Just Not Sure I'm Parenting the Best I Can...

All normal. My daughter did all of that. Now she is 4 and sasses from time to time, but I have to say, the 2.5-3.5 age just sucks. They are oppositional to be oppositional. They don't even control it! I asked my daughter once if she wanted candy and she said, no. It was hilarious.

It's normal, if you let her get away with it.

Reading your post, I'm pretty sure you are a little to lenient with her. She is acting kind of bratty, because she CAN. She intuitively understands that mommy is overly worried about her feelings, and so she can get away with being unpleasant.

Mom, stop worrying about her feelings so much. You are obviously a good mom. I'm not saying you should punish her for this stuff -- she's only 3, but don't cater to her so much. If she says something rudely, you should probably just ignore her and/or not let her get her way.

If she throws things, she should be put in time out or have another consequence. She will only be doing the same thing at 8, 12, and 15 if you keep allowing her to act bratty.

If you are crossing the street - hold her hand, you are stronger than she is. It is not up to her.

If she says "I don't want that stupid drink," then she gets NO drink other than water until the next meal time.

If she says, "I don't like my teacher," when she hasn't even met her, either ignore it, or tell her, "Well, that is the teacher you are going to have."

If she's whiny, don't respond to her until she uses a pleasant voice.

It's not that hard, you just have to stop worrying that if you become a little more strict with her that it will somehow harm her. It won't.

Reading below: I entirely disagree based on what you have written that she sounds unhappy or needs to see a professional. I think she is a normal kid testing boundaries. You sound like you are very sensitive, probably a little soft-spoken, and your daughter has a stronger personality than you do. You just need to be top dog.

She sounds really smart and very normal. Holding the 3 year olds hand when crossing the street is not negotiable in my area. I do believe it is important you teach her how to better handle her anger and disappointment.

Understand when you are parenting properly there will be times when you kids will be unhappy and/or angry with you. It is not the end of their world. It is a part of life and living.

When she is mean or nasty towards her brother she should be made to feel some kind of negative consequence. She is probably jealous of him. My oldest neice had the same problem with each of her siblings but especially with her older brother they are just 11 months apart in age and she still believes the world should revolve around her and she was the younger of the two.

In my home I establish a no response for whining. So if a child were to whine I would let them know that they should talk in their normal voice (said in a normal voice) and let them know I hate it when you whine (said in a whiney voice) This way they can hear the difference and mimick the appropriate response.

There should be times when you are out that she does get to have a measure of freedom. For me and my kids that was usually letting them run for short lengths of walkway. If I saw it was clear I would tell them they could run as far as x and to stop when they reached x. I usually had 6 kids with me at the time and they all wanted to be praised so I used that to my benefit.

Lastly as a parent we all make mistakes, they are not the end of the world but things we could have and should have done better but just know it's okay to be imperfect because you are the parent assigned to your child and God makes no mistakes.

It sounds like you have a really smart daughter, BUT it does sound like she is unhappy. I really can't tell you exactly why, I think you need to be honest with yourself as to why or maybe see a professional. She really is too young to be they way she is. Do you love being with her? Not telling her but showing her with a sparkle in your eye and the warmth in your tone? I know you love her, but do you like who she is with no expectations? You guys may have a similar personality, it just manifests itself differently.

OMG, do we have the same kid? Our dd turned 3 in july and its like a something switched on. two's were a breeze man have we had just a rough start with the threes. I have to tell myself "we are going to have a good today" every morning. Today for example she had an EPIC meltdown bc I asked her to put the toilet seat down so our dog wont drink out of it. I guess its the norm keep your balance and stay firm to your boundries and what is expected of her. I often tell her she makes me so sad when she does xyz. I also point out how other children are acting weather is good or bad and tell her that little girl is listening so well, or that little boy is making his mommy so sad I guess no treat for him. she is picking it up its just not always sticking. gl

Don't feed too much on the emotions of a 3 yr old. "I'm in your closet to pick out your clothes." And then just do it. We joke that my DD gives us "angry eyebrows" and we ask "oh, what are the eyebrows angry about now?" Last night DH waggled his eyebrows at her and she couldn't keep a straight face.

Parenting is a long haul. It is not that today was terrific and there are no bad days ahead. It is that you deal with every day and every incident as best you can, apologize when you get it wrong, and try to guide your kid toward being a reasonably respectable adult. There are things we never did resolve with my sks, but they're out doing their own thing and I'm confident that we will help DD be who she will be also, and she will someday fly as well.

I agree that knowing how your child develops is helpful (like how 8 is a mini adolescence). If she throws things and you do not want her to, then give her a consequence. Sometimes talking isn't enough. "We do not throw toys. If you are going to throw this instead of using words, it goes in the time out bin" and then take the toy. She whines? "When you can speak clearly, I will consider your request." Etc. Right now my DD is in a "girls only" phase which I understand to be common at her age. But I remind her that Daddy, big brother and her buddy W are boys. "Well, I guess they are OK." Kids....Is she being negative because she is negative or because it's the easiest way to get your attention? Kids do that, too. If you feel that this is not normal negativity, then speak to her pediatrician about your options/resources.

First, take a deep breath.
Second, go to the library and check out a few child development books. NOT parenting or advice books, but books on DEVELOPMENT. If you can get your hands on an early child education textbook (what preschool teachers study to get certified) do that as well.
Moms are often very focused during pregnancy with the developing and growing fetus and infant, but they forget toddlers are still developing too. And children continue to grow and develop all the way into adulthood. It really helps to know what is "normal" and what to expect at each age and stage. It helps with everything, from feeding to setting realistic expectations and limits and using effective, age appropriate discipline.
Moms also need to understand their children are born hard wired with certain traits and individual personalities. It can be frustrating for a happy, outgoing and positive mom to watch her child who may be more quiet, independent and reserved by nature. And toddlers can be incredibly HONEST. When she says she doesn't love her brother, she doesn't! At least not in that moment. It doesn't mean she doesn't REALLY love him, but love is a complex concept for a three year old, and she shouldn't be taken for her word every time she speaks, she's just not there yet.
Get some books and educate yourself, I know you'll feel much better with a greater understanding of what makes toddlers do what they do :)

It may be normal, but she may also have depression. It's 100% possible in a three year old. Our son's became apparent at that age. He was a glass half-full kid.

Talk to her pediatrician for input. You may need to bring her to a specialist for further evaluation, but it's worth it if it means you can help her. You may also get confirmation all is just normal.

Oh Mama you are doing just fine!!!

It sounds like she just has an oppositional disposition and sometimes it's just their make-up and there's not much to be done about it. People are born with certain personality traits and it's just who they are.

I am concerned, however, about her throwing objects across a room and you very calmly just telling her that you don't do that. With a child this spirited, I don't think just telling her that it's not appropriate it going to get your point across. I think you need MUCH firmer discipline and if you don't, she will still be throwing things when she's 8, 12 and 15 but the objects will be heavier and her aim will be better. Dangerous!

If I were you, I would sit her down and tell her there will be no more throwing things and if she does, her day ends there - straight to be until the next day. (If it's early in the day, she can get up to eat and use the bathroom, but then it's straight back to that bed.)