pros and cons to both. It is your decision whats best for you.

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C.P.

answers from Dallas on

I have two children an 8 year old and a 20 month old, if I could do it again I would have them 5 years apart and not 7 but it really took us a long time to make the decision to have another. So I think your daughter's age is perfect to add another baby, she will be so proud to be a big sister and teach her/him things. my oldest reads stories to my youngest, brushes her hair, it really warms my heart to see them interacting.
Good luck and have fun if you decide to start ttc it's so exciting to see those two lines.

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K.J.

answers from Chicago on

I am 4.5 years older than my next sibling, and we are incredibly close. I am also very close with my youngest brother who is 7 years younger than I am. My older sis and I are 18 mos apart, as are my sis and my older brother. There is no right age or spacing. Every family works differently. In my opinion and experience, it is all about how the parents handle it and the amount of time they ensure that everyone spends together as a family.

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M.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

I have 4 from a previous marriage that are all 2-3 yrs a part. I have a step daughter that is 12 and she now has a 1 yr old sister. I like the 2-3 yr a part because they get to grow up together... its all a personal choice.

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L.L.

answers from Killeen on

My husband and I have one baby now and are planing on having another when she is 3 or 4. Him and his sitter are 8 years apart and still don't like each other. Me and my sitter are 2 years apart and don't like each other bit at the same time I have a sitter 5 years younger than me and we love hanging out. I would say that it is up to you and your husband when your ready. I don't think age difference is a big deal ether your kids will like each other or not. So you and your husband just need to talk and find out what you think is best and if you think you want to wait then just let your little now she will have a little brother or sitter just not right then.

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J.P.

answers from Stockton on

I have 4 kids - my first two are 1 year and 23 days apart, they are now 8 & 9 - my second two are now 20 months old and 4 months old. I like having them close together. We originally thought that we would stop at 2 kids, but when they got older we decided we would like to have another child and since that child would be so far in age from the first 2 that we would have 2 more close together again....I actually would've preffered to have my second set of kids closer together like the first set, we tried, but it just didn't work out that way! LOL~

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

You have to do what is best for your family. My boys are 20 months apart and I would not have it any other way! They are close in age so their interests are the same and they play together all the time.

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C.S.

answers from Salt Lake City on

HEY I'm in the same boat!
our son is ALMOST five, he doesn't request a sibling but I still wonder... will he be good with dealing with a tiny baby around?

EVERYONE is different and no matter HOW nature falls for your family, it will work out :) There were 5 years between me and my brother and it never bothered me!

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S.R.

answers from Kansas City on

I am 24 and I have a sister who is 7. I was 16 when she was born, my Mom wasn't in a place in her life tohave another baby for many years. Yes I wish she wouldn't have waited THAT long, I wanted a sibling so bad, but I am looking forward to the future when she is older and can come to me for advice because I will have already been there done that.

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