Just Need to Vent

Having read your update:

Here's what I would do...ahem...notice the *I*, every one is different and there is no way in blazes I would say what YOU should do. My family dynamics are my own, as are yours. Regardless, I would be wanting to a) be spending as much time with my mum as possible while b)NOT BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR HER so I could actually soak up as much of that time as possible, and not be resentful/exhausted/stressed/guilty/miserable...which would happen if I was the one responsible. And I've worked in healthcare for a while. I'm trained to do it and the answer is NO WAY. For my son, I would never leave his side...but I'd want someone there to help ME; but for my Mum I would want her totally in someone elses capable hands.

1) Hospice.
- Either In-home or at a facility.
- If her insurance doesn't cover Hospice, good social workers can "find the money"...from phenomenal places that do sliding scale...to Catholic Community Cervices...to pro bono programs...to grants...to etc. etc. etc. (One of my best friends is a MSW at Cancer Care NW, and this is a big part of her job...that and family counseling.)

2) Contact Student Services & my instructors.
- to find out about taking incompletes or HW's or both
- deal with my financial aid (if applicable...a hardship withdrawal for example doesn't effect aid in some places, in other places an "i" grade doesn't...it all depends...but it all requires paperwork.)
- any other services that the school might offer

3) Talk with my husband
- Maybe some people would do this first. Me...I like having info to look at to help us brainstorm. But like I said...this is what *I* would do.

4) Find out what services my husbands job offers.
- From paid leave to
- Grief counseling to
- Emergency Childcare subsidies to
- ?

5) Figure out what I'm going to do & a strategy for dealing with my (extended) family...so I can be strong in my decisions, and in feeling right about them.

Good Luck.
Even if NONE of it is what YOU would do, I hope there's an idea or two that might help.

Venting not only lets us think out loud, which frequently lets us find solutions faster...but keeps us from choking the next unhappy idiot that crosses our path. Always good to avoid choking people. Unless they really really deserve it, of course.

May Peace be with you, and find you; even during midterms, teething, and family dysfunctions.

1 mom found this helpful

Illness and dependancy do bring a lot of stress to other family members. It is no doubt hard to face what is happening to your mother. It's time to talk with your brother. Why isn't he staying with your mom when she needs help? His soon to be exwife is not responsible in any way for her care. He needs to step up. This is his and your responsibility. Given your situation, he should be able to show concern for his future neice or nephew.

Hi L.,
I am very sorry to hear of all this. More so, I think your brother sounds pretty selfish. But, beside the point right now. So why can't you go spend your break with your mother, as the two of you need to spend this time together and see about a caregiver for her. She needs someone there and you can't do it and your brother won't (so don't expect it).

Your brother will have to live with himself, so don't worry about him. As for your SIL, she has done her share for the family and will probably always have a special place in her heart for the family.

Keep in mind, your brothers thoughts of divorce are not final yet and many times couples patch these things up so don't get involved or tell him off too much. Perhaps SIL needs a break. Beside...men are often have a need for attention.

Well, make sure you take care of yourself.

Don't feel guilty or because you aren't physically up to the task. Guilt is for when you've done something wrong. Since you brother has I'd suggest to him that he pay for a nurse to come and stay with your mom since his actions have lead to this problem. If it will make you feel useful, offer to pitch in too. Your are being selfish but for your child's sake and in a good way, which is what all Mommies are meant to do-put the child first above all others.

I don't think you should go to your mom's to sleep on the couch or to assist her should she fall as that could obviously be dangerous for you and your unborn child. With that said, if it is possible you should still try to see her. Can you go with your whole family and stay in a hotel? Could you just pay a visit and spend time with her? While you are there, maybe you could help make arrangements for her to recieve care.

I am looking at this from the perspective of someone who has lost both her mother and mother-in-law to cancer. My mom passed away before I even met my husband, but my MIL battled cancer during my entire pregnancy and survived only long enough to be in my first child's life for a year. We all took turns taking care of my MIL. I mostly kept her company, which is all you can really do when you are pregnant.

I just want to bring to your attention that you are probably venting because there is some guilt there. Maybe to alleviate your guilt you should plan a visit in the near future. Trust me, when you lose someone you love you don't want any regrets. Your immediate family comes first (hubby, child and unborn child), but your mom still needs to be a priority. Somehow, you have to find that balance so when the time comes, you will find yourself at peace with your choices.

Check if the medical insurance covers home health services.

Tak cera of yourself & the baby and explain to her that the couch isnot confortable. You can have a hotel near her home or sahre a bed with her some days but not 24 / 7 .
This situation need a cooperation & coordinating from your brothet .
You can't do everything especially you are pregnant .
get an affordable live in nanny for her or part time nanny.

good luck