Just Found Out I'm Pregnant and My Family Does Not like the Father

First of all, congratulations on the pregnancy! Second, I am sorry you have to worry about your family being upset!! You did not go into details about what happened with your sister and him (maybe you didn't feel like sharing?) but whatever it is, it seems like it was a pretty big deal if they still aren't talking with him. I suggest you invite them out to dinner with the two of you. Explain to them that although there were problems in the past, you two love each other and are going to be together. I would then tell them that you are getting married on X date and ask them to be a part of it. Finish off the conversation by telling them you are pregnant and that you hope they will be a huge part of their grandchild's life. If they ask if you are only getting married because you are pregnant, be honest. If it's true, tell them so. But also explain that you were going to get married anyways (if this were true). Tell them that you'd love for them to be an active participant in your child's life but in order to do that, they have to acknowledge the baby's father. As far as the rest of your family (other than mom, dad, sister), they'll get over it! It's your life and I wish you the best!!!

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Hi S.,

I hope that you can just ignore what your sister said. Perhaps she is a drama queen and likes to stir the pot? Call your parents up, tell them the good news and ask them to spread the word with your family. Ignore naysayers and tell everyone how happy you are. Regardless of what size wedding you have, you'll know better how things are by who shows up.

The other poster was correct in saying that babies have a tendency to bring people together. Ask your husband to dote on baby in front of the family, moreso than he normally would. (Wait until the baby gets here to suggest it though!)

The truth is, you don't have to work too hard on this, S.. If your parents and family want to see their grandchild (niece or nephew), they have to treat your husband decently. If they don't, then limit the time they spend with the baby until they shape up, and don't be afraid to tell them that if they want to see you and the baby often, they must treat your husband well. Your responsibility is to your husband first, then to family second. If you let them keep him as an outsider, you will be hurting your marriage and possibly be setting yourself up for a divorce and "I told you so" from your family. Sometimes family members do that in order to make a "self-fulfilling prophecy."

You may find when the time comes for you to give birth, that all of a sudden your mom and sisters start "horning in" on coming to the birth, pushing your husband aside. Don't let them do that, S.. Establish clear parameters about what you will and won't allow. You are young and may have a tendency to allow more than you should just in the interests of getting the family to accept your husband. Don't allow it - show him respect and demand that they do as well. You'll be glad you did in the long run. That doesn't mean you have to be rude. Be loving but firm. Incidentally, that way of handling things will make you a good mother.

All my best,
D.

1 mom found this helpful

Why don't you go the courthouse and get married right away, something you should have done several years ago. Invite the family to a restaurant for a nice dinner, and let him stand, and tell them about the marriage and baby and how much he loves you, and he is sorry for any family hard feelings. Of course, now that sis knows, everyone will know. That way, it will be handled nicely, and they can't fault you for that too. Good luck. And be sure that you pay for the restaurant tab.

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yikes. Basically you have to believe yourself that this is the guy for you and once you do, it won't matter what they think. You will sit them down and tell them that although there have been differences in the past they have made them dislike your boyfriend, you want them to understand that you love him and plan to marry him. Then, gently....ahhh...tell them that the two of you are going to have a baby soon. You really hope that they are supportive b/c you really want your child to have them as grandparents. You know them better than us so take some ideas and piece them together to fit your personality. But, seriously, don't marry this guy if he is not 'the one'. Just b/c you are pregnant does not mean you need to be married. It would be worse for a child to come through the loss of their dad through divorce than learn from day one that they go see dad on the weekends. You are young, you have been with this guy a long time and obviously not dated much. If I had married my boyfriend from my teens and young 20's b/c I 'thought' I was in love, I would not be with him now. Your 20's are a time to grow, learn, and experience. If you truly, truly, love this guy, it doesn't matter what others think! They will get over it or they will not. :o)

It's not about your family anymore. You have your own family now. If he treats you well, then that's all that matters!

I just wanted to let you know that I have personally seen a 15 year fued among some extended family members completely dissapate after a child was born into the family. A child is gift from God and with it brings blessings that no one else could match or provide so cherish your baby, protect it, raise it to the best of your ability and don't forget to keep God in your life and in your child's life as it grows up and over time you may see the walls of past grudges crumble.
I will keep you in my prayers! Best Wishes for a wonderful life!

Hi S.,

In-laws are always difficult the first few years...no matter whose right, even if you like them, lol. We come from different backgrounds; we have different personalities; but seven years is a long time for him to be a great as he is. Hopefully they will see that good stuff in the raising of your child/their grandchild. I would just sit them down and be honest with them. Maybe the fact that you're not married has been a sore spot with them as well as the sister thing. Maybe they think this is "temporary." You never know until you talk.....

God bless!

M.

Take it from someone who knows... a baby changes everything!! My parents quit speaking to me when I got engaged to him... we had to elope because they didn't want to help with a wedding to him... and my parents were just barely cordial after we got married. A few years later, I got pregnant and things really changed. My Mom started coming around to help do baby stuff, go shopping, etc. And after the baby was born there was no keeping them away.
I too was concerned what they would say when I told them. But I realized... even though they were initially upset (We also had a bad financial situation at the time) I am their daughter and nothing will change that. Your family still loves you and they are going to love that baby no matter who the Dad is. A baby can repair relationships quicker than anything I've ever seen. My best advice is to not have any pre-conceived ideas about what kind of reaction they will have. Let then react how they want and you love your life reguardless. My hunch is they will come around.

Grandchildren have a way of bringing people together. Your parents may not like it at first but they will get used to the idea and when the baby is born they will melt. My father was not happy with my first pregnancy, but once he saw his grandson it was over with from there on. Funny thing is my oldest son looks exactly like my dad. You have lived with this man for 4 years and been with him for 7 and are an adult. Your parents or family may not like your decision but you are grown and they will have to accept it. Once they see that he is a good dad they will come around, like I said a baby really changes things. This should be a great time of celebration for you and your family should support you and rejoice in you gift from GOD. Congratulation and good luck.

If your boyfriend was in the wrong about the dispute, he needs to make a formal apology to all parties who were involved and/or affected by it (and this would include saying 'I'm sorry, 'I was wrong', and 'What can I do to make it right' because an 'apology' means different things to different people). Even if he WASN'T wrong, he would prove himself as a really 'BIG' man to offer an apology, anyway! It might hurt his pride, but the after-glow is incomparable with any feeling on earth!

Anyway, it sounds as if you are happy with him, and that is important. Your relationship with your biological family is equally important. If you feel that your boyfriend was completely in the right, you need to tell your family that you want them to be involved in their grandchild's life, but if baby's daddy isn't welcome, then you and the child aren't either -- and don't take the baby to their house (but allow them to come to visit at the hospital and at your house). It's not going to be easy or fun whatever you do, but this is important enough that the 'guilty' parties SHOULD feel a little discomfort about if it is going to be resolved.

Each of your previous responders are 'right on', too! I agree with everything they've written.

Good luck and God bless!

S.,

I would suggest you talk to both of your parents and invite them to your house. Tell them that you want all four of you (you, bf, mom & dad) to all meet together because you guys really need to talk. Ask them to put their differences aside long enough to discuss this. This is their first grandchild from you and they are going to want to be a part of the baby's life. Do this knowing that it's going to be awkward when you all get together. When you are all together YOU need to let all 3 of them know that you want them all to start getting along again. Then tell them why. Let your parents know that it's important for you guys to work everything out and be as cordial as possible because you're having a baby and you want them to be involved in the baby's life but that it will be difficult if they don't reconcile and get over this event that happened. They need to all realize that no matter what happends now, your bf will always be apart of your life more so now because he is having a child with you. No going into it that you may be disappointed at the turn out. Your parents may not be able to get over what's happened. What I do know is that you have reconciled with them and they are likely going to want to be a part of the baby's life and just learn to tolerate your bf even if they don't like him. That's just reality. There are some families that are fortunate enough to live in perfect harmony then there are families that just have to learn to tolerate each other. You are an adult and you decided long ago that you loved him and that you wanted to be with him, they know that and they know you aren't going to change your mind. It's something they are going to have to live with if they love you. Good luck with breaking the news and congratulations on the baby.

If he is the man you love, he is a good provider, respectful, loving..it is not their concern, and accept him as your husband, and the father of their grandchild, or chance alienating them from their grand child. This should be the happiest time in your life... dont let them rain on your parade. Congratulation, Good luck and God Bless.

Be honest about it. Tell them how excited you are, and if they bad-mouth your bf, stick up for him (not in an argumentative way, but be firm. If you really love this guy and are committed to him, then you need to defend him). My mother-in-law didn't like me until AFTER the baby was born. When we told her I was pregnant she just said, "congratulations" and changed the subject, but once she had a grandbaby to spoil she seemed to forget all about disliking me. I hope everything goes well for you! And congrats on your pregnancy!

Sabrina,
I was in the same situation 30 years ago, only it was my step father who didnt like my boyfriend. I to moved out. We got married and I got pregnant 2 months later. I was not allowed to go to my mothers house, my stepfather wouldnt let me. My mother went along with his wishes. What I did was send word by my youngest sister to my mother telling her that I was pregnant and if I wasnt good enough to be in their home then neither would their grandchild when it was be born be allowed to visit them. The day our daughter was born they both came to the hospital to see her. I am still married to the boyfriend they forbid me to see all those years ago and it has been a good marriage. You do what your heart tells you is the right thing to do. I will keep you in my prayers. Good luck with what ever you decide to do.

My sister in law wrapped up tiny presents and put them under the tree at Christmas. When each person opened their present it had a way cool thing in it about babies and the last line was that she and her husband were expecting a baby and they were excited for all of us to share in their joy! Get married. Don't tell anyone you are pregnant until Christmas and try the little tiny wrapped presents. It will be the holidays. Everyone will be festive. They won't want to ruin Christmas. Once the baby is born they will love the baby and all the hard feelings will probably pass.

Well, sometimes families can see things in a person that may cause problems down the road, and sometimes families can be completely wrong and unfair. That being said, if he is good to you, you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him, and believe that he will be a good husband(and father) for youand your baby, then you have got to keep in mind that once you are a married mother, you are then a wife and a mother first, before you are anyone's daughter anymore. Trust your instincts, but I wholeheartedly agree with anyone who has said that there's nothing like a brand new bundle of joy to make everyone put aside their differences and bury the hatchet